Mr & Mrs

Hi BB Chin up!

I told my parents we were wishing to emigrate and my father was like yes, Go for it, this country has had it, get out why you can, Canada is a glorious place etc. whilst my mother, who is very gregarious has tried playing the martyr card and I have found this hard as she pulls on my heart strings.

At the end of the day and as callous as it sounds your parents etc have had their lives by that I mean they have chosen their paths in life, if yours is to go to CANADA then go. You only live once and could you handle sitting there in your 70's thinking "What if" I know I couldn't

At the end of the day everybody's situation is somewhat different but you have to be selfish on a decision as big and such as this and do what you feel is right no matter who it offends.

Go get em' BB.

EVY

burton bunch

Well just to keep you posted still haven't spoken to my mom. More annoyed that she upset my daughter and hasn't apologised.

Hubby went up today with the kids as I couldn't take anymore of the screaming and although she didn't scream at him she was as he described very "frosty". Told him they were decorating this week (ie tell Gaynor not to come up) and that she is going to Blackpool the following week for a few days (ie don't bother coming up).

I do realise that she is upset and angry but she is pushing us all further away by the day.

One good thing about this is that I don't have the usual stress of her moaning about everything - which is good but I do miss my mom as apart from Phil and the kids she is my only blood relative as dad died 17 years ago.

But before anyone says she is being like this as she will be totally alone - she remarried 10 years ago and my step dad (usually fab) has 3 siblings etc.

Still very upset but will just have to carry on regardless but still feel this will not have been resolved by the time we go.

ellsie

I still haven't told my mother I am going! She doesn't speak to me and has not tried to keep contact with any of her 3 grandchildren. She does know because my brother told her but she has still chosen not to get in touch. That's up to her. I will be moving to BC where her brother and sister emigrated to in the sixties, and we are moving to the same town as her brother and his wife who have helped us enormously and are looking after our house for us! All the family in this country live in Scotland and we have had few visits since we came to England many years ago, so we have had little interest in our plans. We may get more visits there than we had here! My Dad is losing his memory and seems to think I am going to India. He has visited once when my eldest was 4 and now she is nearly 13! Most of his siblings emigrated too in the sixties to New Zealand, it must be in the blood! I don't think we will be missed at all, in fact it will be odd to have rellies in the same town to think about, that will take a bit of getting used to! On the other side FIL has passed away and MIL rarely visits. She has two other sons close by and has been happy about our plans.
We have our own little family and they come first, that is one of our reasons for leaving. Anyone who wants to visit will be welcome,but I will not be looking back.

flipflop

oh dear, isnt it sad that they cant just be happy for you. i have just told my parents that we are considering moving to canada and the reaction i got was "you,ll never see your brother again" and "me and your father will probably only visit the once". i think its sad that they cant see that it could be a wonderful opportunity to start an amazing new life. though i can understand its not easy to lose your children(even when there nearly fourty), it just puts a downer on the whole thing. heres hoping that they come round to the idea. good luck

burton bunch

Are our parents related ?

We are going to Lethbridge Alberta were are you thinking of ? My hubby has a job there and also we have friends and family there it's not as though I am going to somewhere I don't know anyone so I think that my mom should at least feel as though I am gonna be cared for.

She has said some unexcuseable things and it has got no better a week later than breaking the nenws to her. She is in fact just puching us further away each day and her attitude is very "frosty" indeed. Thought Mancunians were supposed to be warm and friendly!

H143

It really is tough the whole parent thing. Although my parents have been behind me I know they are extremely sad about it. They did say to me once that they have never told me how they really feel and implied how much it was hurting them. I have asked them over and over to tell me how they really feel so that I can make a proper decision, but I guess they aren't going to tell me. It's pretty obvious I guess.

I can honestly see myself only being in Canada for about 5 or so years and moving to where they are before they hit 70. I'd love to live in Canada for the rest of my life, but I'd also like to look after my parents when they are old and not regret having 'deserted' them for the rest of my life.

