iaink

I think that was one of the three or four that my better half went too, although I'll admit that Ive lost track... Trent, Waterloo, Wllfred Laurier....

OK Maybe not.


Time to do that MBA perhaps

Howefamily

Gosh and that never even crossed my mind!

MarylandNed

Of course - but the point is that it can be done as a student if you want to do it badly enough. There's no need to sit around bored. My 2 daughters worked babysitting/petsitting jobs for neighbors and also worked minimum wage jobs in restaurants and movie theatres to pay for the flights.

But point taken - easy access to the rest of Europe is one of the things I miss about living in the UK.

nivlad

Life is life and you only have one. We moved 3 times to Canada until it felt right, been here 7yrs and never moving back to the UK (went on holiday this yr which was ok but Costa Rica would have been better). Home sickness and the like can be awful. People move back for all reasons so no shame - at least you've tried it. Best of luck

dbd33

Living's easy in Guelph though, moving there is cheating.

lcar

Reckon you are spot on - we worked hard and spent a lot on coming here, and truth be told we like it, and we can see how wonderful it could be. But life is tough, no question.
If it were just us, or our older children were still positive, I think we would carry on making the best of it, and wait for things to fall into place - and yes, they probably will at some point - the networking is going well, and I've got voluntary experience here, and some very good references.
But our 15 year old daughter is truly miserable. She rarely leaves her room, rarely speaks, doesn't smile. And anti-depressants and psychiatrists really aren't what we signed up for.
Looks like plan B is getting closer...

MarylandNed

Not sure how long you've been in Canada or where you are exactly but if the move was recent and you're somewhere relatively "remote" (in comparison to where you were in the UK), I can definitely see why your 15-year-old daughter would have problems settling. That's probably a horrible time to make a move. My moves were either without kids or made while they were very young (4yo max), It can certainly be done with older kids but I think the chances of encountering problems are greater. My son is currently 15 and I just can't see moving him at the moment as he is very settled - school, friends, girlfriend, sports teams, etc. It's possible your daughter will move back to the UK once she's finished with high school e.g. for college or work. Something to think about.

Tony_Tiger

Hi Icar, I came back from a Canadian immigrant integration program in London last week. I don't know if you went to one before you moved. Even though I lived in Canada for three years. I found the session really helpful.

I don't know which province your in, get in touch with your local settlement/immigration society. There are a lot of sub organisations that can help you settle in in terms of work, education, bridging programs and transferring your UK skills into the Canadian labour market.

As for your teenage daughter being 'truly miserable rarely leaves her room, rarely speaks, doesn't smile etc', its called being a teenager. My some of my cousins were exactly like that in their teens.

That being said the first few years immigrating are tough. Hang in there.

__TJ__

speaking as a ping ponger, i have to say going back is no picnic either. we had no choice (job fell thru and we are on PNP so visa for that company only) the first few weeks in the uk we stayed with family and whilst it was lovely to see them again ( been only 7 weeks since we left) living under their feet in less than ideal conditions strained things considerably. we still own our UK house so no benefits to help out while we waited for dh to get a job (which was mercifully quick because he is good at his job and there is always work in the uk) the first month both dh and I suffered depression and while we know we had no choice and had to do what we did, financially it ruined us.

fast forward a few months and he got another job offer, we switched his visa and he had to come to canada without us ( me and three kids) and for four months it was a daily struggle to survive while he established himself in canada, we had to compromise on location ( we are in prince george when we were in vancouver and that was where we wanted to be) for four months dh experienced life here and got used to the pace/layout etc. he found us a huge house and we are in school catchment we wanted, we arrived three weeks ago and althought its not maple ridge - it is lovely here (so far, winter will be hard tho) the kids are doing ok, and dd found a new friend at school on the very first day so that helps.

looking back on that first few months back in the uk, you get all the helpful "friends" saying "didnt you leave the country?" and smirking at you for failing. we didnt knwo if we'd ever get back here and it was truly very very hard emotionally. the kids got back into their uk schools but never really felt as if they belonged there any more. so what your dd misses so much about the uk might not even be there any more.

i dont know what to suggest other than a trip back to uk. do a recce, find a job, house, get kids to catch up with friends etc. might well find its not any greener over there.

or get kids involved in something over here, as soon as i have a car here ill have dd in skating classes, and start up swimming lessons again ( she outgrew it in uk, because the school was rubbish and she progressed thru all the levels and they had nothing more to challenge her) there is also a dojo at the end of the road so she is going to start some martial arts in a few weeks. making friends is hard if you are over 10, and much as we have to network and meet people, they will have to as well.

if you really cant see it ever getting better then research moving before you do it, much as you did coming out here. its no less massive and carried no less impact!

