bad jokes...
#241
Re: bad jokes...
Revenge is sweet, I got my own back......
Two Frenchman were on their way back home after a night out on the piss. Both were totally plastered, and walking along the centre of the railway line, Clément turned to Francois and said,
"I've never, ever seen stairs as long as this, especially with the handrail placed so low."
"You're right there Clément, I was just thinking the same thing. At least we've almost reached the top, and I can hear the lift coming."
Two Frenchman were on their way back home after a night out on the piss. Both were totally plastered, and walking along the centre of the railway line, Clément turned to Francois and said,
"I've never, ever seen stairs as long as this, especially with the handrail placed so low."
"You're right there Clément, I was just thinking the same thing. At least we've almost reached the top, and I can hear the lift coming."
#242
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2015
Location: Molenbeek - about to relocate to Hendaye
Posts: 123
Re: bad jokes...
A couple went to see a sexologist, they apparently had a problem, and asked the doctor if he could watch them having sex.
He answered it wasn't something he would normally do, but reluctantly agreed.
After the couple had completed their act, the doctor said, "Well, there's no problem whatsoever in the way you make love." And asked for his 50€ consultation fee.
The same thing happened for 3 weeks in a row.
Finally the sexologist asked the couple, "Tell me, what are you trying to find out exactly?"
The man replied, "Well nothing in particular. Except Nicole you see, is married. So we obviously can't take the risk of having sex at her place. I'm married too, so we can't risk going back to my place either. If we go to a hotel, it will be a minimum of 100€. Whilst here, it only costs me 50€, and I'm reimbursed 20€ of that by my Mutuelle!"
He answered it wasn't something he would normally do, but reluctantly agreed.
After the couple had completed their act, the doctor said, "Well, there's no problem whatsoever in the way you make love." And asked for his 50€ consultation fee.
The same thing happened for 3 weeks in a row.
Finally the sexologist asked the couple, "Tell me, what are you trying to find out exactly?"
The man replied, "Well nothing in particular. Except Nicole you see, is married. So we obviously can't take the risk of having sex at her place. I'm married too, so we can't risk going back to my place either. If we go to a hotel, it will be a minimum of 100€. Whilst here, it only costs me 50€, and I'm reimbursed 20€ of that by my Mutuelle!"
#243
Re: bad jokes...
Obama, Putin and Hollande are sitting naked in the sauna during the G8 summit.
There is a beeping, Obama's presses his wrist with his finger and the beeping stops. Hollande looks at him with astonishment.
"Sorry, it's my diary alert, I have a computer chip under the skin of my wrist".
A few moments later, a telephone rings. Putin puts the palm of his hand to his ear and when he finishes speaking he explains to a perplexed Hollande, "It's my mobile, I've had a chip implanted in my hand".
Hollande feels like an idiot in the eyes of the others.
He gets up, goes to the WC and comes back to the sauna, toilet paper swinging from his arse. The others look questioningly at his predicament.
"Merde", says Hollande "I've got another fax!"
There is a beeping, Obama's presses his wrist with his finger and the beeping stops. Hollande looks at him with astonishment.
"Sorry, it's my diary alert, I have a computer chip under the skin of my wrist".
A few moments later, a telephone rings. Putin puts the palm of his hand to his ear and when he finishes speaking he explains to a perplexed Hollande, "It's my mobile, I've had a chip implanted in my hand".
Hollande feels like an idiot in the eyes of the others.
He gets up, goes to the WC and comes back to the sauna, toilet paper swinging from his arse. The others look questioningly at his predicament.
"Merde", says Hollande "I've got another fax!"
#244
Re: bad jokes...
A man goes to the doctors complaining of hearing loss.
The doctor says "Can you describe the symptoms?"
The man replies "Yes, Homers a fat bastard and Marge has got blue hair"
The doctor says "Can you describe the symptoms?"
The man replies "Yes, Homers a fat bastard and Marge has got blue hair"
#245
Re: bad jokes...
Voted Best Scottish Short Joke
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,
'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hae ony books on suicide?'
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,
'Buggeroff, ye'll no bring it back!'
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,
'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hae ony books on suicide?'
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,
'Buggeroff, ye'll no bring it back!'
#246
Re: bad jokes...
Well you asked for it Cyrian.......
A few years ago I knew a young Scottish lad who insisted on calling his father-in-law the 'Exorcist'. He told me that every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear!
At an auction in Glasgow, a wealthy American announced loudly that he'd lost his wallet containing 3000 pound, and that he'd give a reward of 100 pound to the person who found it.
Suddenly from the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give 150 pound!!"
A few years ago I knew a young Scottish lad who insisted on calling his father-in-law the 'Exorcist'. He told me that every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear!
At an auction in Glasgow, a wealthy American announced loudly that he'd lost his wallet containing 3000 pound, and that he'd give a reward of 100 pound to the person who found it.
Suddenly from the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give 150 pound!!"
#247
Re: bad jokes...
Well you asked for it Cyrian.......
A few years ago I knew a young Scottish lad who insisted on calling his father-in-law the 'Exorcist'. He told me that every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear!
At an auction in Glasgow, a wealthy American announced loudly that he'd lost his wallet containing 3000 pound, and that he'd give a reward of 100 pound to the person who found it.
Suddenly from the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give 150 pound!!"
A few years ago I knew a young Scottish lad who insisted on calling his father-in-law the 'Exorcist'. He told me that every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear!
At an auction in Glasgow, a wealthy American announced loudly that he'd lost his wallet containing 3000 pound, and that he'd give a reward of 100 pound to the person who found it.
Suddenly from the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give 150 pound!!"
Best and shortest joke EVAH!!!
Boy scouts, girl guides.
#250
#251
Re: bad jokes...
A smile for the weekend........
My wife came out of the shower with a big, flirtatious smile on her face, and glancing at her body said seductively, “Darling…I just shaved down there…you know what that means don't you?"
I replied, “Yeah, it means the bloody drain's blocked up again!”
My wife came out of the shower with a big, flirtatious smile on her face, and glancing at her body said seductively, “Darling…I just shaved down there…you know what that means don't you?"
I replied, “Yeah, it means the bloody drain's blocked up again!”
#253
Re: bad jokes...
Some of these are quite funny.
Request Rejected
Link not working - cut and paste:
http://www.doyletics.com/tidbi ts/militaryadvice.pdf
Sorry - the link may not work
Request Rejected
Link not working - cut and paste:
http://www.doyletics.com/tidbi ts/militaryadvice.pdf
Sorry - the link may not work
Last edited by cyrian; Feb 2nd 2017 at 6:03 pm.
#254