Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
Jan 23rd 2021, 5:33 pm
#76
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
Reading through this, and I must say what an interesting and enlightening thread...I was struck by the fact that a lot of both the OP's general unhappiness and her daughter's have a very "world going to sh*t/pandemic" similar timeline.
Much of which, I'm fairly sure mirror a few of our feelings on here.
Like you OP my son was 11/12 when we came here. It wasn't all plain sailing, but he became happy, did well at school and started in UNB a year and a half ago. Loved the first semester...did well then C19 arrived. At first it was a mix of in person and on line classes and now it's all online...it's disastrous...but it is for ALL of them. All of the people he knows are either on the verge of dumping uni or changing courses dramatically. He hates it, he isn't engaged and is in a permanently bad mood...if I want him I burrow in the discarded piles of clothes and plates in his room until find him.
I think this is perfectly normal - distressing, tiring and bloody thankless on occasion - but it's hardly surprising...their world has had a siesmic shift (so has mine, but I'm more experienced to try to cope with it) my son KNEW he had the world at his feet and a yellow Lamborghini somewhere in his future - now he can't see any way forward and his studies don't seem relevant and he can't see the point of a degree. He says that everyday is like Groundhog Day. He was a sprinting star in track and now they can't even run! He's lost his job of 3 years to C19. He's just turned 20, is afraid and can't see a future, and he's far from alone.
France has had a crop of this age group self harming and are committing huge resources to support them. If we don't want a lost generation, we have to too.
This is worse than anything we could have ever imagined, but I really believe if we just all hold tight, keep our nerves and support these young people there might be a way forward for them...but it's not going to be quick.
OP could you not put your own unhappiness on hold for a bit and just get on with being unhappy in Canada till you get Citizenship. Life will hopefully be a long adventure, don't shut any doors for her, or you. Would she think of changing her course, what are her friends studying...can't she study with them?
Your daughter is irresponsible, she's untidy and bad with money...welcome to the club. Growing up is a process, not a race I was alone in the world by the time I was my son's age, I grew up fast, but it wasn't fun. I only had the one child and I want him to follow his dreams if he can ever find them again, and I'm just going to know that my life isn't perfect, because nobody's is..happiness isn't a place, but think how unhappy you'd be without your daughter. Like AnnM said, I have certainly given more time and mental support to my adolescent than I ever did to my kid. Bob the Builder, this thing isn't!
You have said little of your partner...what is their feeling on this?
Much of which, I'm fairly sure mirror a few of our feelings on here.
Like you OP my son was 11/12 when we came here. It wasn't all plain sailing, but he became happy, did well at school and started in UNB a year and a half ago. Loved the first semester...did well then C19 arrived. At first it was a mix of in person and on line classes and now it's all online...it's disastrous...but it is for ALL of them. All of the people he knows are either on the verge of dumping uni or changing courses dramatically. He hates it, he isn't engaged and is in a permanently bad mood...if I want him I burrow in the discarded piles of clothes and plates in his room until find him.
I think this is perfectly normal - distressing, tiring and bloody thankless on occasion - but it's hardly surprising...their world has had a siesmic shift (so has mine, but I'm more experienced to try to cope with it) my son KNEW he had the world at his feet and a yellow Lamborghini somewhere in his future - now he can't see any way forward and his studies don't seem relevant and he can't see the point of a degree. He says that everyday is like Groundhog Day. He was a sprinting star in track and now they can't even run! He's lost his job of 3 years to C19. He's just turned 20, is afraid and can't see a future, and he's far from alone.
France has had a crop of this age group self harming and are committing huge resources to support them. If we don't want a lost generation, we have to too.
This is worse than anything we could have ever imagined, but I really believe if we just all hold tight, keep our nerves and support these young people there might be a way forward for them...but it's not going to be quick.
OP could you not put your own unhappiness on hold for a bit and just get on with being unhappy in Canada till you get Citizenship. Life will hopefully be a long adventure, don't shut any doors for her, or you. Would she think of changing her course, what are her friends studying...can't she study with them?
