British Expats - Oh Canada Why?

British Expats (https://britishexpats.com/forum/)

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- - Oh Canada Why? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/canada-56/oh-canada-why-382084/)

babyblue

Jun 28th 2006 2:32 pm

Oh Canada Why?

I sit here asking myself... self" why do things happen this way?"

I do not have the answers so i turn to my trusted friends for support and helpful advice once again.

For those of you that know my story, you will know i have been through the mill and back. When I finally decided to return to the UK. I resigned from my job, my application was rejected as i needed to re submit more forms, This put everything on hold for yet another year.

So i resigned to the fact it was time to return home.

Then.........
on Saturday i had a yard sale to get rid of my things. A women came by and we struck a conversation about child care. Not an hour later she came by again to ask if i was interested in a little work before i return. Then she drops the clanger!...........
An extremely good friend of hers has been looking everywhere for a caregiver. She has two little girls and one has complex medical and special needs. She has been extremely thorough as they are a loving family and truly care for the needs of their child.
Well my heart sank!
my children both flew out on Saturday and are now back in the UK. My boxes are nearly packed, I have sold nearly all my belongings and you would never believe it if i told you!

this women works for immigration and would sponsor me in a heartbeat.

If i return to the UK i would have to start the whole process again. another three years and waiting!
If i stay then i risk my children never coming back.
The trouble is i am such a caregiver that i don't know where to turn or what to do! People keep saying to me "your kids are grown up now and will be making there own lives anyway. But i am a real mother at heart.

OH My! What should i do?

I have been battling this thing alone and trying to come to some form of conclusion. It is ripping me apart trying to decide what to do. I feel so alone and confused and i wish i had the crystal ball right now.

Then just when i think i have the answer, i meet someone who sways me again! Today in the British store i met a guy from BC! He said "you will regret moving back to the UK". Don't do it.

OH God help me or someone please help shed some light.
I have no money only enough to forward the boxes and get the flight home. But now i am even more confused than ever.

HELP ME GUYS! :eek:

mjanovitz

Jun 28th 2006 2:41 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

The only advice I can give you is that if I was in your position I would just go with the flow. If an opportunity has arisen before you moved back to the UK then maybe it was meant to be, and you should take it.

Either way there will be problems to overcome but if you go back to the UK you may always wonder if this opportunity would have worked out.

Failing that toss a coin and stick by the decision. Thats what we did to end up being here!!

take care

Mark

R2D2	Jun 28th 2006 2:44 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Really hard one to call........Aside from all the anguish and heartache you have been through, do you LIKE canada? If the answer is, well ........no more than England, then I would go back to where your kids are.

On the flip side, are the pay and conditions on offer with this post fabulous enough to enable you to start making a DECENT life for yourself here?

If you wanted to look into it further ,I would gather as much info on the job, meet the family, talk to the agencies the family have dealings with, with regards to the child with special needs. to try and establish an impression of them................but I'm guessing all that would have to happen quickley due to the position you are in. If there was a job out of it, could they pay you a retainer so you could afford to stay in the country whilst all the paperwork goes through ?

So many ifs and buts, I really feel for you.

Go with what your head tells you.!

Elvira

Jun 28th 2006 3:30 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Babyblue, I do not think you have anywhere near enough information about this potential job to make an informed decision. Have you even met this prospective employer? Forgive me if I got this wrong, but from your post I get the impression that you have only spoken to a friend of this person. And that was last Saturday... What has happened since then?

frankieforehead

Jun 28th 2006 3:41 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Go with your heart :confused:

jandro

Jun 28th 2006 3:42 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

Then.........
on Saturday i had a yard sale to get rid of my things. A women came by and we struck a conversation about child care. Not an hour later she came by again to ask if i was interested in a little work before i return. Then she drops the clanger!...........
An extremely good friend of hers has been looking everywhere for a caregiver. She has two little girls and one has complex medical and special needs. She has been extremely thorough as they are a loving family and truly care for the needs of their child.
Well my heart sank!
my children both flew out on Saturday and are now back in the UK. My boxes are nearly packed, I have sold nearly all my belongings and you would never believe it if i told you!

this women works for immigration and would sponsor me in a heartbeat.

If i return to the UK i would have to start the whole process again. another three years and waiting!
If i stay then i risk my children never coming back.
The trouble is i am such a caregiver that i don't know where to turn or what to do! People keep saying to me "your kids are grown up now and will be making there own lives anyway. But i am a real mother at heart.

OH My! What should i do?

It's a hard call. Although there might be a potential job that you like it's still just a verbal offer at this point and you haven't met the family in question yet and you have already half moved your household to the UK.

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

Then just when i think i have the answer, i meet someone who sways me again! Today in the British store i met a guy from BC! He said "you will regret moving back to the UK". Don't do it.

Everybody's experience is different. A lot of people have returned to the UK and not regretted it. It sounds like you and your family had some negative experiences here. Could the UK be any worse?

dingbat

Jun 28th 2006 5:28 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

this women works for immigration and would sponsor me in a heartbeat.

