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Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

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Old May 1st 2008, 3:18 pm
  #76  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Because she didn't want to go back. She was counting on everything being wonderful once she met her boyfriend for the first time. And they would live happily ever after in England. And this is why immigration sent her packing.
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Old May 2nd 2008, 5:58 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

You know just because I did what I did, doesn't make me stupid. I don't really know how to be polite when being condescending to someone so let me just be blunt, KMA. We are still working it out, and he is coming here for a holiday in July. Thank you fluxsta for your help and kind advice I appreciate it and everyone else that isn't being a smart-ass to me. And we do love each other, and we're not idiots. We know it may not work between us. We always said to each other if we weren't okay together we'd be the best of friends and I'd just come back here. I was very sad when I first got back here because I had NO idea what to do. I felt like I had my heart ripped out. But it's fine now. We're looking at the facts and doing what can and being patient. We were both really upset for a while, but now we're back to the way we were. We were under a tremendous amount of stress and that's to be expected. So if anyone else on here, has any BS they'd like to say please, take is somewhere else. People come on here for answers, not to be cut down by people they don't know, when they are pleading for help. I'm sorry I had to say what I said a second ago, but I don't appreciate some of the responses that were left on here while I was away. I don't need any assessments made of my relationship, that's not why I came on here. I shouldn't have even shared any personal information. I just wanted to give some background to the situation. I know better now. If all you can give me is criticism, I don't need it. And thanks to everyone else for all of your help, I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
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Old May 2nd 2008, 6:50 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
went to the UK on March 12, 2008 with the intention of meeting my boyfriend in person for the first time. he and I have been speaking to each other for just under one year. We met via Xbox and have since spoken on the phone as well as VOIP and Xbox, everyday since we'd met. I was going to the UK to find out if he and I were just as compatible in person, and if so I had hopes of staying and one day if still had the same feelings for each other over time, get married.
When I arrived to the UK, I was instructed that I must go through immigration. With passport in hand I preceded to the counter. The agent asked a variety of questions including, "How long do you intend on visiting the UK?" I wasn't very sure because what if my boyfriend and I didn't get along and I would need to go back right away. But I went ahead and said, "How long can I stay?" The agent then told me I would have to have a certain time. I then told her, "Two months". At the time I was asked how much cash I had and I told her that I had $600USD on hand, as well as $1500 in 401K (retirement), and $400 cash in the bank. Then, I was asked if I had a return ticket, and when I told the agent no, she asked why. I then told her, "Since I wasn't sure if we'd (my boyfriend and I) would get along then I am not sure." I was then instructed to sit down, instead of being let go through immigration.
About 25 minutes later I was taken into a room where I was videotaped, given a retinal scan, photographed, and fingerprinted. Before I go further let me say, I haven't been out of Alabama or even flown before. I had never done anything wrong other than getting a speeding ticket and a seat belt ticket about 7 years ago when I was 21. I've worked since I was 16 and have paid my taxes since I was that age. I worked in Human Resources/Accounts receivable for the past 3 years. I was late 1 time in my entire history there. I worked about 12 hours a week and made $430 salary each week. I felt like a criminal when I was trying to see my boyfriend. I was absolutely petrified.
After all of this was done I was taken to baggage claim. I was then instructed to take my luggage to a set of metal tables and it was gone through by another agent. My journal was then taken from me with various papers in it. I was taken back to a detention room and my luggage was put into a different room. I have high blood pressure and need to take my medicine twice daily and hadn't taken my second dose as of that time. My journal wasn't given back to me at that time. I was in this room for about an hour then I was taken by a supervisor and given 36 questions. I was asked about the time I wanted to stay, how much money I had, how I met my boyfriend, what he did for a living, what I did for a living, etc. At this time I still had no idea why I was being held. My boyfriend was outside in arrivals waiting on me.
Another hour or so later the agent who asked me the questions came back into the room and told me that I had been refused entry. I cried and begged to see my boyfriend for just a moment and she told me no. I was in detention for a total of about 22.5 hours and i was sent back to Alabama.
I realize now they may have thought I was trying to come there to work. I was under the belief that once you went to a country, found a job, then you'd apply for a visa. I thought it was like getting a work permit in the states. How can you apply for a work visa if you don't have a job yet is what I thought. I also thought that was the only reason that you would need to apply for a visa, was to get a job. My boyfriend receives incapacity benefits right now, so I can see why they thought like they did. But every time I tried to explain this to them, why I didn't hold a work permit visa, it's like no one would listen to me. Again, I was a first time traveller, I'd never flown, I was by myself, I was in a foreign country. I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't even know what to expect. I realize that I was foolish for not researching what I was doing. But it's too late for that now.
When my boyfriend called the agent she told him that I was refused entry into the UK, he said "The truth is I was going to marry her." He said that she said, "Oh really, well she needs a visa for that too." He told her that he said it out of desperation, but she wrote it in her report anyway. He and I had went through so much to be together already. He just wanted me to be able to stay.
Every time I think of what happened and what I went through I can't help but cry. My boyfriend and I love each other very much. I am incredibly upset because neither of us are sure as to what we're supposed to do. I am so scared that we won't be able to be together. I don't know what kind of visa I am supposed to apply for. I don't know if I can apply for one, if I should apply for one. I have no idea what to do. I am begging if you can help me, please help me. Thank you so much for any help that you can give me. I sincerely appreciate it.
I have no idea what to do. I am scared to death I won't be able to be with him. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's hard. My heart is broken. I am desperate for help. I've sent letters to everyone I can think of. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying, if anyone can help me, please I'm begging you for advice.



