Voyager970

LITTLE OLD LADY

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhave dddddiilllldosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:

"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss ththiickk?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"Ddddooo yyoooouuuu knnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuuccckkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"


One for my pal Willmore

Eddie

willmore

Totally missed this one - found it just by chance. Think we need one thread just dedicated to your jokes, so I don't miss anything. Ok with you Edd"ie"?

Voyager970

Well me dear

What name shall we call my new joke thread.

You come up with a name and I shall post all my jokes with this title, that way you should not miss out on anything.

What did you mean when you said you nearly missed this one. I take it you got the joke, don't tell me you didn't get the joke !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are hundreds of these kicking about, enough to keep you amused for a while


Edd"y"

willmore

Let me think about it overnight. I'm not terribly creative about this kind of thing. How about Edd"ie"'s corner of filthy jokes?

No, I got the joke, I mean that I almost missed the thread, between work and driving kids to lessons I don't have alot of time right now with my hubby away. That's why we need to keep the jokes all together. And no, I don't want them to filthy, keep those for the guys.....

Well, that's good, because I love to be amused by that Scottish charm/wit defined as grouchiness.....

Voyager970

Here here Willmore less of the grouchiness
I thought I have been quite chirpy the last few posts, even though I am stressed oot to hell in work, hate hate hate my job, does nothing for me !!!

OOOHHHHHHHHHH how I wish I was in Canada, hate hate hate the UK !!!!!!!

ANYWAY MORE REASONS TO LEAVE THE UK

My daughter aged 12, 13 in January was assaulted in school today, was repeatedly slapped about her face by an older girl. I went mental at the school headmistress, the deputy, my daughters guidance teacher and was in contact with them all morning, trying to resolve this major issue.
My wife was going absolutely mental, if that girl would have been anywhere near her my wife would have lynched her

Anyway I went to work and was late, theres a suprise, was contacted by the school around 2pm and it seems they have all made up, and it is now all sorted. I do not think it is sorted, watch this space !!!!!

I came home from work at 10pm and she is fine.

A pissed off Eddie who had a few tonight

Cannot cope with this crap at school, older girls picking on the younger ones.

willmore

Hey, I thought I was actually quite chiper today.

I would be as upset as you and your wife are about this. Any sort of this type of violence and whether anyone was hurt or not, or the fact that you daughter is fine is beside the point. This type of thing should not be happening in school grounds anywhere. Our school ground was patrolled thoroughly by the nuns and this just wouldn't have happened.

I glad that no one was hurt and your daughter seems ok now. What was the cause of this episode - did anyone ask? Is there going to be any type of discipline for either/both parties? What is the school doing about ths?

Have a couple of beer on me Eddie and your wife too of course. Your family will be in Canada soon, but don't expect not to find this type of thing in Canada as well.

Voyager970

The girls all kissed and made up
The teachers are satisfied that there will be no further events, daughter thinks this to. The funny thing is that they were all really good friends.
Kids being kids at this age with hormones raging everywhere, these will bound to be clashes, but you do not expect someone to get hit.

Anyway me dear thanks for asking if she is OK, she is like me, TUFF with two F'ss

Thanks Willmore

PS A wee joke to cheer you up


A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown"

The small white guy faints!
The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy. "What's wrong?"

The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"

HHEEEEEEE PMSL

Like this one

Eddie

Toontje

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Mac employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now..."