Telling Family you are emigrating
#76
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by rae
this will sound very harsh, but... some people love to wallow in self pity and relish the attention this brings from some. regardless of age/infirmity this cannot be condoned. do not submit to blackmail in any form
#77
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Well have had a visit from my in laws today and as FIL is very opinionated was waiting for another guilt trip if I am completely honest. However, totally the opposite ! Of course they are very sad to see us go they do realise that we have our life to lead and back us all of the way.
FIL and MIL do travel extensively anyway mainly to Aus and NZ so the trip would be a doddle to them. Spoke to one of OH brothers also today and the only comment he could muster was that we would have to get a large house as he has 3 kids now !!!
Very refreshing after all of the stuff with my mom. Unfortunately that situation remains the same as ever with NO contact from either side.
Like my BIL said if we don't do this we will end up at 60 or 70 saying what if.
FIL and MIL do travel extensively anyway mainly to Aus and NZ so the trip would be a doddle to them. Spoke to one of OH brothers also today and the only comment he could muster was that we would have to get a large house as he has 3 kids now !!!
Very refreshing after all of the stuff with my mom. Unfortunately that situation remains the same as ever with NO contact from either side.
Like my BIL said if we don't do this we will end up at 60 or 70 saying what if.
#78
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by burton bunch
Well have had a visit from my in laws today and as FIL is very opinionated was waiting for another guilt trip if I am completely honest. However, totally the opposite ! Of course they are very sad to see us go they do realise that we have our life to lead and back us all of the way.
FIL and MIL do travel extensively anyway mainly to Aus and NZ so the trip would be a doddle to them. Spoke to one of OH brothers also today and the only comment he could muster was that we would have to get a large house as he has 3 kids now !!!
Very refreshing after all of the stuff with my mom. Unfortunately that situation remains the same as ever with NO contact from either side.
Like my BIL said if we don't do this we will end up at 60 or 70 saying what if.
FIL and MIL do travel extensively anyway mainly to Aus and NZ so the trip would be a doddle to them. Spoke to one of OH brothers also today and the only comment he could muster was that we would have to get a large house as he has 3 kids now !!!
Very refreshing after all of the stuff with my mom. Unfortunately that situation remains the same as ever with NO contact from either side.
Like my BIL said if we don't do this we will end up at 60 or 70 saying what if.
#79
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by Morwenna
Good for you! ..... keep the doors open to your mum though, then if she doesn't come round it is entirely her fault, and you will have nothing to feel guilty about! Just be firm about why you are doing this, and that it actually has nothing to do with the way you feel about her. It is for YOUR family, YOUR future.
Everything that everyone has said does on here does make sense but it doesn't stop the hurt I feel. It's on my mind all day long and I wake up in the night imagining stuff as if I am dreaming it. Do I make sense or am I rambling ?
#80
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by burton bunch
Thanks Morwenna.
Everything that everyone has said does on here does make sense but it doesn't stop the hurt I feel. It's on my mind all day long and I wake up in the night imagining stuff as if I am dreaming it. Do I make sense or am I rambling ?
Everything that everyone has said does on here does make sense but it doesn't stop the hurt I feel. It's on my mind all day long and I wake up in the night imagining stuff as if I am dreaming it. Do I make sense or am I rambling ?
Then last time hubby was on the phone to her I asked to have a chat, and she said whe thought we might have had a falling out, and I just said of course not, and we chatted inconsequentially of this and that. I don't know if she'll ever come round, but I'm gonna do my damnedest not to let unnecessary barriers come between us. She'll always be welcome to come visit, but it's up to her when or if that'll happen. I'm not going to raise the subject again nor beg her to change her mind.
#81
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by burton bunch
Are our parents related ?
We are going to Lethbridge Alberta were are you thinking of ? My hubby has a job there and also we have friends and family there it's not as though I am going to somewhere I don't know anyone so I think that my mom should at least feel as though I am gonna be cared for.
She has said some unexcuseable things and it has got no better a week later than breaking the nenws to her. She is in fact just puching us further away each day and her attitude is very "frosty" indeed. Thought Mancunians were supposed to be warm and friendly!
We are going to Lethbridge Alberta were are you thinking of ? My hubby has a job there and also we have friends and family there it's not as though I am going to somewhere I don't know anyone so I think that my mom should at least feel as though I am gonna be cared for.
She has said some unexcuseable things and it has got no better a week later than breaking the nenws to her. She is in fact just puching us further away each day and her attitude is very "frosty" indeed. Thought Mancunians were supposed to be warm and friendly!
#82
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by Morwenna
Good for you! ..... keep the doors open to your mum though, then if she doesn't come round it is entirely her fault, and you will have nothing to feel guilty about! Just be firm about why you are doing this, and that it actually has nothing to do with the way you feel about her. It is for YOUR family, YOUR future.
