Horex

Like to know from people that know and understand French culture regarding relation in a couple living together
I work in shipping and travel in my work, my French girlfriend that I live together with have some ideas....
She wishes to have male friends to come and visit here, to stay in our house when I`m away. (I`m normaly away less than two weeks each the time)
To me it is just to much to ask, she explain that this is socially acceptable in French culture.
I have a hard time believing it is acceptable in any western culture, so now I like to here the opinion of others.

cjm

Hi Horex - firstly welcome and others will come along to say the same. Have to confess not a GR8 cauldron of knowledge on the culture side. But, do I detect an edge to your post. Is it trust?
I'm an oldie, with a most beautiful and vivacious wife, but yes, I would have people to stay if I were away. I trust completely.

Ka Ora!

Welcome to the Forum, Unlike CJM having watched how locals behave I would be less inclined to be trusting, from what I have seen I believe them to be more adulterous than Brits. You also have to judge her for herself when your out and about is she a window shopper with people have you felt inclined to offer her some nurofen for her neck. Whereabouts are you from?

dmu

Hi,
It's a question of trust, you know her better than we do...
It's nothing to do with being "socially acceptable in French culture" but whether it's acceptable to you.

Garonne

My personal experience with my French boyfriend of 5 years is that French men are incredibly posessive and so most French women wouldn't even entertain the idea of having a male friend stay in the house nor entertain them alone when their partner was absent. If I had someone here for dinner when he was absent that would be a no-no ... archaic but the way he is. Over the years I've come to accept it as quite endearing, and I'm a very 21st century chick, believe me!

But my boyfriend is exceptionally posessive maybe. Once I went for a meal with an old BBC colleague of mine who was in my area and had to switch my phone off due to the amount of texts from my boyfriend.

Other female friends of mine say the same. So it surprises me that your French girlfriend thinks this is acceptable.

Where is your home? Is it not in France and she wants old friends to come and stay? That would be rather different I would think.

Tweedpipe

Would you care to share your address with me.........

Horex

There are more to it, like if the people around you like colleagues, friends and family, if you are the "only" man that allow this, how would that make you feel?
But yes you are to some extent right about trust, I don`t trust that people around me will see it the same way as you do....

Garonne

dmu

Sorry, I'm not sure that I understand the above.

As I said, it's how acceptable to YOU your gf's intentions are, not what others think. If colleagues, friends and family comment on the situation and it bothers you, then you must decide what future there is in your relationship.

cjm

I think you have asked and answered your own question here. I re-read your original post. With your added comment, it appears you do not trust your girlfriend to stay faithful to you. So, trust is at the heart of your dilemma, as dmu has touched upon. I also agree you may need to question if the relationship has the elements you are seeking.
And, to throw an alternative pebble in the pond, how does she view your two week outings? How can she know you will be faithful ...

Lavande

This is a tough one, Horex, and really a couple has to make concessions and agree that if one is uncomfortable with something then another solution has to be found. Why can't your girlfriend invite only girl friends or couples while you're away and invite her single male friends when you are also there to welcome them? Surely that would keep the peace and be acceptable to you both.
If you're unfamiliar with French culture then she can use that as an excuse to have you believe anything (though that may not be the case).
If it's definitely not acceptable in your own culture then she must understand your reticence, and I don't personally know any French men who would be happy for their wife/partner to entertain only male friends in the home during their absence.
A relationship can only last if there is not only trust but also understanding. It seems to me your girlfriend should give in on this one (not to mention that neighbours are quick to see scandal when a woman receives men in the home during her husband/partner's absence).

LordMayor

Hi all. I am French and there is no problem if your girlfriend receive friends even when you are away, it is in our culture. It just depends on how much you trust eachother and how jealous yo are...

cjm

There's that vital word again. As to jealousy ... well that's another thing ...

Tweedpipe

Thoughts here of Jules and Jim, Francois Truffaut's third feature film. Culturally at the time one may have said, "Its very French", which doesn't seem to apply as much today - or does it.....?
Food for thought for the OP.

Blackladder

Reminds me of Rowan Atkinson's great sketch about 'the Devil' when he greets new arrivals to hell:
'Adulterers! over here please, if you could start forming a queue over there, in front of that small guillotine...'
Blackie (ouch!)