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Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Old Mar 23rd 2008, 5:11 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

He will be going back to work in April. He's never claimed to be Mr. Perfect, nor have I claimed to be Mrs. He's just so sweet. We just started as friends you know. Then it went to more and we didnt even know what each other looked like until about 6 months into it...
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Old Mar 23rd 2008, 3:44 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

.I know all about pancreatitis, my aunt has pancreatic cancer. So I'm aware of the different diseases of the pancreas and how they're caused. I am not trying to sound mean to anyone and I know you guys are trying to help, but as for the relationship between my b/f and I, I can handle it. Please don't think I'm ungrateful. My mother also tried to tell me how wrong I was in going to be with him. But no one knows our relationship but us. And the fact is even though someone isn't Mr/s. Perfect, doesn't mean they aren't right for you. And it certainly doesn't mean that loving them is the wrong thing. I'm sorry, I hope you don't take offense to that. I really don't mean anything bad by it. Everyone has character flaws and if they didn't that'd make me worry. We may not be right for each other in person. And we both realize that. But I'm not going to give that up before I even find out. The reason I've had such a hard time with all of this is because this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And when I mess things up I'm the kind of person that says this needs to be done right now. Now, now, now. And I'm having to be patient now, wait for answers, and wait for time to go by again until he can come here.
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Old Mar 23rd 2008, 7:08 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
.I know all about pancreatitis, my aunt has pancreatic cancer. So I'm aware of the different diseases of the pancreas and how they're caused. I am not trying to sound mean to anyone and I know you guys are trying to help, but as for the relationship between my b/f and I, I can handle it. Please don't think I'm ungrateful. My mother also tried to tell me how wrong I was in going to be with him. But no one knows our relationship but us. And the fact is even though someone isn't Mr/s. Perfect, doesn't mean they aren't right for you. And it certainly doesn't mean that loving them is the wrong thing. I'm sorry, I hope you don't take offense to that. I really don't mean anything bad by it. Everyone has character flaws and if they didn't that'd make me worry. We may not be right for each other in person. And we both realize that. But I'm not going to give that up before I even find out. The reason I've had such a hard time with all of this is because this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And when I mess things up I'm the kind of person that says this needs to be done right now. Now, now, now. And I'm having to be patient now, wait for answers, and wait for time to go by again until he can come here.
If you feel that sure it will work between you then what is needed in this situation is cash.You should help him build up cash so he can come over for a few weeks.If you are not working first thing you need do is get a job to put together $500.00 and he can pull from his benefits and in 4 weeks he can jet over to alabama.Might turn out to be the best investment you've ever made for your life.
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Old Mar 23rd 2008, 10:27 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I'm definitely going to help him as much as possible so he can come here. I'm not sure what he'd need to say though. I guess he's coming to visit his girlfriend, but show all of his proof that he's going back. I guess all I can do is cross my fingers.
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Old Apr 2nd 2008, 2:42 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
I just wonder since he wants to come here anyway if it'd be easier for him to come here. I just want to be with him, I don't care if we have to live in a hut in Antarctica for crying out loud. I don't even know what kind of visa to apply for, if they'll understand my side, etc. All I know is I got my passport back with the black cross through the stamp, sent on my merry way, and now I'm staying with my brother. The immigration officer told me all I had to do was apply for a visa, but I just don't believe it's as simple as that. I keep thinking back, if I would've just said two weeks. But, Paul, my b/f, told the immigration officer he'd buy me a ticket back, right then, but she said no it was too late. How can they be so insensitive. I screamed for him, I was begging her to let me see him. I cried and told her I loved him and I asked her to please just let me see him through the glass. I pleaded with her, I was on my hands and knees, and she said no. That just keeps replaying in my mind over and over. I know it wasn't her fault, she was doing her job. It's because I was so close to him, and he heard me yelling for him. I wasn't mean to anyone or anything like that, they were nice people, it just hurt. I'm sorry for venting. It's like no one understands and now I've found people that do and I want to say it aloud. Again I'm so sorry.
melissajean I'm so sorry, I had a run in with them when I was returning home years ago as a teen. they are such jerks it all depends who you get and you got the wrong one. here's the deal: whether you or your boyfriend travel you have to have a Round Trip ticket, even if its for say 3 weeks, you can always change the date on your ticket later on for a small fee, ok. so even if he comes here he has to have a round trip ticket, just book some dates, now the problem is you didnt have enough money for 2 or 3 months, you should just get him to fly here with his rt ticket and have about 1000 to spend, now when he comes in dont mention Anything about staying or having a fiance or anything...just keep it simple, have him say he is visiting america, when and if they ask for an address just give the local holiday inn, if they ask why alabama he can say he likes the foliage or some bs...feel free to email me i have been through this many times and you just have to play the game and tell them what they want to hear..ok. good luck.
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Old Apr 7th 2008, 11:16 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