I couldn't have put it better myself !!!! Occasionally when people say things like "I will never come to see you" or "You will never see me again" it can be difficult for them to backtrack because of their own pride. It's therefore necessary to make it very easy for them to change their minds and to let them know that the invitation will always be open, regardless of how they feel right now.
#83
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 1,213
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
After putting 110% into a 3 week vacation with my visiting parents, which they thoroughly enjoyed, now taking my vacation ;-) My step-dad would move here (mentioned it on a few occasions) if it weren't for the pensions rules. I've told them i DON'T want them to move here for those reasons, unless the rules change. If only the system was more fair. Next year he retires and my mum works at a school, so they have mentioned extended vacations. Guess my parents have made it easy for me. I feel so lucky. Ironically, this makes me want to make the effort to be with them much more.
Originally Posted by H143
It really is tough the whole parent thing. Although my parents have been behind me I know they are extremely sad about it. They did say to me once that they have never told me how they really feel and implied how much it was hurting them. I have asked them over and over to tell me how they really feel so that I can make a proper decision, but I guess they aren't going to tell me. It's pretty obvious I guess.
I can honestly see myself only being in Canada for about 5 or so years and moving to where they are before they hit 70. I'd love to live in Canada for the rest of my life, but I'd also like to look after my parents when they are old and not regret having 'deserted' them for the rest of my life.
Too bad we can't just move family, friends etc with us somehow.
I can honestly see myself only being in Canada for about 5 or so years and moving to where they are before they hit 70. I'd love to live in Canada for the rest of my life, but I'd also like to look after my parents when they are old and not regret having 'deserted' them for the rest of my life.
Too bad we can't just move family, friends etc with us somehow.
#84
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by windward
Good advice (and true), but there is a balance to be found surely? You only get one set of parents after all.
Though I'm one of those people that believes some things are definitively unforgiveable... Better to be the bigger person, then when they get over it and realise their mistake there are still channels open?
Though I'm one of those people that believes some things are definitively unforgiveable... Better to be the bigger person, then when they get over it and realise their mistake there are still channels open?
#85
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by wonderwoman
i am concentrating on my family unit, my OH and my two boys, as we feel that what we are doing is the right thing.
#86
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
I have been reading this forum for a couple of weeks now and it has become quite addictive. However, on the subject of telling your family you are emigrating I can offer two points of view. In 1992 our only son was in the last year of his PhD at Bristol. He met a Canadian girl and decided she was the one for him. She returned to Vancouver in 1993 so after completing his studies he went out there to visit her. He just dropped into U.B.C., asked for the relevant department and enquired whether they had any openings suitable for him. He didn't know a thing about work permits etc. but after meeting the head of department and explaining what he had studied he was offered a job on the spot! This was in the September. They did all the paperwork for him so by December that same year he was living in Vancouver. When he broke the news to me, I was at work - not the best place to learn that your only child is off to what I thought was the other side of the world. However, we couldn't possibly stand in his way as openings in his field of work are very limited in the UK and gave him every encouragement. We told him if you don't do it when you're young you never will. I didn't feel he was abandoning us and although even now Christmas is not the same, he had to do what was right for him. From the first time we visited him in Vancouver we could see why he chose to live there. In 1995 he married the girlfriend and in 2003 and 2005 they presented us with grandchildren. We have visited every year and in between times see the children via a webcam.
Last year he asked if we would consider going to live there as he wanted us closer particularly now they have the children. Oh, and he said he couldn't get decent Yorkshire pudding.
Would we ever! He submitted the sponsorship application in January this year and according to the CIC website they might look at it within 28 months after which it has to go to the CHC in London for further investigation.
Both my parents are deceased but I do have a mother in law. We are dreading telling her of our plans even though my husband does have a brother living very close to her. She is the sort of person who cannot even understand why we would go abroad for a holiday! We have decided we will tell her if/when we get approval from CIC and although that will not probably be for another couple of years I am already having nightmares about it. I know it will be my fault for dragging her son half way across the world but we are determined to do it as this is the one life you get and you must do what's right for you. There is no way she would ever visit us but I am sure we will come back to the UK from time to time to see friends etc. The few friends we have told have generally said great, but make sure the house is big enough for us to stay for at least a month!
I will be 60 next year and my husband will be 61 so we aren't as young as most of the people who subscribe to this forum but we are just as keen on getting there.
My grandmother emigrated to Canada when she was 70!
Last year he asked if we would consider going to live there as he wanted us closer particularly now they have the children. Oh, and he said he couldn't get decent Yorkshire pudding.
Would we ever! He submitted the sponsorship application in January this year and according to the CIC website they might look at it within 28 months after which it has to go to the CHC in London for further investigation.
Both my parents are deceased but I do have a mother in law. We are dreading telling her of our plans even though my husband does have a brother living very close to her. She is the sort of person who cannot even understand why we would go abroad for a holiday! We have decided we will tell her if/when we get approval from CIC and although that will not probably be for another couple of years I am already having nightmares about it. I know it will be my fault for dragging her son half way across the world but we are determined to do it as this is the one life you get and you must do what's right for you. There is no way she would ever visit us but I am sure we will come back to the UK from time to time to see friends etc. The few friends we have told have generally said great, but make sure the house is big enough for us to stay for at least a month!
