ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Jan 12th 2005, 11:10 pm
#16
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Posts: 24
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by julius smith
hi, all!
you may have been reading some of my exploits since arriving here in canada (mississuaga actually) from the uk.....well, we wthought we had settled in pretty nicely; i landed a fantastic job within a few weeks of being here (which was a big thing in itself!), bought a half decent car, furniture, got approved for credit etc etc. but now, after what is coming up to around 4 to 5 months here, we have decided to move back to the uk!! we tried to put as much gloss on the move as possible, ie bigger country, better lifestyle, less crowding, less bigotism , vanadalism, etc but, at the end of the day, we have not really been able to fit in. the schooling system is ok for the canadians, but to my kids its a complete shambles--the school buses do not pick my kids up as according to them, we live outside of the catchment area, so i am having to spend $25 a day for a taxicab to take them to and from school! we thought about getting my wife to drive, but that entails even more cost, as we would need another car, with its own attendant costs. then the kids are not really happy either--the schools here put absolute extreme pressure on the kids to perform--as an example, my kids are doing university level maths and science, and they are only in the 14 to 15 age bracket!! there is simply no need for that sort of pressure in my view. ok, in the uk, the schools do not press kids so much, so the level is lower, but who cares? at the end of the day, kids in the uk still manage to go onto uni and get their degrees. and then the high cost of uni education--its around $15 to $25 000 per year for a degree course. so all in all, we have decided to jack it in as soon as i can secure a reasonable job in england. i know people will say that i didnt give it a chance etc, but if your heart is not in it, then whats the point of living in a big house, driving a big car? in my opinion, i can live a bettr life in good ol blighty than here, even though, yes, there are problems in the uk...
you may have been reading some of my exploits since arriving here in canada (mississuaga actually) from the uk.....well, we wthought we had settled in pretty nicely; i landed a fantastic job within a few weeks of being here (which was a big thing in itself!), bought a half decent car, furniture, got approved for credit etc etc. but now, after what is coming up to around 4 to 5 months here, we have decided to move back to the uk!! we tried to put as much gloss on the move as possible, ie bigger country, better lifestyle, less crowding, less bigotism , vanadalism, etc but, at the end of the day, we have not really been able to fit in. the schooling system is ok for the canadians, but to my kids its a complete shambles--the school buses do not pick my kids up as according to them, we live outside of the catchment area, so i am having to spend $25 a day for a taxicab to take them to and from school! we thought about getting my wife to drive, but that entails even more cost, as we would need another car, with its own attendant costs. then the kids are not really happy either--the schools here put absolute extreme pressure on the kids to perform--as an example, my kids are doing university level maths and science, and they are only in the 14 to 15 age bracket!! there is simply no need for that sort of pressure in my view. ok, in the uk, the schools do not press kids so much, so the level is lower, but who cares? at the end of the day, kids in the uk still manage to go onto uni and get their degrees. and then the high cost of uni education--its around $15 to $25 000 per year for a degree course. so all in all, we have decided to jack it in as soon as i can secure a reasonable job in england. i know people will say that i didnt give it a chance etc, but if your heart is not in it, then whats the point of living in a big house, driving a big car? in my opinion, i can live a bettr life in good ol blighty than here, even though, yes, there are problems in the uk...
You're returning to the UK after 4 or 5 months......that's bizarre !!
I've just re-read your message to make sure that's what you said, and it's not......it's COMING UP TO 4 or 5 months, does that mean it's 3 or 4 months ?
Come on Julius, seriously, when you move home with a family it takes time to settle. I would imagine with teenage children it must be particularly difficult. I can totally relate to the feeling of 'not fitting in' and its not very nice. However, you dont have to move to Canada to experience this....it can happen quite easily within the UK. We moved a couple of hundred miles along the M4 from London to South Wales and ended up feeling the same way about the Welsh as you do about life in Canada (even though its taken us 3 years to reach this conclusion). It doesnt mean that Wales is a terrible place, it just means that we got some stuff wrong when we relocated our lives and the lives of our children here.
