lottie95

I hope this is the right section to post this in! I have posted on here before, a couple of years ago, but i'm perhaps more certain in how I feel now, vs. then.

ALSO! This is going to be long, so thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this! I am honestly in such a state!

I'm 20, and moved to Canada between age 9-10. I know, one would think that I've "grown up" here, and should've settled in far easier than say, someone in their twenties or so. It may be of interest to point out that, my mum met a man online whilst going through a rough patch with my dad. Within a year, they were "in love" and my mother was going to move to Canada and bring her two daughters with her (after meeting in person once? twice?!). I don't absolutely resent my mum for this. She claims that she was seeking out a "better life" for my sister and I, as she would have been a single mum working long hours (she was a nurse and had varying shifts). She would've been in her early 50s at this point. I mean, I understand, to an extent, that this man had basically offered to support her and her children. But oh my goodness, it didn't dawn on me until a few years ago what a bloody big decision that is to make! Just dropping your life, friends, family... for a man? Great!

Any way, being so young, I just sort of went a long with it... Seemed like a big exciting holiday, etc. It was summer when we got our first house here, and it felt like being in a tropical country. I made friends, and I would say that the rest of my childhood-early teens was relatively happy. It wasn't until when I was about sixteen, that I started to sort of change. I think we all get to a point when we start to gain a better understanding of ourselves, what we want out of life, etc. I felt so disconnected from my surroundings, my friends. Canadian culture, ways of living, talking, etc. (I never properly developed a Canadian accent! Would sometimes put it on with friends to feel like I "fit in", but no longer). Sometimes I felt bitter, and would make snide comments about Canadians, having a generally annoyed disposition about everything an everyone here. Unnecessary I know! I knew that I missed England. Sat in the car, passing down roads surrounded by cornfields, and a flat landscape made me feel so frustrated, but also in a state of a panic, thinking "How am I here? This isn't home. Did this ever feel like home? I don't even know where I am! It's horrible! I hate it! Get me out of here!". It has only gotten worse, over the years.

My dad still lives in England. I'm from West Yorkshire. I go back to visit nearly every year, with my sister. Up until this year, the longest i'd been back in any single visit was three weeks. I was always really sad to come back here. I still thought, sensibly, that I couldn't make my decision on whether or not I REALLY wanted to move back based on two-week visits. This year, I went back and stayed four months (with my dad and my sister). My sister is in the same boat as me, unhappy in Canada. She's 22, and is doing an "exchange", whereby she's going to uni in England for a year. So she didn't come back with me. I really enjoyed my four months there. I felt alive for the first time in years. I blooming loved it. The emptiness, lack of motivation and despair I had whilst living here disappeared. I suffer with anxiety, which obviously doesn't go away regardless of where I am in the world, actually improved for about two months while I was there. There were still the usual things that triggered it, but there were points where I actually felt "normal", whether or not that's a coincidence I don't know.

I got back to Canada about three and a half weeks ago, and honestly, my mood has just gradually been plummeting since being here. This is made worse by being without my sister, whom I'm very close to. She's been busy, though we've kept in touch as much as we can. I'm back at college now, which I hoped would keep me busy and "distracted". When I come home, it does always hit me how utterly empty and stoic I feel. It is an awful, awful feeling. I don't have the desire to get out of bed in a morning, keeping myself busy and awake during the day is a bloody chore. I'm writing this just to keep myself from crawling back in bed. My mum gets angry at me for this, she thinks i'm lazy, unmotivated, etc. She knows, deep down that me (nor my sister) want to be here, but she doesn't understand. She sees us as ungrateful, or wanting to be back with our "useless" father. She tells us that England has "gone to the dogs" and that Canada is a much better place to live, etc, etc. Whether this is true or not, I can't help the fact that I am not happy living here. In my PERSONAL opinion, I feel the environment here to be very dull, under-stimulating, too spaced out, extreme summers vs. winters. Just an overall lack of interest in it. I can't see a future here. I don't want my children to be Canadian. I don't want me, MYSELF to be Canadian. I know that these are petty-sounding things, but they can mean a lot to someone who feels so empty. I am studying Early Childhood Education, and love children. I'm passionate about having my own, but what sort of mother would I be, living unhappy in my environment? How would I take my kids on trips out when I have no enthusiasm, or even knowledge of places to take them?

I graduate from college next summer (2016). I just really need advice from someone wise, really. When I have such a lack of support and help from any one here, I feel scared of doing what I want to do. I know that my sister is set on moving back, and is gradually moving all her stuff over there! Much to my mother's disapproval. I can't live with my dad for an extended period of time, as he lives in a one bedroom house. I currently have more friends and connections in England than I do here. I have a "boyfriend" there (I put this in quotations because we don't see it as a stable relationship, having only getting to see each other here and there). What steps do you suggest I take from here? Work here until I can afford to rent a place over there? Wait until my sister can afford for us to get a place together over there? Go back and stay with my dad until I can get a place of my own and start working? Look into going to uni there? I just don't know. I'm impatient to get out of here, though.

