bad jokes...
#362
Re: bad jokes...
These may brighten up your day too.......
1. - Un bon vieux ch'tit se promène dans la rue et remarque un jeune s'abreuvent a l'eau de la fontaine. Il lui dit en patois:
"Bô pas ch'tiô la min garchon , ché vaques qu'on lié d'din (Ne bois pas l'eau de la fontaine il y'a les vaches qu'ont chié dedans)
Le jeune répond, "Monsieur parlez-moi en français s'il vous plaît je suis parisien et je comprend rien à votre dialecte."
Alors le brave nordiste lui répond, "Bois doucement elle est froide!"
2. La maîtresse d'école demande aux élèves,"Que nous donne la poule?"Et les enfants, tous en chœur : "Des œufs!"
"Bien. Et que nous donne le porc?"
"Du jambon!"
"Bravo, les enfants. Et que nous donne la vache?"
"Des devoirs!!!"
1. - Un bon vieux ch'tit se promène dans la rue et remarque un jeune s'abreuvent a l'eau de la fontaine. Il lui dit en patois:
"Bô pas ch'tiô la min garchon , ché vaques qu'on lié d'din (Ne bois pas l'eau de la fontaine il y'a les vaches qu'ont chié dedans)
Le jeune répond, "Monsieur parlez-moi en français s'il vous plaît je suis parisien et je comprend rien à votre dialecte."
Alors le brave nordiste lui répond, "Bois doucement elle est froide!"
2. La maîtresse d'école demande aux élèves,"Que nous donne la poule?"Et les enfants, tous en chœur : "Des œufs!"
"Bien. Et que nous donne le porc?"
"Du jambon!"
"Bravo, les enfants. Et que nous donne la vache?"
"Des devoirs!!!"
Spoiler:
#363
Re: bad jokes...
1.
C'est l'histoire d'un père qui est assis à table avec ses trois fils et qui mange de la soupe aux vermicelles. Le premier fils dit : "Papa, t'as un vermicelle collé sur la gueule."
Le père se lève et, PAN !, lui donne une grande gifle en pleine figure.
Le second fils s'exclame : "Il est vraiment chié, le vieux !"
Le père se retourne alors, et PAN !, lui met aussi une gifle magistrale.
En retournant à sa place, le père voit son troisième fils qui essaie de se protéger avec ses mains..
"Mais n'aie pas peur comme ça, voyons. Tu n'as rien dit, je ne te ferai rien."
Et le petit garçon répond : "Ben, on sait jamais : t'es tellement con."
2.
Père Noël : " Que veux-tu pour Noël mon petit ? "
Enfant : "Une licorne! "
Père Noël : "Sois un peu plus réaliste! "
Enfant : " Je veux un gouvernement qui respecte mes droits et qui ne pense pas qu'à ses propres intérêts. "
Père Noël : " Euh... Quelle couleur ta licorne? "
C'est l'histoire d'un père qui est assis à table avec ses trois fils et qui mange de la soupe aux vermicelles. Le premier fils dit : "Papa, t'as un vermicelle collé sur la gueule."
Le père se lève et, PAN !, lui donne une grande gifle en pleine figure.
Le second fils s'exclame : "Il est vraiment chié, le vieux !"
Le père se retourne alors, et PAN !, lui met aussi une gifle magistrale.
En retournant à sa place, le père voit son troisième fils qui essaie de se protéger avec ses mains..
"Mais n'aie pas peur comme ça, voyons. Tu n'as rien dit, je ne te ferai rien."
Et le petit garçon répond : "Ben, on sait jamais : t'es tellement con."
2.
Père Noël : " Que veux-tu pour Noël mon petit ? "
Enfant : "Une licorne! "
Père Noël : "Sois un peu plus réaliste! "
Enfant : " Je veux un gouvernement qui respecte mes droits et qui ne pense pas qu'à ses propres intérêts. "
Père Noël : " Euh... Quelle couleur ta licorne? "
Spoiler:
#366
Re: bad jokes...
As for the rest of them, I guess.........
Happy’s hiding a huge smile behind his Covid face mask
Doc is rushed off his feet caring for Sneezy
Bashful’s wearing two masks to hide his timidity
Dopey’s wearing his mask back to front
Grumpy’s absolutely refusing to wear a mask
And Sleepy’s too far gone to care.
#369
Re: bad jokes...
Not exactly a 'bad joke' but for those in need of a good laugh - or at least a smile for the day, I think this thread is appropriate.
