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Leaving Family & Friends

Leaving Family & Friends

Old Apr 8th 2010, 3:56 pm
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Hi All
This has probably been asked many times before but how do you cope with the thought of leaving your family & friends? We are obviously looking into emigrating and to be honest thats the only thing that would/will stop me. I know it will break my moms heart if we went, she cries when we go on holiday for 2 weeks. LOL
Any advice will be great.
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Old Apr 8th 2010, 4:26 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by ---mlm--- View Post
Hi All
This has probably been asked many times before but how do you cope with the thought of leaving your family & friends? We are obviously looking into emigrating and to be honest thats the only thing that would/will stop me. I know it will break my moms heart if we went, she cries when we go on holiday for 2 weeks. LOL
Any advice will be great.

Personally I dont think you ever get used to it, you just learn to live with it....and there is only one way to find out and that is to do it, however you must make the assessment first of what you have to lose and what you have to gain. If you VERY close to your family then what you have to gain in Canada must be substantial..

Ive been in Canada 10 months now and desparatly miss my family and freinds in the UK, however what made it a little easier to make the initial decision (if you can say that) is that I lost my both my parents when I was quite young, and I am still single, I have a sister I am close to, but she has her own family now, and as a result our relationship changed as part of lifes natural progression, so I looked at Canada as an opportunity to do something different with my life, as it seemed life was starting to pass be by. I think if my parents had still been around the decision would have been a lot more difficult. However who knows they may well have decided to move over too - which happens in many cases!

I still awake with a heavy heart some mornings missing my remaining family and my close friends....im finding not as much at the moment tho as I have a new job and am starting to make friends whcih diverts my focus. I will defy anyone though who says they dont get a little down and from time to time from missing their friends and family....its a factor that is ALWAYS there...and I think for me will never go away....just may ease a little.

It comes down to decsion time really and what you really want out of life....everyone has their own choice to make for what they think will be best for THEIR future.

Cheers

Paul
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Old Apr 8th 2010, 4:32 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by Paul_Shepherd View Post
Personally I dont think you ever get used to it, you just learn to live with it....and there is only one way to find out and that is to do it, however you must make the assessment first of what you have to lose and what you have to gain. If you VERY close to your family then what you have to gain in Canada must be substantial..

Ive been in Canada 10 months now and desparatly miss my family and freinds in the UK, however what made it a little easier to make the initial decision (if you can say that) is that I lost my both my parents when I was quite young, and I am still single, I have a sister I am close to, but she has her own family now, and as a result our relationship changed as part of lifes natural progression, so I looked at Canada as an opportunity to do something different with my life, as it seemed life was starting to pass be by. I think if my parents had still been around the decision would have been a lot more difficult. However who knows they may well have decided to move over too - which happens in many cases!

I still awake with a heavy heart some mornings missing my remaining family and my close friends....im finding not as much at the moment tho as I have a new job and am starting to make friends whcih diverts my focus. I will defy anyone though who says they dont get a little down and from time to time from missing their friends and family....its a factor that is ALWAYS there...and I think for me will never go away....just may ease a little.

It comes down to decsion time really and what you really want out of life....everyone has their own choice to make for what they think will be best for THEIR future.

Cheers

Paul
^^^^^^^Fantastic post, I would agree with its sentiments entirely.

Family and friends were never an issue for us but I would imagine that, for others, the upheavel would be huge. If that is the case, I agree that Canada would have to offer something very big to make a move here worthwhile.
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Old Apr 8th 2010, 4:33 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

You need to focus on what you seek to gain and weigh up the balance of the two side. Thats why its important to undersand your motivation for moving. I think it important to move here for what you see Canada has to offer, not to get away from what you dont like about the UK, after all, once you are here you are not exposed to the UK negatives anymore to be reminded why you came.

Once you understand your motivation then its easier to rationalise the benefits of the move against the loss of those family and friend connections. Im not going to blow smoke though, there will be times when you miss family, but with modern technology its at least fairly easy to keep in touch, and when you do get together you make the most of it and dont take each other for granted. With time you make new friends, but they wont replace people you grew up with or shared college experiences and all that baggage, it is different for sure.

My parents both saw my move here as a great opportunity/ adventure and were wonderfully supportive. That makes it a lot easier I think than worrying that you are "breaking up the family" or "denying them access to their grandchildren" and all that other melodrama, but you have more chance of family support if you can explain rationally why you are doing it and what you stand to gain I suspect.

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Old Apr 8th 2010, 4:45 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

As a new member to this lovely site, I have started a thread 'leaving families behind' and there have been many conflicting posts. As a mum left here in Scotland it ain't easy and I do find it hard as my many posts will prove, but, you want the best for your family and if they think there will be a better life to move away, we have to let them go.
I do realise how hurt your mum will be but as I have been told many times - we have e-mails, skype, telephone and visits.
All the best
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Old Apr 8th 2010, 6:36 pm
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Smile Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Thanks for all your replies. We are going over on a reccie trip in august and i'm sure that will what makes the decision. We have 2 children and we want the same as most parents the best for our kids, which for me the UK doesn't give them. I can almost predict that i am going to love it and if its gives the kids a small amount of the freedom that we had as kids then that will be it. Once my mind is set then perhaps i won't feel as bad for going cause after all if its a better life for us all esp the kids then thats what i have to focus on.