BEVS

Hi there lottie95 & thanks for sharing.

Canniversary is really more of an update section. It is a place to share one's story so you didn't place it wrongly at all, but I think you are more looking for a little interaction and thoughts from others.

So, I will move this into the main Canada section for you.

UHOP

First thing do you have your Canadian Citizenship in Place if not I would get that sorted before you move back to the UK.

The grass is always greener your unhappy in Canada, and you think moving back to England will make you Happier in the long term it may or may not.
But if you think moving back is the answer then I would do it and you got always do what you want in life when your Young.

Now it depends how quickly you want to move back.
Can your Dad put up till you have enough money and Job to get your own place ?.

If your really desperate (I don't recommend this) and your Dad can't put you up, a Hostel can work. You only need enough money for a couple weeks. (I know people had enough for 2 Nights) The Council will help you out after that with Housing benefit and Signing on. Your British Citizen so they have duty to help you.

In Terms of Uni Courses, you must of Lived in the UK for 3 Years before hand to get Student Loans help from the UK Government. Which does not need to be paid back to after you leave at low rate a month if your earning over certain amount.
If you live in Scotland 3 Years Before hand you get Free Education. (a Saving of 9000 a year and Driving distance to Yorkshire). If waiting 3 years is not option there may help you can get to Study aboard from the Canadian Provincial and Federal Governments which you might want to look up.

Aviator

Not quite. It is 1800GBP a year for Scottish or nationals of other EU countries who have been resident for three years in their home country (not Scotland). For residents of England (preceeding 3 years) and they move to Scotland for purposes other than education by Aug 1 that year, can also get the 1800 a year. Otherwise English nationals pay same as an English university.

Oink

We all know what your mum was thinking but what was your dad thinking? I wouldn't have let my daughters be dragged half around the world because my ex wife is having a mid-life crisis. I'd of had my solicitors nail her to the wall.

Dorothy

Ok, the first time you asked about this is August 2013. http://britishexpats.com/forum/canad.../#post10836478

Then again in April 2014.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/movin.../#post11228469

What have you done to change your situation since that time?

MikeUK

Get Citizenship, then travel, go find yourself

Having two passports will open up other areas to explore, the world is small

Pizzawheel

Good point by Dorothy. Sounds like you are thoroughly miserable in Canada.

If you have dual citizenship and a willing dad in Yorkshire I'd sincerely plan a move back- you can be relatively footloose between the two countries. If you and your sister have just spent months there your dad must have space and sounds like he'd welcome you back.

However bad you feel here just don't burn any bridges. With a wee bit of luck you can enjoy both worlds.

MarylandNed

You're 20. You're not a child anymore. Get your big girl knickers on and go do want you want to where you want to do it. Oh, and make sure you have Canadian citizenship in case you change your mind.

Howefamily

Try not to dwell on a Canada versus UK scenario. Our brains are easily trained into thought pattern habits and before you know it thats all you think about when in reality you have many options.
I would start by making sure all your ducks are in a row from a citizenship point of view make sure you have some cash and then make some plans. They dont need to be "forever" plans but they do need to allow you to expand your life to get out of this rut.
Start in Yorkshire and check it out. See how you feel, move on if you want to. Try to do yourself a favour by making no concrete decisions that will tie you anywhere.
Good luck.

scrubbedexpat091

My sister can't even move out of the county she lives in, let alone a foreign country because her ex won't compromise, always find it odd when a parent seems to just their kids go off to a foreign land. I'd fight it tooth and nail if I had kids if the other was trying to take them out of the country.

Howefamily

we all think we know what we would do but people always respond in a variety of ways in such a situation. Theres no point in judging anyone here, noone knows what really went on at that time between the OP's parents.

OP - make your plans, enjoy

DandNHill

Very good point...

OP, I left England when I was 9 to live in Algeria for a year and a half before moving to France where I lived until I was 22. So very similar to you but just different countries... I went back to England aged 22, desperately wanting to "find myself" and thinking my roots were totally British. However fast forward a couple of years and guess what? I was desperate to head back to France!!!!
I stayed in England as I was pregnant giving myself a year after the baby was born to get back to France but then baby # 2 came along. It then just got way too complicated and I stayed and made a life for myself in England until we moved to Canada 4 years ago.
So be careful of obsessing about "the other country". We only focus on the good times, never remembering any bad experiences and then when the "honeymoon period" is over we often start regretting what we no longer have...

So like many of the others who have responded, make sure you can always come back to Canada, that way you don't have to regret anything...

Steve_

Based on the tenor of the post I think your basic problem is with your mother as you don't really have anything nice to say about her and you live with her apparently. So my suggestion would be to move out or move further away. Whether that is to the UK or anywhere else.

I know I couldn't have lived with my parents when I was your age. And I was infinitely happier after moving out.

BristolUK

As a grumpy know-it-all, what was your parents view on that?