Do I need my head read?
 

Hello to all,
I was just wondering if any of you expats living in France could give me some advice. This may seem completely mad to many of you but after having lived in France for the last ten years, I am desperate to go back to the UK. However, convincing my French hubby that it is the right thing to do is another matter altogether! Having read some of the other posts on this forum, I don't really consider myself to be in the same boat as many of the expats returning to the UK after failed attempts at a life in France. I have never worked in the uk as I came to France straight away after uni, married and have recently had children (22months and 4 months old). I have had many different jobs in France, the majority of my friends are French and I speak French very well (even if I do say so myself!!)

The problem is that I just find France so backwards at times! My son's nursery is a million miles away from the fantastic UK nurseries and I won't even go into what I think of the primary schools here. The thing is, when I think of the UK I imagine good careers, excellent schools, friendly people and just an easier way of life than here in France. Am I completely insane?

Please let me know what living in the UK is REALLY like as I'm not sure what I hear on the BBC or read in the newspapers is what it's all about. Where would I be better off with a young family?

Would appreciate any feedback
Thanks and bonne journée!

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

Tee Hee :D
Unfortunately this may be a case of the grass is greener on the other side.

Although I am an expat that actually still loves his country, there are a number of issues there.

Good careers, excellent schools, friendly people and easier way of life ... well ....

My daughter completed a uni course a year ago and has been working in a bar for the last year as she couldn't find any jobs in her line. She just managed to get work just above the minimum wage.

It always strikes me when we go back now how miserable people look, and are always complaining about the way of life and how it is so stressful and pressurised.

You've got to earn a lot of money over there as the cost of living is so high ..... I'm shocked every time I go back and find how much money I'm spending!

The countryside is beautiful, I love seeing friends and relatives again, but when you are spending a fiver (€6.60) just for a simple cup of coffee, your property rates are £1700 a year, and you are taxed every which way you can think of, it just doesn't make sense to even consider us going back there to live presently.

The stabbings the shootings and the yob culture all hit the headlines, but at the end of the day we lived in a reasonable area and saw nothing of that over the years.

Good luck in persuading your husband ;):)

Mitz

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

I would say no matter how backwards (I regularly refer to this place as a polars bears arse crack) First try a more cosmopolitan area of France IE large cite Paris Toulouse some were big or just a nice town then go spend a month in England even then i think you will be begging to go back to France. No matter how slow and incompetent at managing their own country they are life here is much better and enjoyable take that from some one who has had a very rough ride here. Better a Polar Bears Arse Crack than a Eskimos Arm Pit.

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

Just remember what's one man's meat is another man's poison. :)

I moved here 2 years ago with my partner and then 12 year old daughter. My other two children stayed in the UK with their father, we gave them the choice. My experience of the UK whilst working and having small children is that it is very hard. Childcare is expensive, 10 years ago it was £5 an hour and places were hard to find. Working full-time to pay a very expensive mortgage doesn't allow much spare time, and getting the children to and from nursery/school before and after work was a logistic nightmare. Not to mention when they were ill and had to stay home. Nowadays they have after-school care, which is a blessing, but again, hard to find and expensive.

Healthcare has gone to the dogs, there are waiting lists as long as your arm for everything, and sub-standard care in many hospitals. Public transport is unreliable and expensive, taxes and council charges drain your good salary to a breadline existence. Traffic has augmented and roads are always congested or filled with never-ending roadworks. If you choose to live in a big city, you will find denizens as rude and arrogant as Parisiens, country life is better, but you pay in extra miles and isolation. Food and clothing are probably marginally dearer, unless you shop at the lower of the market, ASDA and Tesco's have some great basic products, that is probably the one thing I miss about the UK.

If you want a busy, stress-filled meagre life then the UK is for you! The benefits are a more modern life, 24 hour amenities, better salaries and free healthcare, although you have to contribute for a bit before you are qualified to receive it.

