minimeeze

I am NOT excited to see the snow. I'm on call 24/7 and live up a mountain.....



always reminds me of the snow shoveller story:

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?

snowcandy

Love it, very funny story minimeeze ...but only because we renting a townhouse in a condo so don't have to shovel the snow again this winter, although the kids like to Once we buy our own house I fear the novelty may soon wear off...

In fact a kind man is currently blowing snow from my porch

Oink

Gulp.

agr

I carry one of these. Handle slides inside the blade. Fits in the back of my Smart Car - small enough? Handy for impromptu backcountry ski excursions too.

helcat12

[QUOTE=Aviator;9740558] Mess all gone here now - I am absolved of any Health and Safety issues arising from Santa antics on roofs or indeed in any location.

Or should that be 'Elf and Safety'?

helcat12

WOW!
I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would EVER need a
"stiff, trapezoidal shaft that will not rotate"
and certainly not on anything I would need to keep in my car.

Coming to Canada really has changed my life.........

minimeeze

Londonuck

Bet it feels colder in Vancouver

mandymoochops

I love that diary of a snow shoveller story, makes me chuckle evry time I read it :sunglasses:

Predictably Alberta is cold and white.

When we left to go down south for a few days last week it was clear - when we got home Friday there was 6 inches all over the place.

Awesome - I'll be a-making snowmen not.

__TJ__

looking forward to using the new sled i bought the kids at asda! £15, bargain

el_richo

Aren't you moving to Vancouver?

Piff Poff

Please tell me you didn't pay $59 for something you may never use DH bought us both one each (after me telling him that the ones at work were $30 and I was going to get one with my staff discount) for $4.99 from Princess Auto, it's got a slidey handle too.

And Helcat, where do you get the idea that Health and Safety exists in Canada???

This winter will be the last of serious snow shovelling, we'll be using a plow on the front of a car next year

helcat12

Health and Safety exists wherever there are teachers
I appreciate for the average Canadian it may be a rather vague concept, if it exists at all in their minds.
There are many contradictions in Canada on this point - I thought that they have a lower voltage power supply to reduce deaths from electrocution and yet I have several power points in my house which are right next to the sink in the bathrooms and pull cord lights seem to be rare in these locations as well.
Maybe they like to live dangerously

Aviator

Now there is a snowfall warning for the upper FV - You have a lot to answer for!

Piff Poff

There also needs to be enforcers, of which there seems to be few. I know of a place that had the floor and therefore the equipment condemned due to shoddy workmanship, ooh 4 or five years ago, each year it is re- inspected and each year it's condemned as NOTHING has been done about it, it will take a death I am sure, someone very close to my heart, works as far away from the worst of the condemned area, not far enough away imo. Health and Safety is just an idea