bramblebush

Can anyone tell me what to expect at a funeral in France.


Can anyone turn up like you would in England?
Do you go back to the house afterwards?
Do you buy flowers?

Anything that you can tell me would be a great help.

We heard yesterday that a neighbour had died, she has been very helpful to us since arriving here 3 years ago and I would like to pay my respects but don't want to do the wrong thing.

Thanks everyone.

Le Chant

Sorry to hear about your neighbour BB.

Yes, you'll find it's ok to just turn up at the church. If you sit at the back, chances are you'd be recognised and welcomed by the family as they know you. I'm sure they'd be very appreciative of you being there too.

Wear 'respectful' clothing. Black is good - neutral. Just use your common sense as you would in the UK.

Follow what everyone else seems to be doing, and you'll be fine. The fact that you want to pay your respscts says alot about you, and they'll appreciate that.

Flowers would be ordered at a nearby florists and either sent to the church for placing on the grave or to the house. The florist will advise you better on that.

Bonne Chance!

bramblebush

Thanks so much for your reply

dmu

If you're in the country, you may find yourself invited to pay respects to the deceased neighbour directly, before the funeral - I have always got out of it by saying that "it's not customary in England" and the family doesn't insist.
Don't be surprized if all the men sit on one side of the church and all the women on the other.
You'd have to play it by ear about going back to the house afterwards - make discreet enquiries among your other neighbours when queueing up afterwards to shake hands, it may be a gathering just for the family.
When some one dies in our hamlet, there's a collection to buy a wreath "from all the neighbours", otherwise a florist will take care of individual bouquets. (Or in fact, except for the Winter months, my neighbour always takes a bunch of flowers from her garden, to place at the grave side).

cupoftea

Round here it is obligatory to dig out your most ancient old anorak and wear that to the church. And you definitely have to go and kiss the corpse laid out in the dining room the day before. And no, I'm not joking.

bramblebush

In that case, I will be locking doors, shutting shutters and pretending that I have gone on holiday

cupoftea

It isn't as bad as it sounds, my partner (who is not a nurse like me, so no previous experience of death) has managed no problem. Just go with the flow and it can even seem quite normal. Each time we have done it, everything has been quite matter of fact, with the pragmatism of mountain people in evidence.
We have actually found it quite comforting to have an opportunity to say our goodbyes - a healthier and more open approach than in the UK.

Funniest thing is that all the carefully laid out bodies seem to have been covered with the same shiny satin bedspread - our Funeral Director must have only bought the one back in 1973. A sort of folding massage table has been brought along for the laying out, in order to leave the dining table free for aperos. They don't seem to put the body in the coffin till 10 minutes before leaving for the church.

bramblebush

Is it possible that the funeral could have happened already.

My daughter saw the widow and a group of others dressed in black walking down the hill from the direction of the church, there were also a lot of cars at the house.

She only died yesterday morning, could it have happened already???

cupoftea

It is possible, these things do happen much more quickly than we have been used to in the UK, although 24 hours does seem very fast. Did she die in hospital or at home? I have seen sometimes a bit of a ceremony as the body returns to the house from the hospital - in our village, for a funeral ceremony, special bells are rung from the church, so it is hard to miss.

dmu

Justement! I've said goodbye to my parents and best friend in England, at the Undertakers', but I can't take kissing old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all...

bramblebush

She died at home and unfortunatly it was suicide, I don't know if that makes a difference.

Ka Ora!

It normally happens within three days, Suicide is far from uncommon in France. A chap at our Local swimming pool who had lost his first wife and child in a car accident was dumped by his second wife one evening after a couple of glasses of vino he phoned her and said did you ever love me, She said No his reply was you have destroyed the only thing that ever meant anything to me and pulled the Trigger. In his hand was a Glock G20 and it was braced against his chest. He shot him self directly in the heart. 95 percent of the Town went to his funeral as he had had some involvement in teaching everybody to swim. It happened this year suicide rate are up for some reason.

Le Chant

Is it always this bloody sunny where you are Ka?

Ka Ora!

What can you expect in the mountains.

karunia

Absolutely right, especially amongst the young. According to this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...y_suicide_rate
the total annual suicides per 100,000 pop. is
FRANCE: 17,6
UK: 6,8
which seems a huge difference.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Eastern European countries seem to have the highest rates.

After buying the place where we live now, we found out that the reason it was on the market was that the father of that family, had shot himself in the garden shed just outside. At the time, I had been wondering why there was just a vacant spot where a shed should have been.

I have heard of several more suicides around here, the most recent one was a 30-year old woman, on being dumped by her partner, she too shot herself in the head. Lots of chasseurs in this area, so lots of guns.