4.5 years on and bust.
Dec 29th 2011, 3:45 pm
#31
Nuther day in paradise.ca
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Ajax, Ontario
Posts: 7,263
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
So the BUST bit is down to your dire financial situation in Canada, that was given a firm downward acceleration, by the OH not wanting to work, and is now back and haunting you in the UK.
Good luck pal
Hope this helps
http://www.eharmony.ca/?cid=64957&ai...480716851&mt=b
Good luck pal
Hope this helps
http://www.eharmony.ca/?cid=64957&ai...480716851&mt=b
Dec 29th 2011, 4:06 pm
#32
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Posts: 2,211
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Originally Posted by helcat12
As a married woman of quite some time who has always worked both prior to being married and throughout being married, I find the concept that a woman would either be reluctant to work, refuse to do so or downright have to be forced to do so when financial crisis hits quite extraordinary.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if you have shared goals then you should surely both make efforts and sacrifices to achieve those goals.
Personally, I like to work for the satisfaction and freedom it gives me, but even if I loathed it I would want to do it to contribute to the financial stability and prosperity of my family and also to give support to my husband.
Being the only wage earner in a family with everything relying on you is a huge expectation and burden to place on someone and then to have to do that in a strange country in a new job is intolerable.
I cannot express how selfish I think both these women are and I am amazed that these women can expect to sit on their backsides and be provided for by their husbands when times and circumstances are so tough.
No offence to the men here but this behaviour makes me ashamed of women
.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if you have shared goals then you should surely both make efforts and sacrifices to achieve those goals.
Personally, I like to work for the satisfaction and freedom it gives me, but even if I loathed it I would want to do it to contribute to the financial stability and prosperity of my family and also to give support to my husband.
Being the only wage earner in a family with everything relying on you is a huge expectation and burden to place on someone and then to have to do that in a strange country in a new job is intolerable.
I cannot express how selfish I think both these women are and I am amazed that these women can expect to sit on their backsides and be provided for by their husbands when times and circumstances are so tough.
No offence to the men here but this behaviour makes me ashamed of women
.Agreed.
I had some time off work after having each of my 2 children but have worked pretty much constant since I was 16. Even working as a childminder so I was at home with my kids to earn the money is better than nothing.
So the BUST bit is down to your dire financial situation in Canada, that was given a firm downward acceleration, by the OH not wanting to work, and is now back and haunting you in the UK.
Good luck pal
Hope this helps
http://www.eharmony.ca/?cid=64957&ai...480716851&mt=b
Good luck pal
Hope this helps
http://www.eharmony.ca/?cid=64957&ai...480716851&mt=b
Last edited by Pollyana; Jan 1st 2012 at 1:17 pm. Reason: fixing quotes :)
Dec 29th 2011, 5:01 pm
#33
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Cochrane, Alberta
Posts: 7,861
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Originally Posted by snowgo
I must say even now that we are back in the UK I don't see any real sign of my wife making an effort to look for work. This is now a big worry as I have to find 12 grand for upfront rent payments by the end of March. If I don't manage this we will be evicted and have nowhere to live. I am very worried that she will just let this happen while I am working like crazy to earn the cash.
Its bad enough losing your home but now we are really heading for the rocks if she doesnt get a bloody job. I have two beautiful kids with this woman and they will suffer if she doesn't make every effort to contribute with hard cash.
I am feeling that a divorce is just around the corner.
Its bad enough losing your home but now we are really heading for the rocks if she doesnt get a bloody job. I have two beautiful kids with this woman and they will suffer if she doesn't make every effort to contribute with hard cash.
I am feeling that a divorce is just around the corner.
Best wishes, whatever.
Last edited by Pollyana; Jan 1st 2012 at 1:18 pm. Reason: fixing quotes :)
Dec 29th 2011, 11:41 pm
#34
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 40,018
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
As a married woman of quite some time who has always worked both prior to being married and throughout being married, I find the concept that a woman would either be reluctant to work, refuse to do so or downright have to be forced to do so when financial crisis hits quite extraordinary.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if you have shared goals then you should surely both make efforts and sacrifices to achieve those goals.
Personally, I like to work for the satisfaction and freedom it gives me, but even if I loathed it I would want to do it to contribute to the financial stability and prosperity of my family and also to give support to my husband.
Being the only wage earner in a family with everything relying on you is a huge expectation and burden to place on someone and then to have to do that in a strange country in a new job is intolerable.
I cannot express how selfish I think both these women are and I am amazed that these women can expect to sit on their backsides and be provided for by their husbands when times and circumstances are so tough.
No offence to the men here but this behaviour makes me ashamed of women.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if you have shared goals then you should surely both make efforts and sacrifices to achieve those goals.
