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Time for another little Johnny joke - with a difference.
I'm sure most of you know that our 'little Johnny' jokes are known as 'Toto' jokes in France. Here's one I heard the other day.

One day in the classroom, morality and manners were being taught.
The teacher asks one of the students, "Michel, if you were courting a girl from a good, well educated family and were sat at the dinner table together with her family, and suddenly had to go to the toilet, what would you say?"
Michel answered, "Wait a second please, I'm just going for a piss!"
The teacher reprimanded him saying, "No! That would be extremely rude indeed. Now how about you Pierre, what would you say?"
Pierre answered, "Sorry but I have to go to the toilet, and I'll be right back."
The teacher said, "Well that's better, but it's still unpleasant to mention 'toilet' at the dinner table"
She then added, "And you Toto? Would you be able to use your intelligence at least for once, to demonstrate good manners?"
Toto answered, "Of course miss. I would turn to my girlfriend and politely say, 'Ma cherie, I beg your pardon as I have to leave for a moment, I'm just going to shake hands with an intimate friend whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner'."

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Im going off topic here. This isn't a joke, but a video.!

And if you like rugby - or English humour - you may find that its not 'bad' either - I hope so :)

Jon

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I like it.

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A clever albeit 'bad' satirical cartoon , which nevertheless made me smile today.

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Hopefully to cheer a few folks up, including myself.........
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Well just pubs, beer and women normally!"

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This doesn't work in English, but I'll post it all the same:
Quel est le point commun entre le thé vert et DAESH?
Ils sont tous les deux anti-oxidants!
(Sorry:o)

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:lol:

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Show off :frown:

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Ouch! Not so much lol, more like sol (smiled-out-loud). ;)

Here's one of my many favourites from Coluche:
Les femmes seront les egales des hommes le jour ou elles accepteront d'etre chauves et de trouver ca distingue.


And one more......
A la Securite Sociale, tout est assure. Sauf la pendule. Ca, on risque pas de la voler, le personnel a les yeux constamment fixes dessus.

I occasionally tell that last one when we have guests, and it's appreciated by all. Except by Mme TP. She used to work for the Social Security! :sneaky:

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Ah c'mon, not really, :o it's a play on the spelling in the punchline. ;)

Good one dmu.

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That usage of la pendule had me there. I was looking at the ultimate punishment for criminals... :confused:

I may have learned that in the past, but I always go for l'horloge. Even if my car's handbook claims that it has "une montre". :blink:

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I guess you would always go for 'l'orloge' considering your Swiss connections.;) Or even chronometre.
Whether in a car or aircraft cockpit, the clock always seems to be referred to as une montre de bord. Rarely un orloge and afaik never une pendule. The latter no doubt would stem from the days when clocks had an open, swinging pendulum . As for the "ultimate punishment" you were on-the-ball with 'hanging'. This is what makes words and languages so diverse and interesting.

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Thank you for the clarification, as you say the words and languages being so diverse and interesting.

I'm slightly miffed that I'm at risk of losing my French up here - I've already been told by teacher to stop thinking in it. :(

So I'll have to stick with you lot in order to keep my hand in. :p

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Another clever 'bad' satirical cartoon which made me smile.
The caption reads, "Manu (Emmanuel Macron), stop messing around, and put Benalla's truncheon back in the drawer."

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https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...d6b652b302.jpg
Made me smile

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https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...43ad62f329.jpg

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https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...d62af3f923.jpg

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https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...75d1277a96.jpg

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Cyrian,
Excellent! :thumbsup: I guess we are fortunate. Have none of these problems with our neighbours.

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I'll echo that :lol: Takes me back to my first apartment in a 'lively' quarter of downtown Geneva though.

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https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...a2ebbce50a.jpg
It was my neighbour who sent these to me. Do you think that he was telling me something?