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Last edited by The Bard of Wigan; May 2nd 2008 at 7:00 pm.
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Old May 2nd 2008, 10:06 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Welcome back to high school kiddies. Did you torture small animals as a child Bard? I'm so glad that I believe in Karma because otherwise I'd be telling you what a piece of crap you are. What is wrong with you people? Laughing and judging at other peoples' misfortuntes. It's very sad that you come here to point other peoples' misery out. When someone stands over you laughing at your broken heart, then remember: what goes around comes around.
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Old May 2nd 2008, 10:21 pm
  #80  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Welcome back to high school kiddies. Did you torture small animals as a child Bard? I'm so glad that I believe in Karma because otherwise I'd be telling you what a piece of crap you are. What is wrong with you people? Laughing and judging at other peoples' misfortuntes. It's very sad that you come here to point other peoples' misery out. When someone stands over you laughing at your broken heart, then remember: what goes around comes around.
The member in question has now been banned.
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Old May 3rd 2008, 6:30 pm
  #81  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
You know just because I did what I did, doesn't make me stupid. I don't really know how to be polite when being condescending to someone so let me just be blunt, KMA. We are still working it out, and he is coming here for a holiday in July. Thank you fluxsta for your help and kind advice I appreciate it and everyone else that isn't being a smart-ass to me. And we do love each other, and we're not idiots. We know it may not work between us. We always said to each other if we weren't okay together we'd be the best of friends and I'd just come back here. I was very sad when I first got back here because I had NO idea what to do. I felt like I had my heart ripped out. But it's fine now. We're looking at the facts and doing what can and being patient. We were both really upset for a while, but now we're back to the way we were. We were under a tremendous amount of stress and that's to be expected. So if anyone else on here, has any BS they'd like to say please, take is somewhere else. People come on here for answers, not to be cut down by people they don't know, when they are pleading for help. I'm sorry I had to say what I said a second ago, but I don't appreciate some of the responses that were left on here while I was away. I don't need any assessments made of my relationship, that's not why I came on here. I shouldn't have even shared any personal information. I just wanted to give some background to the situation. I know better now. If all you can give me is criticism, I don't need it. And thanks to everyone else for all of your help, I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
I don't think anybody is really laughing at your misfortune - maybe more the naieve way you both went about things - maybe because a lot of us are older and supposedly wiser.
And it might have sounded better if you'd just stuck to the bare facts in your original post and not made it all quite so personal.
Anyway - glad things seem to be on the right track for you and him.
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Old May 6th 2008, 11:41 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by Lorna at Vicenza View Post
I don't think anybody is really laughing at your misfortune - maybe more the naieve way you both went about things - maybe because a lot of us are older and supposedly wiser.
And it might have sounded better if you'd just stuck to the bare facts in your original post and not made it all quite so personal.
Anyway - glad things seem to be on the right track for you and him.
Some of the differing point of view I think is cultural.In the UK showing one's emotions is abit frowned upon.In the States showing passion is considered a very good thing,humanizing enfact.The OP may have been abit over emotional but romance,love,sex has little to do with thought processing.
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Old May 6th 2008, 11:55 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by YankeemovingAbroad View Post
Some of the differing point of view I think is cultural.In the UK showing one's emotions is abit frowned upon.In the States showing passion is considered a very good thing,humanizing enfact.The OP may have been abit over emotional but romance,love,sex has little to do with thought processing.
I agree. Sometimes the emotional mind takes over the wise, rational mind and MJ was obviously very emotional in the beginning. I wish her and her boyfriend the best of luck..
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Old May 7th 2008, 2:25 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Welcome back to high school kiddies. Did you torture small animals as a child Bard? I'm so glad that I believe in Karma because otherwise I'd be telling you what a piece of crap you are. What is wrong with you people? Laughing and judging at other peoples' misfortuntes. It's very sad that you come here to point other peoples' misery out. When someone stands over you laughing at your broken heart, then remember: what goes around comes around.
Ah Melissa - they're just teasing you a bit. Don't take it personally - you need a thick skin on here sometimes. Best of luck to you and your BF - keep your wits about you, and you'll come out alright.
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Old Jun 11th 2008, 3:03 pm
  #85  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Hi Guys:

