6 Months Today and going back
Feb 8th 2012, 9:46 pm
#16
ModerĪ±tor Emeritus
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
Of course. But it's obvious BEFORE you leave a country to settle a new one that children are going to have difficulty and a painful readjustment period. That's par for the course. But 6 months is not long enough to settle into a new country. 16yrs is an awkward age anyway and most teenagers want their own way. I'm not suggesting that this is the case in this situation but that isn't long enough a period to have given settling into a new country a proper chance of success. So I hope there are other reasons of more substance so that later down the line the parents wont regret their decision to pull out before giving it a proper chance.
Ideally longer than 6 months would be better, but they did first post about problems a couple of months ago, so its no flash in the pan. Its their kids, their life, their decision.
Feb 8th 2012, 9:51 pm
#17
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,236
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
That's right and good luck to them. I hope that everything works out for them. I just hope anyone reading this thread who is thinking of making the move takes into account that sometimes children will difficult time readjusting and that it takes more time, sometimes (oftentimes).
Last edited by Elizabeth I; Feb 8th 2012 at 10:00 pm.
Feb 9th 2012, 9:15 pm
#18
Island life at last
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: BC
Posts: 2,715
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
It has been said on here a lot by other posters that they went through a few times when they were so homesick and/or disillusioned with Canada that they would have gone back to the UK if they had been able to.
Two years has not been an uncommon timescale for people to begin to feel that they are at all settled.
Children at that age can be quite resistant to change and also more sensitive to being different and not fitting in.
Giving up your new life due to a teenagers feelings isn't necessarily helping them or "taking into account their happiness", any more than a responsible parent would give in to a child's demands for sweets at every supermarket checkout.
Adults have the benefit of experience and can see past the immediate difficulties to the good things that are ahead and reassure themselves and their children that things will resolve.
Parents can help children to understand their feelings, put them into context and support them in working through issues in the early days when they are feeling lost.
If the OP would prefer to stay, maybe they and their children could be put in touch with some other local immigrant children who have made the transition successfully so that they have a positive input from folk who have had the same experience.
Most people feel sad and lonely and alien when they get to a new place and it takes a long time to fit in.
Teenagers can be stubborn and I know the emotional drain on parents during this time can be huge and it is hard to be strong, but if you do want to stay and think it is in the long term interests of you and your children to do so, try to explain that to them, get support and weather it through.
Hope everything works out for you all.
Two years has not been an uncommon timescale for people to begin to feel that they are at all settled.
Children at that age can be quite resistant to change and also more sensitive to being different and not fitting in.
Giving up your new life due to a teenagers feelings isn't necessarily helping them or "taking into account their happiness", any more than a responsible parent would give in to a child's demands for sweets at every supermarket checkout.
Adults have the benefit of experience and can see past the immediate difficulties to the good things that are ahead and reassure themselves and their children that things will resolve.
Parents can help children to understand their feelings, put them into context and support them in working through issues in the early days when they are feeling lost.
If the OP would prefer to stay, maybe they and their children could be put in touch with some other local immigrant children who have made the transition successfully so that they have a positive input from folk who have had the same experience.
Most people feel sad and lonely and alien when they get to a new place and it takes a long time to fit in.
Teenagers can be stubborn and I know the emotional drain on parents during this time can be huge and it is hard to be strong, but if you do want to stay and think it is in the long term interests of you and your children to do so, try to explain that to them, get support and weather it through.
Hope everything works out for you all.
Feb 9th 2012, 10:06 pm
#19
Living in the Truman Show
Joined: Jul 2011
Location: land of make believe
Posts: 265
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
It has been said on here a lot by other posters that they went through a few times when they were so homesick and/or disillusioned with Canada that they would have gone back to the UK if they had been able to.
Two years has not been an uncommon timescale for people to begin to feel that they are at all settled.
Children at that age can be quite resistant to change and also more sensitive to being different and not fitting in.
Giving up your new life due to a teenagers feelings isn't necessarily helping them or "taking into account their happiness", any more than a responsible parent would give in to a child's demands for sweets at every supermarket checkout.
Adults have the benefit of experience and can see past the immediate difficulties to the good things that are ahead and reassure themselves and their children that things will resolve.
Parents can help children to understand their feelings, put them into context and support them in working through issues in the early days when they are feeling lost.
If the OP would prefer to stay, maybe they and their children could be put in touch with some other local immigrant children who have made the transition successfully so that they have a positive input from folk who have had the same experience.
Most people feel sad and lonely and alien when they get to a new place and it takes a long time to fit in.
Teenagers can be stubborn and I know the emotional drain on parents during this time can be huge and it is hard to be strong, but if you do want to stay and think it is in the long term interests of you and your children to do so, try to explain that to them, get support and weather it through.
Hope everything works out for you all.
Two years has not been an uncommon timescale for people to begin to feel that they are at all settled.