(ps. sorry for war and peace ) and good luck.

ninaDGBCA

I just read your post from June when you were all happy and positive and the kids seemed to like it. I guess it was the first excitement and then the daily life becomes routine and nothing is exciting anymore, you start to see the not so nice things and the rose tinted spectacles turn into shades lol.
But ask yourself why did you move from the UK, what was it that you didn't like and why did you move to North Bay? What changed that the kids don't like it anymore? We've been living in Ottawa for 2.5 years now and I still get days where I want to stay in my room or pack all my things and go back.
And I am not 15 and and on an emotional and hormonal rollercoaster. Leaving family behind and raising children without any help is a challenge and tiring especially during the 10 weeks of summer holidays. I know I've 3 little girls.
I remember that, when I was 15, I was hard work and we didn't move, I hated everything and everyone to the point that my mum questioned whether I liked myself lol, prob not at that time. And a move doesn't make it easier but makes it easier for your daughter to blame something for her moods.
Maybe make a deal with her. Give it a year or till her 17th birthday or similar and if she still doesn't like it you consider moving back. It'll make her feel heard and gives you time to settle and her time to grow out of puberty.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Piff Poff

Your daughter is not alone being prescribed anti depressants and seeing a shrink - in fact your daughter sounds just like mine. Does she wear black all the time too?

Mine is 17 now, will be 18 in Jan, she no longer is on the anti depressants and sleeping pills and we are seeing how grade 12 goes before going back to the shrink, she is the happiest she has been since we moved here, even though the black weird clothes are still a favourite and the looks can occasionally kill, things are looking up for her - it's OH that's struggling now

huddersfieldlass

Hi there - really feel for you. Our Family (myself Oh and three kids) are in Cochrane (Alberta). My eldest was older when we emigrated and tried his best to be positive but in truth didn't really want to leave his friends/extended family. Younger two were just that - young - and are now Canadian through and through. After five years my eldest has settled well but we can't help bearing some guilt for uprooting him and for putting him through all the trials and tribulations he has had to endure. That said he says he is happy now and has a girlfriend and a good circle of friends. He is also a teenager and so mood swings are not unusual!
I have found the local schools Ok here - it is a different system and there are pro's and con's. I have had to accept that we are in Canada and things are different and not to compare educational standards to back home.
My OH had a job all sorted before we got here and I have done odd part time jobs. We need my extra wage to provide those treats such as days out/holidays/etc.

I guess my overall point is that looking back we totally underestimated the cost of living in Canada and whilst Canada is a wonderful place - it comes at a price. We inevitably work harder, longer hours here now (much more than worked in UK) which is ironically the reason we left the UK - i.e to have more family time! Saying we're leaving UK for a better life for the kids seems ridiculous now! We also only get two weeks annual leave a year - compared to 5 weeks back in the UK.

I have to tell myself to stop comparing everything to our old life in the UK and just get on with things! Not easy though when you're off to work in the summer holidays with older child complaining that he has to look after his sister and brother! Sometimes it is all a lot of stress and pressure, but I brought this on myself!

I hope you can find the right solution for you and your family - best of luck.

jossie

Our children were 15, 11 and 2 when we moved and are now 20, 17 and 8. I remember at the time of the move worrying about how they would settle in more than I was worrying about anything else to do with the move. Our view at the time was that we knew what was best for them and in the long run they would be glad we made the move. Luckily it has worked out and they all are very settled here. It's funny how the process of settling in seems to vary depending on how old they are at the time of the move. For example, regarding english accents which kids will either use or hide depending on who they are trying to fit in with, the 20 year old still has a strong Geordie accent and from the age of 15 he was adamant that he would not lose his accent whereas our 17 year old switches from a Geordie accent to a Canadian accent depending on if she is talking to us or her friends and our 8 year old now only speaks in a Canadian accent and even sometimes has a hard time understanding me and my OH!

Regarding the cost of living we have found it overall to be about the same - cheaper petrol / diesel, cheaper property prices (per sq ft) but more expensive car insurance, food etc so we felt it balanced out. In terms of holidays - Me and my OH both have jobs with 5 weeks holidays as do most of our friends so I think that depends on the line of work and the company. We also work way less hours in Canada. In the UK we worked lots of overtime. My OH worked 1 in 3 weekends in the UK as well as a couple of hours each night whereas over here he hasn't worked a single weekend and generally does no overtime. Our professions pay much better over here also so I guess what profession people are in plays a significant part.

lcar

A couple of weeks on, and we're still hanging in there
We talked a lot with my daughter, explained that we really can't afford to move back to the UK at the moment, talked about what isn't going well for her and why.
The bottom line is we are poorer here than we have ever been. Once we've paid the bills, it is a question of sharing out cash for gas, and buying pasta and cheese and tomato sauce to live on for a fortnight at a time with what's left.
It's depressing. No question. But bearable in the long run.
I still think it's a matter of time before I find a job, and that things will improve then. As the months go by, and the familiar experiences return, we will feel more at home.
We are compromising, and moving from our house in the bush just outside town, to a smaller house in town close to their schools, where the children can walk to friends' houses (and school) - at least, we will be when someone buys our house. We're hoping that will help the older children feel more 'at home'.
The hockey season has also started, and they are all settled in their respective rep teams (for which we are paying fortnightly) - which will definitely make them feel that they belong.
I would say things are going a bit better - I just need that elusive job.
Thanks all for your support and understanding - much appreciated.

__TJ__

one day at a time is all it takes. good luck