TrishP

Just realised about 5 minutes ago that my 9 year Canniversary came and went earlier this week without even filtering into my consciousness. Have had major changes in my life since moving here ... booted husband out and divorced him 6 months after arriving, moved from rural NW Ontario to Ottawa, met and married current hubby, had a baby ...

Have been feeling increasingly homesick lately, something that I've never felt since I moved here. S'pose it may have something to do with not wanting my almost 2 year old to grow up speaking in whiny Canadian nasal tones. However, the UK government has made it so bloody awkward for me to go back with a non-British spouse that I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is, that I don't want to die in Canada and the longer time goes on, the boredom of living here and the lack of culture might just kill me!

plasticcanuck

You're a really unhappy bunny. I had a glance back at some of your previous posts and you really need to get out of Canada, by hook or by crook. You've even now resorted to taking shots at the UK.

TrishP

Not really too sure what you mean by that, you make me out to be some sort of misery guts ... I just had a look back at my previous posts and all are more or less related to factual information to provide pointers for people based upon actual experiences. I wonder if, perhaps, as a relative newbie to Canada, you still have a touch of the ole rose-tinted specs.

As for taking shots at the UK, again that is based upon research - it's not a simple case any more of just moving over and sponsoring a non-UK spouse, but involves shed loads of money, time and bureaucracy ... I get why they've done it, as there are those who have abused the system, but it makes it incredibly difficult for a couple, where the British half is a stay-at-home parent by choice.

dishwashing

Hey don't feel bad, everyone just shares their experiences and I guess a lot is luck driven. 9 years is a long time, hope you find your happiness wherever you will be! Good travels!

TrishP

Having spent a good chunk of my life in Edinburgh, I can safely say that Ottawa is in no way comparable when it comes to dining, culture, humour or having a good time. I can feel myself wasting away here ... however, here is where I will be for the foreseeable :thumb down:
I didn't come to Canada because I was in any way peeved with the UK, I just came to check out living in another country, for the sense of adventure and doing something different with one's life. Now that I've been away for 9 years, I see just how bloody brilliant Scotland is!

plasticcanuck

Firstly, I'm anything but a newbie, but that's irrelevant. All I was saying was that you have stated you're bored and your posts indicate unhappiness. Why spend probably the best years of your life in that state/condition.
Edinburgh, around Princes Street is magnificent and the reason it's known as the Athens of the North. I've been and enjoyed it many times over the years. However, I regard the Central Belt of Scotland overall as a dump and would never return to live there. It looks depressed and worn-out.
Good luck with your attempts to return to your roots. Let's hope your Canadian partner and children are of the same frame of mind if/when they get there.

Lychee

Plan B if you're unable to return to the UK: escape Ottawa for Montreal, Toronto, or Vancouver. Ottawa isn't known as the most vibrant place in Canada for a reason.

TrishP

Oh, I hear ya! However, it's not so much the city (which is, incidentally, quite picturesque), but more the shallow Canadian culture ... all very friendly to your face and great to chat about the weather, but don't expect anything too deep in the way of friendship. It's the culture of inviting folks over and they don't respond to your invitation to the last minute, turn up half an hour late looking like they just fell out of bed in jeans and a scruffy old T-shirt, without so much as an apology, etc. I perceive much of the behaviour here to be rude as it is totally contrary to how I was brought up.
I love a good laugh, but it's pretty hard to come by here, the humour is so simplistic.
Whatever, I'm sure someone will be back in 5 minutes to tell me how wrong I am in how I'm perceiving it all, so I'm off ... I just remembered why I don't come on here very often any more and just lurk, too many people wanting to shoot others down fore their opinions.
See ya for another 9 years!

feelbritish

Hi I am going to add my penny's worth here too! I usually only lurk on the Canadian forums too because I do not feel that comfortable here. Go over to the MBTUK forums.

I joined in 2012 when I realised I was homesick not necessarily for UK but for a life I left and was very lonely when my OH went to work full time from being part time for years! I hated the work I did and was burnt out. I still think we may go back one day and I would have to get the spouse visa, my OH is the Brit and he would be retired. We have lots of savings but the immigration process is a pain.