I would say, think long and hard about it, maybe visit at different times of the year and go to different areas to get a feel for places. Ultimately, remember - us ex-pats are here for a reason, mostly to get away from it all, but also to try and find a place that is unspoilt by progression in the way the UK has become.

Good luck, I feel for you and know how you feel, my sister has been in Paris 10 years, married to a lovely Parisien and has 3 year old twins. They have had this discussion many times. Like her, you must make a decision that will best suit everybody in your family.

Hope this helps a little :thumbsup:

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

Hi
Are your family in the UK? Perhaps your feeling this way because you have a very young family and needing abit more support?
Childcare is expensive in the UK with most of the money you earn will go on it, I haven't had good experiences with nursery care but I'm sure there are good ones in whatever country you are in. Schooling can be good but also bad - there is no hard or fast rule but my children have had so many tests/exams.....
As for how good the UK is - again there are good areas (mostly rural) as there are bad. I live in a lovely part of Devon but it's expensive, crowded and I seem to sit forever in traffic to just get to/from work (especially in the summer), let alone travel to see friends/family and I lived in London for some time and it's nothing compared to there!
The British news will always paint a 'doom and gloom' but most people have been affected by crime in some way. Drugs/drink is a huge problem (and has been for some time), especially with the youth.
Good careers again depend on where you are, what you do and whilst not very PC - any career is not easy for a mother (gonna get shot down in flames for that one!)

It will depend on location and how much money you have as housing is far more expensive and to get a reasonable quality of life will require a large income - certainly above average.... but it's not all about money - friends and family bring the greatest quality of life and maybe this is what you're missing?

You need to evaluate why you want to 'come home' - I often think this country is backward and get frustrated by some systems so it's not perfect wherever you are you just have to list what offers the most positives.

Wendy

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

:rofl::rofl:

So true.

I think you are still watching Last of the Summer Wine, maybe a heartbeat and Vicar of Dibley video.

We still :( live in the UK (for now:sneaky:), and i cant remember the last time i saw anybody:D or say even Hi. They even do a GCSE (older people read 'o' level) in miserableness now. I suspect if all goes well there might be a degree option upgrade.
It is a place where you can make lots of money, if you no longer want a life, to have anything to do with your husband or children until they have left home or retired. If you can get the kids in a school (of choice...... good luck with that) and then find tham a after school club (you wont leave work to pick them up), you will sit in traffic for upto three days (depending where you live). When / if you decide to return buy your husband a battery razor as if you dont he will return from work looking like Grizzly Adams and :eek: the kids (who may well now be in university.... if they can afford to go with the level of debt they will have to agree to).

Other than that, things here are fine, except for the above notes of the others. I look forward to passing you on the boat going the other way:thumbsup:

Kind regards

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

hi there, and welcome to the forum:thumbsup:
I don't think you are insane at all. If we are honest, we've probably all had the same thoughts and doubts you are having now. It doesn't matter where you live, it's human nature to wonder how life would be elsewhere. You have very young children, and I think a life changing event like this makes you look at your life and wonder if you are doing the right thing.
The nice thing about living in France is that it is so easy to travel back to the UK. Do you still have family there that you could visit and stay with for a few weeks? That might help you get a feel for the place more.
I am sure within a few weeks you would appreciate not how backward France is, but the great opportunities you have living there.
As I've found from personal experience, it's not where you live that's important, it's how you feel about living there. If you are not happy, it doesn't matter what advantages a country might offer, you are never going to appreciate them.
You have already done so much, you should be proud of yourself.
It might also help if you look at the moving back to UK forum.

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

i would say 3 words,yes you do,i still live in england but only untill i sell my house ,all the replys you have had are true ,there are 250.000 moveing out each year now and all for the same reasons they carn,t all be wrong. if you won,t to leave france don,t go back to england roger sorry for the the bad news

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

When you get homesick nothing seems to ease the desire for what you once had, or, perceive you had.