Because you're unhappy with some aspects of your new life, you are allowing yourself to go on a complete downer with Canada and everything Canadian. This seems to me after such a short time to be a bit of a Kop out !
"Good 'ol blighty".....you've got to be kidding!!! Do you know that more British people are emmigrating to various places around the world at this time than there were back in the fifties when the government were practically begging people to go to Australia on the famous £10 ticket.
I think its a real shame that you have done all the hard work of getting yourselves out there and then decided to quit at the first hurdle....because thats what the first 4 or 5 months of any new life anywhere is, the first hurdle
I hope things work out ok for you....Steve
Jan 12th 2005, 11:14 pm
#17
Premium Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Ontario.
Posts: 1,928
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
IainK is absolutely right.......this is classic Culture Shock! Remind yourself what you went through to get here, things will start looking up in a few months.
When I moved to the US at 18 years old, the first 3 months were absolutely great! Then at about 4 months the Culture Shock came. This lasted for about another 2 months, but once over it I thanked my lucky stars that I saw beyond what I was feeling temporarily. I stayed there for two and a half years and was very sad to leave.
Forget about how and the children are feeling at this moment in time and look into the future to see what it holds for you........why you thought that Canada was the place for you in the first place.
You will do what you feel is right, but you know after a couple of years back in the UK you may regret having given up so quickly. Best of luck whatever you choose.
When I moved to the US at 18 years old, the first 3 months were absolutely great! Then at about 4 months the Culture Shock came. This lasted for about another 2 months, but once over it I thanked my lucky stars that I saw beyond what I was feeling temporarily. I stayed there for two and a half years and was very sad to leave.
Forget about how and the children are feeling at this moment in time and look into the future to see what it holds for you........why you thought that Canada was the place for you in the first place.
You will do what you feel is right, but you know after a couple of years back in the UK you may regret having given up so quickly. Best of luck whatever you choose.
Jan 13th 2005, 1:03 am
#18
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Posts: n/a
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
As someone once posted in reply to my own personal whining on this forum:
Maybe you just aren't immigrant material?
Maybe you just aren't immigrant material?
Jan 13th 2005, 1:04 am
#19
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Toronto
Posts: 118
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by julius smith
hi, all!
you may have been reading some of my exploits since arriving here in canada (mississuaga actually) from the uk.....well, we wthought we had settled in pretty nicely; i landed a fantastic job within a few weeks of being here (which was a big thing in itself!), bought a half decent car, furniture, got approved for credit etc etc. but now, after what is coming up to around 4 to 5 months here, we have decided to move back to the uk!! we tried to put as much gloss on the move as possible, ie bigger country, better lifestyle, less crowding, less bigotism , vanadalism, etc but, at the end of the day, we have not really been able to fit in. the schooling system is ok for the canadians, but to my kids its a complete shambles--the school buses do not pick my kids up as according to them, we live outside of the catchment area, so i am having to spend $25 a day for a taxicab to take them to and from school! we thought about getting my wife to drive, but that entails even more cost, as we would need another car, with its own attendant costs. then the kids are not really happy either--the schools here put absolute extreme pressure on the kids to perform--as an example, my kids are doing university level maths and science, and they are only in the 14 to 15 age bracket!! there is simply no need for that sort of pressure in my view. ok, in the uk, the schools do not press kids so much, so the level is lower, but who cares? at the end of the day, kids in the uk still manage to go onto uni and get their degrees. and then the high cost of uni education--its around $15 to $25 000 per year for a degree course. so all in all, we have decided to jack it in as soon as i can secure a reasonable job in england. i know people will say that i didnt give it a chance etc, but if your heart is not in it, then whats the point of living in a big house, driving a big car? in my opinion, i can live a bettr life in good ol blighty than here, even though, yes, there are problems in the uk...
