Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Well Said!

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Here's a plan ...... we're all in agreement over this, so lets get ourselves over there en masse, invade the Smith househld and kidnap the family back to Canada .... giving the rest of 'em a piece of our collective minds as we do it!!! :D

I always wanted to be a commando. ;)

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Oh how I wish I could kick you right up the a@se.

Why, oh why are you allowing yourself to be bullied! Your priority in life now should be your own family; your parents have lived how they wanted to live; now it is your turn. You worked too hard to emigrate in the first place - now if you said you hadn't liked it, didn't want to go back, then fine - I would still move away from the parents. It doesn't sound like that though -so sit down with YOUR family and ask them what they want to do:

Stay where they are and be unhappy
Move back to Canada - different area if necessary
Move to another country
Move to another UK location for peace and quiet.

I have had the same lack of support from both sides except my dad who regrets listening to my mum years ago and not emigrating when he got the chance.

We only live once and need to grab everything when we get the chance. You have said yourself you won’t hold your children back, so why are you allowing your parents to do it – I bet when the time comes you will feel sorry your children are going but they become adults with their own choices. My 19 year old has decided not to come with us – finishing her Degree in Scotland plus she is in love – I have though kept her on the application form and she has done her medicals so it will give her the chance to change her mind. We though have two other children 6 months and 5 years to we have to think on their good as well.

Remember the saying – you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. If the family complain then tell them to deal with it, and/or take your parents in – is the annex built as a separate house – if so can you still not sell, how about renting it – even offering the family is SO THEY CAN LOOK AFTER YOUR PARENTS!!. It is always equity to have at a later date to sell.

Add up how much financially this has cost you from the initial stages to returning – I bet you’ll be shocked.

We can all offer advise, but it is what is good for you and YOUR family that is important, by the sounds of it, you are unhappy, your kids are being torn, and if this continues you will lose them sooner rather than later.

Get back to Canada quick for your own sanity!!!!


Irene

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Heads you lose, tails you lose. You can't keep any of them happy no matter what you do. You need to put your family first and make a decision and stick to it!

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

I really feel for anyone who have parents that behave like spoilt children. Did they only have kids so they can be looked after in their dotage?

Surely as a parent you want the very best for your child and if as the child you think you can do better in a different town or country, you (the parent)supports that decision and if it all goes Pete Tong you support the child again. It doesn't matter how old the child/parent is.

I have laughingly told my Mum to start looking for an old folks home, 'cause I won't have her, we have a pretty good relationship so no offence has been taken.

You only get to live once and you should do what makes you happy, Julius you clearly are not happy with the situation and that will probably turn into resentment. You must do what's best for your family, as someone said - you can't choose family. Some family just are jealous of anyone bettering themselves.

Good luck.
Sent you some Karma!

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Why should you be made to feel guilty for wanting to better your life and those of your wife and children? Who are the rest of your family to point when they are happy to sit back and watch you being manipulated and not offer to help?

It's none of my business but I agree with Morwenna, I'm also angry on your behalf and the psychological damage that is happening can't be a good example for your children and your parents should be ashamed of themselves for acting in such a way.

We are not in your place and don't know the whole story and I know you think you shouldn't talk about this hear but outsiders can often be a lot of help and where better than a 'room' full of people doing the same thing?

Do what you and your wife and children want to do and deal with the rest of them later.

Karma sent. I wish you all the best and hope you can follow your dream, whatever you choose it to be.

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

I just can't get over the reaction of people's families that I have been reading in the past few days. It's like they expect their offspring will never move more than 10 miles down the road, and if they do it is taken as a personal affront. My parents live in Halifax (NS, not UK), and when we told them we were moving to Edmonton (probably further from them than if we had moved to England), they were thrilled - because they know there are more opportunities here and a better future. Things aren't like they were a century ago, when people went to a new country and could never go back again. Now you can be anywhere in the world within hours.

Best of luck to you Julius - hope it becomes easier to ignore them and get on with your lives. After all, they have shown how much you REALLY mean to them by ignoring and harrassing you. Family that had your best interests at heart would wnt the best for you in life.

