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When did you tell your rellies and friends?

When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Old May 18th 2006, 4:39 pm
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Default When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Did you tell them of your plans to emigrate before the application went in or at some point afterwards?

Telling them too soon can mean that the lengthy process can upset them more than it needs to (are you going yet?...........when are you going?......are you still going?.........when is it you're going?)

Telling them later means they think you've been secretive.

What sort of reactions did you get from your folks?
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Old May 18th 2006, 4:59 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Hi,

A totally personal decision but we chose to tell them very early on in the process. At first they were angry and upset but soon came around to the idea. The more time you give for them to adjust the better. I know with our families, had we told them at the last minute we would never have been forgiven. Good luck with whatever you decide

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Originally Posted by Investor
Did you tell them of your plans to emigrate before the application went in or at some point afterwards?

Telling them too soon can mean that the lengthy process can upset them more than it needs to (are you going yet?...........when are you going?......are you still going?.........when is it you're going?)

Telling them later means they think you've been secretive.

What sort of reactions did you get from your folks?
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Old May 18th 2006, 5:47 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

I think MIL is still angry and upset, and we've been here since September.

But we did tell her early on, to avoid the extra aggravation of being accused of going behind her back without telling her!

We hoped she'd come round ..... but she thinks we've all died. She's "lost her whole family!" according to her. To her credit, she didn't really try to talk us out of it, but kept asking hubby to promise to come back "to bury her". sigh.
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Old May 18th 2006, 6:15 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Told them early on and didn't get much reaction but I think my parents didn't think we would actually go through with it and my wifes parents got the idea from somewhere that we were just doing it for 12 months then returning to the UK!!!

My parents seem to have accepted it now (I think) but my mum was very upset the day we left the uk.

Wifes parents, hmm difficult to say but I still do not think they are very happy with us from taking away their grandson. It's a bit confusing as we lived in Cheshire and they live in Aberdeen, so we were 6-7 hours away from them in the UK (by car) and we are still about the time away from them now, it's not like they can't afford the air fare so not sure what the issue is.

My parents lived closer to us in the UK about 35 miles away but in all reality we only saw them 2 maybe 3 times a month for a couple of hours so if they visit for a week or I go home for a few days I will see more of them than i would of if we had stayed in the UK.
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Old May 18th 2006, 6:20 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Hubby's was an inland application, so family knew he wasn't coming back after the 6 month "visit" was up. For us a couple of questions that made us cringe after a while were, "Can you work yet" and "When are you coming back to the UK" (we couldn't leave Canada without risking our application).

Best of luck to all of you still in immigration limbo....

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Old May 18th 2006, 6:26 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Originally Posted by Investor
Did you tell them of your plans to emigrate before the application went in or at some point afterwards?

Telling them too soon can mean that the lengthy process can upset them more than it needs to (are you going yet?...........when are you going?......are you still going?.........when is it you're going?)

Telling them later means they think you've been secretive.

What sort of reactions did you get from your folks?
told mine straight away, being as they live 200 miles away and i get to see em 4 or 5 times a year, they were not too bad about it, i think they will kick off when a date is confirmed, we shall see.

as for mandy, well.
the outlaws(mum and dad) live next door, handy for the babysitting and a hours peace, mandy took a couple of months before she told mum and dad, i was upset with her dads reaction, it seemed to me that he couldnt wait to bring canada down, any excuse, weather,people, crime ect ect, he would also start mind games, witch he still plays to this day, you know, the odd tear about missing our daughter, this became a big problem, in the end, i said, that if he cant be possitive then please dont say anything about it, as for her mum, it was good reaction, if thats what you want then go for it.

now for the rest of the outlaws.
upset about us going but i think, us going upset there future agenda, not 100% but we shall see.

at the end of the day, you cant live your live for everyone else, were off coz i dont want to bring our 3 year old up in the uk, im not going to canada for me or my wife, im going for our daughters sake, i dont think i will ever, see her go out with mates in the uk without a worry, i have also seen kids with a pretty good upbringing fall foul to the uks problems, i dont think that canada is utopia but if her chances of a good life increase by 5%, then i will go for it.