Your daughter is irresponsible, she's untidy and bad with money...welcome to the club. Growing up is a process, not a race I was alone in the world by the time I was my son's age, I grew up fast, but it wasn't fun. I only had the one child and I want him to follow his dreams if he can ever find them again, and I'm just going to know that my life isn't perfect, because nobody's is..happiness isn't a place, but think how unhappy you'd be without your daughter. Like AnnM said, I have certainly given more time and mental support to my adolescent than I ever did to my kid. Bob the Builder, this thing isn't!
You have said little of your partner...what is their feeling on this?
I was reading some comforting threads on Reddit last night of some Indian's in America (L.A, New York and such)- Americas DREAM places! and so many of them were saying they returned home, to India! a developing, dusty country, bad government etc they attested too, but the common theme was, was is the point of materialistic achievements, feeling of disassociation, etc etc without family/being 'home'. Many were saying, all Indians feels this at some point , mostly first 2 years; wow so exciting! next two years boring, then last two TORTURE!
I've been here for 6 years and I can agree, after 18 months reality kicked in and I was ready to leave then. I think if I stayed any longer now after another 4 + years I could quite possibly get ill. We are going to go back and reassess the situation in one year. I need a break for my well being.
Last edited by kate8kate0; Jan 23rd 2021 at 5:39 pm. Reason: grammar
Jan 23rd 2021, 5:44 pm
#77
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
The guy earlier was being a tad dramatic about Victoria, I live here too and I would never leave. It's a great little place, it's fun exploring the whole island and it has great links to visit Vancouver or Seattle if you are interested in doing any larger city activities.
Anyway, it seems a tad cruel to take your kid away from the relationships that they've developed since you moved to Canada? Especially if she doesn't have citizenship and may find it difficult to move back to still see those friends? Couldn't you send in a citizen application for her?
Anyway, it seems a tad cruel to take your kid away from the relationships that they've developed since you moved to Canada? Especially if she doesn't have citizenship and may find it difficult to move back to still see those friends? Couldn't you send in a citizen application for her?
Jan 23rd 2021, 5:56 pm
#78
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
The guy earlier was being a tad dramatic about Victoria, I live here too and I would never leave. It's a great little place, it's fun exploring the whole island and it has great links to visit Vancouver or Seattle if you are interested in doing any larger city activities.
Anyway, it seems a tad cruel to take your kid away from the relationships that they've developed since you moved to Canada? Especially if she doesn't have citizenship and may find it difficult to move back to still see those friends? Couldn't you send in a citizen application for her?
Anyway, it seems a tad cruel to take your kid away from the relationships that they've developed since you moved to Canada? Especially if she doesn't have citizenship and may find it difficult to move back to still see those friends? Couldn't you send in a citizen application for her?
Jan 23rd 2021, 8:36 pm
#79
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
https://www.cic.gc.ca/english/helpce...qnum=911&top=5
We usually only mail letters, notices and other documents to addresses in Canada. In some cases, you may receive an email from us. You must reply to these letters or emails within a specified amount of time. If you don’t reply within the time frame and don’t provide an acceptable reason for not being able to keep your appointment with us or providing requested information, we may stop processing your application.
Jan 23rd 2021, 11:03 pm
#80
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
You can, but you will be required to attend Citizenship test / interview / oath taking etc., at very little notice... and you may need an address in Canada... so better to get it started asap!
https://www.cic.gc.ca/english/helpce...qnum=911&top=5
https://www.cic.gc.ca/english/helpce...qnum=911&top=5
Jan 23rd 2021, 11:19 pm
#81
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
An interesting piece of research has shown that the people best able o get through this peculiar time of lock down, work from home, isolation, etc are older people
In particular, senior citizens living in their own homes (apartments or houses) were shown to be doing much better and are happier than younger generations.
Why?? Because they have been subject to various events in the past, and have been used to making do, entertaining themselves, etc. That's what we had to do in our younger days! No arranged play dates, being taken hither and thither to out-of-school classes to "keep us busy and interested".
I have been perfectly happy after almost complete isolation since the middle of March last year. In that time, I have been out less than 12 times, mainly for medical appointments, once to the hairdresser, and twice for dinner celebrating our anniversary and OH's birthday.
I read or re-read brand-new and old favourite books as well as the daily newspaper, shop on-line occasionally especially for more books, I've stopped watching TV except for certain special events, and I come on to the computer much less than I did pre-covid. I talk twice a week on the phone to my daughter (we actually prefer that to Skype although we both have it) .............. it was her desire to increase just last month from our long-time once-a week on Sunday chat.
