Delboy07

Hi folks, I am a newby to the Expat Forum, I hope I am posting in the right place.

Any how I am in need of a shoulder rub or a kick up the arse!

Not sure where to begin here, but here is the jist of things.

I have been in Canada actually Vernon BC for 12 years, absolutely beautiful and I have had 4 kids since being here technically all is good, I have PR and qualify for Citizenship but I have got to the point where I have decided I hate it here and want to go back home but my wife is Canadian and of course does not want to live in the UK.

I miss everything and have got to the point where everything Canadian is sickening me! I am so claustrophobic; I look out my window on an evening down the Valley and over the town and literally feel dizzy when I think there is nothing past it other than miles and miles of trees!

I miss everything from home and am having nightmares/dreams of staying in Canada

Logistically I cannot go home and realistically know it is not really the right answer, I guess I am writing in a hope some people may set me straight, might cheer me up a bit, may be there are others feel the same way and found a way to deal with it.

If I could ping pong I would but after keeping the bread and butter on the table the cost of travel is just a long dream

I guess there are other factors involved

• I have attention deficit disorder or as I call it grass is greener syndrome
• Father in UK passed away last year
• My kids have never seen there English family (except nan)
• I have found it very difficult to make friends in the Okanagan, real friends that is, not really yet found a Canadian who gets our humour or camaraderie
• The labour market in the Okanagan is tough and work has been very hard to keep

So that is it in a nutshell

Thanks guys

Chukchi

This sounds like depression and something you need help with... I would also look at going on a 6-week vacation (a whole summer) in the UK. That fresh air will do some good.
Also, maybe look at getting out of BC.

Best of luck x

happyhammers

Where was home in the UK?

Delboy07

Yea, your probably right, but I believe it is circumstantial depression, it has not been easy over the last 12 years and I do not remember life being this hard in the UK. There was always someone at home who could/would make life seem workable even a chat with friends down the pub but it seems here, in BC at least people do not go to the pub for the sane reasons. Most of the things I have struggled with in Canada are the things that i think are making me depressed.

Please don't think I am not willing to explore further but I feel if the things that arent working cant be fixed after 12 years should I just go back to where they were working

Delboy07

Grantham, Lincs

Piff Poff

Sounds to me like you need a break, when did you last get back to the UK? Does your wife know how you feel? Do you think you should speak to a doctor? Your fathers passing (so sorry about that, it's a tough thing to deal with for sure) has probably brought this to a head and the only way to conquer your feelings is to express them and try to come to some sort of solution. Antidepressants may well help in the short term, at least while you get more perspective to the situation.

rae

I lost my dad 3 months ago. I have been here nearly 8yrs. The recent circumstances and visits back home during illness and funeral made me question things too.

What I found helped somewhat is concentrating on the positives and not dwelling on the negatives. My focus is not the local pub, cheese, a bigger house, cheap flights to Italy or going to the footy, though I would love to do all of these, instead it is my family, my daughter and my wife, and I honestly believe overall they are better off here than in the UK.

Delboy07

I definitely agree in theory that life is better here, living in the Okanagan BC is amazing, lakes, mountains, forests its natures playground, but right this moment I wish I was walking on a cobbled street in York marvelling in our history. I hate to talk like this and I am confident that my perspective is based from my 12 years in the Okanagan and yes I am down right now, but I long to have my kids experience our culture and heritage and not just that of a somewhat backward city of 40 000. I just can not accept that this is it!

I have struggled to find a job/career that is enough to support a family let alone travel however after 12 years I have literally just landed what may appear to be the break I have been waiting for. Fingers crossed

I did get back to the UK 2 times at the start of last year wedding and Dads funeral, I had hoped this would stem the homesickness but I fear it has made it worse, I am just longing for the old days and being with my brothers. Of course my wife and kids are what its all about but I just cant help thinking they would love it at home, I am probably very wrong on this, the kids would be so over castles and harry potter in a week. LOL

Its not just the homesickness, but before I came to Canada I was in the Military and I so badly miss the camaraderie, the humour and the humbleness. I cant quite fit in with the Canadian (Okanagan BC) way of life, there is no, absolutely no community here, its every man for himself. Its a much prettier town, more space, more to do and healthier but everyone is in a rush and does not appear to care about the next person, everyone goes home at night and clunk door locked curtains pulled.

Again as someone above has pointed out I may be depressed but I have struggled with this for 12 years. Is it time to give up, actually I do not know why I say this as I no I can not go home.

Maybe my issue is a feeling of being trapped and suffocation!

magnumpi

You won't find the same camaraderie like the military anywhere in the world. So stop looking for it, it ain't there.

I agree with taking a few weeks off and go to UK, it won't be for a funeral this time, it will be for you.

Good luck

happyhammers

Grantham, bet youve been out in Nottingham a few times! do they still recon there's more women than men? Go down to the Lace Market and have a good few beers maybe with some of your old pals or family.Ye Old Trip To Jerusalem , great boozer!
Like magnum pi said get your self back home for a while and check out your old stomping grounds, see how it feels.

There's always a choice mate

Good Luck

rae

I am ex-military, and I agree. I think nostalgia here may be an issue. I don't think it's healthy. I would love to go back and have certain things as they were, or more pertinently as I imagine they were. I realise though in reality it would be very different.

Delboy07

You supposed to be making me feel better not reminding me that Notts has more women than men, Far to many good nights out in Notts.

Delboy07

Yep nostalgia is part of it, and I am sure that things are not the same as they used to be, but its all the daft things like when a buddy's fiancées jilts him two days before his wedding the lads take him out and have the wedding with out her. We (I) nick a mannequin doll from outside of a horse riding store (I put it back afterword) and the doll gets married to my bud. I may be wrong but this would not happen here. I just miss the crack and the general community spirit we had, which my be arguably less than it was but is better than here

Zoe Bell

Whatever you decide long term, you should get your canada citizenship. It'll give you more options in the future.

Best of luck whatever you eventually decide

Delboy07

Agreed