We have tried to sell our house since April and no luck but I am now wondering if it was not such a bad thing? In the last month I have had a change of heart and we are looking at Canada in a different light. It helps that my OH has agreed that we can go "home" every year via UK for 3 months in the winter months here! He did not really want to leave and seeing him becoming more ill as the time got closer to our leaving made me change my mind. Also we went back in May this year and found the parking issues and crowded roads and shops got to us a bit. The Canadian dollar losing ground against the pound has also made us re-think our plans plus the chaos in the middle East and in Ukraine and uncertainty in EC also factors in.

The things you say about Canadians is so true but I am now just having to accept that and know a close "buddy" will not be emerging amongst them. I am trying now to get out and make a life for myself and hope that eventually I will feel more settled here.

I know this does not give you much hope or insight and I am waffling but thought I would just let you know that you are probably not alone. A lot of Brits will not admit they actually miss the UK and a lot probably cannot go home, even if they even if they wanted to, short of financial suicide!

Can your hubby transfer to another city like Vancouver or Victoria where you may feel more at home? Perhaps you need to go back also once a year to see your family and to look at UK without the proverbial tinted lenses or get your family to come out to see you?

Also have you discussed any of this with your OH?

You say you do not want your child to have a whiney Canadian Accent, well that depends on you, you can try and encourage them to speak however you like them to, even a watered down Scottish accent

Hugs to you

TrishP

Thx Feelbritish for the support. I wish we could go over every year, alas, thx to the Canadian government and the horrendous taxes on flights out of here, that's not possible. OH is willing to make the move, but just doesn't know what he would do for a living over there. Oh well, life goes on. I don't have a rose-tinted view of the UK in any shape or form, as I'm quite a down-to-earth, realistic type. It's the culture and humour I miss more than anything, having close friends, being able to go mountaineering in the Scottish hills, going to the pub to hang out (pubs here are all over-friendly happy smiling 'servers' trying to sell you food and move you on so they can have more bums on seats!) *sigh* Think I'll move on the the MBTUK forum and keep dreaming.

plasticcanuck

I re-read what I wrote in post#2 and I rest my case. You're extremely cynical about the Canadian way of life and it's making you quite resentful. And what exactly has the Canadian Government done to prevent you flying back to the UK regularly?
You really need to MBTUK.

TrishP

Asking you nicely to back off ... why is it so hard for people like to you to say something supportive when someone's having a difficult time?
As I said in my post, the Canadian and Ontario governments have made it hard as they have us taxed to death here, making flights home incredibly expensive when one doesn't live in a hub like Toronto.

If you have nothing nice or positive to say, please do not read or respond to my posts. Your aggressive tone is not welcome.

MillieF

TrishP, I am just going into my 3rd year here, so still very much a Newbie, but in many ways I feel very much the same. I miss the life I once led, I miss old friendships that no matter how much affection is involved the relationship can never be the same. I miss many things, but have now accepted that I will just have to accept it, as I can't change it in any way for the better without impacting negatively on my child or marriage. My son is sublimely happy "today" but told me the other day that the moment he finishes Uni, he will return to Europe, as life there was better

I have gained lots here too, in ways that I hadn't imagined, I've gained in self confidence and think I'm starting to feel happier in my own skin again....but it was a bigger battle than I had ever envisaged....there have been days when it's been a bit of a bleak abyss frankly.

I'll never have a proper friend I don't think, so I'm not going to try....lots of acquaintances, but in some ways it's made me more self sufficient.... I don't want to ever die! I've got too much I want to do.... but I definitely don't want to die in Canada!!!

Very best regards TrishP....well done on 9 years....life's is a journey it's not about where you end up, but the route you take to get there

feelbritish

I am actually going out to lunch today with a neighbour and a bunch of ladies, like Millie says, time to accept and make "acquaintances" if not friends and accept what I have at the moment and I am also not thinking too much about the future anymore! I will embrace what Canada offers and make myself happy here because my husband loves it! We do have a good life. It is just not "home" but I now wonder if I will ever have that "home" again?

MillieF

+ 1 in spades