I will be 60 next year and my husband will be 61 so we aren't as young as most of the people who subscribe to this forum but we are just as keen on getting there.
My grandmother emigrated to Canada when she was 70!
#87
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 20
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Never too late to live out a dream, perola
#89
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Originally Posted by Perola
I have been reading this forum for a couple of weeks now and it has become quite addictive. However, on the subject of telling your family you are emigrating I can offer two points of view. In 1992 our only son was in the last year of his PhD at Bristol. He met a Canadian girl and decided she was the one for him. She returned to Vancouver in 1993 so after completing his studies he went out there to visit her. He just dropped into U.B.C., asked for the relevant department and enquired whether they had any openings suitable for him. He didn't know a thing about work permits etc. but after meeting the head of department and explaining what he had studied he was offered a job on the spot! This was in the September. They did all the paperwork for him so by December that same year he was living in Vancouver. When he broke the news to me, I was at work - not the best place to learn that your only child is off to what I thought was the other side of the world. However, we couldn't possibly stand in his way as openings in his field of work are very limited in the UK and gave him every encouragement. We told him if you don't do it when you're young you never will. I didn't feel he was abandoning us and although even now Christmas is not the same, he had to do what was right for him. From the first time we visited him in Vancouver we could see why he chose to live there. In 1995 he married the girlfriend and in 2003 and 2005 they presented us with grandchildren. We have visited every year and in between times see the children via a webcam.
Last year he asked if we would consider going to live there as he wanted us closer particularly now they have the children. Oh, and he said he couldn't get decent Yorkshire pudding.
Would we ever! He submitted the sponsorship application in January this year and according to the CIC website they might look at it within 28 months after which it has to go to the CHC in London for further investigation.
Both my parents are deceased but I do have a mother in law. We are dreading telling her of our plans even though my husband does have a brother living very close to her. She is the sort of person who cannot even understand why we would go abroad for a holiday! We have decided we will tell her if/when we get approval from CIC and although that will not probably be for another couple of years I am already having nightmares about it. I know it will be my fault for dragging her son half way across the world but we are determined to do it as this is the one life you get and you must do what's right for you. There is no way she would ever visit us but I am sure we will come back to the UK from time to time to see friends etc. The few friends we have told have generally said great, but make sure the house is big enough for us to stay for at least a month!
I will be 60 next year and my husband will be 61 so we aren't as young as most of the people who subscribe to this forum but we are just as keen on getting there.
My grandmother emigrated to Canada when she was 70!
Last year he asked if we would consider going to live there as he wanted us closer particularly now they have the children. Oh, and he said he couldn't get decent Yorkshire pudding.
Would we ever! He submitted the sponsorship application in January this year and according to the CIC website they might look at it within 28 months after which it has to go to the CHC in London for further investigation.
Both my parents are deceased but I do have a mother in law. We are dreading telling her of our plans even though my husband does have a brother living very close to her. She is the sort of person who cannot even understand why we would go abroad for a holiday! We have decided we will tell her if/when we get approval from CIC and although that will not probably be for another couple of years I am already having nightmares about it. I know it will be my fault for dragging her son half way across the world but we are determined to do it as this is the one life you get and you must do what's right for you. There is no way she would ever visit us but I am sure we will come back to the UK from time to time to see friends etc. The few friends we have told have generally said great, but make sure the house is big enough for us to stay for at least a month!
I will be 60 next year and my husband will be 61 so we aren't as young as most of the people who subscribe to this forum but we are just as keen on getting there.
My grandmother emigrated to Canada when she was 70!
#90
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Just thought I would give all you guys an update.
I actually decided to meet mom head on. Yes she did say a few things that hurt me and yes I did decide to shout some choice things back at her too - thought she deserved it really.
The conclusion of this is that I am kinda talking to my mom BUT she "doesn't want to hear about Canada anymore". Her loss thinkn she still thinks it wont happen but we as a family know differently.
One last thing on this thread is I would like to thank absolutely everyone who has replied to my thread. Everyones comments meant something to me and it also made me realise I was not alone in this world of leaving my mom behind
Thanx
Gaynor
x
I actually decided to meet mom head on. Yes she did say a few things that hurt me and yes I did decide to shout some choice things back at her too - thought she deserved it really.
The conclusion of this is that I am kinda talking to my mom BUT she "doesn't want to hear about Canada anymore". Her loss thinkn she still thinks it wont happen but we as a family know differently.
One last thing on this thread is I would like to thank absolutely everyone who has replied to my thread. Everyones comments meant something to me and it also made me realise I was not alone in this world of leaving my mom behind
Thanx
Gaynor
x