give yourself a time limit, were you as a family must be happy, ive agreed with mandy that after 3 years, if were not happy, then we can go home, but if our daughters is happy with her life, im sure we will stay, you can allways try somewere else.

the worlds a small place, i think you can have more quality time with your kin when your not round the corner.

sorry, i did go on a bit but you asked

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Old May 18th 2006, 6:35 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Here's another angle. You could tell family early on as we did and then get rejected by CHC more than 2 years into the process. We honestly thought we'd reached the pass mark having been told that we had 70 points. However, CHC thought different when they assessed our application.

If I had my time again now I wouldn't have told my parents and in-laws until much later on in the process.

We are currently estranged from my husband's parents and things will never be the same again, but that's their loss not ours. MIL made it impossible for us to visit due to her going on about Canada and increasingly bitter and nasty behaviour. My husband and I came home with chest pains through stress, so we decided enough is enough.

My parents were devastated when we told them of our intention to relocate to Canada, but always supported our dream to emigrate. They are now disappointed that we didn't get in 'cos they wanted to come too!

We've told no-one that my husband has now applied for a transfer via his work as I couldn't bear to go through it all again if it doesn't come off. I felt like we let our kids down as it is.

It's up to you what you do, but I'm just giving you another senario
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Old May 18th 2006, 6:37 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Originally Posted by Investor
Did you tell them of your plans to emigrate before the application went in or at some point afterwards?

Telling them too soon can mean that the lengthy process can upset them more than it needs to (are you going yet?...........when are you going?......are you still going?.........when is it you're going?)

Telling them later means they think you've been secretive.

What sort of reactions did you get from your folks?
As soon as I could get some quarters for the phone.
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Old May 18th 2006, 6:45 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

We have spoken about it from the very beginning. My mother was a war bride, going to Canada 1946 and returning to the UK in l953 so she has lived in Canada for a few years, many years ago and that is as she remembers it. She hadnt said too much really but now it is more definite she starts remarking on the weather over there and how freezing it gets (which I have experienced and give me the snow any day compared to this horrible damp stuff) and well life isnt that much greener over there. I just let the remarks go over my head and just accept that at 82 she will be losing a daughter, son in law and one grandaughter and that will leave a huge gap in her life.

I do feel very guilty about going and leaving her as my Mum is not in the best of health and I did say this to her the other day. Her reply was that it was my life and I should do what I want to do, and I do not think she will ever turn round and say straight out you are doing the wrong thing dont go. My only saving grace is that I have a sister who lives the same distance away from her as I do (over 40 miles) and I have a brother living near Manchester who could do a little more visiting etc., I cannt remember the last time he invited her up to stay for a while, but I suppose its because out of the three of us I am the one who does the most, I am the one who she calls in the middle of the night when she is not well and drive the 40 odd miles and end up staying the night or even taking her to the hospital.

I have however chickened out over the last few days because we have got to the stage where we have had agents in to value the property and hopefully it will be on the market next week, this I havent told her but will have to do so soon because if it sells quickly we could be in Canada by August! :scared:
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Old May 18th 2006, 7:11 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Well my immediate family emigrated to Ireland from the UK 12 years ago, so they couldn't really say much! It's a family tradition to leave the UK for Canada, so it was not seen as a big deal. My partner's family have known about our plans for a long time - I don't think it really hit them until we were packing up to go to the airport.

I think there maybe a few relatives I haven't informed yet... I will be buying a bulk-load of 'Mountie Standing By Mountain' tourist postcards and let them know that way!
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Old May 18th 2006, 7:42 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Originally Posted by Investor
Did you tell them of your plans to emigrate before the application went in or at some point afterwards?

Telling them too soon can mean that the lengthy process can upset them more than it needs to (are you going yet?...........when are you going?......are you still going?.........when is it you're going?)

Telling them later means they think you've been secretive.