I haven't got around to sorting through clothes and belongings, much as I think about doing that (I'm a great procrastinator
) ............. and OH has annoyed me more than usual recently 
.
OH loves walking, and is very healthy, he does all the grocery shopping and walks 2 or 3 times a day.
Younger generations find it much harder, especially the teens and twenties, and, yes, they do need help .............. but a lot of it is because they have often been given too much in the past, and expect a lot to happen for them.
It's putting a heavy load on the shoulders of parents who are not experienced in the sort of support that is needed, and I don't see it really changing until everyone or almost everyone has been vaccinated.
Money is going to disappear if jobs are low, but you should think twice about leaving ASAP.
Stay until your daughter at the very least (if not you) can get her citizenship without having to worry about getting back into Canada at very short notice to sit her test taking the oath, AND the citizenship ceremony, which all take place at different times.
And stop talking so much about money, whether that is for your investment or for promising your daughter that you will pay for her friends to visit ................ that last is getting close to bribing her to go with you.
I've had a little experience with a relation who tried that bribery tactic. It didn't work out well, as the daughter then came to expect more and more and more.
In particular, senior citizens living in their own homes (apartments or houses) were shown to be doing much better and are happier than younger generations.
Why?? Because they have been subject to various events in the past, and have been used to making do, entertaining themselves, etc. That's what we had to do in our younger days! No arranged play dates, being taken hither and thither to out-of-school classes to "keep us busy and interested".
I have been perfectly happy after almost complete isolation since the middle of March last year. In that time, I have been out less than 12 times, mainly for medical appointments, once to the hairdresser, and twice for dinner celebrating our anniversary and OH's birthday.
I read or re-read brand-new and old favourite books as well as the daily newspaper, shop on-line occasionally especially for more books, I've stopped watching TV except for certain special events, and I come on to the computer much less than I did pre-covid. I talk twice a week on the phone to my daughter (we actually prefer that to Skype although we both have it) .............. it was her desire to increase just last month from our long-time once-a week on Sunday chat.
I haven't got around to sorting through clothes and belongings, much as I think about doing that (I'm a great procrastinator
) ............. and OH has annoyed me more than usual recently .OH loves walking, and is very healthy, he does all the grocery shopping and walks 2 or 3 times a day.
Younger generations find it much harder, especially the teens and twenties, and, yes, they do need help .............. but a lot of it is because they have often been given too much in the past, and expect a lot to happen for them.
It's putting a heavy load on the shoulders of parents who are not experienced in the sort of support that is needed, and I don't see it really changing until everyone or almost everyone has been vaccinated.
Money is going to disappear if jobs are low, but you should think twice about leaving ASAP.
Stay until your daughter at the very least (if not you) can get her citizenship without having to worry about getting back into Canada at very short notice to sit her test taking the oath, AND the citizenship ceremony, which all take place at different times.
And stop talking so much about money, whether that is for your investment or for promising your daughter that you will pay for her friends to visit ................ that last is getting close to bribing her to go with you.
I've had a little experience with a relation who tried that bribery tactic. It didn't work out well, as the daughter then came to expect more and more and more.
Jan 24th 2021, 2:37 pm
#82
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
An interesting piece of research has shown that the people best able o get through this peculiar time of lock down, work from home, isolation, etc are older people
In particular, senior citizens living in their own homes (apartments or houses) were shown to be doing much better and are happier than younger generations.
Why?? Because they have been subject to various events in the past, and have been used to making do, entertaining themselves, etc. That's what we had to do in our younger days! No arranged play dates, being taken hither and thither to out-of-school classes to "keep us busy and interested".
I have been perfectly happy after almost complete isolation since the middle of March last year. In that time, I have been out less than 12 times, mainly for medical appointments, once to the hairdresser, and twice for dinner celebrating our anniversary and OH's birthday.
I read or re-read brand-new and old favourite books as well as the daily newspaper, shop on-line occasionally especially for more books, I've stopped watching TV except for certain special events, and I come on to the computer much less than I did pre-covid. I talk twice a week on the phone to my daughter (we actually prefer that to Skype although we both have it) .............. it was her desire to increase just last month from our long-time once-a week on Sunday chat.
