Novocastrian

magnumpi

+1

ninaDGBCA

I am so sorry you had such a hard time telling them. Regarding the selfish aspect? Aren't most things we do selfish. We move to have a better life for us, we take a new job to have more money, etc. It is normal that we look after ourselves first and I think there is nothing wrong with it. I chose to have children and so I have to do my best to support them, pay for their needs and if possible education (Uni). For us personally the far better job was in Canada and so it meant moving here.

Maybe tell your mum that you agree that it is a "selfish" thing but she did what she thought was best for her kids and you have to do the same. There have been many families that went through the "we will never visit you" but once they moved over and got the parents a flight ticket and they saw the new life it was usually fine.

I think making it sound like Canada is the land of hope and glory and the UK is s***t just makes the people that stay behind feel even worse. If you just tell them "hey if we had the same job opportunity or land to build on or whatever" here in the UK we would have stayed but maybe we'd still had to move down South or up North and would not see each other every day. Canada is only 8 hours away, flight prices are manageable and there is Skype. And when my Dad comes over he spends so much more intensive time with the kids than he would if we lived next door and just went round for a Sunday roast here and there.

It is hard for them, it is always harder for the one that stays behind . It was not nice what your mum said but put yourself in her shoes. What if one of your kids will say in 20 years "I am moving to Australia with my family but you can come and visit or see your grandkids on Skype, but we'll have a such a better life there" It' a hard thing to digest. Give her time. Like I said most understand once they've visited...(that's why we took my dad on a recce trip with us and OH's mum had been before)

Good luck and do what you think is best for your little family. All the best

family_of_4

When i told my family a few months ago, they all went into meltdown (not to your families extreme) however it does settle in time. My mum is now quite excited and has bought a tablet, set up skype ready. My gran would not speak at all about it, is now asking questions and want to skype at my mums. My dad had an initial reaction of "well i wont be travelling out there to see you" and then refused to talk about it, is now planning his first trip in October and we dont go until June, lol.. Just give it a little time and try if you can to help them understand your reasoning behind it. Good luck, you must go with what is right for you and your family.

fabretti18

Can I ask what your friends think of your plan to move, or have you not told anyone but family?

Oink

I liked that poster who’d left the UK with her little children against the objections of her parents, calling them selfish for not wanting her to live her life, and then years alter her adult daughter wanted to go back to he UK and she was having a cow about it.

Novocastrian

I had this whole thing a lot easier. My parents were rather uninteresting to me and thankfully were a bit indifferent when I told them we were going to California for a couple of years (36 years ago).

My parents in law didn't have a leg to stand on, because they'd f***ed off to Africa leaving their own objectionable parents behind too.

I'm just plain lucky in many ways.

gb_griffiths

As understandable as you parent's reactions are, I think their behaviour is dreadful.

As Mr Keating says in Dead Poet's Society: "You are not an indentured servant."

And as Chris Cornell wrote:

"Don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly.

Hands are for shaking, not tying."


In my opinion, conditional love is not a love worth receiving .

orly

This is the point in the proceedings where a swift slap should have been dealt out.

Dave n Ailsa

wow, that's pretty shocking behaviour.

The way people act in these circumstances really shows their true colours. Yes, my parents and Ailsa's parents were sad, but they never said anything hurtfull or spitefull.

In our case, we didn't do it for the kids, we did it for US! I would never use the kids as an excuse for this. If it's what you want to do, then be happy with that decision, otherwise you will be doubting yourself for years.

Selfish? yes of course. Not going to apologise for wanting a better life.

Geordie Lass

My mother in law was disgraceful the way she behaved before we left. She ended up in hospital in an attempt to stop us going.. sigh.

Just made me dislike her more and my husband more determined. Just grateful he didn't cave in to all the blackmail.

Stay strong. You know if its the right thing for you and your family.

Oink

The reason not many posh people bugger off to somewhere like Canada or Australia is that they know they’ve got an inheritance coming.

Mikeypm

That's such an extreme and shocking reaction and sorry to hear that. Both my parents and my OH's parents although sad that we will not be so close have been really supportive and my gran who is in her late 80's has been really supportive and interested in the move. So it's been so much easier to pursue this move

franfluff

So sorry to hear this, i know exactly what youre going through, after i told my mum she hasnt spoken to me since, nearly a year later and still nothing (we are moving end of next month) we actually live next door to her this is how sad it is. The end of the day how i look at it this was her choice to end it this way, ive tried my hardest and if this is what i get in return i know we are better off away from her. I cant wait to start our new lives again away from all the heart ache. I hope yours ends better than ours in the parents department, i know one thing though, what she has put me through i will NEVER put my daughter through xxx

dg31

So sorry to hear about this reaction; like most on here my family were disappointed but supportive and understanding of my reasons - and then learned how to use Skype so I hear from the almost as frequently as I did in the UK anyway!