Too bad we can't just move family, friends etc with us somehow.

rae

not a chance, this is where my MIL is from and the latest from her is she has just cancelled her 60th birthday and silver wedding anniversary because of us basically. at least now she can have all the sympathy and attention which is really what it is all about. very sad.
have to ask yourselves, do you really want to spend another 20yrs with cold, manipulative, unreasonable, selfish, spiteful people like this, just cause they are mum and dad, doesn't automatically make them nice people.

burton bunch

Exactly. You just reminded me my mom is due to celebrate her 60th in April 07 so I now know what to expect !!!!

rae

you have my sympathies.
this is a list of what we have gone through. waiting for next change of heart, shouldn't be long.
re taking of their vows-cancelled
family meal for 30+ relatives-cancelled
weekend away for closest relatives-cancelled
family meal for closest relatives-cancelled.
holiday just for MIL and FIL-cancelled


there is more i shall not bore you with. the point, yes there is one, is its all our fault. this is a less than subtle attempt to upset mrs g, which much to my frustration is working. again, does anyone really want to remain anywhere for people who treat you like this.

Alberta_Rose

You say that now, but you are single and unattached and can still go where the wind blows you more or less, so if you decide to stay in Canada it really is a "selfish" decision .... and I don't mean that nastily, I mean it's because you only have to consider yourself. If you go "home" "before they hit 70", (and they live to 98 or something), are you really going to sit by their sides for up to 20/25 years in case they need you?

Perhaps you will, but priorities do change. For us, and for many families, we have firmly decided that this is where we want our kids to grow up. They are so happy here and flourishing, where they were failing miserably to do so back in the UK.

My parents I am not so worried about, though I miss them terribly, as they still have eachother and support from other siblings in the UK. My MIL is terribly alone however, and she is the one that gives us concern. But we have weighed things up, and still feel we have done the right thing for the boys.

We shall have to cross the bridge of what happens in the event of deteriorating health when it occurs, I suppose.
We have left a lonely, frightened old lady, and we feel horrible about it, but I still feel she has made the severance more complete than it needs to be by a complete refusal to contemplate even visiting. "I shall never see any of you again!!" she wails, and is apparently determined that it should be so.

Bleech

Reading this thread is very sad, it must be so hard for some of you guys
I didn't realise how lucky we were as we had the support from both sides of our family. I know my Mum is upset, understandable as we've moved her only 3 grandchildren out here, but they've coped very well and are coming over to visit next year. Webcams really help
I wish you all luck.

rae

this will sound very harsh, but... some people love to wallow in self pity and relish the attention this brings from some. regardless of age/infirmity this cannot be condoned. do not submit to blackmail in any form

windward

Good advice (and true), but there is a balance to be found surely? You only get one set of parents after all.

Though I'm one of those people that believes some things are definitively unforgiveable... Better to be the bigger person, then when they get over it and realise their mistake there are still channels open?

H143

I know you didn't mean it nastily, but yes you are right, I'm being totally selfish. I'm well aware of this and hence question my decision every day.

My parents have actually since emigrated to Australia to be near my sister (they looked at Canada but hated it) so for me to be with them I have to emigrate to Australia also. Which would be an entirely unselfish decision on my part (apart from the fact I would feel much better not living with guilt) because I don't really fancy another immigration process, Sydney is bloody hot (although a nice city) and to be honest I wouldn't even consider moving there if they all weren't there. And yes I would prob be 'by their side' until my parents passed away.

I think for those of you with children you are so right to go. You are making a much better life for your children and giving them so many more opportunities. It's your and their turn for a life now and your parents should appreciate that more, despite being sad for themselves.

Alberta_Rose

You know, I think I used the wrong word when I said selfish, even though I tried to ameliorate it. I mean you are, or should be, unfettered, and able to do what is right for you.

Your parents may be sad that you have gone, but they are by no means helpless, and the fact that they themselves have upped and moved to Oz, rather than sit on their hands moaning and waiting for you to come back shows this.

You don't know yet what might happen ahead of you. If I were you, I'd enjoy the moment and see where life takes me. Don't think ahead so much