Personally, I like to work for the satisfaction and freedom it gives me, but even if I loathed it I would want to do it to contribute to the financial stability and prosperity of my family and also to give support to my husband.
Being the only wage earner in a family with everything relying on you is a huge expectation and burden to place on someone and then to have to do that in a strange country in a new job is intolerable.
I cannot express how selfish I think both these women are and I am amazed that these women can expect to sit on their backsides and be provided for by their husbands when times and circumstances are so tough.
No offence to the men here but this behaviour makes me ashamed of women
.
Dec 30th 2011, 5:06 pm
#35
Island life at last
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: BC
Posts: 2,715
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Being at home as a mother to children is contributing to the family.
I have no problem at all with women who stay at home by choice when it is possible financially.
BUT I am sure if you had hit financial dire straits your OH would have pitched in to earn some money, even if it was just part time.
It just seems clear from reading the posts of the men involved that these two have been refusing to work even when they know that there are financial difficulties and leaving all the responsibility for the financial wellbeing to the men.
If times are tough you both have to make some compromises, don't you?
Dec 31st 2011, 1:40 am
#36
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: South of Calgary
Posts: 13,375
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
That is still a partnership, isn't it?
Being at home as a mother to children is contributing to the family.
I have no problem at all with women who stay at home by choice when it is possible financially.
BUT I am sure if you had hit financial dire straits your OH would have pitched in to earn some money, even if it was just part time.
It just seems clear from reading the posts of the men involved that these two have been refusing to work even when they know that there are financial difficulties and leaving all the responsibility for the financial wellbeing to the men.
If times are tough you both have to make some compromises, don't you?
Being at home as a mother to children is contributing to the family.
I have no problem at all with women who stay at home by choice when it is possible financially.
BUT I am sure if you had hit financial dire straits your OH would have pitched in to earn some money, even if it was just part time.
It just seems clear from reading the posts of the men involved that these two have been refusing to work even when they know that there are financial difficulties and leaving all the responsibility for the financial wellbeing to the men.
If times are tough you both have to make some compromises, don't you?
Dec 31st 2011, 4:03 am
#37
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: Southeast Calgary
Posts: 321
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Originally Posted by helcat12
As a married woman of quite some time who has always worked both prior to being married and throughout being married, I find the concept that a woman would either be reluctant to work, refuse to do so or downright have to be forced to do so when financial crisis hits quite extraordinary.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if you have shared goals then you should surely both make efforts and sacrifices to achieve those goals.
Personally, I like to work for the satisfaction and freedom it gives me, but even if I loathed it I would want to do it to contribute to the financial stability and prosperity of my family and also to give support to my husband.
Being the only wage earner in a family with everything relying on you is a huge expectation and burden to place on someone and then to have to do that in a strange country in a new job is intolerable.
I cannot express how selfish I think both these women are and I am amazed that these women can expect to sit on their backsides and be provided for by their husbands when times and circumstances are so tough.
No offence to the men here but this behaviour makes me ashamed of women.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if you have shared goals then you should surely both make efforts and sacrifices to achieve those goals.
Personally, I like to work for the satisfaction and freedom it gives me, but even if I loathed it I would want to do it to contribute to the financial stability and prosperity of my family and also to give support to my husband.
Being the only wage earner in a family with everything relying on you is a huge expectation and burden to place on someone and then to have to do that in a strange country in a new job is intolerable.
I cannot express how selfish I think both these women are and I am amazed that these women can expect to sit on their backsides and be provided for by their husbands when times and circumstances are so tough.
No offence to the men here but this behaviour makes me ashamed of women
.Last edited by Pollyana; Jan 1st 2012 at 1:19 pm. Reason: fixing quotes :)
Jan 1st 2012, 12:28 pm
#38
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto - I belong there.
Posts: 2,251
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
I have to agree with everyone else who are saying women like your wife are selfish. Unfortunately, you may have to provide for her keep even after a divorce. your wife needs to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jan 2nd 2012, 12:24 pm
#39
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 154
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
why did'nt the wife want to work when you was out of work?
Jan 2nd 2012, 2:22 pm
#40
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: Toronto, back to London, UK
Posts: 153
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Snowjo,
That is one extrordinary story. I feel for you and your kids.
It makes me feel a little better that its not the end of the world if one can't settle in Canada and moves back into the UK. I waited 3 1/2 years for my PR card and high lawyers fees and we didn't even last a year. I was initially very upset when I came back.
That is one extrordinary story. I feel for you and your kids.
It makes me feel a little better that its not the end of the world if one can't settle in Canada and moves back into the UK. I waited 3 1/2 years for my PR card and high lawyers fees and we didn't even last a year. I was initially very upset when I came back.
