scilly

We had no problems making friends when we first arrived here 50 years, and became known as the "social couple" as we were out most evenings of the week.

Things began to change as we bought a house, and then had family ...... our circle became smaller, our outings less because a) we didn't have the time and b) we didn't have anywhere near as much "spare" money.

But it is important to remember that it does become harder to make friends the older you are when you move towns, cities or countries. It can even be very difficult to move "back", whether that it is to where you were born, grew up, or had great friends in your 20s or 30s. That's because everyone moves on, likes and dislikes change, and groups have formed.

I don't like hearing the word "cliquey" applied in these circumstances .......... they really are not cliques, but rather groups that have formed over months and years, and it can be hard to be admitted to a group of close friends. Don't forget, you were probably in one or more of such a group where you lived before, you will form your own "group" here in time. Those could be called a "clique" by others. How does that sound????

scrubbedexpat091

I think if we had a kid, we would likely have more friends and things to do, or even an age appropriate career where co-workers are in the same age range.

20 somethings rarely want to be friends with people their parents age. Lol

Shard

These are good points. We also tend to elevate longtime friendships beyond their intrinsic level of friendship.

beckiwoo

I heard a story about 3 months ago from one of my work colleagues, her and her partner and some of their friends often go to a trivea night in the west end. Anyway the next day she tells me that they had some random woman join them, she was on her own and just wanted to be part of one if teams.

Apparently before she approached my work colleague asking if she could join them, she was refused by 2 other groups of people/teams - this blows my mind about how unfriendly people in this city can be.

and yes Bristol, very much enjoying the sunshine and palm trees but am returning to Raincouver tonight

biggayowl

Can't say I've found it any easier to make friends here in Edinburgh than in Vancouver. I could easily describe some here as cliquey, but what Scilly posted is spot on. Most of my own friends date back to school and you simply can't replace a lifetime of shared experiences and connection. Friendships (genuine ones) take time and are largely dependent on luck - where you work, who you go to school with, who happens to live in your neighbourhood. It doesn't help being a middle aged curmodgen either.