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not easy here
My husband I and our 4 young children made to move to Vancouver in August 2008. I can't say it was easy!! in fact very hard, extremly expensive and stressful. We bought the house we had been renting in as we could not cope with moving the kids all over again- and we had settled into this neigbourhood and made friends ect. Now we are skint all the time and we both have to wotk- me part time as a nurse doing mainly night shifts as the childcare is too expensive and we are still paying things off in the UK. I feel now we should have waiting longer to make the move from the UK! don't know if it was the rite thing to do- feeling a bit homesick and fustrated its going to cost over 5K to have a visit home and thats if we can fit it into my husbands leave from work for the yr- he only gets 3 weeks but never can take 2 weeks at a time!! his job is the pits- works all hrs god sends and does not get paid for working any extra hrs above his already full time hrs. he carries a pager which goes off all hrs of the night and he has to respond, he works bank holidays and weekends alot of the time... and we didn't plan on it but we found out the other week i am pregnant with baby number 5!!(which was a accident...) im missing the chinese crispy duck and peking sauce you can get from the UK with them pancakes and also the crispy seaweed- can't find it any were here- anyone no were we can get it?? I have to say i have alot of regret.. maybe i'll feel different given time.. i know if we went back to the UK i'd miss the lovely people and friends we've met and the great days out in the mountains (when we get chance!)
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Re: not easy here
Keep at it. I know it sounds difficult, but perhaps consider cutting non-essentials. Do you need a car? downgrade house for a while???
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Re: not easy here
edit- oops
Double post. |
Re: not easy here
Hi - Sorry things are tough. Working nights must make it doubly hard with young children. But the good thing is, you know what you don't like, so you can change it.
Are there ways you can get round the childcare situation so you're not needing to work nights? As Karl said, maybe there is a way you can cut expenses. Can your husband look for a job with better conditions, or re-negotiate with his current employers? Being on call 24/7 is hard work. I know how impossible it can seem when things aren't going to plan but knowing what things you want to change is half the battle to getting there. |
Re: not easy here
What field of work is your husband engaged in?
On Call surely not 24/7 365 (there are employment rules here you know). Vancouver as Calgary are not cheap places to live (unless you purchased your property prior to the big boom), on a single income with four children you need to be earning at least $120k and that level will not afford regular family trips back to the UK or annual holidays to Disney. Anyone considering moving to the large western Canadian cities need understand the level of income they will need to support themselves and their families. In many ways the cost of living is close to parity with the UK (except gas for the moment). |
Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by l green
(Post 8468935)
My husband I and our 4 young children made to move to Vancouver in August 2008. I can't say it was easy!! in fact very hard, extremly expensive and stressful. We bought the house we had been renting in as we could not cope with moving the kids all over again- and we had settled into this neigbourhood and made friends ect. Now we are skint all the time and we both have to wotk- me part time as a nurse doing mainly night shifts as the childcare is too expensive and we are still paying things off in the UK. I feel now we should have waiting longer to make the move from the UK! don't know if it was the rite thing to do- feeling a bit homesick and fustrated its going to cost over 5K to have a visit home and thats if we can fit it into my husbands leave from work for the yr- he only gets 3 weeks but never can take 2 weeks at a time!! his job is the pits- works all hrs god sends and does not get paid for working any extra hrs above his already full time hrs. he carries a pager which goes off all hrs of the night and he has to respond, he works bank holidays and weekends alot of the time... and we didn't plan on it but we found out the other week i am pregnant with baby number 5!!(which was a accident...) im missing the chinese crispy duck and peking sauce you can get from the UK with them pancakes and also the crispy seaweed- can't find it any were here- anyone no were we can get it?? I have to say i have alot of regret.. maybe i'll feel different given time.. i know if we went back to the UK i'd miss the lovely people and friends we've met and the great days out in the mountains (when we get chance!)
Are you there on WP ? if so can you apply for PR so you can choose where you work ? of course you can always look for work and re apply for another WP if that is the only way at the moment, Without asking too many questions when will your debts be paid back here in UK ? is there any way of raising any cash ? Like others have said can you cut your costs in any way ? What about changing your mortgage to extend slightly ? sorry probably already thought of all this if your like me, Hope you sort things out, good luck and take care :wub: |
Re: not easy here
I hear you on the crispy aromatic duck and pancakes dish. I really miss this too. I am going to try and make it myself this year.