[SIZE=1]How do you know that for sure?[/SIZE]

If i return to the UK i would have to start the whole process again. another three years and waiting!
If i stay then i risk my children never coming back.

[SIZE=1]There is your answer. A risk where your kids are concerned is one risk too many.[/SIZE]

Then just when i think i have the answer, i meet someone who sways me again! Today in the British store i met a guy from BC! He said "you will regret moving back to the UK". Don't do it.

[SIZE=1]What was he doing in the British store then? Many people say that at the moment, some for banal and often racist reasons.[/SIZE]

If it were me...I would go home to my kids for now BB. You have special needs skills that many can only dream of. Go back to school for free in the UK, get some formal credentials and teach others how you do it.

debiharper

Jun 28th 2006 6:01 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Babyblue

You have been through the mill and back. You need to sit down and think with your head not with your heart for a while. Just until you decide what to do.
Make a list of pros and cons for UK and Canada.
Meet the employer before you think anymore , so if you do go back you are not thinking what if.
Discuss salary, meet the children make sure they will sponsor you as getting info through a third party may not be totally accurate and the decision might be easier once you get all the facts.
How old are your children? Maybe they could have the summer in UK ,you never know this may help them make a decision also.
It would be terrible to go back and find out your kids want to return again.
You need to get all the facts and then decide what your best course of action is.
This may be of no help but its worth a try. Do your pros and con list on the site and maybe we all can help. At the end of the day the choice is yours and it is not an easy decision to make.But with the help of your friends on the site it might help to think out loud.

Grah	Jun 28th 2006 8:37 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

BB, talk to the lady find out all the details phone your kids and talk to them.

If they need it, let them have the summer with whom they are staying with now. You get the summer to validate the position ( make some money) then decide.

How much did your kids like Canada? not lack of money bad situation. But how many friends did they make at school, soccerl etc. When they went back did they feel anything for them?

If nothing then it would appear your heading to England for a few more years.

OR if it's a good position and you the parent think it's best for them. They are back on a plane and doing as they are told. :D

cancov

Jun 28th 2006 9:36 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Hi Babyblue

It must be awful being torn in so many directions. I can really relate to what you must be going through because I am also going through major heart vs head isues in this whole process of giving up everything here in England to start again in Canada with nothing, so I can be with my dying Mum.

Anyways, I agree that this has probably happened for a reason. But it may not be an obvious reason. It might be that you are destined to take this new job and it will be a happy ending to a very difficult chapter in your life. Or it might be a 'test' of some kind, to see if you are strong enough to resist the temptation to make an impulsive decision, stick with your decision to go back to the UK, and if you 'pass' you will reap the reward. Maybe this has happened to help you be absolutley sure about whatever decision you make. I know all this may sound like nonsense, but I am a believer in fate and all that.

Anyways, like others are saying you need to gather more info before you even think about making a decision. Yes, confirm the info with the potential employers, look into the visa stuff, speak with your kids...make sure the info is accurate.

How much time have you got to make this decision?

You are in my thoughts

Kellie

or4ngecrush

Jun 29th 2006 4:22 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

I think that staying for a while might be a great opportunity for you and you might see a different side of childcare, considering your past experience. You might want to it for a while and see how it goes, it seems like a great opportunity. You are always allowed to go back to the U.K. anytime but if you were wanting to come back to Canada it would be more waiting etc....

What does your heart say, go with instinct and you were so certain of going back but something is stopping you, isn't it. If your that easily swayed then try it for while and see how it goes.

I know you'll miss the kids but will you be happy in the U.K. if you never "took that opportunity" no point in having an unhappy Mum.

Think about it? It's a small world...

Good luck x :)

Garfielduk

Jun 29th 2006 5:05 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

I would go and meet the family and you will then know whether you are interested in giving it a go for a week or two, and only then will you have any idea whether this position is for you and vice versa with the family. As regards your kids, obviously their views should be taken into account but if it's something you really want to do and they are mature enough to make decisions then they will support you. Just my two penneth, hope it seems logical.

Rete	Jun 29th 2006 5:50 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

From 58 years of living life and having obstacles thrown at me and my children through much of those years, I have learned some very value lessons.

1. Remove yourself from any and all outside influences, including BE, by going someplace quiet and serene. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and allow yourself to think of nothing at all. When you are ready to re-emerge from that place of serenity, the answer will your first thought. That is what you should do.

2. If this is ~too way out~ for you, then be realistic. What are you going back to the UK for? You want to live and work in Canada. You want your kids to be raised there for now. There is no reason why your children cannot remain in the UK for a summer vacation and return before school opens. This will give you an opportunity to work with these children to see if the fit is right for you with them and with the family. If all is well, then you bring the kids back and start building your lives.

Whenever I was faced with something to large or I was too stressed to handle, I said those famous words, Let Go and Let God. You don't have to believe in God to do this. Let Go and Let Province take over. Seems to me, an outside, that Province, God or a Guardian Angel has placed the perfect thing right in your path because they knew this is where you wanted to be.