Children at that age can be quite resistant to change and also more sensitive to being different and not fitting in.
Giving up your new life due to a teenagers feelings isn't necessarily helping them or "taking into account their happiness", any more than a responsible parent would give in to a child's demands for sweets at every supermarket checkout.
Adults have the benefit of experience and can see past the immediate difficulties to the good things that are ahead and reassure themselves and their children that things will resolve.
Parents can help children to understand their feelings, put them into context and support them in working through issues in the early days when they are feeling lost.
If the OP would prefer to stay, maybe they and their children could be put in touch with some other local immigrant children who have made the transition successfully so that they have a positive input from folk who have had the same experience.
Most people feel sad and lonely and alien when they get to a new place and it takes a long time to fit in.
Teenagers can be stubborn and I know the emotional drain on parents during this time can be huge and it is hard to be strong, but if you do want to stay and think it is in the long term interests of you and your children to do so, try to explain that to them, get support and weather it through.
Hope everything works out for you all.
Feb 9th 2012, 10:08 pm
#20
Island life at last
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: BC
Posts: 2,715
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
Don't have my own, gilly, just deal with other people's
I know how hard it is when children get something into their heads and parents are put in an emotional nightmare of trying to do their best for their children but appear to be upsetting them by doing so.
I hope the OP can find a way through this.
I know how hard it is when children get something into their heads and parents are put in an emotional nightmare of trying to do their best for their children but appear to be upsetting them by doing so.
I hope the OP can find a way through this.
Last edited by helcat12; Feb 9th 2012 at 10:10 pm. Reason: addition
Feb 9th 2012, 10:09 pm
#21
Living in the Truman Show
Joined: Jul 2011
Location: land of make believe
Posts: 265
Feb 9th 2012, 11:09 pm
#23
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,236
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
It has been said on here a lot by other posters that they went through a few times when they were so homesick and/or disillusioned with Canada that they would have gone back to the UK if they had been able to.
Two years has not been an uncommon timescale for people to begin to feel that they are at all settled.
Children at that age can be quite resistant to change and also more sensitive to being different and not fitting in.
Giving up your new life due to a teenagers feelings isn't necessarily helping them or "taking into account their happiness", any more than a responsible parent would give in to a child's demands for sweets at every supermarket checkout.
Adults have the benefit of experience and can see past the immediate difficulties to the good things that are ahead and reassure themselves and their children that things will resolve. Parents can help children to understand their feelings, put them into context and support them in working through issues in the early days when they are feeling lost.
Two years has not been an uncommon timescale for people to begin to feel that they are at all settled.
Children at that age can be quite resistant to change and also more sensitive to being different and not fitting in.
Giving up your new life due to a teenagers feelings isn't necessarily helping them or "taking into account their happiness", any more than a responsible parent would give in to a child's demands for sweets at every supermarket checkout.
Adults have the benefit of experience and can see past the immediate difficulties to the good things that are ahead and reassure themselves and their children that things will resolve. Parents can help children to understand their feelings, put them into context and support them in working through issues in the early days when they are feeling lost.
I absolutely agree, this is excellent advice.
Feb 10th 2012, 4:26 pm
#24
Living in the Truman Show
Joined: Jul 2011
Location: land of make believe
Posts: 265
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
It really isn't as black and white as some people think it is.
Feb 10th 2012, 4:49 pm
#25
Island life at last
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: BC
Posts: 2,715
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
As parents only they know what they have been through, the emotions and heartache that have brought them to this decision. No-one can truly understand how hard it is unless they have lived through the same situation. I am sure Sarah will do what she thinks best for her family.
It really isn't as black and white as some people think it is.
It really isn't as black and white as some people think it is.
It is true, it isn't black and white and here she will get all shades of in between thoughts and advice from all different standpoints.
Has she definitely made her decision?
She presumably posted on here for the thoughts and support of others.
That's what people use this forum for - to get some feedback and see what others have to offer.
It isn't about telling people what they should do, but offering something to help the OP in her struggle with her current choices and situation.
It is facile in the extreme to say that only someone who has been through something can understand it.
If that was true, no physiotherapist could help an amputee without having lost a limb, no psychiatrist could help a schizophrenic without having a dual personality and in fact no-one could help anyone on this forum unless the exact same thing had happened to them......
As a professional who has supported children and their parents through some very difficult life transitions, I have something to offer the in the way of positive outlook and encouragement, as others on this forum do also from their own unique perspective.
I don't have to have used my womb to have something pertinent to say to a parent.
Maybe instead of commenting on the posts of others, you could offer the OP something to ease her situation from your unique perspective?
Feb 10th 2012, 5:14 pm
#26
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Re: 6 Months Today and going back
Oh for the love.....
Feb 10th 2012, 5:23 pm
#29
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Feb 10th 2012, 5:23 pm
#30
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