Emigration isnt easy and we experienced lots of wobbles through the first 2 years. I think we are just finally settling in after arriving in Nov 2005, this year seems easier already and we are really looking forward to the summer and have no plans to go back to the UK for the next 24 months (unless situations dictate we have to go back). Once employed it is easier to get another job than starting from scratch. Keep focused on your new life and looking at how to improve your position to get over the emigration blues. Good luck! David |
Re: not easy here
Yes we have permanant residency and my husband has been looking for a different job although he hasn't had much look finding a job in IT that totally fits his skills. He is highly skilled and got lots of management experience, truth is i think he's worried he's going to make another mistake, been 'under the thumb' of a un appreciative, work all hrs job again. Its not all doom and gloom i soppose, i just wish for a bit of freedom from it all- a rest for a couple of weeks (doesn't everybody tho!)- looking forward to summer here tho if only we could get more time off together. Another big mistake was rushing into getting a car each when we first came here. We got a lease car each- now i seem to be tied in a really need to get rid of mine and manage with the one- this would free up loads of money as the insurance is over 2K per yr and the monthly lease over $300 a month- guna post the lease today and try and get rid- selling the lease is my only option unless i give the car back but then I will get a really bad credit rating, apparently so bad and as bad as a house repo! great!! fingers crossed it will all work out!:fingerscrossed:
coffeepot;8471981]Sounds tough on all of you, congratulations on the baby though, im sure if OH can get a better paid job without all hours on call then things will seem so much brighter, Are you there on WP ? if so can you apply for PR so you can choose where you work ? of course you can always look for work and re apply for another WP if that is the only way at the moment, Without asking too many questions when will your debts be paid back here in UK ? is there any way of raising any cash ? Like others have said can you cut your costs in any way ? What about changing your mortgage to extend slightly ? sorry probably already thought of all this if your like me, Hope you sort things out, good luck and take care :wub:[/QUOTE] |
Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by sparkling_gal
(Post 8470633)
Hi - Sorry things are tough. Working nights must make it doubly hard with young children. But the good thing is, you know what you don't like, so you can change it.
Are there ways you can get round the childcare situation so you're not needing to work nights? As Karl said, maybe there is a way you can cut expenses. Can your husband look for a job with better conditions, or re-negotiate with his current employers? Being on call 24/7 is hard work. I know how impossible it can seem when things aren't going to plan but knowing what things you want to change is half the battle to getting there. We should really have thought about the whole thing more before rushing out here. financillay we were a bit stupid. After loosing my dad in the UK very suddenly before we came out think part of it was running away from all the memories and pain of the loss plus we didn't want to come out here when my son was getting much older- he's 8 now and i know as children get older, house moves get harder! |
Re: not easy here
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Re: not easy here
Hey I Green - we moved to Van in Dec 2008 and I hear you and your probs - if you want a chat / coffee, there area few of us Brit ladies that get together - give me a pm :)
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Re: not easy here
[QUOTE=l green;8472114]Yes we have permanant residency and my husband has been looking for a different job although he hasn't had much look finding a job in IT that totally fits his skills. He is highly skilled and got lots of management experience, truth is i think he's worried he's going to make another mistake, been 'under the thumb' of a un appreciative, work all hrs job again. Its not all doom and gloom i soppose, i just wish for a bit of freedom from it all- a rest for a couple of weeks (doesn't everybody tho!)- looking forward to summer here tho if only we could get more time off together. Another big mistake was rushing into getting a car each when we first came here. We got a lease car each- now i seem to be tied in a really need to get rid of mine and manage with the one- this would free up loads of money as the insurance is over 2K per yr and the monthly lease over $300 a month- guna post the lease today and try and get rid- selling the lease is my only option unless i give the car back but then I will get a really bad credit rating, apparently so bad and as bad as a house repo! great!! fingers crossed it will all work out!:fingerscrossed:
Have you seen the IT thread with links to jobs ? sorry don't know how to post it :blink: maybe he needs to do a little training himself to adapt to what jobs are there, my OH has done this to make himself more marketable in what has been a very hard work place ( during the recession ) He is IT and has been looking at jobs for a while, in Canada there are definately IT jobs out there and more coming with things picking up, same as here in the UK, OH gets jobs through daily which he hasn't for about 2 years. I really hope your husband can get another job and soon, keep looking there is one there somewhere :fingerscrossed: Good idea to get rid of your car, have to look at what you will save monthly not what it has cost you ( sorry not trying to sound harsh or anything ) We have been there and its hard i know, also had a baby thrown into the equation plus a lot of other crap so i do know how you are feeling :wub: It must have been hard loosing your dad, maybe you haven't grieved properly for him yet, i can here some possitive vibes in your post and hardship aside a baby is such a blessing :wub: Stay strong and things will improve, get together with Carrie ( 4 bells ) she is a tonic at anytime ;) |
Re: not easy here
Aww schucks cp :wub:
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Re: not easy here
probably a stupid idea, as you'd have to check the regs and insurances and the like you'd need, but if you're already providing daycare for 4 (soon 5! - congrats!) then is it worth you setting up as an in house daycare? It'd provide your kids and some other kids with care and you'd save the childcare costs and be there with them all the time if you could use it to replace your job?