Jan 2nd 2012, 4:28 pm
#41
Island life at last
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: BC
Posts: 2,715
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
I have wondered that so many times after reading this thread and thinking about it.
I just cannot understand how anyone could sit there and watch their partner work themselves to the bone and shoulder all the stress and worry and continue to ignore it.
Household chores can be shared if you both work - we have always done so Hoovering and washing up (while necessary and worthy) doesn't pay the bills!
I just cannot understand how anyone could sit there and watch their partner work themselves to the bone and shoulder all the stress and worry and continue to ignore it.
Household chores can be shared if you both work - we have always done so Hoovering and washing up (while necessary and worthy) doesn't pay the bills!
Jan 2nd 2012, 5:51 pm
#42
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto - I belong there.
Posts: 2,251
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Kids won't thank the parent who is never at home, busy working and putting in as many hours as possible to pay the bills, the food and their school fees, while the other parent is at home.
Jan 2nd 2012, 7:27 pm
#43
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 154
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
I have wondered that so many times after reading this thread and thinking about it.
I just cannot understand how anyone could sit there and watch their partner work themselves to the bone and shoulder all the stress and worry and continue to ignore it.
Household chores can be shared if you both work - we have always done so Hoovering and washing up (while necessary and worthy) doesn't pay the bills!
I just cannot understand how anyone could sit there and watch their partner work themselves to the bone and shoulder all the stress and worry and continue to ignore it.
Household chores can be shared if you both work - we have always done so Hoovering and washing up (while necessary and worthy) doesn't pay the bills!
Jan 2nd 2012, 8:41 pm
#44
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 410
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
Your story must be equally tragic to have thrown in the towel in less than a year as some would say to give it at least 2 years before making a decision. I hope everything has worked out ok for you.
Jan 3rd 2012, 12:46 am
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: Toronto, back to London, UK
Posts: 153
Re: 4.5 years on and bust.
So far, I lost £30,000+, we packed our 4 bed house full of furniture and everything we could pack in a 20 ft container, only to re-ship everything back to the UK. It now sits in storage until I can get my house back which is on rent until July (the only mistake I didn't make was not selling the house, thank God).
To cut the long story short, my father passed away a few years back and Mum's sisters lived in Canada and they kept badgering us to move and be closer to them so they could look out for us. My parents were very well settled in london for the past 47-48 years.
Anyway, we went stayed with family a few weeks and we eventually got our own flat (on my cousin's advise), we were dumped in Brampton (the most dismal and depressing place in the GTA), the family basically did their disappearing act after they got all their gifts and tried to get us to buy stuff we didn't really need and also get as much money out of us. My mum couldn't be on her own during the day as she is not well (arthritic), so the plan was the 2 sisters (retired) would stay with mum whilst I met recruiters etc, once I was in the job, I would hire a part time carer. The recruiters had said I had a good chance of getting a job in the pharma industry because of my science background.
One sister disappeared to the US for 6 months and the other said she had to babysit an 18 year old and 16 year old grandchildren. My mum and I eventually got very depressed and homesick, we missed our true family and friends. Mum also got sick there and certain medicines did not suit her.We felt very isolated. Banking was so laborious, getting tenancy insurance was a pain and I ended up having to pay 2 months rent for an empty flat after I left for the UK as the new tenant's application had been declined by the management who owned my flat, on the day before i left, as I signed a 12 month contract with them
Basically, my main downfall was I was living in the wrong location with poor public transport links, and I didn't have a car so alot of money was spent on taxis. I was far from downtown, I should have got an apartment on a subway line as the jobs in my field were in mostly in downtown. Also, I couldn't cope on my own with an invalid Mother. She had a part time carer in London and she had a set routine, suddenly transporting her to a new country, new surroundings was not conducive to her well being plus she found Canada boring in the first place and she never really wanted to come, I sort of dragged her on the plane, I thought she'd be happy to be near family but they drove her potty and in turn Mum drove me insane.
In hindsight, I shoud have given it a year or two but my stress levels had gone over the threshold levels where I just couldn't cope and my Mum would say she wanted to go home almost every day. If I was on my own, I may have stayed the year or two.
But, thats life, but now I am thinking that this is a learning experience and if I didn't go and activate my PR status, I would have been wondering why and ' what if'. My family and friends in the UK thought that we were better off in the UK but said we had to go to Canada to get it out of our system. Now, they said they were glad we are back so its some consolation. If I do go back to Canada, I think I would plan it better and perhaps wait for a job offer first but I need to stay put for now.
Last edited by Maria_747; Jan 3rd 2012 at 12:54 am.