Almost Canadian

Which basically suggests that he was taking the p*ss while living with you.

The argument always seems to be "the reason why my 37 year old is still living with me is that it is too expensive for them to step out on their own these days"

I not saying that this applied in your situation but, anecdotally, it is amazing how often the poor children are able to cope once the situation requires them to.

Bramley

Far from it, my son didn't "take the p*ss" as you put it. He has a girlfriend of 3 years, just finished his A levels and like most teenagers these days still couldn't decide which career path to take. We brought him over to land so at least he has his PR and 3 years breathing space. He now has a different outlook on life and doesn't take things for granted because most teenagers these days think the world owes them a living.

Almost Canadian

Apologies. It was your quote of "forced him to get off his backside" or similar that made me think as I did.

Bramley

Fair point and no apology needed

Coffeepot

We are leaving 2 possibly 3 behind, all at uni and have there own lives, ( apart from the bank of mum and dad ) the the 21 year old has 1 year left she will land with us and is a dependant on our PR application, the choice will be hers, she has a boyfriend another student who is from New Zealand have been together for about 18 months, with both British and NZ passports, not sure how that will pan out but she could end up in any country really ?
The other 2 boys are older so can't be dependants but still at uni, 1 is in his final year Architect ( 7 years )

Also have a 9 year old obviously coming with us, he is really looking forward to it. Although he does have wobbles from time to time,

The older boys are both talking about living abroad for a while after uni, that is something i would encourage and wish we had done this sooner,

I see this as an opportunity for them as well as us, they can visit and see what they think of the country, of course we would love them to be in the same place as us but thats something they have to decide not us, They will all have skills that are required in most countries which is very fortunate,
Especially hard now there are grandchildren involved

Just because something is right for us doesn't mean it is for them, I believe they can make up there own minds

Pebblebeach

It is a really difficult situation. Obviously you want your kids to be with you but also want what is right for them and not to pressurise them in to doing what you want, when they are at an age to decide for themselves. MIL has always done this with OH and I won't be like that to my kids. I want them to come with us, but if this doesn't work out I will support them in their decision as best I can (but hope they might change their minds later!).

The only thing I have really pushed for with my two teens is for them to "land" to keep their options as open as possible, which luckily they both agreed was sensible and did this Easter.

I have two sons, one in the middle of his Engineering degree in the UK and one just taking his A levels. The youngest has never been convinced about emigrating. Eldest is very excited about Canada and is trying to sort things out now to spend one year at his current Uni and one year at a Uni in Canada to complete his degree. May or may not be close to us, but he is excited about the opportunities and wants to move with us in July and spend the summer getting to know NS.

Youngest still may stay here in the UK. Has offers from Unis in the UK and is waiting on offers from last minute applications to a couple of Canadian Unis. As the time has got closer to go, he has become(a little) less anti (hence actually making some Canadian Uni applications). The most important thing at the moment is not to distract him too much whilst he has to study for his A levels, which is quite difficult with all this weighing down and also trying to sell the house. We thought the end of School would be a good time to move, not so sure now. CIC and that massive queue still seems to be having a knock on effect, moving when the kids were younger would have been easier in many ways.

I hope things work out for you and your kids, wherever they decide to live.

Hollis Family

Hi

We moved over from Scotland last June with a 15 year old and a 13 year old. Our 15 year old left his girlfriend (of 18 months) behind, to be honest we thought it would fizzle out after a few months but it hasn't and she is coming out in July for a holiday! Our kids were 9 and 12 when we applied so when the the time came 3 years later the positivity had almost vanished from our 15 (almost 16) year old!

His plan was to come over and try it but as soon as he could to go back to Scotland to study, 1 year on (and although the girlfriend issue hasn't disappeared) he has no interest in going back (other than for a visit) and fully intends to study here in Canada. We didn't push things too much when we came, we told him that if he still felt the same way after 3 years (when he'll qualify for citizenship and have the flexibility to go back and forth) then we would support him. What we didn't want to happen was for him to go back early, realise he had made a mistake and then not qualify to get back in! Our boys have settled unbelievably well given their ages and have great friends.

