Why Canadians Are So Cool
 

Thought some of you might enjoy this email I got today.....

Subject: Why Canadians Are So Cool

You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.

Allow me to introduce Canada. The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine. Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing?

Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American dinner menus weren't angrily changed to include freedom bacon, because nobody here eats the stuff anyway. And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.

Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive
confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty! And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Twinkies from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north. This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a Bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence. But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to? Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States. These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound. Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other. I wonder if America will ever be that cool.

Re: Why Canadians Are So Cool
 

An interesting tongue in cheek comment. One additional point is that this all happens very quietly and under the radar. There are very few stories in the British or American Media about Canada which is just fine by me.

I assume its supposed to be funny but let me point out that the reason Canadian troops were not sent to the fun in Iraq is because that were already spread too thin fighting in Afghanistan - probably waiting for some dimwitted Americans to kill them in a friendly fire incident!!

I could probably make further comments about the rest of it but I can't be bothered.

Sorry to sound so snarky - I guess parts of it were actually funny, but some of it wasn't.

I think it was intended to be pretty tongue in cheek, but makes a few points at the expense of our southern neighbours.

On the subject of the war in Iraq, Chretien was for once remarkably clear on Canadas reasons for non participation, and Afghanistan had nothing to do with it, although your point about them being overstretched is well taken. If Canada had participated it would not have been able to offer much military support, but the political support would have been significant in itself. Here is a quote or two from http://www.globalpolicy.org/security...0218Canada.htm

"The policy of the government is very clear. If there has to be military activity in Iraq, we want it to be approved by the U.N. Security Council,"

"If they (the Americans) want to go there all alone, they can go there all alone, but we say they must go with the authorization of the United Nations. If they don't, the international system of peace and security will probably be more destabilized than it need be,"

Chretien and his senior ministers have consistently said that if the United Nations does sanction an assault on Iraq, Canada will take part.

Iain

Oh - sorry. I guess I didn't realize the tone of it. Lots of times there are people on boards who take a great pride in making rude remarks about Canada and Canadians. I guess this wasn't one of them!

Given the situation that

1) The reason for justifying the war (i.e. WMD) was a fraud.

2) Bush first ridiculed the UN but is now grovelling for its help.

Chretien sure made the right call.

Hmmm. Perhaps. Unfortunately as usual the rhetoric doesn't match the reality. Jack Granatstein, the noted historian, gave a lecture recently in which he bemoaned the fact that 'the idea of national interests seems to have drifted away while the nation prattles endlessly about superiour values'. Unfortunately thats all canada can do, as it doesn't actually stump up the cash needed. It gives less foreign aid to developing nations as a proportion of national wealth than almost any other industrialised nation, less than say the UK or France as a proportion of GDP to give a couple of examples (although more than the US). As it has for a decade underfunded the military it can barely live up to its own image as a nation of peacekeepers...one 1800 troop rotation in Afganistan and the military is exhausted.
Grananstein wrote about '...canada, usualy dripping with self-congratulatory moralistic rhetoric...'. Says it all really...;)

the original amusing/bemusing email - with the comments about gun control and voilent crime reminded me about the posting someone made about "Bowling for Columbine". On the basis of that post I rented the video - and now own the DVD. Yep, Canada comes out well in it - but our neighbours to the south are certainly terroised by the media.

Clare

hey

I think that email was actually an article posted in the Philly newspaper in Oct. of last year.. not that it matters.. but that it was in the usa media I found interesting.. Usa tends to know about themselves first and foremost.. not a lot of press for their neighbours to the north.. I think a little history would be a good idea personally.. cdns know a lot more about what goes on around the globe, I think..

what was the point of my post? oh.. bowling for columbine.. good movie.. but some of the facts are soooo inaccurate.. one that came to mind was the 1 murder in Windsor.. thats impossible! but I do love that we keep our doors unlocked, I am all for that.. even if it is stupid.. I lock em at night, when I go to bed.. but do tend to keep them unlocked during the day.. Enjoyed the movie, just take it with a grain of salt..