dbd33

I am not claiming to have thought things through and I think that generally when people say they are moving "for the children" it is so that they, the parents, can have more gadgets which will somehow incidentally benefit the kids. Nonetheless, I have children, they have cousins and so I have a base of comparison. My children were better off for their parents having emigrated; they are girls and all of them finished high school without getting banged up.

BEVS

I feel for you & echo your thoughts here.

BEVS
New Zealand the past 13 yrs.

Teaandtoday5

Why are girls more likely to have pursued a (n unsuccessful) life of crime if you hadn't emigrated?

Jimbo2012

I can empathise with what you are saying but, as someone else posted earlier, 9 months is no time at all in respect of an adjustment period. Two years (and even as many as five) is more realistic.
I'm approaching the 5-year mark and it occurred to me recently that this has felt like "home" for a while now and, on my last couple of visits to the UK, I felt some reverse culture-shock and found myself missing this place (not least the sunshine).
Stick with it and I'm sure it will improve for you. I can't say I envy your 5am commutes in the GTA but Canada is not just the GTA. Are you truly tied to this regime in terms of your job?

dbd33

Knocked up might have been better there than banged up. I meant that, by comparison with their cousins in the UK, they've been blessed in managing not to reproduce during their teenaged years.

MillieF

I lived in a couple of countries where I 'ended up' and lived and worked happily for a few years. Moving to Canada was altogether different. I have a Canadian husband and child. The pressure is on...my child is doing well and is happy but my husband is turning into a Canadian, I fear - 25 years out of his country of birth had knocked the edges off him - but he said, "I want to go home", so we did.

I am not unhappy. I have an adequate existence and am doing well by others standards - but my yardstick is purely mine. I will never settle here (and I got my Citizenship today) but that gives me the freedom to go and come, somewhat more frequently and with more ease, than I had until now.

Other than your children, what led you and your wife to come here in the first place? What were you hoping for? Other than the children did you find it?

It's easy to sometimes see the future in rosy spectacles, but unfortunately even easier to see the same recent past in the same way on bad days.

Very best of luck

Stinkypup

Congrats!

pdarwin

Sounds very familiar. We've been here 17 years now and I think if I had a good job to go back to in the UK or EU then we'd go. We don't have kids and this is the fourth country we've lived, so the actual move is not a big deal for us, but when I see the shytefest that's happening in the EU right now, perhaps wait a few months and see how it all pans out.
The thing is - if you had not have moved here, you'd always be wondering 'what if...' and you've had least experienced another culture that you otherwise would not have done. You can't go through life making the perfect choices every time.

Siouxie

Congrats!

Are you stuck with the place you are living and the horrible commute, or could you move elsewhere? I think resentment will build if you have to keep up the rotten hours. Canada isn't for everyone, but a lot of people settle in one place, hate it and then return to the UK.. whereas had they moved to a different area, they might just have found that balance they were looking for.

I personally think 9 months is too soon to make a decision, but I would definitely investigate the possiblity of moving elsewhere, somewhere where you can spend more time at home or doing fun things and less time stuck in traffic and paying high rent!

One thing I would say though is you need to stop comparing one country to the other - it doesn't help a bit.

I was fortunate, I felt at home here from the 1st day of the 1st visit and have felt the same ever since.. but for others it takes time. Don't beat yourself up over it, see if there are changes you can make to improve it! (and yes, how you feel counts too - don't forget that).

Dorothy

My 2c is that if you are really, truly unhappy somewhere after 9 months then cut your losses and go where you will be. Yes, you may have a nice house, you may have kids who do well in school, a happy wife. But I can testify that being in another country can be very isolating when you need family. In the past 3 years while I have been living in Australia I have got divorced, been demoted with the accompanying $15k pay cut, had my youngest child commit suicide and had to put my mother in a nursing home. Let me tell you that there is nothing I needed more during any of those times than to be near my sisters and brothers.

My new partner and I have applied for a visa for him to come live with me back home in Canada, but now it looks like I might need to put that on hold. My ex husband is moving 5 hours flight away and if I move to Canada that would leave my daughter alone here.

BEVS

I need new spectacles. I read that as -

'You can't go through life making the perfect choccies every time.'

pdarwin

Both statements have merit...

scrubbedexpat091

I'd lean towards 9 months not being enough time, but then at the same time looking back, had I bounced out of Canada at the 9 month mark things may have turned out differently.

At the end of the day only you can decide what to do, some find they adapt quickly, others take a year or 2, some never do, hard to predict which category you will fall into.

Snowy560

I don't think 9 months is enough time.

It sounds like you are going through Stage 2 which is culture shock. Like this (which is written for Canadian expats but the same applies to us lot here):

https://travel.gc.ca/travelling/livi.../culture-shock

I've only just started to feel settled and it's been more than 5 years (but I'm quite old). I still miss London with real pangs (I had one of those moments just yesterday). But when I do go back (it's less and less), I feel weird: like I know the place really well (obviously) but that I don't feel part of it. I don't even like Walkers Crisps as much as I used to. I don't compare prices and processes nearly as much as I used to either, even when I have to file the dreaded Canadian tax return ("Why do I have to waste my time doing this? Why can't it all be PAYE, net payments etc. like it is in the UK?").

Siouxie

Oh well found! That reminded me that we have an article on culture shock in the Wiki!

Culture Shock-Canada : British Expat Wiki

and another useful one http://britishexpats.com/wiki/When_t...rong_in_Canada