bad jokes...

Old Jun 22nd 2012, 1:55 pm
  #121  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Adolf Schickelgruber - no that was a painter...
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Old Jun 22nd 2012, 4:02 pm
  #122  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Originally Posted by Tweedpipe View Post
Le Plumber:-

I'm sure you probably know this, but if not here goes.

To which famous person is the following quotation attributed to?

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber."
I think that was my former avatar.
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Old Jun 22nd 2012, 4:33 pm
  #123  
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Originally Posted by Novocastrian View Post
I think that was my former avatar.
Shhhh....
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Old Jun 22nd 2012, 5:20 pm
  #124  
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Originally Posted by Tweedpipe View Post
Shhhh....
Well, thanks to Geoff, I'd say Einstein.... but to be honest I haven't got a clue
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Old Jun 22nd 2012, 8:08 pm
  #125  
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Originally Posted by le plumber View Post
Well, thanks to Geoff, I'd say Einstein.... but to be honest I haven't got a clue
Yep! Albert Einstein. No idea however what prompted such a comment. Anyway looks like you're in good company.......
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Old Jun 23rd 2012, 7:50 pm
  #126  
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Originally Posted by Tweedpipe View Post
Yep! Albert Einstein. No idea however what prompted such a comment. Anyway looks like you're in good company.......
Well I reckon after a few blocked toilets, a useless supplier and a bit a back ache he'd quickly change his mind!!!
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Old Jun 23rd 2012, 8:22 pm
  #127  
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Originally Posted by Tweedpipe View Post
Yep! Albert Einstein. No idea however what prompted such a comment. Anyway looks like you're in good company.......
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Old Jun 24th 2012, 9:51 am
  #128  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Actually I can probably guess what you did before you became a plumber...

A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws, and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked. “This is one-third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him, “I understand your position as a professor. Why don’t you come to our company and apply for the position of a plumber ?
You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don’t like super-educated people.”

So it happened. The professor got a job as a plumber and his life significantly improved. He had to seal a screw or two occasionally, or fit new seals, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just
happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of a circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, and he filled the white board with integrals, differentials, and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result, he got “minus pi times r square.”

He didn’t like the minus in the result, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He gave the class a
frightened look and saw all the plumbers whisper: “Switch the limits of the integral!!”
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Old Jun 26th 2012, 8:20 pm
  #129  
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http://britishexpats.com/forum/attac...1&d=1340742000
Attached Thumbnails bad jokes...-539319_346021238805258_814849025_n.jpg  
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Old Jul 2nd 2012, 6:44 pm
  #130  
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Love it!!
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Old Jul 20th 2012, 6:37 am
  #131  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Not a joke but will make you laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM
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Old Jul 20th 2012, 12:40 pm
  #132  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

As he said - not a joke but will make you laugh . . . or maybe cry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqi0DwNLJdM
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Old Jul 21st 2012, 8:21 am
  #133  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Originally Posted by analyst View Post
As he said - not a joke but will make you laugh . . . or maybe cry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqi0DwNLJdM
and
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Old Jul 21st 2012, 11:36 am
  #134  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Originally Posted by cyrian View Post
and
Yup, about sums it up.
But console yourself in the knowledge that this is the country with its finger on the trigger of the biggest arsenal of weapons ever amassed in the world.
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Old Jul 30th 2012, 11:20 am
  #135  
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Dear Tech Support,



Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.



In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0, Out With The Lads 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?



Signed,
Desperate






Dear Desperate:



First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above applications can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.



Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash! In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.



You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.



Good Luck,
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