Tiaribbon

LOL!! Julius the same with me! All the school buses were not running and I thought huh! a bit of sleet and the kids don't go to school ..... again! I took my daughter as usual to school and the roads were fine, in the afternoon I went out to start the truck 15 mins before leaving as per usual and you are absolutely right!!! Hard shhet of solid ice on the windscreen and my scrapers were being laughed at by it! Thankfully the truck has a superb heater!!

Well, I guess no amount of persuading is going to change your mind , so I am sure that we all send our very best wishes to you and your family and hope that you settle back into your old life. Good luck.

iaink

OK, for the benefit of those in the UK (or elsewhere) DONT DRIVE TO THE CORNER SHOP IN FREEZING RAIN. Its realy not worth the risk, basically, if you dont have to go...really have to go... somewhere, stay put. Insurance is expensive enough without claiming on it in your first year.

Anyway, at least you guys know why we have industrial strength ice scrapers and "winter wipers" here now. It sure is pretty though when it sticks to the trees...and everything else!

darwinite

Can somebody explain what it is with the 5 month culture shock-stick it out thing?

I would say that after 5 months reality kicks in. The first few months everything is exciting and new, you are too busy getting a house, a car, insurance, a job etc to even be thinking about whether you like it or not. After a few months you get to know the country, the good bits and the bad bits. After 5 months it is all sinking in.

After 5 months you either think: not that great after all, what a shame but I stick it out or you think: not that great, I am really unhappy and don't want to be here another day. If that is the case, then move back!!! The more time you waste, the more difficult it will be to settle back in the UK. Because while you are in Canada trying to stick it out: things at home change, with every passing day in Canada the chances that you will still feel at home in the UK vanish.

I have seen many people who tried to stick it out (thinking, the longer I torture myself with homesickness the more likely I will start loving the country ) just to return to Europe after a couple of years. But by then it seemed to late. Because then they were neither "at home" in the Uk anymore nor in their chosen country for immigration. They felt homeless where ever they were and that is the worst possible feeling the world.

Write a list with pro and cons and then decide. Keep the list for those times, when you doubt your decision.

Good luck.

darwinite

Who ever feels what was listed up there is depressed. Immigrant depression is something almost every immigrant experiences sooner or later. It is when you have to make a decision on whether you should go back or stay.

flashman

Do these changes also include all of those things that you miss? This is where sentimentality replaces reality.

Tiaribbon

I disagree. What you are describing is not depression, it is Culture shock and no major decisions should be taken while you are going through it. If you still hate Canada at the 7 or 8 month period then moving back to where you come from is what you must do.........but you should not move before this period of time elapses as you may not be seeing this clearly.

Have you ever lived overseas? Everyone gets culture shock and it always hits at the same time for everyone, at about the 4 month period and it lasts for up to 2 months.

We are not telling him to stay - he will do what he wants at the end of the day - all we are trying to do is help him through Culture Shock and understand that this is what he is going through, not some insidious depression.

MikeUK

This why I posted up my earlier question on the culture shock issue... I don't think everybody does get it.....

I never had it my first two years here.. or ever had In the last year..
or even had anything remotely close...?

Glaswegian

But ... did you arrive planning to make Canada your new home?

Glaswegian

Hell yeah!!! If you easterners want to experience a real party atmosphere, come to Calgary during the Stampede and let your hair down.

We had a guy come from Ontario to work part of his job in Calgary ... when he arrived he was an uptight tie & suit wearer who was going to show us rednecks how to do business ... a couple months of exposure to Calgary during the playoffs and he was wearing a Flames hockey jersey to the office in Mississauga.

Tiaribbon

Good point! Perhaps the reasons why you leave the UK has a bearing too? I left the UK not "looking" for something that I didn't have in the UK. I only moved here for more land. If one is running away from something or has expectations which are too high then perhaps they are the ones in for a tumble when the going gets tough?

I very much doubt whether I will get it this time around as this is definitely where I want to be - Canada is more a home to me than the UK.

Glaswegian

Same here when I landed in 2001 ... but I still hit the wall hard when it came to culture shock & homesickness last year ... 2004 was when I realised that I was never going back to the UK and that Calgary was going to be home from now on.

lee2

Streatham's a great area. If your kids are lucky enough to go back to good schools then you are indeed lucky in London. I still think that had you moved into Toronto instead of Mississauga than at least you would have been comparing like with like - you might as well moved to Milton Keynes.

But I think if you all feel the same way, you've made the right decision. The very best of luck to you.

Crispie

After reading the heartache and passion in this thread it made me realise that this is the core issue for most of us. I'm sure the hopes and fears here have all been discussed with our partners or atleast in our heads! Is this (or was this) humungous move the right thing? Sleepless nights and panadol all round eh!
The answer just dosen't seem to arrive once you've made the move because we will never know what life would be like if we stayed!
I would realy like to thank Julius for starting the ball rolling and I'm sure many have benefitted from the chance to stop and analyse our own situations. Some of us will feel threatened that things don't always work out and others will feel more determined to get it right and make it work.
If I'm honest I am scared silly that my family will not benefit from our move in the long term. I have 4 kids all in the tender 11-17 bracket and so Julius' situation is somewhat poignant! Also when I was 16 I was moved across England and I found it very difficult. Just when I was struggling with who I was I didn't know where I was!! However I am so aware of this that I will sacrifice my own career if necessay to ease the kids transition. Somebody mentioned that it could be easier to move with a family (a ready made support team) well it will depend on the family. We are very aware of each others needs and will fight for each others welfare.
Life chucks muck at us wherever we live and it's the people around us that see us through. Homesickness is one kind of muck and we need folks on our side when it comes.
There have been loads of suggestions here and networking comes up time and again. Making friends is another way of looking at it but whatever it is it's going to take loads of effort.
Life chucks loads of good stuff our way too! My best stuff is coming with me so I'm confident!
Mr Crispie signing off in reflective mood

darwinite

Yes, I have lived overseas : ).

I started off in Kenya: I did get a culture shock, of course. After the very first day I had a culture shock. Did not take me 5 months to realize everything is different . I still loved it, but felt that I only wanted to live there temporarily. I then worked in the States and never did experience the culture shock. Once again though it was only ever meants to be temporarily. I spend almost 2 years in CAnada and I loved it from day one. After a few months I noticed the negative things, but I still loved the country and would have never left had my visa not expired.

I then moved to Australia and am now a permanent resident here. I am here because of my partner. It was never my number one choice for living. I have been in culture shock eversince I arrived I think and after 3 years here I still feel like I felt after 2 weeks here. I hope to get out of here as soon as possible as I cannot relate to this BBQ mentality here at all.

So, to answer your question. I think I have been through it all, the feeling of only wanting to stay temporarily, the feeling of loving it despite culture shock, the feeling of a never-ending culture shock. I think that culture shock can be experienced in different ways: either it is a just a feeling of being a little miserable, a wake-up call and reminder that your new home is not paradise either or it is much more than that: a pain in your stomach every morning you wake up, a sense of: I don't belong here, homesickness that grows every day, slipping into depression, getting traumatized.

I think you know the difference when you have culture shock. You know if it can pass or not. If you think it is more than you can handle: move back. Culture shock does not necessarily suddenly disappear after the 6months mark.

kippa

I tried to send you an e mail, but i don't think it went. If it did you will get 3 or 4 the same I could't work out how to send it, not terribly bright in the computer department!. Please let me know if you got it.