oranges273

I've been with my partner for 7 years this year.

She is a US citizen (24) and I am a UK citizen (25). It is a long distance relationship. We've been surviving purely on tourist visas for the duration of our relationship but it's getting harder and harder to get through the border (particularly with regards to her visiting the UK) and it's no meaningful way of living, we cannot plan for the future and one of us is always unable to work when we are in the other's country.

Because of this, neither of us have been able to keep a stable job as we try to see each other as much as possible. Border agents think we are abusing the tourist visa system by staying for the maximum possible time that a tourist visa permits and it's just getting depressing now. She was questioned for 10 hours the last time she tried to visit the UK. She has also been marked by the UK border force, so she gets harassed by border agents whenever she comes here now, adding even more anxiety and upset to our relationship.

How do we rectify this absolutely horrible situation? We have very little money, we don't want to get married as we wouldn't even know where to begin (marriage visas for both the UK and US are costly and lengthy). The only glimmer on the horizon I have seen is the ability to bring an Unmarried / cohabiting non-EEA partner to a EU country but even that is a completely abstract concept and I have no idea how it would work for us, seeing as each country has it's own rules on what defines an Unmarried partner in a long and durable relationship. They usually ask for 18 continuous months of cohabitation, if I'm correct? Which is impossible in our situation. It seems like it is designed to stop people in long-distance relationships. I just don't know anymore.

7 years this year and we still have not been able to finally live and work together in peace. We go months, (last year, almost a year) without seeing each other at a time and it hurts every time we have to say goodbye. In the total 7 years we've been together we have really only spent about 15 months physically together on and off. That can't be acceptable in this day and age, surely?

As a recap:

• We have been using tourist visas to visit and stay with each other for the maximum allowed time, when possible during our relationship. This is now getting harder and harder to do.
• We have very little money due to each of us being unable to keep a stable job
• We do not want to get married if we can help it, as we would not know where to begin and we are worried it could be viewed as a sham marriage just for us to live together
• We are particularly interested in the non-EEA Unmarried partner rights in the EU, but don't know where to go about starting this process.
• If we must live in an EU country, it would be either Spain or Italy with the ultimate goal of being able to apply for a UK EEA family permit via the Surrinder Singh route.

Please, if anyone could point me in the right direction of where to go from here we would be indebted to you. I feel like we're in a black hole with no way out. I don't know when this nightmare will end and we can finally be together.

Thank you for reading.

BEVS

Hi there and welcome to BE.

To be clear , are you specifically asking about the Surinder Singh pathway ?

oranges273

Hi, thank you.

Not specifically, no. Ultimately we want to live together in the UK and so I have considered the Surinder Singh route as an option.

However, if I am unable to find a way to bring my partner to an EU country with me in the first place, that route is off limits to us anyway. Which is why I was inquiring about the rights of "Unmarried Partners" of EU nationals.

Another route I have thought about going down is getting Irish citizenship (which I can do), dropping my British citizenship, then applying for a EEA family permit. It's a drastic move but we are desperate.

BEVS

The Europe forum doesn't see that many people passing through. I think I will move this into the UK forum for now where more people will see this & can offer their views & opinions.

dmu

You yourself would have to prove that you've been working (i.e. in a stable job) in an EU country for xx months beforehand. I've forgotten how many months, but if you post on the Spain or Republic of Ireland forum, some one can point you to an official link. (I suggest Ireland if you don't speak a European language).
What's your line of work?
Good luck for the future!

Novocastrian

Have you, the UK citizen, thought of applying for a US working holiday visa https://global-goose.com/working-hol...s-for-british/ ?

You could work and cohabit with your girlfriend for two years and then apply for a UK spousal (partner) visa during the second year.

yellowroom

What's the objection to getting married really? You've managed to keep this going for 7 years - yes you are both still young but that seems like a long-term commitment already - nearly a third of your lives! You have no reason to worry about this being viewed as a sham marriage - I presume you have evidence of your relationship going back this long - photos, correspondence, emails, social media posts...?

I'm not an expert in immigration law to the UK, but I do know that you can get married on your next trip to the US if you visit on ESTA, provided it is your intention to return home again afterwards, and you do. A simple courthouse marriage will suffice - you can have religious blessings and/or family celebrations another time. Once home you and your wife can then start the process to apply for your CR-1 visa, and the marriage based visa forum would be a good place for advice as lots of people have done this and will be ready to help you. Again, not an expert but this is your quickest and easiest route to the USA. The fees aren't trivial, but when you weigh up against the cost of flights to the US they aren't expensive.

mikelincs

What is important to know is where you want to settle, UK or US, there will be totally different scenarios depending on which country you want to end up in.

Moses2013

Well, it's not really a drastic move if you are able to get Irish Citizenship, as many would be glad to have an Irish Passport.

Taken from Citizens information: Who can become an Irish citizen?
I am a British citizen whose parents were born in Ireland. If I apply for an Irish passport, will I have to give up my British citizenship?No. If you are an Irish citizen, you may hold dual citizenship, that is, citizenship of another country. British citizens are also allowed to hold dual citizenship. This means that you do not have to renounce your British citizenship when you apply for an Irish passport.

BritInParis

Getting married is going to be your only practical option. Then it’s just a matter of deciding where you both wish to live.

Pollyana

Novocastrian

Oops, you're right. The link I posted has a table entitled "Countries which offer WHV to British people" and the US is in the list. When you scroll down to the US section however, (which I didn't do until now) it says they don't.

Mea culpa.

Benson55

All in all, to be frank this sounds like a hopeless case and it looks like you want someone to say 'cut it off and start again'.
That sort of distance, the hurdles and the torment....is it all worth it at such a young age?

GeniB

ritpa You have accurately described the situation my ED found herself in 20yrs ago. I am just amazed that in these more difficult times you have managed to hold this relationship together for 7yrs!

In her case she was also the Brit seeing the American...but her troubles were all in the USA as she lived in the Netherlands at that time. She was also held for 10 hrs in Boston after her third ( snd final) push on the 3 month visa.The immigration people went through everything to try and prove she was working illegally in the USA. In the end she obtained a fiancé's visa for 90 days ,within which she was supposed to marry. She didn't, she flouted the law for eighteen months ,until she almost got caught and had to arrange a hasty marriage in the county hall.After which she and her partner went their separate ways. They had fallen out of love by this time. ( not surprising ,given the hoops they had been jumping through)
Of course this would be seen as the classic 'Green Card' scam, had she not then found a job with a diamond company who needed a person fluent in Dutch. That was because of her having grown up in the Netherlands.They sponsored her to remain in the USA.
Then.. she and her OH miraculously found each other again and decided that they were still in love.They lived together in Boston.
I would LOVE to say this all had a happy ending.. but it has been 20 yrs of hassle... and its not over yet.. I just posted about her present situation as a divorcee living with her third partner and her new baby.
To be frank and to be fair.A lot of it came from my D's rebellious ,independent nature. She never did like being told what to do. In situations like this I'm afraid you do have to conform if you want to have a happy life. My advice.... Choose a country. Get married. Be prepared to support one partner until they are allowed to get a job in that country .Therefore choose the country that will give you that the quickest. Remember nothing is forever. Sometimes jumping through the hoops can get you there quicker

Nadroj94