Rete

One day I might tell you the horrible events in my early 20's that happened to our family and in particular to my one daughter. These events could have broken me but instead I used them to find strength and acceptance that life is an adventure and adventures are not always fun but do end when another one starts.

neill

Jun 29th 2006 6:38 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

Then.........
....
this women works for immigration and would sponsor me in a heartbeat.

If i return to the UK i would have to start the whole process again. another three years and waiting!
If i stay then i risk my children never coming back.
....
Today in the British store i met a guy from BC! He said "you will regret moving back to the UK". Don't do it.

OH God help me or someone please help shed some light.
I have no money only enough to forward the boxes and get the flight home. But now i am even more confused than ever.

HELP ME GUYS! :eek:

Beware canadians talking out of their rear-ends, (yes, even the most well-meaning ones). Be realistic, is it going to be that easy for her to sponsor you, etc. People throw off comments like that all the time, without going into the dirty detail. How long is the wait going to be before you can work again in Canada, and so on... If i were you, and after reading your heart-breaking posts, I would continue with the move, but then i'm not you.

dormy

Jun 29th 2006 7:05 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rete

1. Remove yourself from any and all outside influences, including BE, by going someplace quiet and serene. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and allow yourself to think of nothing at all. When you are ready to re-emerge from that place of serenity, the answer will your first thought. That is what you should do.

Whenever I was faced with something to large or I was too stressed to handle, I said those famous words, Let Go and Let God. You don't have to believe in God to do this. Let Go and Let Province take over. Seems to me, an outside, that Province, God or a Guardian Angel has placed the perfect thing right in your path because they knew this is where you wanted to be.

I can only agree with Rete.

Whether you believe in guardian angels or not take time out and ask them for guidance, you will soon know what is the best course of action for you. You may not realise it at the time but they will always show you the way, just ask for help.

Elvira

Jun 29th 2006 7:08 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dormy

Agree.

HOWEVER, before Babyblue can try and take herself to this place of serenity, she really HAS to find out whether this potential job offer is real or not. I get the impression it could just be a piece of pie in the sky coupled with wishful thinking.

pinkpanther

Jun 29th 2006 7:25 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

I would definately go back to England and be with my kids, they are family and more important and would you be happy in Canada without them? I know I wouldn't.

I'm sure there are loads of families in England that would love to have someone with your skills work for them.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Pink Panther

RodRos&Co.

Jun 29th 2006 7:59 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Oh BB,
I can't give you any advice but my heart goes out to you, do what you think is right, talk to everybody involved and then take some time out for yourself and consider what you want for yourself and your kids, ie: could you be a long distance Mum if they choose to stay in the UK.

Take care hun,

Rosie

Piff Poff

Jun 29th 2006 10:10 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

OH MY GOD Babyblue! Did you need this? Lots of people have offered their opinions - you get a huge hug from me! Your threads often bring tears to my eyes, talk about going through the mill to live a dream..I hope whatever you decide to do it works out for you BIG HUGS from Red Deer :)

Purley

Jun 29th 2006 11:21 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

My two cents worth. You must just about be qualifying for citizenship by now. Find out about the job. Talk to the woman herself. See what she says about sponsoring you and see if you think that she is telling the truth. If she works for Immigration - ask her all the hard questions.

If you think it will work, then I would stay on here - get your Citizenship and then you have a lot more choices. You will have dual nationality and that would give you the option of living in England or Canada.

I can't remember where you said how much longer you needed to stay - but it can't be very long.

babyblue

Jun 29th 2006 11:18 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Thanks for all the advice guys!
I am off for a week to the trailer and i will decide from there what i really want to do. I think in my heart i need to be near my kids. I know they are growing up but i want to be there when the start their families etc.
we will see what happens!

take care
i will let you all know if i have a change of heart
thanks again!

neill

Jun 30th 2006 2:06 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

I don't know the full story but I think BabyBlue is on a Work permit (hence the need to be sponsored? ) If this is the case, citizenship is out of the question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizwil98

My two cents worth. You must just about be qualifying for citizenship by now.

celine_uk

Jun 30th 2006 3:10 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

hey babyblue, you should join us in scallywags in toronto for the england match, britishvixen and i are going for sure.... might help get ur mind off things!

Snave

Jun 30th 2006 9:00 am

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by babyblue

Good luck BabyBlue - what ever you choose. Let us know, we'll al be thinking of you.

Purley

Jun 30th 2006 2:10 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Oh - I thought I had seen somewhere in a past post - ages ago - about how she didn't want to have to go home because she nearly qualified for something or other - and I thought it was citizenship.

kellydrew

Jul 1st 2006 9:53 pm

Re: Oh Canada Why?

Jeeze BB............... what a decision to make!!!!
Have faith in yourself, I know you'll make the best, of whatever decision you make.
Thinking of you
Kelly
:)

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