Peds500

So I finally told my parents that we are moving to Canada......I knew it was going to be bad, but what I got was unexpected!!

My mum turned around and said "I knew it" with a tear in her eye, then disappeared upstairs and I could hear her crying in the bedroom. Dad just went silent (never one to show his emotions). After about 20 mins my mum returned downstairs saying that she will never see me again and that I am selfish for taking her Grandkids away!! I tried explaining that the reason that we were going was to give them a better life, but she wasnt having any of it. This was shortly followed by "you have done what you wanted to do, now get out" shortly by my dad agreeing and chased me out of the door.

I then went to tell one of my brothers who was sad but understanding (as he was going to have to take the brunt of this). He has since spoken to them to explain my reasons and try and talk sense to them, and they have said that they dont want to see me or the kids again as it is too hard knowing they will never see the again and that I was being selfish in not considering others....I have also received a text from my mum saying "this is going to kill your Nan, and I want to kill myself" which is unfair on 2 counts, 1. my nan is 91 and probably doesnt have long left and 2. it shows how much she thinks of my other brothers!!!

I dont know the best way forward, we are going in a couple of months and want them to spend as much time with the kids as possible!!!

Tough weekend!!

mikelincs

They are trying emotional blackmail, you really have to tell them that you thought long and hard over this, and decided it was in the best interests of you and the family to go. They can always talk and see you if you Skype with them, and they will also have somewhere to go on holiday. There's really not a lot else you can do, it's them that's cutting off their nose to spite their face. Maybe in a couple of weeks they will have calmed down a bit.

RSJAGO

Wow! Im really sorry to hear that your folks reacted that way. Fingers crossed they will come around and be supportive in the long run. Maybe send them a mild mannered letter explaining your reasons behind the move as well as the old "I have to live my own life" speil.
My family were supportive but you know that its going to hurt them, its an aspect that cant be avoided im affraid. This day and age with Skype, internet, mobiles, facebook etc. its so easy to stay in touch. In preperation of our move in June I have bought family members a web cam & mic in the hope that Skype will become the normal means of communication. Plus with skype you will be seeing the person on the other end. Also Im sure you and family members will be back and fourth to visit each other.

Fingers crossed that it works out for you.

Miss Clinique

Give them time, they will come round. I am not saying they will be happy about it, but they will be more accepting. I have grandchildren, and believe me she doesnt mean it when she says she doesnt want to see them again before you go, she is just hurting at the minute.

Is there any chance you can buy them plane tickets for a visit, if you could let them know soon that you will pay for their first visit that will give them light at the end of the tunnel.

Not an easy situation, my heart goes out to you.

chanceUK

Where abouts are you moving to? A terrible initial reaction from them but perhaps once they come and visit you, they'll be over all the time.

There are quite a few similar posts if you do a search. If they can tolerate air transat/sun wing, prices are cheap to visit and its not like its australia

Peds500

We are moving to Toronto!!

They already know how easy and regular it is to stay in touch as my wifes parents live just outside Toronto and we skype them at least once a week....(although this is more ammunition, moving back to be close to her parents because we dont like them).....

Its getting to the point now that I am resigning the fact that I have "lost" my parents and just have to get on with it.....its my brothers who I feel sorry for now as they are being told that this is the end of the world and that they are a waste of space and will never have children.....

It would just be nice for them to realise that they would have done ANYTHING to make sure me and my brothers had a better life, and this is what I am doing for my kids....!! It might be the wrong decision, but I would bring them back hear in a heart beat, if I thought it was best for them!!

Just being told that I am selfish for doing this hurts, when it is the least selfish thing I have done in my life!!

januarymix

+1

Best wishes with the move.

chanceUK

toronto? once they visit for the first time and realise the flight is not bad, and it can cost as little as 300 quid you'll find it hard to get rid of them!

+ you could always offer to send the kids over to spend the summer in the UK with them (once old enough etc)

i'm sure they'll come round given time

jwtimmon

Wow!

How selfish are your parents being!

So its OK for you, your wife and kids not to be happy as long as they are? I'd be pissed!

John

dbd33

Really?

I can see that one cannot build one's life around one's parents but emigrating is certainly selfish. It's putting your interests ahead of those of your family. It may be that your parents and grandmother will get used to it but it's not, by any stretch, a kind thing to do.

dbd33

How do you know that they're not happy now? Generally people emigrate from rich countries, such as the UK to Canada, for a marginal improvement in domestic assets; shinier appliances and a bigger TV. That really ought not to be enough to go from unhappy to happy.

energysolutions

Very true - good point

dbd33

The parents have stayed where they are, near the grandparent. They've raised children and now have grandchildren. It may be that they've forsaken any number of dreams, of emigration, of moving to rural Ireland, of a year in Provence, to do the right thing by the family. Now, at last, they've time to enjoy their relatives (an alien concept to me but it does happen). You can hardly blame them for being a bit narked when one of their kids pisses off abroad with the grandchildren.

Don't count on them coming around. My Aunt Elsie had a memorial service for one of her daughters and didn't again mention her; she wasn't dead but a ten pound pom.

scootb

Sorry to hear that!

My mother died back in '97 so only my brother,and father left,both of whom were very positive about taking the family to Canada.My dad is encouraging me to go and reckons if I don't take the chance now I will regret it like the chances that he passed up over the years.

My partners family however are trying to split us up,and want my partner and kids to stay here and forget about me,which I find rich coming from a family that have NEVER bought my kids a SINGLE birthday car,or Xmas card!

I am looking forward,as is my partner to starting a new life in Canada,getting well away from her family is a BIG bonus,they would rather spend their money on drink,than a birthday card so I know(happily)that we will never see them again!

If you feel it is the right move for you,go for it!

My wee brother will never have children either,he needed a kidney transplant back in 2001 due to a childhood illness that no one picked up on until he was in his late 20's.

Alan2005

Good lord! Is this true? I can hardly believe it.