I'm not usually in the habit of looking for or buying a push chair, baby-stroller or 'poussette' - or whatever else you wish to call 'em, but as junior TP has just become a father for the first time, I was attracted to LBCoin for suitable goods. And stumbled upon this brilliant ad - pushchair priced at 300e. There were also 3 photos which I've removed fror convenience.
I'm sure when junior opens his e-mails later today he will love reading this as much as I did. And who said the French have no sense of humour?
I enjoyed this so much I'm tempted to offer on LBCoin an English translation for 9,99p!
I'm not usually in the habit of looking for or buying a push chair, baby-stroller or 'poussette' - or whatever else you wish to call 'em, but as junior TP has just become a father for the first time, I was attracted to LBCoin for suitable goods. And stumbled upon this brilliant ad - pushchair priced at 300e. There were also 3 photos which I've removed fror convenience.
I'm sure when junior opens his e-mails later today he will love reading this as much as I did. And who said the French have no sense of humour?
I enjoyed this so much I'm tempted to offer on LBCoin an English translation for 9,99p!
Last edited by Tweedpipe; Nov 24th 2020 at 9:29 am.
#370
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Hérault (34)
Posts: 8,889
Re: bad jokes...
Not exactly a 'bad joke' but for those in need of a good laugh - or at least a smile for the day, I think this thread is appropriate.
I'm not usually in the habit of looking for or buying a push chair, baby-stroller or 'poussette' - or whatever else you wish to call 'em, but as junior TP has just become a father for the first time, I was attracted to LBCoin for suitable goods. And stumbled upon this brilliant ad - pushchair priced at 300e. There were also 3 photos which I've removed fror convenience.
I'm sure when junior opens his e-mails later today he will love reading this as much as I did. And who said the French have no sense of humour?
I enjoyed this so much I'm tempted to offer on LBCoin an English translation for 9,99p!
I'm not usually in the habit of looking for or buying a push chair, baby-stroller or 'poussette' - or whatever else you wish to call 'em, but as junior TP has just become a father for the first time, I was attracted to LBCoin for suitable goods. And stumbled upon this brilliant ad - pushchair priced at 300e. There were also 3 photos which I've removed fror convenience.
I'm sure when junior opens his e-mails later today he will love reading this as much as I did. And who said the French have no sense of humour?
I enjoyed this so much I'm tempted to offer on LBCoin an English translation for 9,99p!
and congratulations on becoming a Papy!!
#373
Re: bad jokes...
French joke lesson No.1
I heard this yesterday in French. (Needs a little imagination to make sense......).
Three children are playing at knights.
Victor: "I'm calling myself VICTORUS."
Antoine: "I'm calling myself ANTOINUS"
Anne: "I'm not playing!"
I heard this yesterday in French. (Needs a little imagination to make sense......).
Three children are playing at knights.
Victor: "I'm calling myself VICTORUS."
Antoine: "I'm calling myself ANTOINUS"
Anne: "I'm not playing!"
Spoiler:
#374
Re: bad jokes...
For anti and pro-Brexit folks (especially the latter), here are a few recent Classic Boris cartoons.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep6Lc-LW...g&name=900x900
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep1HlLXW...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep3KdWWX...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep1PosRX...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EkXYVSuW...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpxnmNyW...jpg&name=small
https://www.politico.eu/wp-content/u...77-600x436.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep6Lc-LW...g&name=900x900
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep1HlLXW...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep3KdWWX...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ep1PosRX...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EkXYVSuW...jpg&name=small
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpxnmNyW...jpg&name=small
https://www.politico.eu/wp-content/u...77-600x436.jpg
Last edited by Tweedpipe; Dec 23rd 2020 at 8:35 am.
#375
Re: bad jokes...
HOLIDAY SHOPPING
Husband and Wife were out Christmas shopping in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing – and as they had a lot to do, she called him on the mobile and asked "Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
Not missing a beat, her husband confessed: "Do you remember the jewelry store that we went into about 10 years ago? You fell in love with that diamond necklace? And although I couldn’t afford it at the time, I told you that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek. She was all choked up, but managed to reply: …"Yes, I remember that wonderful store."
"Well I am in the Golf shop next door to that."
Husband and Wife were out Christmas shopping in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing – and as they had a lot to do, she called him on the mobile and asked "Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
Not missing a beat, her husband confessed: "Do you remember the jewelry store that we went into about 10 years ago? You fell in love with that diamond necklace? And although I couldn’t afford it at the time, I told you that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek. She was all choked up, but managed to reply: …"Yes, I remember that wonderful store."
"Well I am in the Golf shop next door to that."