The first time my Texan OH and I met was in 2002 when she first visited me in the UK for a three week stay, so that we could 'assess our compatibility' in person after a full twelve months online, phone calls etc, getting to know each other. She booked a return ticket and stayed for three weeks. No problem with immigration. It was her first visit to this part of the world.

You booked a one way ticket. Mistake.

I remember saying to my OH before she flew over to see me that if she and I were nor compatible during her stay, she would be treated as a guest. As it so turned out we were (and still are) compatible.

Later that same year I visited my OH in Texas. After two years back and forth across the pond, we got engaged. My OH applied for a Fiancee's Visa from the British Embassy in LA, giving proof of our relationship (photos, visits etc). No problem. In 2004 we got married in the UK.

There are systems through which one has to manoeuvre - immigration systems. It's not like hopping on to a bus. Do your research, get it right = no problems (assuming both you and the guy you planned to visit are 'clean').

Hope all works out next time around.

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Last edited by britex01; Apr 7th 2008 at 11:19 am.
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Old Apr 7th 2008, 3:39 pm
  #67  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by marcelle38 View Post
just keep it simple, have him say he is visiting america, when and if they ask for an address just give the local holiday inn, if they ask why alabama he can say he likes the foliage or some bs.
Ach no, simplication yes, bullshit no. Visiting friends, wanted to see the US a bit, going back to the grindstone in the UK.
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Old Apr 11th 2008, 1:45 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Not sure that you can call somebody you have never met a GF.

I would probably get together an itinerary for what I am going to do, so I can tell them where I am staying, what I am visiting etc etc.

I did once turn up just knowing the State I was visiting, I knew no better then, but it was only for a long weekend so unknowingly all the other answers were fine.

He might want to wait until he has a job, got some money and then can take a 2 week holiday.

PS They did ther job, and compared to the treatment he would have got had it been the other way around, you got off lightly.
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Old Apr 13th 2008, 2:53 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I don't even know where to start with this, but somehow I can't resist replying.

Melissa, you are 27 years old and have life experience... yet you gave up your house and job to buy a one-way ticket to stay with someone you've never met IRL. That is not just naive, it's ridiculously stupid. Did you give details of this guy to your parents or friends or anyone?

I agree with everyone else. Before you worry about where to live, or how to work etc... you should get a job, and a house to live. Then make plans to visit your friend (meaning temporary, with enough cash and a return ticket) or have him visit you. And watch out for your own safety, for god's sake.
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Old Apr 16th 2008, 2:03 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Since I was refused entry to the UK, I'm assuming it's best to not go back there right away. So, he'll just have to come here
I really feel for you, but one thing that has been posted on this thread is true:

IT IS FAR MORE DIFFICULT TO GO TO THE USA THAN THE UK!!! Fact! as i understand it, you can come to the UK for up to 6 months if you can show that you are here for a visit and have the means to support yourself 'with no recourse to public funds' (welfare grabbing basically). It need not be such a chore, but look at it rather like an information gathering exercise. Lawyers go into court armed with facts right? So, do the same......i have a US girlfriend and we met last November. She has just spent 7 days here having NEVER left the USA. Immigration asked her questions and she stated that she was visiting her boyfriend.