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Re: not easy here
Caitlin has a good idea. I know lots of mums who have done that. If it's under a certain number of kids (I think 3, or maybe 4) you don't need to get licensed. And you could work during the day, instead of nights. Full time per kid you could be looking at 500-700 each (thereabouts).
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Re: not easy here
My hubby never managed to find a job in IT, now he has given up as his skills are behind. He is now a handyman with a degree!
So sorry to hear about your problems- I can sympathise. We are actually in the process of deciding whether to go back, we have been here since 2002. One piece of advice- stick it out to get your Canadian citizenship, because if you do go back, if you dont like it ( some are ping pongers) then at least you can come back and you have'nt burnt your bridges! The UK always looks nice from afar- go to the thread 50's 60's in Return to UK- its an interesting read! |
Re: not easy here
gues its a case of the grass isn't always greener - it must be tough living so far from family and friends and thus no support
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Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by dorsetgal
(Post 8514098)
gues its a case of the grass isn't always greener - it must be tough living so far from family and friends and thus no support
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Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by shelley748
(Post 8514546)
Definitely Dorset Gal- I came from Dorset -Poole
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Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by nikki dreaming
(Post 8515367)
ah, I am from Bournemouth/Christchurch Dorset:thumbup:
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Re: not easy here
Gee - really sorry to read this. You're right it can be really tough. Not everyone who emigrates goes through the same experience. And it certainly sounds like you've been through a lot.
People will tell you the grass is NOT greener. But I'm sure you know that. This expression is valid but it really doesn't help in matters such as this. We have to look at things objectively and there's nothing wrong with reaching the conclusion that you're better off moving back. There is a forum for exactly that and I recommend that you take some time to read threads there. Not to convince yourself to leave canada and return to UK, you understand. But to see that there's nothing necessarily wrong with this decision. And there are people who do this and don't regret it. That forum would also be an excellent resource to help if you go down this path. You won't mind me noticing that you have a big family there. I presume you have no family out here. In my experience Canadians don't seem to step in and help as quickly as Brits. They'll stand by and watch people go through a crisis and even a breakdown. They'll be judgemental but won't step in with constructive assistance. I believe this to be a cultural thing. Whatever it is it makes struggling in Canada very much more difficult. Regarding the delicious chinese food that is just mysteriously not available here, I learned to make it myself. I haven't yet found crispy duck. They have duck here, but for some reason one of the favourite chinese dishes just doesn't seem to exist in any comparable way. In fact now I think about it, there's many many basic foods that Canada doesn't seem to have. It wouldn't be so bad if they had their own range of delicious alternatives. But I find Canadian food pretty dull. Well anyway good luck with your decisions and don't be afraid of grabbing life by the curlies and making it work for you. PM me if you need support or advice. I'm in Vancouver too and my own experience may help put things into perspective for you. Cheers
Originally Posted by l green
(Post 8468935)
My husband I and our 4 young children made to move to Vancouver in August 2008. I can't say it was easy!! in fact very hard, extremly expensive and stressful. We bought the house we had been renting in as we could not cope with moving the kids all over again- and we had settled into this neigbourhood and made friends ect. Now we are skint all the time and we both have to wotk- me part time as a nurse doing mainly night shifts as the childcare is too expensive and we are still paying things off in the UK. I feel now we should have waiting longer to make the move from the UK! don't know if it was the rite thing to do- feeling a bit homesick and fustrated its going to cost over 5K to have a visit home and thats if we can fit it into my husbands leave from work for the yr- he only gets 3 weeks but never can take 2 weeks at a time!! his job is the pits- works all hrs god sends and does not get paid for working any extra hrs above his already full time hrs. he carries a pager which goes off all hrs of the night and he has to respond, he works bank holidays and weekends alot of the time... and we didn't plan on it but we found out the other week i am pregnant with baby number 5!!(which was a accident...) im missing the chinese crispy duck and peking sauce you can get from the UK with them pancakes and also the crispy seaweed- can't find it any were here- anyone no were we can get it?? I have to say i have alot of regret.. maybe i'll feel different given time.. i know if we went back to the UK i'd miss the lovely people and friends we've met and the great days out in the mountains (when we get chance!)
