Reluctant kids?
Jun 17th 2009, 8:55 am
#1
In limbo!
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 329
Reluctant kids?
Hi
One of my kids is becoming increasingly concerned about the (potential) move to Canada. She is upset at leaving family behind (predominantly) and knows exactly which of my buttons to press so that we both end up in tears at the prospect of leaving!
Now this is a child that hates change of any sort, we had murders with her over changing her duvet cover to something a little more grown up and is actually like that with any change no matter how big or small.
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
One of my kids is becoming increasingly concerned about the (potential) move to Canada. She is upset at leaving family behind (predominantly) and knows exactly which of my buttons to press so that we both end up in tears at the prospect of leaving!
Now this is a child that hates change of any sort, we had murders with her over changing her duvet cover to something a little more grown up and is actually like that with any change no matter how big or small.
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
Jun 17th 2009, 9:33 am
#2
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Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Near the Northern Lights
Posts: 1,466
Re: Reluctant kids?
Hi
One of my kids is becoming increasingly concerned about the (potential) move to Canada. She is upset at leaving family behind (predominantly) and knows exactly which of my buttons to press so that we both end up in tears at the prospect of leaving!
Now this is a child that hates change of any sort, we had murders with her over changing her duvet cover to something a little more grown up and is actually like that with any change no matter how big or small.
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
One of my kids is becoming increasingly concerned about the (potential) move to Canada. She is upset at leaving family behind (predominantly) and knows exactly which of my buttons to press so that we both end up in tears at the prospect of leaving!
Now this is a child that hates change of any sort, we had murders with her over changing her duvet cover to something a little more grown up and is actually like that with any change no matter how big or small.
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
. Sorry for not being of help but I dont have kids yet so dont know how to deal with them species in these situations.
Jun 17th 2009, 12:21 pm
#3
Beep
Joined: Jan 2009
Location: Here
Posts: 8,311
Re: Reluctant kids?
No kids here either and you've probably tried this but.......
I'd just make sure you put an emphasis on the great things she can look forward to. Research with her on a 1:1 basis, write down bits and bobs that interest her etc etc. Make plans that are personal to her, drum up the excitement.
All in all, keep trying to sell it to her as well as trying to make it not seem a big deal. I'm pretty sure any anxiety from parents and other close adults filter through to the kids and she may well be thinking, if it upsets them then there must be something to worry about.
Failing that, watch the link Butch Cassidy placed in a recent thread showing how Chooper Read would advise you
I'd just make sure you put an emphasis on the great things she can look forward to. Research with her on a 1:1 basis, write down bits and bobs that interest her etc etc. Make plans that are personal to her, drum up the excitement.
All in all, keep trying to sell it to her as well as trying to make it not seem a big deal. I'm pretty sure any anxiety from parents and other close adults filter through to the kids and she may well be thinking, if it upsets them then there must be something to worry about.
Failing that, watch the link Butch Cassidy placed in a recent thread showing how Chooper Read would advise you
Jun 17th 2009, 6:06 pm
#4
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Joined: May 2006
Location: Lethbridge AB
Posts: 4,250
Re: Reluctant kids?
How old is the child ?
I moved my daughter 12 and son 11 at the time and I found that getting her hooked up with some kids in Canada or in the UK who were going through the same thing beneficial.
I was lucky and linked Hannah up with MKMurrays daughter as they were both year 7 in the UK when they were moving and then I stayed in touch with the mom and if we were worried then between the 4 of us we could highlight and deal with the problems.
Hannah is on here as hannahb12 in the youth club get your child an account and help her to find a post from Hannah and ask away at questions - she would be only too happy to help allay any nerves etc. BTW Hannah is now nearly 15 and isnt interested in living in the UK but would love to go and see what people thought of the person she is now.
Good Luck - never an easy thing to do but it wil work out for sure.
I moved my daughter 12 and son 11 at the time and I found that getting her hooked up with some kids in Canada or in the UK who were going through the same thing beneficial.
I was lucky and linked Hannah up with MKMurrays daughter as they were both year 7 in the UK when they were moving and then I stayed in touch with the mom and if we were worried then between the 4 of us we could highlight and deal with the problems.
Hannah is on here as hannahb12 in the youth club get your child an account and help her to find a post from Hannah and ask away at questions - she would be only too happy to help allay any nerves etc. BTW Hannah is now nearly 15 and isnt interested in living in the UK but would love to go and see what people thought of the person she is now.
Good Luck - never an easy thing to do but it wil work out for sure.
