Beavis10

Hi

We are due to move to the Calgary area in March and have two children. Our 10 year old daughter is finding it hard that we will be moving soon and is worried what Calgary will be like.

She has had to put up with a fair bit of bullying at her school in the UK but that now seems to be sorted and she is extremely worried that it be the same in Canada. What's making it more difficult is that she now has a small group of friends and is really loving school!

Does anyone know of any websites where she could maybe find a penpal in the Calgary area (they're may not be any as we have no idea who is on the other end of a pc!). Or if anyone on here is able to give her advice about how there children had concerns but it all turned out ok in the end?

Thanks for your help.

geedee

Hi Beavis,

I can empathise with your situation!

When we moved to Canada my kids were only 5 and 3, so not too difficult. When we left Canada they were 11 and 9. They'd built up friendships but were not getting on well with the French school system we had to adopt when we became PR.

They were worried, naturally. What I did was played it way down.... made out it was no big deal, wasn't "forever" and promised that if we didn't like it over here we'd move straight back! However, I did say that to check the place out properly we needed to give it one year.
I also set them up with email addresses and made sure they had regular communication with their old friends back "home".
As expected, they made new friends here and they've settled really well.

I think the trick is "baby steps".... very small, achievable goals, and impress on them it's not "forever"!

Good luck.

Tirytory

Well the truth is she might struggle, my 8yr old did and I felt extreme guilt over his level of unhappiness here. He still doesn't have anywhere near the same levels of friendships as he had back home a year on, and I suspect if you asked him frankly he would rather be living back in Wales. But I don't ask him and we just get on with it, and I hope that over the course of 3/4 years he might regain some of those type of friendships.

Of course, it gives them other skills, it makes them more resilient and maybe more self reliant.

I'm sure other children have settled better and there will be more success stories and you can hope for the best and maybe prepare yourself to help your child for the worst.

I do wonder how much keeping in touch helps? We have kept in touch with his two best friends, and other schoolmates... But it's a bit like Facebook in that regard, keeps you constantly looking over your shoulder..

Beavis10

Hi

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry that things aren't working out so well. Hopefully like you say, in the future good friendships will happen.

It's good to hear both sides and know what we might be up against though.

Thanks again

SchnookoLoly

I don't have kids, but someone on here posted awhile back that they also had kids who were resistant to moving. They were able to at least improve (not solve) the situation by involving them a lot in the move. Allowing them to share opinions, make some (small) decisions, that sort of thing. Have you tried that with your kids? Maybe let your daughter pick all the decorating for her new bedroom. If she has hobbies, then soon after you land, go around and try to find some places of interest to her. Getting her involved in social groups (sports, clubs, whatever) as well quickly will help as well.

As for the bullying... it happens everywhere, but perhaps framing it as a fresh start for her might help. No one knows her or her history, or has any preconceptions about her... gives her a chance to make new friends and leave the bullies behind.

As for making friends etc... encourage her as well to do things with her new friends outside of school. Play dates, movies, whatever.

Lastly, I think it will help as well for her to see her parents fully embracing their new lives. Tirytory pointed out that she and her son struggled with her husband hating it... that kind of feeling would rub off. IF yu guys throw yourself into your new lives fully, it will help your kids adjust as well. Kids can be surprisingly resilient, so I'd say go in with positive attitudes, involve them in the process where you can, and support them when they get to this new place.

Perhaps organise a few weekend trips as well (well, what you can anyway around the madness of moving!) to show them some of the awesome stuff Calgary and the area has to offer.

Good luck!

Steve_

Well according to David Cameron's speech (who's he) when he appeared in the House of Commons (the one in Ottawa) he said Alberta had the best schools in the English-speaking world.

So I don't know how it gets any better of an endorsement than that. (Well, if you're British).

Plus - bullying isn't as much of an issue because it's so cold you have to wear a really thick jacket...

But generally speaking kids here are much politer and well-behaved than anything I remember from the UK. Which is a sweeping generalization I realize.

How about the fact she won't have to wear a uniform? (Unless you're putting her in Catholic school). That might cheer her up. Does she like horses? You could set her up with some riding classes at Spruce Meadows. Horses everywhere here. Lots of singing opportunities too, if she's into music.

Beavis10

Thanks everyone for your feedback, it's all really helpful.

