KennyJosie

:scared: Just thought I'd share these with you!

West Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where
you
want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a
flight
attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture
here,
find a seat and get in it!"
-----------------------
On another West Jet Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew,
the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be
turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the
appearance of your flight attendants."
------------------------
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something
we'd like to have."
-----------------------
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of
this airplane."
-----------------------
"Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us
the
business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---------------------------
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the VancoverAirport, a
lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. W HOA!" (I was
thinking
this on Air Canada. - also in Vancouver.)
-------------------------
After a particularly rough landing during! thunderstorms in Ontario, a
flight
attendant on a West Jet flight announced, "Please take care when opening
the
overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."
-----------------------
>From a West Jet Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245
to
Calgary. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---------------------
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you
have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
with
theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your
favorite."
-----------------------
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll
try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves
you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines."
------------------------
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
-----------------------
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything
left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants..
Please do
not leave children or spouses."
---------------------------
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "West Jet Airlines is
pleased
to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
-----------------------------
Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton.
The
flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump,
and I
know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
airline's
fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn 't the flight attendant's
fault,
it was the asphalt."
------------------------------
Overheard on an West Jet Airlines flight into Regina, on a particularly
windy
and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having
to
fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies
and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Please remain in your seats with your
seat
belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to
the
gate!"
-----------------------------
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you
to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

---------------------
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship
into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the
first
officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and
give them
a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad
landing,
he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
someone
would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a

little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I
ask you
a question?" "Why, no,! Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little
old
lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
-------------------
After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax, the attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And,
once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we
'll
open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the
terminal."
------------------
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to
go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll
think of West Jet Airways."
---------------
Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish
to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can
light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
----------------
A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the

intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal. The weather ahead
is
good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now
sit
back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
spilled
a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A
passenger in Coach yelled : "That's nothing. You should see the back of
mine!"

andy_sheila

Brilliant

Alberta_Rose

Thanks for that!...gave me a good laugh, and I have shared it with friends who think it's a hoot too!!!