To my understanding, the main thing all border crossing want to see is a return ticket and will not be drain on resources. I am headlong into delving through US immigration policy and it can be disheartening at times, particularly like yourself that I am not sure if I want to get married right away purely to simplify the process if being together? However, with some careful planning and gathering evidence, whilst doing everything legally.....all good things come to those who wait.

But, the UK is far easier to navigate than the US in terms of visa policy etc. I should know, we have had a enormous influx of EU citizens (one of them my ex-wife!!) and if everything is legitimate then they should be no reason to be worried.

Do not be discouraged by one negative (albeit scary) experience..
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Old Apr 16th 2008, 2:16 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Now let me ask a question...say I go over there round trip ticket in tow. Do I need a visa for just a visit? Are they still likely to detain me? Should I go back thru Heathrow? And finally do I have to stay in a motel? Can I stay with him or his mom or sister? The reason I am asking is because when I go back over there if I do it right away I will have hardly any money. I left my job when I left to go to Ipswich. So, either I'm going to have to get another job here and work for a while and try to take off, which will be hard. Or find out if I can go soon and get his mom to say she's going to support me until I leave. Now he's supposed to start back work, he's going to see if he can get released from the doctor. I just don't know which route to take. I dunno, if I were them, I would probably wonder about me coming back so fast. Considering I just got booted last Wednesday.


right.....firstly stop panicking....secondly: 1.return ticket 2. money 3.not all immigration eyes are on you when u walk in? 4. one thing at a time 5. return ticket 6.short stay like maybe 3-4 weeks 6. nothing wrong with taking a holiday i nthe UK to see some of the sights of London is there???

It will work out.....and what i found DOES NOT help me is focusing on the bigger issues of immingration and why we can't just all move anywhere.....this is not an ideal world. I have the same problem but can only come to the US for 90 days max......whereas you have 6 months, but i too am learning a lot on this forum and listen to helpful comments.....not stupid ones??? Ok?
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Old Apr 16th 2008, 2:35 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
So even if I have money, a sponsor, and a return ticket I still may not be granted entry because I made a mistake as a first time traveller. Well excuse me for saying so, but that is bull****. This is not fair, the only thing I did was love and care about someone. Both of our countries let terrorists, illegals in every single day, yet I can't even travel to see someone I love?:curse:
Hey, i am watching this thread with interest....particlarly due to the night shift i am working at the moment

DO NOT BE GOVERNED BY YOUR EMOTIONS OR RESENTMENT TOWARDS AUTHORITY!! you sound like me......YES there are political,economic problems etc with regards immigration..........but FORGET IT!!

The question is: where do YOU want to go from here?/ i don't see your boyfriend on here asking questions????

Running on resentment is dangerous! You keep mentioning 'sponsors'?? what do you mean 'sponsor'??? all you NEED to show border control is that you have enough money to support yourself while on a visit?/ come to the UK as a tourist?? why are u involving all these other people: mothers etc??/ it is surely to do with you and your boyfriend right??

It can all work out, 2 Q's......1: does HE visit you in US 2. do YOU visit him in the UK?????

keep calm and sse what happens????

http://www.bia.homeoffice.gov.uk/

DO RESEARCH!!

sorry to sound like a brat, but i speak from experience about why running on emotion and basing my life decisions solely on it can get you into trouble....not to mention making rash and quick decisions
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Old Apr 24th 2008, 4:06 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Was reading this with interest and would love to know what the outcome...if any...was.

Pretty sure I can imagine
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Old Apr 30th 2008, 7:14 am
  #74  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

YEAH - I too want to know what happened to the century's biggest love story - better than reading a book - a story line in a book wouldn't be so stupid.
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Old Apr 30th 2008, 9:59 pm
  #75  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I have a question, why get a one-way ticket in the 1st place?

I've always found one-way tickets to be more expensive than a standard return ticket.

At least it is from Canada to the UK.
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