I haven't got around to sorting through clothes and belongings, much as I think about doing that (I'm a great procrastinator ) ............. and OH has annoyed me more than usual recently .
OH loves walking, and is very healthy, he does all the grocery shopping and walks 2 or 3 times a day.
Younger generations find it much harder, especially the teens and twenties, and, yes, they do need help .............. but a lot of it is because they have often been given too much in the past, and expect a lot to happen for them.
It's putting a heavy load on the shoulders of parents who are not experienced in the sort of support that is needed, and I don't see it really changing until everyone or almost everyone has been vaccinated.
Money is going to disappear if jobs are low, but you should think twice about leaving ASAP.
Stay until your daughter at the very least (if not you) can get her citizenship without having to worry about getting back into Canada at very short notice to sit her test taking the oath, AND the citizenship ceremony, which all take place at different times.
And stop talking so much about money, whether that is for your investment or for promising your daughter that you will pay for her friends to visit ................ that last is getting close to bribing her to go with you.
I've had a little experience with a relation who tried that bribery tactic. It didn't work out well, as the daughter then came to expect more and more and more.
In particular, senior citizens living in their own homes (apartments or houses) were shown to be doing much better and are happier than younger generations.
Why?? Because they have been subject to various events in the past, and have been used to making do, entertaining themselves, etc. That's what we had to do in our younger days! No arranged play dates, being taken hither and thither to out-of-school classes to "keep us busy and interested".
I have been perfectly happy after almost complete isolation since the middle of March last year. In that time, I have been out less than 12 times, mainly for medical appointments, once to the hairdresser, and twice for dinner celebrating our anniversary and OH's birthday.
I read or re-read brand-new and old favourite books as well as the daily newspaper, shop on-line occasionally especially for more books, I've stopped watching TV except for certain special events, and I come on to the computer much less than I did pre-covid. I talk twice a week on the phone to my daughter (we actually prefer that to Skype although we both have it) .............. it was her desire to increase just last month from our long-time once-a week on Sunday chat.
I haven't got around to sorting through clothes and belongings, much as I think about doing that (I'm a great procrastinator
) ............. and OH has annoyed me more than usual recently .OH loves walking, and is very healthy, he does all the grocery shopping and walks 2 or 3 times a day.
Younger generations find it much harder, especially the teens and twenties, and, yes, they do need help .............. but a lot of it is because they have often been given too much in the past, and expect a lot to happen for them.
It's putting a heavy load on the shoulders of parents who are not experienced in the sort of support that is needed, and I don't see it really changing until everyone or almost everyone has been vaccinated.
Money is going to disappear if jobs are low, but you should think twice about leaving ASAP.
Stay until your daughter at the very least (if not you) can get her citizenship without having to worry about getting back into Canada at very short notice to sit her test taking the oath, AND the citizenship ceremony, which all take place at different times.
And stop talking so much about money, whether that is for your investment or for promising your daughter that you will pay for her friends to visit ................ that last is getting close to bribing her to go with you.
I've had a little experience with a relation who tried that bribery tactic. It didn't work out well, as the daughter then came to expect more and more and more.
With regards to your daughter, it would make sense for you and her to apply for Canadian citizenship. COVID-19 is limiting movement, so it makes sense to stay put for now and get your Canadian paperwork in order. I have 2 daughters. The youngest was scared to get on a bus and go into town on her own at 17. Two years later, having studied away from home at Exeter University, she decided to take an overseas assignment in Florida and flew out to the States on her own just shy of her 20th birthday. Girls grow up very quick between the ages of 18 and 20, far quicker than boys.
Jan 25th 2021, 7:16 pm
#83
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
Agree, older generation are coping better with lock down. COVID-19 resulted in me taking early retirement and I have no complaints NEVER having to go back into the office ever again. Normally, I get a bad cold/flu once or twice a year. Since the lock down....NOTHING.
With regards to your daughter, it would make sense for you and her to apply for Canadian citizenship. COVID-19 is limiting movement, so it makes sense to stay put for now and get your Canadian paperwork in order. I have 2 daughters. The youngest was scared to get on a bus and go into town on her own at 17. Two years later, having studied away from home at Exeter University, she decided to take an overseas assignment in Florida and flew out to the States on her own just shy of her 20th birthday. Girls grow up very quick between the ages of 18 and 20, far quicker than boys.