you may have been reading some of my exploits since arriving here in canada (mississuaga actually) from the uk.....well, we wthought we had settled in pretty nicely; i landed a fantastic job within a few weeks of being here (which was a big thing in itself!), bought a half decent car, furniture, got approved for credit etc etc. but now, after what is coming up to around 4 to 5 months here, we have decided to move back to the uk!! we tried to put as much gloss on the move as possible, ie bigger country, better lifestyle, less crowding, less bigotism , vanadalism, etc but, at the end of the day, we have not really been able to fit in. the schooling system is ok for the canadians, but to my kids its a complete shambles--the school buses do not pick my kids up as according to them, we live outside of the catchment area, so i am having to spend $25 a day for a taxicab to take them to and from school! we thought about getting my wife to drive, but that entails even more cost, as we would need another car, with its own attendant costs. then the kids are not really happy either--the schools here put absolute extreme pressure on the kids to perform--as an example, my kids are doing university level maths and science, and they are only in the 14 to 15 age bracket!! there is simply no need for that sort of pressure in my view. ok, in the uk, the schools do not press kids so much, so the level is lower, but who cares? at the end of the day, kids in the uk still manage to go onto uni and get their degrees. and then the high cost of uni education--its around $15 to $25 000 per year for a degree course. so all in all, we have decided to jack it in as soon as i can secure a reasonable job in england. i know people will say that i didnt give it a chance etc, but if your heart is not in it, then whats the point of living in a big house, driving a big car? in my opinion, i can live a bettr life in good ol blighty than here, even though, yes, there are problems in the uk...
I'm curious about a couple of things though. Was your work in Mississauga or Toronto? And what do you mean "outside the catchment area."? Are you sure you didn't make some poor choices deciding on where you live? You talk about getting credit and a car etc. and that's great but I've noticed some British people don't cope well with faceless North American suburbs.
Might you have been happier paying a bit more money for less space but living in a more neighbourhood-oriented community in or closer to the city where you wouldn't have to expensively ship your children into school and your non-driving wife and kids would be able to get around on the TTC?
I'm not judging you, I'm just wondering whether there's another scenario here that you can pictire instead of going through all the expense of going back.
Otherwise, as I've said I think you're perfectly entitled to express how you feel here. If you and your family aren't happy then you aren't happy. It's pretty basic really.
Jan 13th 2005, 2:40 am
#20
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
I've noticed a distinct pattern in the posts on this board by people who have been in Canada less than a year - sometimes considerably less than a year. All of a sudden they look at England through rose coloured specs - and it turns into paradise, whereas its just the opposite with Canada and nothing is right about Canada.
One thing I do agree with and that is about the catchment area for school. That just doesn't make sense. As someone else said - you have to live in the catchment area for SOME school and if you choose to send your kids elsewhere, then that is not the fault of the school system.
I have been in Canada for over 30 years. I am still homesick. My sister has lived in Canada for over 30 years. She says when she first moved here, she told herself she had to stay for at least a year. If she hadn't done that, she would have gone back before the year was up. But she made herself stay, even though she hated it.
One thing I do agree with and that is about the catchment area for school. That just doesn't make sense. As someone else said - you have to live in the catchment area for SOME school and if you choose to send your kids elsewhere, then that is not the fault of the school system.
I have been in Canada for over 30 years. I am still homesick. My sister has lived in Canada for over 30 years. She says when she first moved here, she told herself she had to stay for at least a year. If she hadn't done that, she would have gone back before the year was up. But she made herself stay, even though she hated it.
Jan 13th 2005, 2:47 am
#21
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by lizwil98
I have been in Canada for over 30 years. I am still homesick. My sister has lived in Canada for over 30 years. She says when she first moved here, she told herself she had to stay for at least a year. If she hadn't done that, she would have gone back before the year was up. But she made herself stay, even though she hated it.
Jan 13th 2005, 2:53 am
#22
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Location: Ontario.
Posts: 1,928
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by SimonG
Did you both move over together?
Jan 13th 2005, 3:12 am
#23
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by lizwil98
All of a sudden they look at England through rose coloured specs - and it turns into paradise, whereas its just the opposite with Canada and nothing is right about Canada.
Culture shock, homesickness, call it what you will, is something you don't lose.
I left Scotland in the 80's, I even tried moving back and didn't like it, but I still occasionally get homesick for Scotland ... I know that I really don't want to move back there, but that doesn't stop my mind playing tricks on me when my guard is low.