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Juilus stand up look down at the floor what do you see. YOUR OWN 2 feet. Time to stand on them.

Your obviously not stupid and are quite a capable guy at your work.

Now if you are at work dealing with a problem between loyalty to friends and staff and the good of the company and future staff. would you sit back and let the "Company" go down the drain and eventually destory the whole family for peaceful time?

Sounds like you're actually living with your parents full time if that's the case then either ignite the power keg off and have huge balzing row. Which will either clear everyones points or break off the ties completely. OR quitely find a new place to live, not far from everyone and just tell them they are welcome to come and see you and your kids but you'll be busy around the new house.

Then it's up to them to mend the bridges.

Take charge man being a wimp is depressing you.

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Hi Julius you sound about as unhappy and miserable as i have ever heard anyone sound, you also appear to think the world of your kids? I say appear cos i no that i love my kids to bits, but i would never ever allow my kids to live in such a miserable environment and end up feeling and growing up the same way. I apologise if this sounds harsh but i would have to get them out.
Best wishes for you and your families future :)

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Our parents have been ok about it... of course they are upset but want us to be happy and say would never stand in our way.

I have however had abit of flack off my sister saying she doesnt know how we can even think of going to Canada, that we are selfish and she would not dream of leaving our parents. She wants to be there to look after them when they are old... etc etc...

I put it down to her being jelous and not happy with her life... and thats her problem not mine!! We are doing what is best for our family which is me, husband and little girl and they are my priority... anybody not happy with that they can lump it!!

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

A problem with the "doing it for the kids" angle is that, unless all contact with the grandparents is severed, the kids will just hear from their grandparents how badly their parents have behaved by dragging them off to the wilderness. There's no winning to be had.

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Judging from what Julius has said his parents are already doing that, without wanting to go into to much detail i have a little experience of being in a similar atmosphere as a kid and lets just say emotional scars are often alot harder to heal. :)

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Good God, and you are still allowing this emotional blackmail etc to affect your marriage, your life, your future, your children. Who's being selfish here ??? You have done nothing wrong, and don't deserve this harsh treatment. If these people were not related to you, what would you be thinking right now ? because from what you have said, THEY don't deserve to be related to YOU !!!!

We had similar but not on that scale, but wierd !!!

We emmigrated to Australia and went about everything the right way, giving them loads of time to adjust, ask questions, speak with the children at length, spend time with us etc. My parents seemed happyish that we were starting afresh and were trying to improve our children's futures for the best and seemed happy for us when we left.

However, the entire time we were there we were bombarded with emails, letters and phone calls telling us to come back to the UK, as we were being selfish to our kids, keeping them from seeing the rest of their family, they missed babysitting, they didn't realise that they wanted to spend more time with our children etc Even my best friend got involved and joined in the tidal wave of emotional blackmail, telling me my mother was suffering and needed me and I should be in the UK helping her etc, as she had nothing left to live for. My Fathers new wife told me my father was in escence dying from a cancerous tumour.

So after spending all the money we ever had and reselling everything again, we moved back and lodged with my Mother.

She wasn't ill and grew pretty tired of the kids after the first 2 weeks and has moved to the other end of the Country (a premeditated move she never mentioned) !
My Father had a growth removed, then promptly moved to Europe !!
My Best Friend was too 'busy' to see me for at least a month, and then with a new boyfriend, found it hard to 'fit me in' !

We now live a sad, horrid life, awful little house, kids are confused, no money, worse off than when we were here the first time and stuck in a rut of misery.

Save yourselves and sell your house. If your other relatives are as concerned as they say they are, they will 'happily' help your parents.

Your children's future is your priority, unlike your parents' intentions !

Sorry if I sound harsh, but having gone through it, I now see who my real family are, and it's those who are the non judgemental ones who want the best for us !!!

Edited to add if I could send you Karma I would, as I think you deserve and need it, but I can't :rolleyes:

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Just sent you karma for that post. :)

Re: why do parents always try and stick their oars in...?
 

Thank you, such nice words, much appreciated :o