Sophies1992

Ok , so I don’t think I updated

2020 applied for my husbands visa in November
January 2021 he arrived in uk

since he got here all he has done has been unfaithful.
I have given him chance after chance .
my heart is actually broke and I don’t recognise the person I am now.

We have had many fights, police has been called by neighbours ect.
And their has been violence on both parts. Which I’m not proud of but when he first hit me I was so shocked, it was after that I decided I need to fight back and show him he can’t do that to me.

so my question and what I need help with is he has videos of when I have hit him in retaliation but on the videos it doesn’t look that way, on many occasions he takes my phone off me so I’m unable to record him , although I do have evidence of his cheating and some pictures of what he has done to me.
He has threatened that he will fight me in court to stay in the country and basically ruin my life even more. As he says I’m the abuser. Which couldn’t be further than the truth but as he has videos scared if that was the case the court will take his side.
I know the steps I need to take , I need to contact the home office by email and tell them our marriage is over. But I don’t know where I stand on him wanting to fight to stay in the country and accuse me of being the abuser.
He works as a warehouse operative so he doesn’t have a skilled job.

Any advice would be appreciated

Sophies1992

I should add he is on a spousal visa so next October will need to apply for the other 2.5 years .

SanDiegogirl

Inform HO of breakdown of marriage, get a divorce lawyer and don't sponsor him for spouse extention.

Sophies1992

could he take me to court though, and use those videos against me ? Could he fight to stay in the country ?

SanDiegogirl

Yes, of course he can, which is why YOU have to have legal advice and support.

He can't take you to court for not sponsoring him for the spouse visa extention though.........

Sophies1992

I don’t have any money to get a lawyer, since he came here he has been saving and I been paying all the bills. So how do i go about things ? Go to citizens advice maybe ?

SanDiegogirl

Yes .... or a legal aid lawyer

spouse of scouse

I'm sorry things haven't worked out Sophie. I'd encourage you to call this service for women who have/are experiencing domestic abuse https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en/What-is-abuse


Domestic abuse isn't 'just' physical violence. It also encompasses threats, gaslighting, intimidation and preventing you from using your phone - all methods your husband appears to be using. If you didn't freely and without coercion agree to your husband keeping/saving his salary while you pay all the bills, then this is financial abuse.

Talk through your options with the domestic abuse service. My main concern for you at the moment is that you're safe. While informing the Home Office that your marriage has broken down is a necessary step, it also comes with the risk of your husband's abuse escalating. They should be able to point you in the direction of legal assistance, should your husband act on his threat of legal action against you for physical violence.

But first and foremost you need to be somewhere safe, free from the threat of abuse from your husband. The rest of the stuff you need to do can follow on from that.

Best of luck, you sound like a strong woman and you'll get through this and get your life back.

theoldgit

Maybe he's planning to seek ILR by claiming to be a victim of domestic abuse, https://www.gov.uk/indefinite-leave-...violence-abuse

spouse of scouse

Maybe, and maybe his threats are empty and just another form of abuse.

theoldgit

Yes, probably on both counts, but some do play this game, and the OP needs to be aware that it's something he could have in mind.

Sophies1992

It’s just taking that step to get help and I need to pluck up the courage with.

My thoughts are just to get my own place and move out everything whilst he is at work and he won’t know where I have gone then, only issue is we are both on the current tenancy and it’s my money that was used as the deposit.

I know I’ve have been abused by him financially, emotionally and physically. I’m just scared of the outcome on how he is going to portray me.

Sophies1992

He has already said to me when he takes me to court the court won’t want to hear sentiments he has all the facts and evidence, it’s just scary that I’ve allowed this to happen, and he has threatened to send videos to my work my family.

I paid for his visa I paid for everything and whilst he has been here he has Hardly paid nothing and managed to save £1000s and send it back home whilst I have struggled .

The other financial issue I have is he has a car that we both share but it’s in my name and he makes the payments. I’ve told him, that by law it’s my car. I don’t have a car currently. So my plan is to keep the car as I don’t want him keeping something that’s in my name .

any advice on that?

spouse of scouse

Sophie, you need to speak to professionals. I can only say what I'd do.
1. Ring the domestic abuse line and get their support and advice. Everything else can follow from that.

I know it can be scary to contact a service like this, but what's the alternative? You can sit alone and stress about all the different parts of the problem, or you can get some trained and supportive guidance. Do you have any family or close friends there who can give you a bit of support?