Originally Posted by lottie95

Hi, thank you to those who replied. Yes, I have dual citizenship as of last year. I need to renew my recently expired british passport however, as I (mortified), had to show my new Canadian passport at manchester airport coming back. They asked me so many questions until I showed them my british one, despite it being expired!

Yes, I have posted here before however with less certainty then vs. now. I agree with those who feel that at 20, I shouldn't be so overridden by my mother. But this is an embedded dynamic that will likely follow me into my fourties, fifties if she's still around then. This is a reason why I am unhappy and need to make a change.

I have made (albeit small) steps in to getting where I want to be. My college offers an international placement, so I acted fast and have gotten a good response from the co-ordinator of the program so far. This would involve me doing my field placement (that I would normally do here) in England for my last college semester. If they were to offer me a job, I would be in a great place. Even if they didn't, I still have experience as a student in a british child care centre, which would surely help me when looking work over there.

Originally Posted by JamesM

The Foreign Legion.

Originally Posted by lottie95

I hope this is the right section to post this in! I have posted on here before, a couple of years ago, but i'm perhaps more certain in how I feel now, vs. then.

ALSO! This is going to be long, so thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this! I am honestly in such a state!

I'm 20, and moved to Canada between age 9-10. I know, one would think that I've "grown up" here, and should've settled in far easier than say, someone in their twenties or so. It may be of interest to point out that, my mum met a man online whilst going through a rough patch with my dad. Within a year, they were "in love" and my mother was going to move to Canada and bring her two daughters with her (after meeting in person once? twice?!). I don't absolutely resent my mum for this. She claims that she was seeking out a "better life" for my sister and I, as she would have been a single mum working long hours (she was a nurse and had varying shifts). She would've been in her early 50s at this point. I mean, I understand, to an extent, that this man had basically offered to support her and her children. But oh my goodness, it didn't dawn on me until a few years ago what a bloody big decision that is to make! Just dropping your life, friends, family... for a man? Great!

Any way, being so young, I just sort of went a long with it... Seemed like a big exciting holiday, etc. It was summer when we got our first house here, and it felt like being in a tropical country. I made friends, and I would say that the rest of my childhood-early teens was relatively happy. It wasn't until when I was about sixteen, that I started to sort of change. I think we all get to a point when we start to gain a better understanding of ourselves, what we want out of life, etc. I felt so disconnected from my surroundings, my friends. Canadian culture, ways of living, talking, etc. (I never properly developed a Canadian accent! Would sometimes put it on with friends to feel like I "fit in", but no longer). Sometimes I felt bitter, and would make snide comments about Canadians, having a generally annoyed disposition about everything an everyone here. Unnecessary I know! I knew that I missed England. Sat in the car, passing down roads surrounded by cornfields, and a flat landscape made me feel so frustrated, but also in a state of a panic, thinking "How am I here? This isn't home. Did this ever feel like home? I don't even know where I am! It's horrible! I hate it! Get me out of here!". It has only gotten worse, over the years.

My dad still lives in England. I'm from West Yorkshire. I go back to visit nearly every year, with my sister. Up until this year, the longest i'd been back in any single visit was three weeks. I was always really sad to come back here. I still thought, sensibly, that I couldn't make my decision on whether or not I REALLY wanted to move back based on two-week visits. This year, I went back and stayed four months (with my dad and my sister). My sister is in the same boat as me, unhappy in Canada. She's 22, and is doing an "exchange", whereby she's going to uni in England for a year. So she didn't come back with me. I really enjoyed my four months there. I felt alive for the first time in years. I blooming loved it. The emptiness, lack of motivation and despair I had whilst living here disappeared. I suffer with anxiety, which obviously doesn't go away regardless of where I am in the world, actually improved for about two months while I was there. There were still the usual things that triggered it, but there were points where I actually felt "normal", whether or not that's a coincidence I don't know.

I got back to Canada about three and a half weeks ago, and honestly, my mood has just gradually been plummeting since being here. This is made worse by being without my sister, whom I'm very close to. She's been busy, though we've kept in touch as much as we can. I'm back at college now, which I hoped would keep me busy and "distracted". When I come home, it does always hit me how utterly empty and stoic I feel. It is an awful, awful feeling. I don't have the desire to get out of bed in a morning, keeping myself busy and awake during the day is a bloody chore. I'm writing this just to keep myself from crawling back in bed. My mum gets angry at me for this, she thinks i'm lazy, unmotivated, etc. She knows, deep down that me (nor my sister) want to be here, but she doesn't understand. She sees us as ungrateful, or wanting to be back with our "useless" father. She tells us that England has "gone to the dogs" and that Canada is a much better place to live, etc, etc. Whether this is true or not, I can't help the fact that I am not happy living here. In my PERSONAL opinion, I feel the environment here to be very dull, under-stimulating, too spaced out, extreme summers vs. winters. Just an overall lack of interest in it. I can't see a future here. I don't want my children to be Canadian. I don't want me, MYSELF to be Canadian. I know that these are petty-sounding things, but they can mean a lot to someone who feels so empty. I am studying Early Childhood Education, and love children. I'm passionate about having my own, but what sort of mother would I be, living unhappy in my environment? How would I take my kids on trips out when I have no enthusiasm, or even knowledge of places to take them?

I graduate from college next summer (2016). I just really need advice from someone wise, really. When I have such a lack of support and help from any one here, I feel scared of doing what I want to do. I know that my sister is set on moving back, and is gradually moving all her stuff over there! Much to my mother's disapproval. I can't live with my dad for an extended period of time, as he lives in a one bedroom house. I currently have more friends and connections in England than I do here. I have a "boyfriend" there (I put this in quotations because we don't see it as a stable relationship, having only getting to see each other here and there). What steps do you suggest I take from here? Work here until I can afford to rent a place over there? Wait until my sister can afford for us to get a place together over there? Go back and stay with my dad until I can get a place of my own and start working? Look into going to uni there? I just don't know. I'm impatient to get out of here, though.

Originally Posted by daisymoll

If I was you I would absolutely move to England, at 20 there is plenty of time to move back if you hate it....do you have the support of your Dad??

Originally Posted by Jsmth321

If I was 20 again, I'd go and try and travel*, why settle on a place before you have actually seen much of this world? Really once out of your 20's, it becomes difficult to do much travel, so take advantage of age, lack of responsibility, debt and see the world.


* I'll admit I did a fair amount of travel in my 20's but nearly all of it in the US since I could fly free within the US. I got a rude awakening at 17 when the parents divorced and I found myself instantly in need of supporting myself when I turned 18 which curtailed most of my plans.

Originally Posted by Aviator

Not always, my whole working life I traveled. First working for HM on her boats, then for a number of air carriers.

Originally Posted by Jsmth321

Can't think of any better form of employment....

Originally Posted by BristolUK

Professional footballer.

Originally Posted by Jsmth321

Maybe..... Too bad I sucked at sports...


I did try for flight attendant a few times, but never got hired. Probably could have gotten hired no issue at the airline I was with, but I couldn't support myself on the 13,000 a year that position paid at that time.....I was making 20k loading planes with OT.

Originally Posted by Jsmth321

I was thinking more along the line of 30+ somethings just chugging along on a modest income with no financial means to travel, as one grows older, life tends to get more expensive.