Our oldest (now almost 17) went to his semi formal last week in the kilt (I think he thinks he is Braveheart!!) and was the star attraction. Spent the night having his pics taken with cute Canadian girls. No loss of accent either as this is a hit with the ladies, sounds more like Sean Connery every day!! lol

I hope it all goes well - feel free to email me if you want any other info!

Michelle

stepnek

We moved over to Canada in 2004 with my three teenage daughters. The end result has been that two have moved over to Edmonton, Alberta and the other has moved back to England. So they are all a long, long way from me and I don't like it at all.

One of my daughters in Edmonton has married and now has bought her own home but being so far away means that it's difficult for me to be a part of her adult life. She'll ask me things about the house and I'd love to be able to pop around and show her but I can't.

I'm quite enjoying my life here in Canada after taking a long time to settle but I am in no doubt at all that if I'd known how my children would end up being spread far and wide then I would not have moved here. It saddens me greatly to miss out on lots of regular contact with them apart from phone conversations.

Now it's true that I cannot say with any certainty that they may not have moved long distances if we'd stayed in Britain but I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't all have ended up thousands of miles away.

It's tough knowing what to do about adult kids with all of this moving overseas lark but I miss my kids a lot and I wish that I could spend more time with them socially as adults but now I don't see that ever happening on a regular basis.

pennyhp

I certainly sympathise with your dilema. Our two boys both came with us and were 19 and 23 respectively at the time. I am not sure we would be here now if they hadn't.

If you already have PR hhave you all landed yet?
If he has landed then he should have some time to make up his mind before losing his PR.
And if you have not already landed then if he can at least be persuaded to land with you then he can take 3 years to decide whether or not to come and try Canada before he loses his status.

Hope it all works out for you.

Bramley

My heart sincerely goes out to you

paularn

I moved from Canada to Australia in February. I left 4 kids behind in Canada.

My daughter - almost 25, lives with her boyfriend of almost 6yrs, currently in college to become a nurse, working part/fulltime.

My son - almost 21, lives with his father. Currently in college, only 6 months in on a 3yr course. Has an on again/off again girlfriend. Works part time.

My daughter - 20, works fulltime and is living with her boyfriend.

My son - 17, lives with his father too, is about to finish high school and is off to college in September.

As you see, all my kids are living their own lives and doing their own thing, they didn't want to move here with me. And thats their choice.

All seem to be fine with me being down under except the oldest who was laying on the guilt big time ie. I won't be there to help her plan her wedding (whenever that is!)...I won't be there while she's pregnant (which better be after the 'wedding' lol), blah blah blah...you get the picture. I understand what she's getting at, but really what is to say that IF I stayed at home that her and her boyfriend wouldn't up and move across to the other side of Canada?!? (it may not happen, but we don't know where life takes us, jobs may be better for them in another province, who knows!) I wouldn't stop her if thats what she wanted to do, I would want her to live her life to the fullest and experience whatever it is she wants. If that means she'll be happy moving away from home, then so be it.

My parents have to put up with their only child (me!) living on the other side of the world. They probably aren't thrilled with the idea but I'm an adult who can make decisions that I feel are right for me. And to avoid conflict, they should just go along with it! Really, its not their life, its mine.

So I can understand how you feel.

But with your son as with my children, you have to make sure that he knows that all he has to do is make the call and say he wants to come and you'll get him there. I have told mine that if at any time they want to come here, they are to let me know and I would sponsor them into OZ (I'm a dual citizen). I'm hoping that once they come for a visit they won't want to leave

burton bunch

I agree with this.

I know of a girl who was similar age at the time of landing and decided to go back to the UK to do the college course of her dreams and then moved out here at 20.

She settled well got a good job and lasted 4 months because the pull of her boyfriend in the UK was sooooo great.

This caused so much upset for her parents that she wasnt here with them. We have yet to see if the decision was right for her but as AC says they are at that age old enough to make their own decision

Caitilin

It seems to me that young as they are, we treat boyfriends and girlfriends lightly and with scorn, but spouses and common law spouses are held in the highest regards and its a tragedy if we have to be seperated from them.

And the difference? is in time and the eye of the beholder.

I'd ask him to land, and then let him make his own choices. I was blessed with parents who aside from a few token groans and 'where is it this time' never gave me a bit of hassle for living in 6(!) countries and to this day I talk to them regularly. I'd hate to lose that if they were insistent and doing the guilt trip thing.