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Re: not easy here
thanks for all the advice. Things have really took a turn for the worse now as we sadly found out 2 weeks ago that my pregnancy had ended as my baby had died- i was 18 weeks along and when we went for ultrasound there was no heart beat. I had to ask my family Dr twice for a ultrasound prior to finding out as she said and insisted that my baby was fine despite the fact that she could not find the fetal heart! she said the baby was just lying toward the back and that it was just been a 'bugger' were her words. After i returned to her office on 2 occassions and she still couldnt find it she reluctantly said she would book me for a ultrasound- but had to wait till the following week!- not happy i went on my jolly way and went to work at the hospital on the Sunday- i was worried about it so went to the maternity dept that day at work and had the staff there try to find the heart beat. the nurse couldn't find it so called a Dr and then he brought the U/S and together we found my perfect little baby just lying there but the heart wasn't beating! they said baby had died 2 weeks prior and if we hadnt have found out i would have become very sick- they said the baby would have to be out in a matter of just a couple of days.
This has left us totally devastated and yes we have 4 gorgeous kids to be blessed with but it doesn't replace the one we lost. Had to have time off work most of it unpaid as my sick hrs ran out and im not entitled to any compasionate leave as they said this was due to the early gestation of the baby- so it ull be back to work for me!Love my job but feel as if the stress of all the night shifts and lack of sleep did this to me! I wish I could post a happy, positive comment but really at the moment thats quite hard. We are really lucky to have made some lovely friends out here and they have been so helpful lately while i was in hospital ect having my baby and so im really thankful for that. Got babys ashes at the weekend which in a sad kind of way brings us closer to Canada as even though it ended so horrid i had my Canada baby! Our baby was taken on our wedding anniversary of all days. Honestly I feel i could write a book about our goings on- just a shame its not particularly a happy, positive one! Sorry to moan moan moan, Just nice to get it off my chest. |
Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by l green
(Post 8524976)
thanks for all the advice. Things have really took a turn for the worse now as we sadly found out 2 weeks ago that my pregnancy had ended as my baby had died- i was 18 weeks along and when we went for ultrasound there was no heart beat. I had to ask my family Dr twice for a ultrasound prior to finding out as she said and insisted that my baby was fine despite the fact that she could not find the fetal heart! she said the baby was just lying toward the back and that it was just been a 'bugger' were her words. After i returned to her office on 2 occassions and she still couldnt find it she reluctantly said she would book me for a ultrasound- but had to wait till the following week!- not happy i went on my jolly way and went to work at the hospital on the Sunday- i was worried about it so went to the maternity dept that day at work and had the staff there try to find the heart beat. the nurse couldn't find it so called a Dr and then he brought the U/S and together we found my perfect little baby just lying there but the heart wasn't beating! they said baby had died 2 weeks prior and if we hadnt have found out i would have become very sick- they said the baby would have to be out in a matter of just a couple of days.
This has left us totally devastated and yes we have 4 gorgeous kids to be blessed with but it doesn't replace the one we lost. Had to have time off work most of it unpaid as my sick hrs ran out and im not entitled to any compasionate leave as they said this was due to the early gestation of the baby- so it ull be back to work for me!Love my job but feel as if the stress of all the night shifts and lack of sleep did this to me! I wish I could post a happy, positive comment but really at the moment thats quite hard. We are really lucky to have made some lovely friends out here and they have been so helpful lately while i was in hospital ect having my baby and so im really thankful for that. Got babys ashes at the weekend which in a sad kind of way brings us closer to Canada as even though it ended so horrid i had my Canada baby! Our baby was taken on our wedding anniversary of all days. Honestly I feel i could write a book about our goings on- just a shame its not particularly a happy, positive one! Sorry to moan moan moan, Just nice to get it off my chest. |
Re: not easy here
count me in too..sorry for your loss :(
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Re: not easy here
I'm so sorry for your loss x
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Re: not easy here
You should be able to find some excellent chinese food in Richmond, and Burnaby, whatever you do dont go to china town because its terrible there - china town has definetly moved to Richmond these days - there is some chinese mall there with a pretty good dimsum place.
Also my fiancee and I (im a recent immigrant - actually just became PR 3 weeks ago) really wanted to move to Vancouver but its one of the most expensive cities in the world these days. We looked at a 3br house with garage (same sort of house as our one in Calgary) in the Richmond, and Burnaby area and it would of cost us $950k. Also the jobs are terrible I also work in IT and the jobs that there are when I looked which is not many. They also pay nothing compared to Calgary. Its pretty disapointing. My advice would be to either move further out of Vancouver or to move to another city. |
Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by nzwasp
(Post 8531783)
You should be able to find some excellent chinese food in Richmond, and Burnaby, whatever you do dont go to china town because its terrible there - china town has definetly moved to Richmond these days - there is some chinese mall there with a pretty good dimsum place.