What sort of reactions did you get from your folks?
We told all family members right from the outset. As soon as I'd had the conversation with my hubby's future employer I told my parents that we were going to try and emigrate to Canada. In previous years to that though we had often talked about our ambition to live in Canada and it was met with shock and upset from my mum, but pride and enthusiasm from my dad. We didn't, however, do anything further at that time than request the CIC paperwork, looked through it in bewilderment and realised my hubby stood no chance of getting the points as a S.W. Then, a few years down the line, hubby's job at British Aerospace, Woodford, are dishing out redundancies like candy and it was then that I came across the perfect job for him in Red Deer. So when it came time to actually tell my parents that this time it was "the real thing", I was met with a different reaction......my mum was proud as punch and my dad was the one who was sad and disappointed (my sister was the same too). Our application was through the Alberta PNP and the process went through quite quickly (12 months from finding the job and telling folks to receiving the PR visas). My husband's mum had nothing but best wishes for us, despite her being 78, living on her own and suffering in health. Our last day with them and the grief we shared having to walk away from that front door was awful, traumatic and totally gut-wrenching, but I had always told them that "We will be happy and will all be alive and well, there are phones, internet and holidays to be had and most importantly, we have not died". Now, they are so proud to tell everyone of their daughter and family who have a great life in Canada.

It's all about how you choose to communicate and how comfortable you are about being open with family....I'm a total gas-bag (as if you couldn't tell ) and couldn't keep anything from anyone that's why it would've killed me to keep schtum
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Old May 18th 2006, 7:42 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

We told everyone as soon as we decided to look into it.

MY parent's although 91 & 80 were 100% behind us, they were great, which I have to say made me feel a bit guilty.
My hubby's parents had the ' if we don't talk about it it will all go away, approach'.
We didn't live close anyway us in North Yorks them in South Wales.
Having said that, now they seem to be fine and are coming to visit in August, which we are really looking forward to,. They are great company and it will have been 18 months since we saw them

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Old May 18th 2006, 8:23 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Originally Posted by Craftybanshee
Here's another angle. You could tell family early on as we did and then get rejected by CHC more than 2 years into the process. We honestly thought we'd reached the pass mark having been told that we had 70 points. However, CHC thought different when they assessed our application.

If I had my time again now I wouldn't have told my parents and in-laws until much later on in the process.

We are currently estranged from my husband's parents and things will never be the same again, but that's their loss not ours. MIL made it impossible for us to visit due to her going on about Canada and increasingly bitter and nasty behaviour. My husband and I came home with chest pains through stress, so we decided enough is enough.

My parents were devastated when we told them of our intention to relocate to Canada, but always supported our dream to emigrate. They are now disappointed that we didn't get in 'cos they wanted to come too!

We've told no-one that my husband has now applied for a transfer via his work as I couldn't bear to go through it all again if it doesn't come off. I felt like we let our kids down as it is.

It's up to you what you do, but I'm just giving you another senario
dont get me wrong, he(fil) his genuinely upset about us going, my point is, by all means be upset but be upset for the right reasons, not for selfish ones, he can tell us about how our country is going down the pan one minute but would still rather we stayed here and put up with it the next.

even if canada falls through, we will still relocate, it might be 10 or a 1,000 miles away, at the end of the day were 10 hours from home and there 10 hours from bc, 10 hours on a plane or 5 hours in a car on the m6/m5/ or m1, give me the plane any day.

cheers
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Old May 18th 2006, 8:25 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

All great replies, every single one!

At present it is only the younger members of the family who have been told and they are perfectly ok with it (unless it hasn't sunk in).

I think the elderly rellies will take it harder, one reason being that they don't have access to emails, and telephone calls "cost the earth". So to them it seems like you are on the moon probably.
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Old May 18th 2006, 8:29 pm
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Default Re: When did you tell your rellies and friends?

Originally Posted by Investor
I think the elderly rellies will take it harder, one reason being that they don't have access to emails, and telephone calls "cost the earth". So to them it seems like you are on the moon probably.
Hi Investor, just encourage them like mad to sign up with companies like One.Tel or Tele2 (I think).....they have calls to Canada for 4p a min and that's really good compared to BT which I think are 10p/min
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