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Old Apr 8th 2010, 11:28 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

My mum wasn't too happy, until she came to visit, she loved it and now looks forward to her annual trip.
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 1:51 am
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by ---mlm--- View Post
Hi All
This has probably been asked many times before but how do you cope with the thought of leaving your family & friends? We are obviously looking into emigrating and to be honest thats the only thing that would/will stop me. I know it will break my moms heart if we went, she cries when we go on holiday for 2 weeks. LOL
Any advice will be great.
Don't be selfish, stay where you are.
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 1:10 pm
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I have to think of whats best for my kids!!!!
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 1:46 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by ---mlm--- View Post
I have to think of whats best for my kids!!!!
I don't have kids but i read this a lot on here.

I'm intrigued as to what, in the larger scope of life, Canada offers to a childs life that the UK, for example, doesn't.

Other than mountains, ice hockey, and skating on frozen lakes.

Maybe naively, but i'd have thought the UK offered a child a similar educational opportunity and even more employment opportunities (diversity and accessibility), not to mention locality and stability of extended family (grandparents etc).

But like a said, i have no kids so really aren't sure if i'm missing something.
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 1:55 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by el_richo View Post
I don't have kids but i read this a lot on here.

I'm intrigued as to what, in the larger scope of life, Canada offers to a childs life that the UK, for example, doesn't.

Other than mountains, ice hockey, and skating on frozen lakes.

Maybe naively, but i'd have thought the UK offered a child a similar educational opportunity and even more employment opportunities (diversity and accessibility), not to mention locality and stability of extended family (grandparents etc).

But like a said, i have no kids so really aren't sure if i'm missing something.
The main thing is a lack of paranoia about letting them roam free and do their own thing without being abducted/ abused/ turinng into street corner chavs.

Also there seems I think (not having raised kids in the UK) to be a lot more kid related and kid friendly (low cost) community driven events here. And of course there is the large house and yard you can afford here that makes things more kid friendly I think kids can just be kids for a lot longer here.

Maybe thats a "small town" perspective though, Im sure there are plenty of gangs and mall packs to tempt them in the big cities.
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 2:28 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by el_richo View Post
I'm intrigued as to what, in the larger scope of life, Canada offers to a childs life that the UK, for example, doesn't.
For mine specifically:

- bilingualism

- richer parents and so the possibilty of graduating debt free

- freedom from class stigma, no one has any class here. This, and the relatively high level of affluence of the parents allowed involvement in activities that would have been unlikely in the UK; sailing primarily.

Against that there's the parochialism of the education system "We have to take Canadian history for another year? They don't even have any history" and the huge distance from anywhere with a different culture. We offset this by sending them to Europe for most summers and Christmasses.

I don't think there's any gain in terms of exposure to undesirable facets of life, the second nearest restaurant to the high school the kids attended is the Hooker Harveys. It has crack and meth crazed traffic light beggars outside. The staff have a hook thing, I now know to be designed for raccoons, to remove undesirable customers. It's as colourful as the Kilburn of my youth. There is however something to be said for being the child of an immigrant; it's only those who got off the boat penniless who have kids doing their homework at the counter while tending the corner shop or petrol station.

In short, I think children are better off in Canada than in the UK if their parents can make more money here and are willing to spend it on the children. In general I think children born to cradles in Canada are no better off than children born to British parents in Britain.
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 2:46 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by dbd33 View Post
For mine specifically:

- bilingualism
I would be interested to know how many posters on here feel the same way. I know that there will be some that will say that I live in a redneck Province and so shouldn't expect otherwise, but bilingualism simply isn't experienced in Calgary at all. Yes, I know some send their kiddies to French Immersion but that hardly counts as bilingualism. Quebec appears to be totally the other way (I have never been so I don't know).

I would be interested to know about the other Provinces.
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Old Apr 9th 2010, 2:53 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by Almost Canadian View Post
I would be interested to know how many posters on here feel the same way. I know that there will be some that will say that I live in a redneck Province and so shouldn't expect otherwise, but bilingualism simply isn't experienced in Calgary at all. Yes, I know some send their kiddies to French Immersion but that hardly counts as bilingualism. Quebec appears to be totally the other way (I have never been so I don't know).

I would be interested to know about the other Provinces.
My school age kid is very enthusiastic about the fact she is learning (in) french, that's enough for me.

Whether its any great advantage in later life only time will tell, I dont think its ever held anyone back though. If her attitude changes or she cant cope with immersion teaching as time goes on, then we can always withdraw her and shes arguably no worse off for the experience, but for now it seems to be a positive thing in her life.

I think being bilingual is probably helpfull in learning any other languages later on too, it just happens to be that French is whats on offer in the schools here. I wish I had more aptitude for learning languages, but its something I suck at, no doubt I am overcompensating in her case as I wish it was an opportunity I had had as a kid.

Will it have any future career relevance?.. Well, hopefully she will go on to do better compensated things than working in the local call centers, but they do pay a premium for bilingualism

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Old Apr 9th 2010, 2:57 pm
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Default Re: Leaving Family & Friends

Originally Posted by Almost Canadian View Post
I would be interested to know how many posters on here feel the same way. I know that there will be some that will say that I live in a redneck Province and so shouldn't expect otherwise, but bilingualism simply isn't experienced in Calgary at all. Yes, I know some send their kiddies to French Immersion but that hardly counts as bilingualism. Quebec appears to be totally the other way (I have never been so I don't know).

I would be interested to know about the other Provinces.
English/French bilingualism is a rarity in Toronto, there are probably a dozen more common bilingualisms but, for the children of an anglophone and a francophone, attending school in one language while living in the other works well. I suggest though that, unless French is needed at domestically (for grandparents or whatever) learning Spanish or Chinese would be time better spent.
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