Also my fiancee and I (im a recent immigrant - actually just became PR 3 weeks ago) really wanted to move to Vancouver but its one of the most expensive cities in the world these days. We looked at a 3br house with garage (same sort of house as our one in Calgary) in the Richmond, and Burnaby area and it would of cost us $950k. Also the jobs are terrible I also work in IT and the jobs that there are when I looked which is not many. They also pay nothing compared to Calgary. Its pretty disapointing. My advice would be to either move further out of Vancouver or to move to another city. |
Re: not easy here
I'm so sorry to hear how things have been for you and your family. I'm sorry for your loss and hope with all my heart things begin to improve. If you can access some counselling you may find you get some peace from it and start to see things more clearly and will be less overwhelmed with "everything" as you must be at the moment.
All the very best to you and yours:) Positive vibes going out to you, Mrs M x |
Re: not easy here
Im so sorry to hear what has happened,:wub: I hope things improve for you and your family whatever you decide to do, please remember there is always a shoulder on here and help if you need it,
Not everyone reads this section, may be an idea if you have more questions to ask in the maple etc. Try and go for a coffee with 4 Bells ( Carrie ) im sure it will help to talk to someone that will understand some of what you are going through x |
Re: not easy here
I've only just read this thread and my heart aches for you too.
I wonder if it's worth looking at Calgary though, (though it's not exactly cheap here!) or elsewhere where OH might get a more suitable job... I know you feel the kids don't cope well with change, but after coping with the move over here, they probably won't make such a big deal of it as you will! It's worth looking at anyway. We love living in Calgary btw. The blue skies and sunshine (today for instance) more than make up for the perceived cold weather. Take care honey. |
Re: not easy here
Sorry for that things aren't improving for you and that you lost your baby. I had a miscarriage last year - it wasn't nice but it helped to keep reminding myself that there was probably something wrong with the baby, for me to miscarry.
Don't know if that will work for you but it might make you feel a bit better. I know it's difficult to focus on the positive when one thing after another goes wrong but if you don't stay hopeful, it will really get you down. Crossing my fingers that things will improve for you soon.
Originally Posted by l green
(Post 8524976)
thanks for all the advice. Things have really took a turn for the worse now as we sadly found out 2 weeks ago that my pregnancy had ended as my baby had died- i was 18 weeks along and when we went for ultrasound there was no heart beat. I had to ask my family Dr twice for a ultrasound prior to finding out as she said and insisted that my baby was fine despite the fact that she could not find the fetal heart! she said the baby was just lying toward the back and that it was just been a 'bugger' were her words. After i returned to her office on 2 occassions and she still couldnt find it she reluctantly said she would book me for a ultrasound- but had to wait till the following week!- not happy i went on my jolly way and went to work at the hospital on the Sunday- i was worried about it so went to the maternity dept that day at work and had the staff there try to find the heart beat. the nurse couldn't find it so called a Dr and then he brought the U/S and together we found my perfect little baby just lying there but the heart wasn't beating! they said baby had died 2 weeks prior and if we hadnt have found out i would have become very sick- they said the baby would have to be out in a matter of just a couple of days.
This has left us totally devastated and yes we have 4 gorgeous kids to be blessed with but it doesn't replace the one we lost. Had to have time off work most of it unpaid as my sick hrs ran out and im not entitled to any compasionate leave as they said this was due to the early gestation of the baby- so it ull be back to work for me!Love my job but feel as if the stress of all the night shifts and lack of sleep did this to me! I wish I could post a happy, positive comment but really at the moment thats quite hard. We are really lucky to have made some lovely friends out here and they have been so helpful lately while i was in hospital ect having my baby and so im really thankful for that. Got babys ashes at the weekend which in a sad kind of way brings us closer to Canada as even though it ended so horrid i had my Canada baby! Our baby was taken on our wedding anniversary of all days. Honestly I feel i could write a book about our goings on- just a shame its not particularly a happy, positive one! Sorry to moan moan moan, Just nice to get it off my chest. |
Re: not easy here
Originally Posted by Journeyman Electrician
(Post 8471974)
Vancouver as Calgary are not cheap places to live (unless you purchased your property prior to the big boom), on a single income with four children you need to be earning at least $120k and that level will not afford regular family trips back to the UK or annual holidays to Disney. |
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