MillieF

I see lots of families who earn less than $26,000 gross who are happy, and have no complaint. Admittedly, this is not Vancouver, but I think a lot of this is looking at it from a different perspective. NB is cheaper for housing, but our salaries are less too, and given our remoteness and lack of population, fresh vegetable prices can be high.

scrubbedexpat091

All depends on cost of living/housing etc.

$26,000 goes further in NB most likely than it does in BC. Our rent alone is $21,000 per year, and that is actually deemed as affordable by the city.

It's the cost of housing that makes things near impossible, but housing is essential, and we are not exactly in a good are nor a luxury building. It's actually not a very good building, poorly built too with low quality appliances, but you can own a 1 bedroom for as little as 650,000....

Every human on the planet has different needs to be happy, I am sure there is at least one drug addict living on the DTES who is happy with their life, but vast majority of humans would not be.

If I could just have 1 aquarium or a yard to sit in, it would be a lot of benefit to me. Sure there is a small patio, but it gets no sun, is noisy, and covered in black soot from the traffic, about as far from a relaxing outdoor space as you can get.

Money may not buy happiness but it does buy things that can make one happy, and does give one more freedom and ability to do things they enjoy which brings happiness, and having more money means less stress.

scilly

We've sort of strayed away from the OP's question of whether anyone had successfully lived in a long distance relationship split between Canada and the UK.

True, money enters into it, as the couple would have to be able to support two residences etc, with one of them being in an extremely expensive region of Ontario.

I think the success of that kind of relationship depends a whole lot more on the relationship itself. Some are strong enough to withstand the stress of being apart, some are not.

We lived apart for about 11 months almost 30 years ago ............ OH and daughter went to NZ on leave and I had to stay here. I managed the house, had to do all the housekeeping as well as working (we'd always shared), had to learn the finances as OH had always done them. I did go down there for December and January, then came back on my own for the remaining 6 months.

It was hard. It was lonely, even though I had friends who invited me out for dinner, etc. But we survived it ............ and I still handle all the finances

Is the OP's marriage strong enough?? None of us on here can possibly know that from the information we have, which is the OP's view and his opinion of his wife's views.

Would they do better to move from the very expensive area where they live? Very possibly, as much of the current stress would disappear.

BUT are there other stresses in he relationship that would then appear?? Who knows!!

It does seem to me from this great distance that trying a move to a less expensive area would be the first step to try. But who am I to suggest that??

MillieF

We did verge a bit Scilly, thank you for getting it back on track. How long is the OP envisaging being gone at one time?

I have had a very (mostly) happy marriage for the last 20 years but I put it's success down to the fact that we might have been together in that time for 7 years. I am independent and couldn't bare being stuck with someone all the time, nor could he...so it works. When my husband was always overseas that was great because we had a vague schedule of 8 weeks on 6 weeks off...so some sort of planning was possible. Since we've been in Canada it's gone to hell. He's gone now and I have no idea when he might return and I do find that very frustrating and I can get quite cross I don't like having no idea what is going on. Our son is having his wisdom teeth out and I have no clue as to whether his father might be there and it bothers me...I don't know why but suddenly it does.

Communication is the key with any of these things. You have to know that you 'both' have the same expectations. One person in a relationship can't decide independently that the goal posts need shifting and set about doing so. All sorts of anxiety and trauma will be the result. Clearly defined goals and roles have to be established if anything good is going to go forward in the long term.

Very best of luck!

scilly

Millie ...............

that must be hard!

At least I knew that there was a defined time that they were going to be away, and that they would both be back in July. Daughter took a gap year after graduating from high school, and it worked out great. She wasn't allowed to work in NZ (despite having been told otherwise), but she did volunteer work and thought very deeply about what she wanted to do at university, ended up switching from science to arts, then of course after getting a Master's she switched careers again! Darned kids!!

But we had been married for over 20 years, and felt our marriage was solid ....... and that is I think the key to that kind of separation.

The OP doesn't seem to have mentioned how long his absences are likely to be, if I'm remembering correctly.

no good name

abner

Fully agree.

You're just not in a cold-enough part of Canada. Full-on winter temperatures--a dry cold--are glorious for the well-prepared. Spring is miserable, but there's always one bad season anywhere on the planet.

;-)

no good name

I am honestly not sure. I really am clutching at straws. BUT, if the scenario 'on paper' materialised, I roughly calculated that I could be in Canada 80 days out the year... the rest in the UK.
When I see it highlighted on a calander the potential stints i could fly over and spend time with my wife and kids is actually a horrible feeling.

But I need to do something. Some days things are really not good...

abner

In Australia, there are a reasonably large number of semi-permanent "FIFO" jobs (fly-in, fly-out) in the resources industry, for high-value skilled-labour or on-site supervisory roles. Not probably your job category, but similar enough to your described potential scenario to be worth commenting on. The typical gig is two-weeks-on, two-weeks-off, all travel happens on "your two weeks", but there is often some subsidy of the travel expense, and/or ways in which the employer can make it tax-efficient for the employee. Again, not likely your exact scenario, but the details don't actually matter.

What does matter is how well such an arrangement works, and for whom, and how often it really doesn't work and for whom. Sustained FIFO arrangements wouldn't exist if they didn't work for the employer (who gains skilled employees who wouldn't otherwise be willing to live and work exclusively within remote mining camps), and for at least some employees, who find the trade-off compelling enough to sustain the arrangement over a long period of time. The employee enthusiasts tend to be either young and single, or older and near retirement.

But conversely the remote-working lifestyle is, notoriously, often toxic for families with school-age children, and it's particularly so where the marital relationship is already stressed.

I've experienced the white-collar version of the lifestyle myself, in three different contexts: as a child, as a single adult, and as a family man. The single-man version rocked while it lasted (as my VP at the time put it, "your job's on a plane, it's up to you where you spend your weekends"), but the childhood and family man episodes were very stressful for all concerned.

I'm accordingly biased, but I can't see the adoption of a FIFO-type lifestyle as at all likely to solve your longterm marital issues. It might prove a temporary balm for your disaffection with Canada, but has a strong likelihood of worsening your relationships with your partner and your children.