struggling to settle
#31
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Calgary
Posts: 962
Re: struggling to settle
That wasn't nice to read and so I can't imagine what it was like to live it, I feel for you and hope you get some good in the future.
#34
Re: struggling to settle
You'd never have gotten away with pulling a shot gun on potential suiters back in Camden.
#35
Every day's a school day
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Was Calgary back in Edmonton again !!
Posts: 2,667
Re: struggling to settle
Been here nearly 9 months. Yes not that long. But feels long when not feeling settled. Gave up everything anyone needs in life back home to try 'the dream'. Sought after career, modest home in nice enough area, financial security, good work / life balance etc. Currently pursuing the same here in Ontario granted under a more blue sky at times. But without established friendships, family support. So will here ever feel like home? Does that niggling feeling of being unconnected ever go away? Do I have the wrong attitude and am negative and looking back , comparing, being nostalgic? Or do I have early insight to what others can realise years down the line, scratch the surface and its the same bull#hit in life, just a different backdrop
#36
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 1,664
Re: struggling to settle
My 2c is that if you are really, truly unhappy somewhere after 9 months then cut your losses and go where you will be. Yes, you may have a nice house, you may have kids who do well in school, a happy wife. But I can testify that being in another country can be very isolating when you need family. In the past 3 years while I have been living in Australia I have got divorced, been demoted with the accompanying $15k pay cut, had my youngest child commit suicide and had to put my mother in a nursing home. Let me tell you that there is nothing I needed more during any of those times than to be near my sisters and brothers.
My new partner and I have applied for a visa for him to come live with me back home in Canada, but now it looks like I might need to put that on hold. My ex husband is moving 5 hours flight away and if I move to Canada that would leave my daughter alone here.
My new partner and I have applied for a visa for him to come live with me back home in Canada, but now it looks like I might need to put that on hold. My ex husband is moving 5 hours flight away and if I move to Canada that would leave my daughter alone here.
#37
BE user by choice
Joined: Oct 2010
Location: A Briton, married to a Canadian, now in Fredericton.
Posts: 4,854
Re: struggling to settle
Im doing it for the second time around and finding it much harder this time..i settled in pretty quick first time..but this time its really hard work esp since i had lived in Canada for 5 years previously you would think i would know what to expect...im desperate for spring to arrive so i can get out and about more and get myself a bike..otherwise i will die from boredom.
I am currently scratching where I don't itch...I am longing to run, just go out and DO it! We are all bloody snow/rain bound...my Cairn Terrier longs to go free and I can't even let him out in the garden as he could walk over the fence...
Struggling is always there...we all feel it, but it gives pain so much worse at the end of winter hang tight, relief is in sight
#38
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 260
Re: struggling to settle
Been here nearly 9 months. Yes not that long. But feels long when not feeling settled. Gave up everything anyone needs in life back home to try 'the dream'. Sought after career, modest home in nice enough area, financial security, good work / life balance etc. Currently pursuing the same here in Ontario granted under a more blue sky at times. But without established friendships, family support. So will here ever feel like home? Does that niggling feeling of being unconnected ever go away? Do I have the wrong attitude and am negative and looking back , comparing, being nostalgic? Or do I have early insight to what others can realise years down the line, scratch the surface and its the same bull#hit in life, just a different backdrop
Last edited by miss_mp; Feb 22nd 2017 at 3:02 am.
#39
Re: struggling to settle
I have noticed, very markedly, that when the end of winter starts to arrive very many more - depressive/desperate - posts appear.
I am currently scratching where I don't itch...I am longing to run, just go out and DO it! We are all bloody snow/rain bound...my Cairn Terrier longs to go free and I can't even let him out in the garden as he could walk over the fence...
Struggling is always there...we all feel it, but it gives pain so much worse at the end of winter hang tight, relief is in sight
I am currently scratching where I don't itch...I am longing to run, just go out and DO it! We are all bloody snow/rain bound...my Cairn Terrier longs to go free and I can't even let him out in the garden as he could walk over the fence...
Struggling is always there...we all feel it, but it gives pain so much worse at the end of winter hang tight, relief is in sight
Last edited by Oink; Feb 22nd 2017 at 3:18 am.
#40
Re: struggling to settle
Been here nearly 9 months. Yes not that long. But feels long when not feeling settled. Gave up everything anyone needs in life back home to try 'the dream'. Sought after career, modest home in nice enough area, financial security, good work / life balance etc. Currently pursuing the same here in Ontario granted under a more blue sky at times. But without established friendships, family support. So will here ever feel like home? Does that niggling feeling of being unconnected ever go away? Do I have the wrong attitude and am negative and looking back , comparing, being nostalgic? Or do I have early insight to what others can realise years down the line, scratch the surface and its the same bull#hit in life, just a different backdrop
Ive said this a few times before, but in my mind the key to a successful emigration and enjoying your new life are based on these strong reasons.... ie you need a strong push to make you want to leave the UK, but also a strong pull as to why you want to live a life in Canada.