I have contacted the Girl Guides and will hopefully be able to register them once we arrive, which will give them a chance to integrate.

As for schools, I had heard that children were politer and better behaved, so hopefully bullying won't be an issue.

As with everything, we'll just have to wait and see and embrace our new situation and surroundings and really involve our kids in everything we do so they think they are included in all decision making.

Thanks again.

scootb

My 8 year old(at the time we moved she is 10 in 11 days) who looks the double of Merida from Brave used to get bullied because of her raid her at school in Scotland,in Alberta she has made best friends with a Vietnamese girl and loves the move,we have had no problems at all with the school that our kids attend,we also have an 8 year old,and a 6 year old,all 3 of our girls love school here.
They also love the fact that it rarely rains compared to sunny Scotland where 9/10 they walked to school in the rain and wind,they much prefer the cold and snow here!

Beavis10

That's really good to hear that she's settled in well. Kids can be so cruel! Sounds like she's got gorgeous hair though.

We also have a 6 year old girl who we are hoping will settle in fairly easily as she seems a bit more resilient than her old sister.

jinn

Hi,
I can understand your concern, we have also been in the same situation. We moved from England in 2008, my sons were 5, and 2 at the time. My older son was doing well in school until the bullying started in grade 5. It really knocked his self confidence and would cry every morning as he was scared of what the day was going to be like. The bullying was raised to the school and it was then dealt with. In September he stated Middle school, absolutely frightened as he thought the same would happen again. It still plays on his mind as the kids from his primary school are in the same middle school.

After all this and many other reasons we actually decided to move back to England. We are leaving this summer.
Yes, he has made some close friends now, that he will miss, but he also understands that the move will be a new beginning in a school where other kids will not be aware that he was bullied and for what reasons before.

We hope the move will help him gain back all the confidence he has lost.

It is not easy moving when kids get older, so we are taking this step now. Just hoping its the right decision and things all work out.

All the best with your move, Just remind the kids its a new beginning!

scootb

I have been that kid myself,I went to 3 primary schools,and 2 secondary schools as my parents moved so much,every time we moved I had to prove myself both in and outside school,I HATED those new days at school badly,I also really hated not growing up with friends.
It does make you feel a bit left out when you hear other friends that have grown up from nursery together,this always sits in my mind when I consider moving as I want my girls to feel more settled than my brother and I did.

MarylandNed

Regardless of what anecdotal evidence you obtain from others, everyone's situation is different. Generally speaking, the younger the kids are, the easier a move like this is. Yes, many people with older kids will say it went well but there are others who will say otherwise. As I said, everyone's situation is different and much depends on where/what you're moving from and to.

I did all my moving while my kids were under 5 and didn't fully comprehend what was happening. With a 10 year old, the risks are higher that things won't go well. That doesn't mean to say that it will go badly - it just means that you'll have a wider range of possible outcomes. It could go brilliantly, it could be difficult or it could be anywhere in between. So definitely a bigger range of of possible outcomes than you would get with younger children. My youngest is now 13 and there's just no way that we could move without major difficulties - but she's not your 10 year old daughter.

I suggest that you first try to connect with parents in the Calgary area. See if you can find any with children of your daughter's age. Try a web site like www.meetup.com. Search for groups in the Parents/Family category. Good luck!

Beavis10

Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions.

I'll look at the meetup website and see how that goes.

Sorry to hear that it hasn't gone as smooth as it should have for some and wish you all the best for the future.

Thanks again,you've all been really helpful

ChrisBan

Having been their age when similar happened to me, all I can say now is I regret making a fuss over it to my parents, and in hindsight it really wasn't bad at all. Think I struggled with it most because of this whole "proud to be British" mentality I had back then and this strange obsession with seeing my primary school friends again who I thought we'd be friends with forever (none of whom I speak to anymore). I think I pretty quickly realised a couple of years after moving back to the UK in high school that I'd been an idiot and lost a huge opportunity. But I guess it's kinda hard to tell that to a 10 year old

MillieF

Very best of luck Beavis....whatever you do you will feel wrong and guilty about it

It just goes with the territory

I have been a bt surprised that having moved with an 11 year old, I have just discovered, that now aged 14, that he is firmly decided on moving back to where we came from....he likes the kids here, is doing well academically and socially, but says it will never be home...one can only do ones best