With regards to your daughter, it would make sense for you and her to apply for Canadian citizenship. COVID-19 is limiting movement, so it makes sense to stay put for now and get your Canadian paperwork in order. I have 2 daughters. The youngest was scared to get on a bus and go into town on her own at 17. Two years later, having studied away from home at Exeter University, she decided to take an overseas assignment in Florida and flew out to the States on her own just shy of her 20th birthday. Girls grow up very quick between the ages of 18 and 20, far quicker than boys.
If thing should turn bad and sour in the UK, going back to Canada will be a very good choice.
Jan 25th 2021, 8:02 pm
#84
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
I would strongly urge you guys to first apply for Canadian citizenship before you do anything else, especially going back to the UK. May your rasons for going back to the UK be valid ones, may the job offer be a good one, but please also bear in mind that jobs do change, bosses also change, job orientations and business outlook also changes, often faster than you may imagine, and also countries may change quickly. I honestly think that there is a very strong change, however likely, unlikely or not, for the UK to fall appart within the next 5 to 10 years, at least Scotland leaving, and Ireland re-uniting. The current government in London is doing it's best to encourage that, and Brexit makes it even more the reason.
If thing should turn bad and sour in the UK, going back to Canada will be a very good choice.
If thing should turn bad and sour in the UK, going back to Canada will be a very good choice.
My word, reading your posts is so depressing..
Most of what you say is pure speculation, you're so negative. Too many might be, could be, ifs and buts to make any sense.
Jan 25th 2021, 8:30 pm
#85
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
What I wrote was merely a possibility, and hopefully an unlikely to very unlikely event.
However if issues around Brexit are going to continue and grow bigger, the case for splitting the UK up and Scotland and Northern Ireland parting ways is in my opinion an increasing possibility. I wouldn't be happy with this either as well and find it also a depressing and negative idea.
In today's world, it's always good to have some kind of plan B. If one has the option, one should keep the option open, - Canadian citizenship is one of them. One can always come back, Corona or not, only accepting quarantine. Canadian citizenship is a very valuable option.
Jan 25th 2021, 9:49 pm
#86
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
I would strongly urge you guys to first apply for Canadian citizenship before you do anything else, especially going back to the UK. May your rasons for going back to the UK be valid ones, may the job offer be a good one, but please also bear in mind that jobs do change, bosses also change, job orientations and business outlook also changes, often faster than you may imagine, and also countries may change quickly. I honestly think that there is a very strong change, however likely, unlikely or not, for the UK to fall appart within the next 5 to 10 years, at least Scotland leaving, and Ireland re-uniting. The current government in London is doing it's best to encourage that, and Brexit makes it even more the reason.
If thing should turn bad and sour in the UK, going back to Canada will be a very good choice.
If thing should turn bad and sour in the UK, going back to Canada will be a very good choice.
Yes I’m hearing you all guys.
Scilly, I hear what your saying, where did you live in the UK before Frederickton?
Last edited by kate8kate0; Jan 25th 2021 at 9:57 pm.
Jan 25th 2021, 9:54 pm
#87
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
However if issues around Brexit are going to continue and grow bigger, the case for splitting the UK up and Scotland and Northern Ireland parting ways is in my opinion an increasing possibility. I wouldn't be happy with this either as well and find it also a depressing and negative idea.
Whilst an extra nationality is normally useful, I think you have to weigh up any associated sacrifices and make up your own mind. Everyone's situation is different.
Jan 25th 2021, 10:01 pm
#88
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
Jan 25th 2021, 10:05 pm
#89
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
It's not only that, it could just as easily happen in Canada. Quebec had an independence referendum long before Scotland did and it's a subject that always seems to come back around again. Plus you get turmoil and speculation on the Canadian market every time there's a regime change in Washington.
Jan 25th 2021, 10:09 pm
#90
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Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .
It's not only that, it could just as easily happen in Canada. Quebec had an independence referendum long before Scotland did and it's a subject that always seems to come back around again. Plus you get turmoil and speculation on the Canadian market every time there's a regime change in Washington.