Jun 17th 2009, 6:15 pm
#5
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Location: Kamloops
Posts: 365
Re: Reluctant kids?
ours wasnt overly reluctant, but we got her to design her new bedroom and what she will have in it, so she has some input into the whole process.
we have been here 5 months now and shes still redesigning it and changing her mind on what she wants
i think shes forgotten that she could actually have stuff if she wanted
we have been here 5 months now and shes still redesigning it and changing her mind on what she wants
i think shes forgotten that she could actually have stuff if she wanted
Jun 17th 2009, 9:30 pm
#6
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Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: Reluctant kids?
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
Jun 18th 2009, 12:40 am
#7
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7
Re: Reluctant kids?
Hi
One of my kids is becoming increasingly concerned about the (potential) move to Canada. She is upset at leaving family behind (predominantly) and knows exactly which of my buttons to press so that we both end up in tears at the prospect of leaving!
Now this is a child that hates change of any sort, we had murders with her over changing her duvet cover to something a little more grown up and is actually like that with any change no matter how big or small.
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
One of my kids is becoming increasingly concerned about the (potential) move to Canada. She is upset at leaving family behind (predominantly) and knows exactly which of my buttons to press so that we both end up in tears at the prospect of leaving!
Now this is a child that hates change of any sort, we had murders with her over changing her duvet cover to something a little more grown up and is actually like that with any change no matter how big or small.
The other kids have up and down days but it is so hard knowing how to deal with this one - she is 10.
Work permits permitting we should be moving out over the summer. My gut feeling is to move asap and make the long goodbyes as short as possible. I just don't know what to do for the best with her.
How did you deal with reluctant children?
Thanks
SB
Our son was 8 when we moved here last year,he is a shy nervous child & was scared of the change,but he loves it here & has from day one if I`m honest.He has loads of friends & plays outside all the time he has never been happier. I`m sure once your here your daughter will be fine.
Jun 18th 2009, 3:06 pm
#9
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Location: Alberta
Posts: 660
Re: Reluctant kids?
My 9yo daughter is having a lot of fun researching new dance schools/ swimming pools/ brownies etc via the internet. we move in aug, and I think the minute we move in she'll have the phone in my hand and a list of stuff she insists I organise...
Our youngest is rather more of a routine girl, so we are emphasising similarities but adding on the 'same but better' embellishments
The boy child will doubtless be entirely silent throughout the proceedings, and then have a giant hissy fit at some point.
We got the 9yo to write up a list of her belongings that she wanted waiting for her when we arrived, and then she helped pack them (they have now been shipped lol).
I notice you say (potential) move, though? We really didn't make that big a deal out of the possibility until we were pretty much certain we were going - very few kids revel in that sort of uncertainty... Maybe highlight the fab holidays etc that you and your relatives will be able to have - get her to look up some cool places to visit with them..?
Our youngest is rather more of a routine girl, so we are emphasising similarities but adding on the 'same but better' embellishments
The boy child will doubtless be entirely silent throughout the proceedings, and then have a giant hissy fit at some point.
We got the 9yo to write up a list of her belongings that she wanted waiting for her when we arrived, and then she helped pack them (they have now been shipped lol).
I notice you say (potential) move, though? We really didn't make that big a deal out of the possibility until we were pretty much certain we were going - very few kids revel in that sort of uncertainty... Maybe highlight the fab holidays etc that you and your relatives will be able to have - get her to look up some cool places to visit with them..?
Jun 18th 2009, 3:08 pm
#10
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Location: Alberta
Posts: 660
Re: Reluctant kids?
... for 'same but better', read 'no 'Rainbows', but 'Sparks' instead, and they wear pink not red!' This only works as a plus if you are 5 though...
Jun 18th 2009, 4:49 pm
#11
In limbo!
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 329
Re: Reluctant kids?
Thank you for all your replies, I will see if the kids want to sign up on here and start making friends.
Unfortunately we are stuck in a real limbo situation - we are due to hear about the TWP any time and would like to move out within the next month so we have to start preparing the kids - besides we are packing up the house which is now sold (we wanted to move regardless of whether the work permit application is successful), the house goes in about four weeks time so we have to deal with the impending change although we do not know what we are preparing them for or where we will end up
We have gone through all the benefits, the kids have all picked which sporting activities and leisure activities they want to do, we show them houses (real estate agent is sending through details) asking their opinions etc. Problem is that they are reluctant about leaving family behind which of course we understand. The biggest factor is all the uncertainty. It is hard as adults to deal with so god knows what it is doing to the kids.
We talk to them in terms of "if we go" rather than "when we go".
Anyway thanks for all your help, much appreciated.
