Skimom

Just wondered how you broke the news you were emigrating (and taking their grandchildren overseas) and when in the process did you first broach the subject?

I can't seem to make up my mind whether to mention it now - to give them time to come to terms with the situation or to wait until it is definite! Afterall, so far the process has taken over 3 years. My family are really close and I know my parents will be upset even if we promise to visit, skype etc.

Any advice would be great!

redeagle

I didnt lol, but..... really the last thing you want to do is to spring, oh by the way we are moving to the other side of the world tommorow, perhaps time to come to terms with it would be better, but only you will know that?

Skimom

Actually, I don't think the right time will ever come round, I think I'll just have to brave and mention it! I don't think they will be that surprised though - the big Canadian flag hanging in our house is a bit of a giveaway!

ducktastic

We applied at the end of 2006 and told our families early 2007. The only reason we regretted doing it that soon was the constant 'have you heard anything yet?' questions we got from them! Apart from that it was good idea to tell sooner rather than later as it gives time to come to terms and for them to start saving for flights to visit!!

LinsyPinsy

This is what happened to me...taken from a wee thread I started.
My story......

Re: I'm going to tell my parents of our plans to emigrate tomorrow

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Thanx everyone
Here goes...just to update you here is a copy of a previous post I put on a few weeks ago, to give you an idea of the background to this story. Then I'll tell you what happened today...you might want to grab a coffee/tea as this is a long one.
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Went to Canada for a 'holiday' in August 2009. Joked with my parents that we (hubby and 2 kids) might get a one way ticket. They actually joked that this wouldn't be a bad idea. No reason to stay here for us...my mum said. I thought great...I'm teeing this up nicely.
Went on holiday and came back but didn't see them properly until kids back at school. Unfortunately by the time I saw them, my daughter (9) told her pal we were going to Canada to live, her pal then runs to her mum(my pal) who then blabs to my dad...ooooops.
Frosty reception from parents, tears/snotters the lot. ''Do you realise the winters are really harsh?'' ''You'll come back with nothing'' ''your being selfish''
We cant talk about it now...its taboo. My son unfortunatly keeps reminding them by practicing his canadian accent.
We are going back in August for 3 weeks for a proper reccy, look at property/schools etc, so I'll need to speak to them before soon. Really worried. I know I'll miss them, but I think they will miss us more, poor souls. Is that a reason to stay in the UK...Guilt?
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Thats the story so far until today....bearing in mind not a word has been spoken about 'The Subject That Dare Not Speaketh Its Name'


Practiced my chat about 15 times in the car, got it down to a tee.
I sat them down and said...''This is really difficult but'' to which my mum replied ''If this is about Canada, your dad and I have been talking about this and have suspected that you are serious and it's OK, whilst we will miss you all dreadfully and would prefer you stayed we cannot allow our selfishness get in the way of what you want for your family'. They apparently took our decluttering as a sign that we were clearing out in prep for the move, (little did they know we had mice!!!) OMG couldn't believe it. Really shocked. We had a civilised chat about our reasons to move and 'give it a go' and they are cool about it...well as cool as you can be when you drag their precious grandkids across the world. We thought about doing the 'only for 6-12 months thing', but the kids aren't daft and they would blab to them of our real plans. Thought it best in our situation to rip the plaster of in one go and not to peel it off bit by bit. Everyone is different, but appreciate the advice all the same. Thanx.
Kids now know that Gran and Papa know and they are happy too.
Still got in-laws to do, but got a feeling they'll be glad to see the back of us!!!

Skimom

Wow, good reaction - in the end! I have been practising "that conversation" so many times - just not got round to saying it out loud to the parents!! Every time we go over there, I say to the kids,"Now remember..." "We know," they interrupt, "don't mention Canada! But we never do, mum!"

I think the day is getting nearer ...I'm just building up to it!!

Skimom

Hey Linsy! Just looked up the thread you started - lots of good postings on there! (Still not feeling brave enough yet though!)

Dave+Jules

I joined the Army at the age of 16 and announced it when I came home from the recruiting office.

So when we decided to emigrate I basically followed the same approach. I came home and announced we were emigrating to Canada and my dad said "you're mad, why would you leave here"?

It was a little different when we told Jules Mum and Dad , but you have to live your life not your parents life. They should think about whether emotional blackmail is a good basis for a future relationship.

NatsnSid

Its hard to know when the time is right - or as others have said, there is a right time at all.

We just started conversations at Family BBQ's and things like that. We'd thought about Europe first, then Aus and then Canada. I guess they didn't think we were that serious as we kept changing our minds.