These reasons could be varied, but they need to be strong and determined or "the dream" will collapse at the first hurdle. Time wont change this.....its all about personal attitude....it sounds to me as if nothing was pushing you from the UK - you were happy, and nothing was really pulling you to Canada, there lies your problem, and time wont change that.
I see your biggest obstacle will be convincing your other half to abandon "the dream" and return to the UK, does she still see it as "the dream"?
Last edited by Paul_Shepherd; Feb 22nd 2017 at 4:27 pm.
#41
Re: struggling to settle
I have noticed, very markedly, that when the end of winter starts to arrive very many more - depressive/desperate - posts appear.
I am currently scratching where I don't itch...I am longing to run, just go out and DO it! We are all bloody snow/rain bound...my Cairn Terrier longs to go free and I can't even let him out in the garden as he could walk over the fence...
Struggling is always there...we all feel it, but it gives pain so much worse at the end of winter hang tight, relief is in sight
I am currently scratching where I don't itch...I am longing to run, just go out and DO it! We are all bloody snow/rain bound...my Cairn Terrier longs to go free and I can't even let him out in the garden as he could walk over the fence...
Struggling is always there...we all feel it, but it gives pain so much worse at the end of winter hang tight, relief is in sight
Really no need to be housebound in winter unless you're in the middle of a storm.
#43
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 44
Re: struggling to settle
This is the age old dillema....to emigrate from one country to another, you need strong reasons...ok some people just try it for the hell of it, some "do it for the kids" some "for a change of life" some for a new job....some because their spouse wants to. The problem with all these reasons....is they are not strong enough reasons, (with the exception of maybe doing it for the spouse - but even then that can turn resentful)
Ive said this a few times before, but in my mind the key to a successful emigration and enjoying your new life are based on these strong reasons.... ie you need a strong push to make you want to leave the UK, but also a strong pull as to why you want to live a life in Canada.
These reasons could be varied, but they need to be strong and determined or "the dream" will collapse at the first hurdle. Time wont change this.....its all about personal attitude....it sounds to me as if nothing was pushing you from the UK - you were happy, and nothing was really pulling you to Canada, there lies your problem, and time wont change that.
I see your biggest obstacle will be convincing your other half to abandon "the dream" and return to the UK, does she still see it as "the dream"?
Ive said this a few times before, but in my mind the key to a successful emigration and enjoying your new life are based on these strong reasons.... ie you need a strong push to make you want to leave the UK, but also a strong pull as to why you want to live a life in Canada.
These reasons could be varied, but they need to be strong and determined or "the dream" will collapse at the first hurdle. Time wont change this.....its all about personal attitude....it sounds to me as if nothing was pushing you from the UK - you were happy, and nothing was really pulling you to Canada, there lies your problem, and time wont change that.
I see your biggest obstacle will be convincing your other half to abandon "the dream" and return to the UK, does she still see it as "the dream"?
#44
Re: struggling to settle
Excellent insight mate. True on many counts. At one point in time I strived for this move also, but the dynamics shifted when the kids grew a bit and started school, and I took stock and focussed on the positives of what we had, and my mindset changed. Yes I was content as Id ever been. Dare I say it almost 'happy'. But it was 'too late'. We had our visas, invested an insane amount time, money(still do), effort and stress into this country (CA) and my wife maintained it was her dream and she 'had to do it'. We gave up everything. But I gave up more. (In terms of employment security). Im afraid to say resentment has in fact developed a little. Its all down to individual preference and experiences ( and Im not knocking Canada as a whole or intending to disrespect the people etc, as it is a nice enough place with the odd little advantage over the uk) some disadvantages also so its swings and roundabouts. But, as a warning to others out there who feel the thought emigrating is exciting, if you are fed up with your lot and think a dazzling new life of 'happiness' awaits you because the sun shines a few more months of the year or whichever materialistic or superficial reason you have, please have a word with yourself. This place is like any other in the world. Its just a place. Suppose you wont ever really get it until you live and breathe it upclose for yourself.
I hope that she is now currently taking on board how you are feeling- it cant all be one way traffic- a really difficult situation, I hope it works out for you both in the end. Resentment is never good for anyone, it has the potential to seeth and boil up.
#45
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 516
Re: struggling to settle
Whilst I personally hate living here in NB, I can't see why people have such a problem getting out and about. Everywhere I look parks are having events to encourage people to get out and about so trails are cleared, snowshoes and the like are offered, and there's even free hot chocolate. The pavements / sidewalks are also cleared so I see loads of people walking, running and cycling.
ETA: managed to lose the quote in case the OP (or others) is confused! I was supposed to be replying to MillieF's quote.
ETA: managed to lose the quote in case the OP (or others) is confused! I was supposed to be replying to MillieF's quote.
Last edited by cxx; Feb 22nd 2017 at 11:09 pm.