There are bits of your mind that just don't like change and no matter how adventurous you are, they'll creep up on you and take you by surprise when you least expect it ... then they'll start whispering little lies about how wonderful life used to be before it all changed and you'll find yourself suddenly homesick.
Jan 13th 2005, 3:44 am
#24
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by Tiaribbon
Crikey maybe I have had too much vino tonight but something about your post has just made me giggle my head off! Sorry!
Jan 13th 2005, 11:28 am
#25
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
yes, i agree that the school catchment idea is twaddle. the thing is, my son had just about settled in his particular school and made some friends, and he got to half like it there, so he doesnt want to move to another school which may be in some catchment area. it may be ok for canadian children to chop n change, as everyone seems to do that here; far as i have seen, nothing is permanent--its all in a state of flux--people buy a new house, live in it a couple of years, then sell up and buy another one. anyway, back to the schools--the ones my kids attend dont haveany facility at all to cater for hot meals; that in my mind is a basic necessity, in a country where temperatures hit the minus 30 range, to at least provide hot meals for the kids! there just doesnt seem to be any half decent kind of infrastructure present. and somebody here mentioned that emigrants here tend to look at the uk thru rose-tinted glasses; well, what i say is that even though we all malign the uk, its health/welfare system, racism, or whatever, there is still a huge amount it can teach the world, yes, even in this day and age. as i have mentioned, i have everythng going ok here, a nice job paying above average salary, with promotion on the cards this year, but my heart is not just in it. ask yourself this--what would you think if one day you dropped your child off at school and then just by chance, came back to give him something he had forgotten in the car, and then to find him walking the streets, looking sad and all alone? there is a message here, i think, for all those with kids wanting to come over; once your kids are in their teens, forget it. they will have great difficulty adjusting.
Originally Posted by lizwil98
I've noticed a distinct pattern in the posts on this board by people who have been in Canada less than a year - sometimes considerably less than a year. All of a sudden they look at England through rose coloured specs - and it turns into paradise, whereas its just the opposite with Canada and nothing is right about Canada.
One thing I do agree with and that is about the catchment area for school. That just doesn't make sense. As someone else said - you have to live in the catchment area for SOME school and if you choose to send your kids elsewhere, then that is not the fault of the school system.
I have been in Canada for over 30 years. I am still homesick. My sister has lived in Canada for over 30 years. She says when she first moved here, she told herself she had to stay for at least a year. If she hadn't done that, she would have gone back before the year was up. But she made herself stay, even though she hated it.
One thing I do agree with and that is about the catchment area for school. That just doesn't make sense. As someone else said - you have to live in the catchment area for SOME school and if you choose to send your kids elsewhere, then that is not the fault of the school system.
I have been in Canada for over 30 years. I am still homesick. My sister has lived in Canada for over 30 years. She says when she first moved here, she told herself she had to stay for at least a year. If she hadn't done that, she would have gone back before the year was up. But she made herself stay, even though she hated it.
Jan 13th 2005, 12:39 pm
#26
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Well, that was quite a stream of consciousness ...
In what way? It works well pretty well over here.
Are you now suggesting that you move him to another school in Canada or one in the UK?
Some people do, some people don't ... some of our neighbours have been living in thesame house for 20+ years ... you got exactly the same effect in the UK, don't kid yourself.
When it's below -25C, kids on the lunchroom program get to stay inside ... personally I'd rather they weren't fed hot meals ... it would probably be donuts and coffee with a helping of jello.
Not true, sorry.
It's a phase ... take a trip back and all will become clear
And along with every other new immigrant, we're bringing those ideas to Canada and making it a different place to live.
That's for you to decide ... maybe you just aren't immigrant material?
I wouldn't blame the entire Canadian system for a start, but I would like to know why ... have you tried talking to him?
Aparently that's not true of everybody with teenage kids ... I've seen posts here from other people with happy teenagers ... but it's a concern for anyone with teenagers.
Originally Posted by julius smith
yes, i agree that the school catchment idea is twaddle.