Unfortunately we are stuck in a real limbo situation - we are due to hear about the TWP any time and would like to move out within the next month so we have to start preparing the kids - besides we are packing up the house which is now sold (we wanted to move regardless of whether the work permit application is successful), the house goes in about four weeks time so we have to deal with the impending change although we do not know what we are preparing them for or where we will end up
We have gone through all the benefits, the kids have all picked which sporting activities and leisure activities they want to do, we show them houses (real estate agent is sending through details) asking their opinions etc. Problem is that they are reluctant about leaving family behind which of course we understand. The biggest factor is all the uncertainty. It is hard as adults to deal with so god knows what it is doing to the kids.
We talk to them in terms of "if we go" rather than "when we go".
Anyway thanks for all your help, much appreciated.
Jun 18th 2009, 4:56 pm
#12
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Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Montreal
Posts: 139
Re: Reluctant kids?
I am totally speculating here so bear with me...
You're daughter seems to be a "creature of habit", given the way you described her as resisting or being upset at even the biggest of changes. Maybe the "what if" part of this move scares her more than anything because she doesn't KNOW what is going to happen and therefore can't prepare for the change adequately??
Just a thought. You of course know your daughter best. Good luck
You're daughter seems to be a "creature of habit", given the way you described her as resisting or being upset at even the biggest of changes. Maybe the "what if" part of this move scares her more than anything because she doesn't KNOW what is going to happen and therefore can't prepare for the change adequately??
Just a thought. You of course know your daughter best. Good luck
Jun 18th 2009, 7:30 pm
#13
In limbo!
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 329
Re: Reluctant kids?
I am totally speculating here so bear with me...
You're daughter seems to be a "creature of habit", given the way you described her as resisting or being upset at even the biggest of changes. Maybe the "what if" part of this move scares her more than anything because she doesn't KNOW what is going to happen and therefore can't prepare for the change adequately??
Just a thought. You of course know your daughter best. Good luck
You're daughter seems to be a "creature of habit", given the way you described her as resisting or being upset at even the biggest of changes. Maybe the "what if" part of this move scares her more than anything because she doesn't KNOW what is going to happen and therefore can't prepare for the change adequately??
Just a thought. You of course know your daughter best. Good luck
Jun 18th 2009, 7:34 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Montreal
Posts: 139
Re: Reluctant kids?
I wasn't suggesting hiding things at all.... honesty is the best policy.
As I said, was just an idea. I have no firm answers or suggestions on how to solve the issue and perhaps there is no solution at this stage?
As I said, was just an idea. I have no firm answers or suggestions on how to solve the issue and perhaps there is no solution at this stage?
Jun 18th 2009, 7:57 pm
#15
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Location: Was: Cullicudden, Scotland. Now: Hammonds Plains, NS
Posts: 352
Re: Reluctant kids?
Hi
I also have reluctant kids. The uncertainty doesn't help but now we're closer to certainty that seems to be upsetting them more - we had medicals just over a month ago. Like you say, you can't hide - I'm spending all my spare time decorating the house so we can sell it. My three are ages 10, 8 and 3. The 3yr old isn't a problem. The eldest was very keen and still is but since telling her friends at school has encountered some jealousy. My eldest son was the real problem. Last October he was so unhappy that he tried to smash our new double glazing with his skateboard. I arranged a short visit to Canada for me and the two eldest - my son said he wasn't even going to get on the plane and his behaviour was off the wall. On the second day there he said 'I didn't think I'd like Canada mum but I do'. I arranged for them each to spend a day at the school - my son thought he was just staying for the morning but was having such a good time that he stayed all day and when asked said that was the best bit of the trip. A visit may not be possible but if it is may be well worth it. It's not all being plain sailing since then and both the 10 and 8 year old have their moments, but hey so do the parents!!
I got my daughter to sign up on the kids forum but she has not received any replies at all - PM me if it would be possible for our kids to email each other as I'm sure mine would love that. Good luck!
I also have reluctant kids. The uncertainty doesn't help but now we're closer to certainty that seems to be upsetting them more - we had medicals just over a month ago. Like you say, you can't hide - I'm spending all my spare time decorating the house so we can sell it. My three are ages 10, 8 and 3. The 3yr old isn't a problem. The eldest was very keen and still is but since telling her friends at school has encountered some jealousy. My eldest son was the real problem. Last October he was so unhappy that he tried to smash our new double glazing with his skateboard. I arranged a short visit to Canada for me and the two eldest - my son said he wasn't even going to get on the plane and his behaviour was off the wall. On the second day there he said 'I didn't think I'd like Canada mum but I do'. I arranged for them each to spend a day at the school - my son thought he was just staying for the morning but was having such a good time that he stayed all day and when asked said that was the best bit of the trip. A visit may not be possible but if it is may be well worth it. It's not all being plain sailing since then and both the 10 and 8 year old have their moments, but hey so do the parents!!
I got my daughter to sign up on the kids forum but she has not received any replies at all - PM me if it would be possible for our kids to email each other as I'm sure mine would love that. Good luck!