Read these posts well, what you will return to is not the England you left. Assuming it is England you speak of, it could be Scotland or Wales I dont know. Do as suggested if you have family go home for a long visit. Research the nurseries, really well. I would not leave a child of mine in one.

I live in the city, so that is not the place to settle on. However, look at what is on offer in the country. Even suburbia.

Once your children reach school age you can enrol for school and the likelihood is you will be signing up for an education with a school that has 57 different languages spoken. Most of them non European. I kid you not, in the city now only one or two children in a class of thirty or more are indigenous. Hence the education is of the stqandard of the bog. No education is the truth until the others speak the language, wich can take years for them to catch up.

If your child is bright and you teach it to read yourself, you will find that instead of moving up, your little one will be an assistant in teaching others to read. And if he/she complains they will be advised of their selfishness. Others must have opportunity as well.

People on quite low incomes are trying as hard as they can to find a fee paying school they can afford, or, leave the UK post haste.

If you are a stay at home mum, you will be made to feel like an idiot pariah, not worthy of your man or family, as you as a woman, no matter how many kids you have, must learn it is your duty to pay your own way. Those who take care of a family here are despised as letting the side down. Or likened to what they refer to as a wag. Motherhood is regarded as suitable only for the mundane. The reason, they expect divorce. So then you will be on your own and in real trouble having no 'career' to turn to. You mustn't expect assistance or demand you are supported in your choice to have a child.

I could go on and on, but, come home and see for yourself, we have long lost any of that we could once call England.

And another post here was right, you won't see your husband, his hours will be unbelievable. He will no be able to leave his work on time, if he does he will lose his job. If he runs his own company it may be al ittle better but not much.

Transport is foul, having a car is a crime you are punished heavily for. The Council Taxes are outrages and they barely collect the rubbish. Every one you meet is a foreigner, there is no sense of camaraderie. And by foreigner I mean someone who is passing through this country.

You will be taxed out of existence and get little in return. Hospitals are more likely to kill you than save you. They are filthy and staffed by those who appear to have little or no training. Even having a baby here is a death defying experience. Read the broadsheets, if you fear the tabloids. Watch as many TV documentaries on British life as often as you can. And talk to friends. All of them and often.

Sorry, I know this will not take away the longing you get when that desire for home takes hold, but, if you must return, do it with full knowledge of the chance you take.

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

It probably has a lot to do with Urban dwelling. There have been comments on this forum about life in Paris and it would appear that Parisiens aren't too popular in their holiay homes.

Ther are other parts of the Uk apart from the South east, where there aren't any private schools and you can let your kids cycle on the roads.

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

Since this is the French forum, shouldn't that be "poisson?"

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

Groooooooooooooooan :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

After 17 yrs wouldn't go back to England for the world. Am off to Québec in August for a journey towards the light (quote LornaD). Please don't try to put me off,:sad_smile: am depressed enough as it is.

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

I love Quebec, could happily live there I think:D
Is it a permanent move or are you just visiting?
Seem to be a few making the move from France to Canada at the moment.

Re: Do I need my head read?
 

The UK can be a wonderful place to bring up children. If you live in 78 which your name suggests then the equivalent would be west of london. Kingston/Twickenham/out to Surrey.

Good schools, nice environment. You would also make friends quickly with other parents. When we were there we also knew a lot of French people who love it there, there are French saturday schools and a French community. There are good opportunities for your children and so many activities and play groups that are not as prevalent here.

The downside is that you may have to commute into London to work. You earn more but you pay out more. You need the best part of 1/2 mil for a 3 bed semi, then council tax, car tax, more expensive insurance.

We're over here and with our kids getting to grips with the French school system. Right or wrong (this was the subject of a different discussion), young kids in the UK have more fun and enjoy more creative activities at school and there are generally more after school options for them.

Having said that, we're not ready to go back yet ourselves. We don't know what we want long term. I've met people who have been in that state of indecision for years.