Originally Posted by julius smith
the thing is, my son had just about settled in his particular school and made some friends, and he got to half like it there, so he doesnt want to move to another school which may be in some catchment area. it may be ok for canadian children to chop n change, as everyone seems to do that here;
Originally Posted by julius smith
far as i have seen, nothing is permanent--its all in a state of flux--people buy a new house, live in it a couple of years, then sell up and buy another one.
Originally Posted by julius smith
anyway, back to the schools--the ones my kids attend dont haveany facility at all to cater for hot meals; that in my mind is a basic necessity, in a country where temperatures hit the minus 30 range, to at least provide hot meals for the kids!
Originally Posted by julius smith
there just doesnt seem to be any half decent kind of infrastructure present.
Originally Posted by julius smith
and somebody here mentioned that emigrants here tend to look at the uk thru rose-tinted glasses;
Originally Posted by julius smith
well, what i say is that even though we all malign the uk, its health/welfare system, racism, or whatever, there is still a huge amount it can teach the world, yes, even in this day and age.
Originally Posted by julius smith
as i have mentioned, i have everythng going ok here, a nice job paying above average salary, with promotion on the cards this year, but my heart is not just in it.
Originally Posted by julius smith
ask yourself this--what would you think if one day you dropped your child off at school and then just by chance, came back to give him something he had forgotten in the car, and then to find him walking the streets, looking sad and all alone?
Originally Posted by julius smith
there is a message here, i think, for all those with kids wanting to come over; once your kids are in their teens, forget it. they will have great difficulty adjusting.
Jan 13th 2005, 12:42 pm
#27
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 54
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by julius smith
yes, i agree that the school catchment idea is twaddle. the thing is, my son had just about settled in his particular school and made some friends, and he got to half like it there, so he doesnt want to move to another school which may be in some catchment area. it may be ok for canadian children to chop n change, as everyone seems to do that here; far as i have seen, nothing is permanent--its all in a state of flux--people buy a new house, live in it a couple of years, then sell up and buy another one. anyway, back to the schools--the ones my kids attend dont haveany facility at all to cater for hot meals; that in my mind is a basic necessity, in a country where temperatures hit the minus 30 range, to at least provide hot meals for the kids! there just doesnt seem to be any half decent kind of infrastructure present. and somebody here mentioned that emigrants here tend to look at the uk thru rose-tinted glasses; well, what i say is that even though we all malign the uk, its health/welfare system, racism, or whatever, there is still a huge amount it can teach the world, yes, even in this day and age. as i have mentioned, i have everythng going ok here, a nice job paying above average salary, with promotion on the cards this year, but my heart is not just in it. ask yourself this--what would you think if one day you dropped your child off at school and then just by chance, came back to give him something he had forgotten in the car, and then to find him walking the streets, looking sad and all alone? there is a message here, i think, for all those with kids wanting to come over; once your kids are in their teens, forget it. they will have great difficulty adjusting.
i can appreciate how you felt when you saw your son looking so unhappy. One of my big fears is that my kids won't settle in Canada. At the moment they are really keen to go, the younger ( age 9 ) coz he likes an adventure, the older one ( 11 ) coz he is being verbally bullied at school and that is hard for him to cope with. Yours was probably the worse thread i could have looked at but i kept reading anyway. We are hoping to move over in summer this year and i know i will probably cry ( how wet is that ) for the first 6 months and my husband will be away for 5 days at a time, so i will have to cope with the kids on my own! :scared:
I can't say to you try and hang it out for a bit longer coz i may well feel the same after 4 months, it just seems a shame to jack it all in so soon.
Good luck and i hope it all works out for you.
Pip
Jan 13th 2005, 1:04 pm
#28
Premium Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Ontario.
Posts: 1,928
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Originally Posted by kippa
Julius
i will probably cry ( how wet is that ) for the first 6 months and my husband will be away for 5 days at a time, so i will have to cope with the kids on my own! :scared: Pip
i will probably cry ( how wet is that ) for the first 6 months and my husband will be away for 5 days at a time, so i will have to cope with the kids on my own! :scared: Pip
I am having a great time! My daughter is absolutely loving school over here, she can't wait to get there in the morning and it sounds like they have tonnes of fun......not too sure where the education bit fits in, LOL!! but at the moment I don't care - she is the happiest she has ever been and I am too.