This is a very long thread. I only read the first couple of pages, but until then no one recommended the obvious: Why not meet for the first time in another country? You are obviously banned from the UK. But I doubt it applies to the rest of the EC. There are lots of other very nice places to meet. (Netherlands, Czech Republic, a Greek Island, Southern Ireland etc, etc)

By the way, if you are meeting for the first time, make it short and sweet. Who wants a first date to last 2 months? Meet somewhere easy for you both to get to and relatively inexpensive. Hang out for 3 or 4 days and see what your impressions are. If you still miss each other when you get home, take it from there. If you don't the problem is solved.
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Old Jun 13th 2008, 11:27 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by GDE View Post
Hi Guys:

This is a very long thread. I only read the first couple of pages, but until then no one recommended the obvious: Why not meet for the first time in another country? You are obviously banned from the UK. But I doubt it applies to the rest of the EC. There are lots of other very nice places to meet. (Netherlands, Czech Republic, a Greek Island, Southern Ireland etc, etc)

By the way, if you are meeting for the first time, make it short and sweet. Who wants a first date to last 2 months? Meet somewhere easy for you both to get to and relatively inexpensive. Hang out for 3 or 4 days and see what your impressions are. If you still miss each other when you get home, take it from there. If you don't the problem is solved.
Yeah, we miss each other when we're gone for 2 hours, so 2 months is good for us I called the IO ofc at Heathrow today and the woman told me I needed a visitors visa, bank records, itinerary, etc., I told her everything that happened and she didn't say I was banned. I don't see me getting banned from the UK just for something like that. Especially when I told the truth...Anyway, on to another thread, we're trying to figure out if he's going to try to come and move here if it'd be easier or not...I don't know. This stuff is just so damn confusing, it's driving me insane...
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Old Jun 14th 2008, 3:26 am
  #87  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Yeah, we miss each other when we're gone for 2 hours, so 2 months is good for us I called the IO ofc at Heathrow today and the woman told me I needed a visitors visa, bank records, itinerary, etc., I told her everything that happened and she didn't say I was banned. I don't see me getting banned from the UK just for something like that. Especially when I told the truth...Anyway, on to another thread, we're trying to figure out if he's going to try to come and move here if it'd be easier or not...I don't know. This stuff is just so damn confusing, it's driving me insane...
Focus on the meeting bit.

US Immigration requires that anyway.
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Old Jun 14th 2008, 4:27 pm
  #88  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Wow. You made some bad decisions out of ignorance of immigration early on but hopefully you can move on. It's been a few months since you were on, so hopefully you have taken the time to read up on the K1 Fiance visa your other half needs to get to come and marry you and remain in the US.

On the 3rd of July, I leave the UK for Alabama with my K1 in hand. I'll be getting married and living there. My fiance has been previously married, and had not been out of the US before visiting me here.

The point being - it is possible - it involves following logical, necessary steps - it takes time and it costs money.

You need to meet each other - that is the first of the logical, necessary steps. Plan and execute this first and then start worrying about immigration.

Last edited by TKO; Jun 14th 2008 at 4:30 pm.
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