Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
Dec 16th 2008, 3:11 am
#1
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Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS
1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst !
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet ?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it ?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some !
10: Don't play with your meat !
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once ?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time !
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in ?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had !
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more
1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst !
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet ?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it ?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some !
10: Don't play with your meat !
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once ?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time !
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in ?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had !
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more
Dec 16th 2008, 3:13 am
#2
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
BAH HUMBUG 
Dec 16th 2008, 3:13 am
#3
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,987
Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
Dec 16th 2008, 4:29 am
#4
Far Kynelle
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Gloucestershire
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
A bit more stuffing anyone.
Great stuff again Paul
Great stuff again Paul
Dec 16th 2008, 5:41 am
#5
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
Oh yay, oh yay, the Lord of Misrule strikes again!
Shan't ask where you are getting these from, as I just love the anticipation of what you will come up with next and don't want to know where they are coming from - two more Big Kisses comin' your way (OH has shaved today so he's smooth as a baby's derriere, but I haven't so the the scratchy one is me)
Could only follow that with "keep it up" but could be taken the wrong way ....
Shan't ask where you are getting these from, as I just love the anticipation of what you will come up with next and don't want to know where they are coming from - two more Big Kisses comin' your way (OH has shaved today so he's smooth as a baby's derriere, but I haven't so the the scratchy one is me
)Could only follow that with "keep it up" but could be taken the wrong way ....
Dec 17th 2008, 12:56 am
#6
Joined: Nov 2007
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
Not just for Christmas but the WHOLE of winter - "the birds just love my fat balls!" 
Dec 17th 2008, 1:37 am
#8
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
My Dad came out and said just those exact words two Christmas' back. He was totally oblivious to what he'd said.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Dec 17th 2008, 1:41 am
#9
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,987
Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
My Dad came out and said just those exact words two Christmas' back. He was totally oblivious to what he'd said.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Priceless!
Dec 17th 2008, 1:43 am
#10
Far Kynelle
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 5,626
Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
My Dad came out and said just those exact words two Christmas' back. He was totally oblivious to what he'd said.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Dec 17th 2008, 4:57 am
#11
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
My Dad came out and said just those exact words two Christmas' back. He was totally oblivious to what he'd said.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Mind you the funiest was from an old friend who had gone with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mum to visit friends. The friend's dog jumped up and wouldn't stop sniffing at his GF's mum's crotch, and she came out and said 'oh, he can probably smell my pussy' (of course referring to her pet cat). My friend had to go outside to release the surpressed laughter.
Dec 17th 2008, 7:58 am
#12
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
I think he contained himself for a few seconds, because she was so serious when she'd said it!
A few summer's back my brother worked in a call centre, and had a customer with the surname Dick-Beater call him (an elderly man, and not a wind up). As he started writing down the name, some of his colleagues saw what was going up on his screen and they were all laughing around him whilst he had to keep his composure. Apparently he repeated his surname when he thought he'd misheard - 'yes it's quite an unsual surname, it's spelt, D I C K hypen B E A T E R.
A few summer's back my brother worked in a call centre, and had a customer with the surname Dick-Beater call him (an elderly man, and not a wind up). As he started writing down the name, some of his colleagues saw what was going up on his screen and they were all laughing around him whilst he had to keep his composure. Apparently he repeated his surname when he thought he'd misheard - 'yes it's quite an unsual surname, it's spelt, D I C K hypen B E A T E R.
Dec 17th 2008, 8:00 am
#13
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,987
Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
I think he contained himself for a few seconds, because she was so serious when she'd said it!
A few summer's back my brother worked in a call centre, and had a customer with the surname Dick-Beater call him (an elderly man, and not a wind up). As he started writing down the name, some of his colleagues saw what was going up on his screen and they were all laughing around him whilst he had to keep his composure. Apparently he repeated his surname when he thought he'd misheard - 'yes it's quite an unsual surname, it's spelt, D I C K hypen B E A T E R.
A few summer's back my brother worked in a call centre, and had a customer with the surname Dick-Beater call him (an elderly man, and not a wind up). As he started writing down the name, some of his colleagues saw what was going up on his screen and they were all laughing around him whilst he had to keep his composure. Apparently he repeated his surname when he thought he'd misheard - 'yes it's quite an unsual surname, it's spelt, D I C K hypen B E A T E R.
You just couldn't make it up could you?
Dec 17th 2008, 9:52 pm
#14
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Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
Still remember my mother as well one Christmas when she came as usual to dinner. She was examining my tree, I like a simple tree, but in deference to the people who like it draped in crap, I had hung up a sort of reindeer thing that used to swing upside down and mum said:
"What's this new thing here, the thing that looks like an upside down deer hanging by the balls?"
They know not what they say ...........
She's led a sheltered life and had no knowledge of why we fell about, and she doesn't to this day ................
"What's this new thing here, the thing that looks like an upside down deer hanging by the balls?"
They know not what they say ...........
She's led a sheltered life and had no knowledge of why we fell about, and she doesn't to this day ................
Dec 17th 2008, 9:54 pm
#15
Far Kynelle
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 5,626
Re: Things you can only say and get away with at Christmas
Still remember my mother as well one Christmas when she came as usual to dinner. She was examining my tree, I like a simple tree, but in deference to the people who like it draped in crap, I had hung up a sort of reindeer thing that used to swing upside down and mum said:
"What's this new thing here, the thing that looks like an upside down deer hanging by the balls?"
They know not what they say ...........
She's led a sheltered life and had no knowledge of why we fell about, and she doesn't to this day ................
"What's this new thing here, the thing that looks like an upside down deer hanging by the balls?"
They know not what they say ...........
She's led a sheltered life and had no knowledge of why we fell about, and she doesn't to this day ................