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https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...4624950df8.jpg

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https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...70a6b651e5.jpg

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Cyrian, are you actually in an apartment bloc if I may ask? I'm loving these by the way... :thumbup:

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Yes
I might add that we have really nice neighbours with whom we socialise frequently.
We have enjoyed 7+ hour lunches where the apero was in their cave which was a real cave in the tuffeau limestone a few minutes drive away.
We were offered a 60-year old bottle of Vouvray followed by a 30-year old bottle.
The sisters upstairs from us offered us a Chateau Petrus 1983 as part of the lunch. (retail value 600€ - 1000€ per bottle).
The french neighbours have taken us into their hearts.

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Hi hi, superbe!

I don't want to take this off topic (despite it being considered as one of my specialties) but...

I was only in my first apartment for four years - seven floors, two aparts per floor, buanderie en-bas. I dis-remember the nickname that we gave to Mme la Concierge, but she was the keeper of the buanderie key and she used to maintain a hand-written schedule of who had booked which half day laundry slot, which was posted inside the buanderie, evidement.

At roughly the same time as I offered to take on that task (Excel spreadsheet posted in lobby) my then girlfriend bumped into a neighbour who said that he'd managed to clone the buanderie key, could we work together?

We had a lot of fun with those neighbours; we never got near Petrus, but weirdly always seemed to book adjacent full-day laundry slots... ;)

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Voice activated lift in Scotland - courtesy BBC Scotland

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https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...5b20fab676.jpg
French attitude to the FISC?

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@ cyrian I may never enter a lift again without smiling.

Meanwhile, back in Gotham City...

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...ef5b8f526a.png

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Best thing I've seen in ages. :rofl:

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BB :lol:
An excellent, and very true cartoon illustration of exactly where we are today. As I've mentioned in the past, it's really like something from an outlandish Monty Python script.
The following too made me smile:



Next time I meet someone I can't fathom, I'll refer to them as a cockwomble. They probably wont know if it's a compliment or an insult.:sneaky:

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I worked with someone for years and his name is Ian. Then for reasons unknown he suddenly became 'Carlos'. It was months before I realised it was because his car had been nicked!!!

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If you don't like groan-worthy jokes, read no futher.
A fellow known as KJMW calls a chimney sweep to get his chimney cleaned. The sweep checks it out and says he can do the job for 500 euros.
"FIVE HUNDRED EUROS!" cries KJMW. "For that amount I can do it myself, have a shower and then go out for an excellent fois-gras meal with a good bottle of Beaujolais!"
The sweep chuckles and replies, "OK, soot yourself!"
:sneaky:

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Re-reading the above, before I get told-off for an equally groan-worthy typo, that should of course have read 'foie-gras';).
And on the subject of Santa and chimney sweeps: :eek::santa:

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Many years ago my OH went into a restaurant for lunch.
They had kindly translated the menu into english with both languages on an A-board on the pavement.
The menu included foie gras and lardons which they had translated as "times fat and plugs".
Probably didn't get many orders from anglophones.
We always ask for menus in French - it is easier to understand.

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:lol:
The warped translation 'times fat' I can understand, but their 'plugs' for lardons has me totally stumped.

Walking the streets of Larnaca in Cyprus a few years back, where there were many restaurants catering to tourists, I recall seeing chalked on one Specials board, Fish and ships.
The internet is abound with menu faux pas from around the world, but one of my favourites must be the delightful dish of Coquille Saint Jaques, incorrectly and eye-wateringly marked up as 'Nuts of St. Jack. :D
I'm quite sure that was never a favourite dish of eunuchs.......

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:rofl:

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:lol:

St. Jack Nuts ok, times fat ok, but likewise, I'm really not getting anywhere with plugs/lardons. :confused:

I'll ask eldest SD....

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SD hasn't yet come back, must be out on a mission somewhere, but in the meantime I found...

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...4206e5fd33.jpg

Snipped from this article which 'sort-of' makes sense.

S'all a bit tenuous though. :blink:

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I can't imagine where they found "plugs" either, unless lardon is slang for something lardon-shaped and the word came up before the conventional translation...
I've asked DDs, too, but they haven't replied yet ...

Breaking news: DD1 only knows lardons as diced bacon, no slang meaning. DD2 has heard parents affectionately call their toddlers "lardons", but it's not common. So we're none the wiser re "plugs".