EuroTrash

Well, perhaps you need to tell him it's time to make a choice as to where his priorities lie and who he prefers to spend his 'quality time' with. It's his attitude that needs to change, not the logistics - rearranging your lives and cornering him into spending more time with you won't work if the will isn't there, he'll just be looking for other opportunities to escape. As it is, there's nothing (apart from his choice) to stop him taking you with him and booking the two of you into a nice hotel on your own, and he can surf all day while you do other things, but presumably he is not joined at the hip to his mates and he doesn't have to spend his evenings with them as well. Explain to him that if the relationship is important to him and if he wants it to survive, he has to start spending quality time with you. If the whippersnappers are more important to him, well...

It's a cliché but it's true: sometimes love means letting go.

I think dmu's suggestion above makes sense.

Harvester523

Having been there and done that, admittedly without offspring to think of, unless you're a real shrinking violet who doesn't want a life of her own, it's just not going to work. I was married for 28 years, found myself constantly trying to adapt to the other half's interests - motorbikes. I even got a bike license so there's some compensation.
At the end of the day you have to decide what you want from life, and what he wants from life, and is there enough overlap to compromise.
It does sound like someone who wants to avoid any responsibilities, and if you've got it in you to be the responsible one, then it can work up to a point (the point where you get tired of having all the responsibilities).
Edited to add: I divorced and found someone who wants the same lifestyle as me - couldn't be better - and we've been together for 13 years, 10 years married : ) .

Mike313

To play devil's advocate for a minute: your boyfriend is successful in his work; you decided to come with him to France, a move he had planned before he met you; he has integrated well, has new friends; he invites you along when he goes surfing but you don't like his friends; they say up late and enjoy themselves but you like to go to bed early; you haven't made friends of your own. Am I right? Are you sure you have put as much effort into your move to France as your boyfriend has? Is he all bright and bubbly whilst you are a 'wet blanket'? You are convinced he needs to change but maybe you just need to make an effort here? To be honest, you sound to me like you are suffering from depression. As I said, I'm playing devil's advocate here.
P.S. People offering advice on divorce or child custody when they are only hearing one side of this situation are not being helpful and may be doing a lot of damage. Just my opinion.

capricorn2013

I have been following this post as I find it hard to believe that an adult would need to continue to seek other people's advice on such a personal matter.

I think both of you need to grow up a bit - how have you got yourself in the situation of bringing a child into the world without both being 100% committed to your relationship?

I think you need to stop looking for public approval to do want you want and speak to your partner instead!

Sorry to be so harsh but life's like that.

petitefrancaise

Get a support group around you - there's a fabulous mother and toddler group based in Leguevin- you can go whilst you're pregnant. Company for you and loads of information available about having a baby in france. A lifesaver for me when my baby was born.

Dr Pierre Lamy in Cornebarrieu is a bi-lingual psychologist. Excellent and highly supportive. A calm place to figure out what is best for you.

Good luck!

dmu

In earlier posts, I mentioned "depression" and suggested that the OP discussed BOTH sides of the question with a psychologist, as there are problems on her side which we don't know about.
I may be wrong, but the lack of an answer to some of my questions seems to indicate that she hasn't got her own healthcare coverage and even that the bf may not be over the moon about her pregnancy. If you can't admit a negative fact, then you don't reply.... She also hasn't indicated whether her GP (or Obstetrician) has officially set the administrative wheels in motion.
Time is marching on and she must make her decision soon (but if it's a return to the UK, wait until the 12 weeks have passed before travelling, there's a real risk of miscarriage at that time....)

InVinoVeritas

I don't think an open forum is a good venue for dealing with personal problems and the last few posts tend to confirm my view. The thread is getting bogged down with member's own prejudices and any good adice is getting a little thin on the ground now. Good luck for the future MissAJ.

MissAJ

You're right, and thanks InVinoVeritas. Your tone has always been more impartial than others, and kind with it. All the best to you too.