Don't worry about it, so long as you choose the right place you will end up with fantastic friends over here who are perfectly happy to come and give you a hand when and if needed. I have a very long driveway and the "driveway fairy" comes along when it needs ploughing! I know at least 3 people who are doing this for me.....but the point is I haven't asked them to do it - they just have becasue they are nice people.
Please don't think it is all doom and gloom, because for me it is FAR from that. I love it here.
Jan 13th 2005, 1:04 pm
#29
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Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
Farmgirl, who sometimes posts on here, moved here in February last year with her 15 year old son. So far as I can tell he has settled in just fine. Has lots of friends, likes school, plays football etc. etc. He probably keeps touch with his friends in the UK on the computer, but keeping touch is easy nowadays.
And yes of course, England has LOTS to offer, it has wonderful things to offer that are not available in Canada. But then Canada has wonderful things to offer that are not available in England ... as does every other country in the world. Each country, thank goodness, still has some uniqueness about it, even if they do have McDonalds etc. etc. and thank heavens for that (not McD - the uniqueness!)
I am sure that as long as I live here, I will always miss certain things about England and - for whoever it was that asked - my sister moved to Canada about two years after we did - only she was smarter than we were - she moved to Vancouver when you didn't have to be a millionaire to buy a house!
And incidentally, she got married about 28 years ago and they bought a house - they have moved once since then. Same goes for us. We lived in our first house for about 12 years and have been living in this house for 20 years. Most of our neighbours have lived in their houses for over 30 years. It is certainly not true to say that all Canadians move house all the time.
Things in Canada are generally the same as England in some things and totally different in some things.
And yes of course, England has LOTS to offer, it has wonderful things to offer that are not available in Canada. But then Canada has wonderful things to offer that are not available in England ... as does every other country in the world. Each country, thank goodness, still has some uniqueness about it, even if they do have McDonalds etc. etc. and thank heavens for that (not McD - the uniqueness!)
I am sure that as long as I live here, I will always miss certain things about England and - for whoever it was that asked - my sister moved to Canada about two years after we did - only she was smarter than we were - she moved to Vancouver when you didn't have to be a millionaire to buy a house!
And incidentally, she got married about 28 years ago and they bought a house - they have moved once since then. Same goes for us. We lived in our first house for about 12 years and have been living in this house for 20 years. Most of our neighbours have lived in their houses for over 30 years. It is certainly not true to say that all Canadians move house all the time.
Things in Canada are generally the same as England in some things and totally different in some things.
Jan 13th 2005, 2:55 pm
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Toronto
Posts: 118
Re: ok, here we go with the homesick blues!!
The grass is always greener isn't it?
My niece and nephew are both teenagers in London. Both have to commute long distances, one taking two trains, the other taking tubes from one end of London to another, because there simply aren't good schools in the local area. In fact the schools are dreadful sink-holes. They have to get up very early in the morning and are often not home until after 6 at night.Talk about unsafe, they've had to become streetwise very quickly.
My nephew and a group of his friends have already been mugged (in the day, in the open on a station platform) just for one kid's mobile phone. When they tried to report the mugging to a member of staff at the station, they were told to f*** off!
That said, the schools they go to are wonderful and they are great well-balanced kids. I'm not trying to say one side's great and the other isn't, but you can look at anywhere with rose-tinted glasses and I really wonder if you've given this much of a chance.
My niece and nephew are both teenagers in London. Both have to commute long distances, one taking two trains, the other taking tubes from one end of London to another, because there simply aren't good schools in the local area. In fact the schools are dreadful sink-holes. They have to get up very early in the morning and are often not home until after 6 at night.Talk about unsafe, they've had to become streetwise very quickly.
My nephew and a group of his friends have already been mugged (in the day, in the open on a station platform) just for one kid's mobile phone. When they tried to report the mugging to a member of staff at the station, they were told to f*** off!
That said, the schools they go to are wonderful and they are great well-balanced kids. I'm not trying to say one side's great and the other isn't, but you can look at anywhere with rose-tinted glasses and I really wonder if you've given this much of a chance.