Mrs Madmac

Hi folks,

I am pondering our new life and wondered if anyone else had gone through or thought about how to deal with the prospect of one person enjoying the new life and the other person not enjoying the new life?

I have an uncanny knack of sensing and guessing how things will pan out and I am thinking that this may well be something I am going to have to give some serious thought to.

Any thoughts or experiences to give me a "step for a hint" on how to not go insane?

Many thanks.

Mrs Madmac

Judy in Calgary

Measures that have helped me have included:

If you want to preserve your sanity, you need to choose sanity before anything else. You do not always know in advance what choices you will need to make in order to retain your sanity. Some people find they need to let go of relationships with spouses, relationships with other family members, career paths, or various other aspects of their lives in order to protect their sanity.

Good luck.

yonk

Lots of people on the Oz forum have this dilemma - read Pollyanna's posts....just as one example.

It's like having a baby, it's something you can't compromise on as a couple, so one party is always giving in. However, it seems to be/get far worse if it is not discussed - so all the rest of the family are having a grand time and one person is left feeling dreadful and wanting to go home and very lonely in their distress.

Don't let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy....

raine66

It is really hard when one of you is out there working and having the social connection all day and the other is sitting around doing the usual mundane things that we have to do everyday.

I know exactly where you are coming from and you can't help but think about the life you had before you came to Canada.

Try and keep you chin up things will get better.

Raine

dingbat

Such a dilemma effectively ended an admittedly already rocky marriage for me. Had I listened to my gut instinct, alarms bells and the same uncanny knack you mention of guessing how things will pan out, I would have left before I sank, and things might be very different for this dingbat.

Mrs Madmac

Thanks folks. Will try to keep myself busy and not "make" myself insane with worry.

I had a look at some of the Oz posts........ crikey they are even more negative than some of the posts on here of late....... I come on here to see what people are up to and to find out snippets of info...... but recently it seems more people want to "let off steam"..... at each other.... not a lot of happy people.

Ahhh - we all have our stresses to deal with!

Alberta_Rose

Just be aware of the elephant in the room.

You can try and ignore it, but it might not go away by not addressing it, and will most likely continue to grow. You end up tip-toeing around it. Don't let it get to big to fit through the door.

Souvenir

I don't know if you came up with that yourself or borrowed it. No matter. It's sound advice and I've taken it on board.

Mrs Madmac

You made me giggle - thank you! Oh my elephant is here to stay...... it gets fed and watered regularly....... perhaps starvation would make it go elsewhere???? Oh I wish!

R2D2

When we first got here, my other half felt we'd made a big mistake and he would have happily jumped on the next plane back to England.

I was the stronger one, I kept harping on about all the dreams we had, the things we wanted to achieve, outlining the positives and trying desperately to bring him around to my way of thinking. I just kept remimding him that its early days and to take it one step at a time.

Now nearly 18 months down the line, he is a lot more comfortable with our choice than he was ( although not totally.......see the thread about liking your chosen province), but I am experiencing some of the feelings that he did in those early months.

My point being, that it can be swings and roundabouts, and different people can react to the life change at different times. All you can do is listen to concerns, try to reason them out, and just support each other.
I was there for my husband when he needed me, and now he is supportive of me through my homesicky period.

Alberta_Rose

It's a well known concept. I came upon it some years back at a course regarding cancer and dying. The elephant then was the lack of communication between families and friends, each afraid of upsetting the other....

I think it is often used in the political arenas, regarding huge problems that everyone knows are there, but choose not to mention in the hope that they can go on pretending that everything is fine.

Mrs Madmac

I sooooo agree with what you said - thank you - nice to know that other people experience it too....... and that your elephant didn't take over!

Yoong

Hi Madmac,
Regarding 'the other person 'you were referring to , do you know why
that person is not enjoying the new life?
Is that person becoming more down and for how long?
Sounds like the suggestions mentioned by the others
are helpful to get back on track.
Also your GP is another one you could speak with if
things have not improved . I tend to look into
the mental health point of view . Take care, Yoong

Mountain Girl

Words of wisdom I wish everyone knew or at the very least had the courage to do something about, what ever the issue.

yonk

Sometimes, it can be better to be able to ignore said elephant for a wee while - I tend to see and deal with elephants even when they are very little - sometimes, things should be left alone allowing a bit of time to work things out.