When we had settled on where we were going to go to and how, we showed all our parents everything we found out as we found it out. My parents actually helped mentor the kids ready for when they had to leave. Telling them what a great adventure it would be and all the things they would be doing that they can't do in the UK. (Oh we bigged it up alot!) haha. They were saying what a great time they will have, the things they will see.

My in-laws were not the same - they were always saying things like "but why there, why so far away" and "won't you miss us kids" which used to really get on my nerves - don't ever use my kids to try and change our minds. Luckily the kids were as intrigued as us about Canada as we'd been showing them everything. They were totally up for a new way of life. (Im so very proud of them for not even moaning when we were literally giving their stuff away at Car Boot sales/to family! Not a whimper).

Funnily enough my In-laws were the first to visit - we'd only been in our own home 2 weeks and they were on the doorstep lol (8 months after we'd left).

The conversations have changed....now I get "I can't wait to come back its so great where you are, the place, the house the stuff nearby" and the one who used to give me the most grief - his Dad - said "I now know why you went there because I would live there if I didn't have more grandkids here - you did the right thing". They are booked to visit again 2011!

We are actually going back in 13 days time for a surprise visit and none of them have any idea we are coming (His Dad is turning 60 and we are going to just turn up at the party, they've been asking and we've been saying "its so expensive we just can't do it, Sorry" hahah but we have managed to) - so I can't wait to see the family's faces - they'll kill me no doubt but I know it will make his day to have all his family there.

My Mum & Dad, I haven't seen for 17 months and so they will defo kill me when I just turn up in their pub and ask for a pint! Its been bad times back home and they need a pick me up - hahaha can't wait to see their faces.

Sorry for the long one - I just remember those times very well and things are very different now. I guess its give and take....my Best Friend said to me when I'd been gone a few weeks - its like you've died but you haven't - I was a bit taken aback - she said "its like a mourning period, its really painful and I keep crying at odd moments". So I guess you also have to remember that they will feel lost for a bit afterwards (they won't have the adventure part) and to give them some virtual hugs too.

I sweetened all parents up by banging on about webcams /skype/Facebook etc. It is fantastic and I have even conversed with my 95 year old Nan on webcam on our first Christmas (was comical as she was just waving and saying what do I do hahaha) - technology is fantastic that everyone can see each other whenever they want! - we share Birthdays on the webcam, Christmas and send videos/photo's via facebook etc). It isn't the same but it is a consolation.....until either can visit!

Good luck (wow this is an essay Sorry!!)

Novocastrian

Thinking back, I don't think I mentioned it.

chobert

el_richo

I guess the question is, would you prefer your own children to be open and transparent with you or would you prefer for them to be closed and guarded until the last second with regards to an important, life changing decision?

I personally told my parents at the same time my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. So that took the heat off me for a while


.

nativenewyorker

I told my Mum when we put our initial application in and she spoke about it a little. However I don't think she really thought we were serious. Now we have PR she refuses to discuss anything to do with it. If we gently try to bring something up about it she changes the subject, she has even ended telephone conversations! It is sad really because I have always been close to my Mum and this is driving us apart. I have always talked to her about everything, and this, one of the biggest events in our lives, and I have to keep it to myself.

It is sad for my daughter also, she will be going to university in Canada, and yet she cannot discuss any of her plans with her Nan. My brother thinks we are being stupid, both giving up well paid jobs etc etc, and haven't thought it through. Unlike fellow members on this forum he obviously doesn't realise that emigrating is not a decision made lightly.

My mother-in-law will discuss it a bit, but only in a negative way. My father-in-law has never mentioned it.

However your parents take it, you just have to go with it, and keep reminding yourself why you are doing it. I personally think it is best to tell them sooner rather than later so hopefully they can start to come to terms with it (although this clearly hasn't worked in our case)

Sorry for the rant - I needed to get some of it off my chest.

Whenever you choose to tell them I wish you well, and remember it is your life and you have to do what is right for you and your family

rubberduckofdeath

I've had a similiar experience to some of you but it's been clouded by other family stuff. My mum found out towards the end of last year that she had Canadian family (brothers following her father moving there many, many years back). At the same time, my fiancee and I were visiting Canada to decide whether we wanted to move there. We decided we did but then decided we couldn't discuss it with my mum due to all of her family things with new relations etc which was causing her some upset. We finally broke the news a couple of months back and it's not been taken well. My mother's deeply upset by the whole thing and doesn't believe she'll ever come to terms with us leaving if we get PR. We don't speak about it and she hopes it'll never happen. Ho-hum.

el_richo

People need to understand the process certain generations go through with such a huge move. I may be generalising but people need to give their parents and family (especially the elderly generation) enough time to grieve and mourn their loss.