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-   -   bad jokes... (https://britishexpats.com/forum/france-76/bad-jokes-579795/)

Tweedpipe Oct 11th 2018 11:02 am

Re: bad jokes...
 
Time for another little Johnny joke - with a difference.
I'm sure most of you know that our 'little Johnny' jokes are known as 'Toto' jokes in France. Here's one I heard the other day.

One day in the classroom, morality and manners were being taught.
The teacher asks one of the students, "Michel, if you were courting a girl from a good, well educated family and were sat at the dinner table together with her family, and suddenly had to go to the toilet, what would you say?"
Michel answered, "Wait a second please, I'm just going for a piss!"
The teacher reprimanded him saying, "No! That would be extremely rude indeed. Now how about you Pierre, what would you say?"
Pierre answered, "Sorry but I have to go to the toilet, and I'll be right back."
The teacher said, "Well that's better, but it's still unpleasant to mention 'toilet' at the dinner table"
She then added, "And you Toto? Would you be able to use your intelligence at least for once, to demonstrate good manners?"
Toto answered, "Of course miss. I would turn to my girlfriend and politely say, 'Ma cherie, I beg your pardon as I have to leave for a moment, I'm just going to shake hands with an intimate friend whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner'."

Jon-Bxl Dec 2nd 2018 4:18 am

Re: bad jokes...
 
1 Attachment(s)
Im going off topic here. This isn't a joke, but a video.!

And if you like rugby - or English humour - you may find that its not 'bad' either - I hope so :)

Jon

Tweedpipe Dec 2nd 2018 7:28 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by Jon-Bxl (Post 12602816)
Im going off topic here. This isn't a joke, but a video.!

And if you like rugby - or English humour - you may find that its not 'bad' either - I hope so :)

Jon

I like it.

Tweedpipe Dec 2nd 2018 7:51 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 
A clever albeit 'bad' satirical cartoon , which nevertheless made me smile today.
Spoiler:
"Will there be a miracle in the Elysee for Noel?"

Tweedpipe Dec 7th 2018 2:13 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 
Hopefully to cheer a few folks up, including myself.........
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Well just pubs, beer and women normally!"

dmu Jan 18th 2019 2:47 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 
This doesn't work in English, but I'll post it all the same:
Quel est le point commun entre le thé vert et DAESH?
Ils sont tous les deux anti-oxidants!
(Sorry:o)

BuckinghamshireBoy Jan 18th 2019 3:08 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by dmu (Post 12623649)
This doesn't work in English, but I'll post it all the same:
Quel est le point commun entre le thé vert et DAESH?
Ils sont tous les deux anti-oxidants!
(Sorry:o)

:lol:

spouse of scouse Jan 18th 2019 3:09 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by BuckinghamshireBoy (Post 12623659)
:lol:

Show off :frown:

Tweedpipe Jan 18th 2019 4:27 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by dmu (Post 12623649)
This doesn't work in English, but I'll post it all the same:
Quel est le point commun entre le thé vert et DAESH?
Ils sont tous les deux anti-oxidants!
(Sorry:o)

Ouch! Not so much lol, more like sol (smiled-out-loud). ;)

Here's one of my many favourites from Coluche:
Les femmes seront les egales des hommes le jour ou elles accepteront d'etre chauves et de trouver ca distingue.
Spoiler:
Women will be the equal of men, the day they accept to be bald and find that it's distinguished.


And one more......
A la Securite Sociale, tout est assure. Sauf la pendule. Ca, on risque pas de la voler, le personnel a les yeux constamment fixes dessus.
Spoiler:
At the Social Security, everything is insured. Except the clock. No risk of that being stolen, the staff have their eyes constantly fixed on it.

I occasionally tell that last one when we have guests, and it's appreciated by all. Except by Mme TP. She used to work for the Social Security! :sneaky:

BuckinghamshireBoy Jan 18th 2019 4:34 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse (Post 12623661)
Show off :frown:

Ah c'mon, not really, :o it's a play on the spelling in the punchline. ;)

Good one dmu.

BuckinghamshireBoy Jan 18th 2019 4:50 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by Tweedpipe (Post 12623691)
Ouch! Not so much lol, more like sol (smiled-out-loud). ;)

Here's one of my many favourites from Coluche:
Les femmes seront les egales des hommes le jour ou elles accepteront d'etre chauves et de trouver ca distingue.
Spoiler:
Women will be the equal of men, the day they accept to be bald and find that it's distinguished.


And one more......
A la Securite Sociale, tout est assure. Sauf la pendule. Ca, on risque pas de la voler, le personnel a les yeux constamment fixes dessus.
Spoiler:
At the Social Security, everything is insured. Except the clock. No risk of that being stolen, the staff have their eyes constantly fixed on it.

I occasionally tell that last one when we have guests, and it's appreciated by all. Except by Mme TP. She used to work for the Social Security! :sneaky:

That usage of la pendule had me there. I was looking at the ultimate punishment for criminals... :confused:

I may have learned that in the past, but I always go for l'horloge. Even if my car's handbook claims that it has "une montre". :blink:

Tweedpipe Jan 18th 2019 6:51 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by BuckinghamshireBoy (Post 12623706)
That usage of la pendule had me there. I was looking at the ultimate punishment for criminals... :confused:

I may have learned that in the past, but I always go for l'horloge. Even if my car's handbook claims that it has "une montre". :blink:

I guess you would always go for 'l'orloge' considering your Swiss connections.;) Or even chronometre.
Whether in a car or aircraft cockpit, the clock always seems to be referred to as une montre de bord. Rarely un orloge and afaik never une pendule. The latter no doubt would stem from the days when clocks had an open, swinging pendulum . As for the "ultimate punishment" you were on-the-ball with 'hanging'. This is what makes words and languages so diverse and interesting.

BuckinghamshireBoy Jan 18th 2019 7:49 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 

Originally Posted by Tweedpipe (Post 12623752)
I guess you would always go for 'l'orloge' considering your Swiss connections.;) Or even chronometre.
Whether in a car or aircraft cockpit, the clock always seems to be referred to as une montre de bord. Rarely un orloge and afaik never une pendule. The latter no doubt would stem from the days when clocks had an open, swinging pendulum . As for the "ultimate punishment" you were on-the-ball with 'hanging'. This is what makes words and languages so diverse and interesting.

Thank you for the clarification, as you say the words and languages being so diverse and interesting.

I'm slightly miffed that I'm at risk of losing my French up here - I've already been told by teacher to stop thinking in it. :(

So I'll have to stick with you lot in order to keep my hand in. :p

Tweedpipe Jan 18th 2019 9:52 pm

Re: bad jokes...
 
Another clever 'bad' satirical cartoon which made me smile.
The caption reads, "Manu (Emmanuel Macron), stop messing around, and put Benalla's truncheon back in the drawer."

cyrian Feb 18th 2019 8:52 am

Re: bad jokes...
 
https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...d6b652b302.jpg
Made me smile


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