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How do you handle upset parents?

How do you handle upset parents?

Old Dec 5th 2012, 7:26 am
  #31  
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Thanks for your advice. Misspawcat you made me laugh my Mum would say the identical thing! !
The general opinion is the British and Canadian future for kids is equal. Our daughter has no lockers in her UK comprehensive, class sizes are around 30 with small classrooms not great facilities, on the school buses it is considered not cool to use a seat belt. As
they get older drinking is considered the norm. My husbands family are canadian we have seen the schools and yes some kids drink but it's not to the same extent there is no or less yob culture. So please tell me how one equals the other?
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Old Dec 5th 2012, 10:27 am
  #32  
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Newstartcanada
Thanks for your advice. Misspawcat you made me laugh my Mum would say the identical thing! !
The general opinion is the British and Canadian future for kids is equal. Our daughter has no lockers in her UK comprehensive, class sizes are around 30 with small classrooms not great facilities, on the school buses it is considered not cool to use a seat belt. As
they get older drinking is considered the norm. My husbands family are canadian we have seen the schools and yes some kids drink but it's not to the same extent there is no or less yob culture. So please tell me how one equals the other?
Depend where you are surely? We're back in the UK and my daughter is in a class of 14 (double that in Canada). No idea about lockers or seatbelts as I can't say it's something that's ever bothered me either way!

Less drinking in Canada, but more drugs. No 'yobs' where I am either.

Bottom line IMO is that both countries can give kids a great life if they have a good family behind them.
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Old Dec 5th 2012, 10:44 am
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Newstartcanada
Thanks for your advice. Misspawcat you made me laugh my Mum would say the identical thing! !
The general opinion is the British and Canadian future for kids is equal. Our daughter has no lockers in her UK comprehensive, class sizes are around 30 with small classrooms not great facilities, on the school buses it is considered not cool to use a seat belt. As
they get older drinking is considered the norm. My husbands family are canadian we have seen the schools and yes some kids drink but it's not to the same extent there is no or less yob culture. So please tell me how one equals the other?

It does depend where you are!

We've been near Calgary 6 years nearly:-

I would say OVERALL life for children/teenagers is the same and this includes prospects.

Can't comment on the lesser issues but main issues we have seen are:-

Teenagers - it is the norm to smoke weed rather than drink (due to strict alcohol policies here). There are issues around young drivers driving whilst 'high'. Don't know if I would rather my son binge drink or smoke weed! Neither really! They don't go to 'pubs' here - just hang out in friends basements.

Schools - pretty much the same in both countries. Universities are better in UK. All schools in our previous area in West Yorkshire are now academies and I have heard good things about this from friends back home. Lots of sports like soccer my two are into but this is expensive here - back home it was on a 'club' basis, had lots of volunteer coaches and so not so dear.

Culture - no yob culture here. But only small evidence of this back home. We lived in a small town - a lot of this is media representation.

I guess we said the same thing (for the kids) when asked why we are moving. We definately had are rose tinted glasses on back then and laugh about it now. Canada is not the promised land. It is a tremendous move and the first year is so hard and very stressful.

But we are here now and have made this our home. We are still english and feel english but the kids all three of them are canadian through and through. We have no plans to move back and have made the most of our lives again 'for the sake of the kids'.

However what will happen when the kids aren't kids anymore I don't know!

Good luck
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Old Dec 6th 2012, 5:48 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by huddersfieldlass
Probalby the hardest thing about emigrating is leaving those parents/siblings/friends left behind.
It's when reading threads like this that I realize that I have a totally different relationship with my family than most people do.
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Old Dec 6th 2012, 6:18 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

I noticed you are thinking of Cambridge for a move.

Please do some research on the job market there. I have a brother working for a network/systems reseller there who is nervously watching RIM (Blackberry) tank and fearing how competitive the job market will be as they continue their decline.

Also with U of W pumping out so many IT grads annually, the market can get very competitive very quickly.

OTOH, the other side of Toronto is having a hard time finding people with IT abilities in automation, networking, etc. Going into teh thick of things may not offer the same opportunities as skirting the fringes.
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 3:26 pm
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Thumbs down Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Hi all. We did our reccie successfully al 4 of us loved it and I made the decision to emigrate. Last weekend my worst nightmare has come true. My mum took an overdose on purpose then phoned me. I phoned the emergency services and afterwards she was saying how she would do it again and again yet telling me not to be upset as i will get over this and go to Canada. Now she has been sectioned under the mental health act and I am hoping she receives the help needed. But I feel so terrible myself I can't put it into words. I may be a selfish daughter but I still want to emigrate. I love my kids so much I would never put them through this and in a way can't wait to get away and start over.
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 4:27 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Hello Newstart, I've just read your post, how bloody terrible, my heart goes out to you. I shan't make any comment about your mother because you say she has now been sectioned so obviously has some serious mental health issues.
It would be easy to say not to blame yourself, I would think that most people would feel they share some responsibility but you most definitely shouldn't feel responsible for the course of action your mother has resorted to. You're doing what you think is the right for your family, nobody knows whether it is the right choice for you, only time will tell.
I wish you and your family good luck in whatever you decide to do in the future
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 5:03 pm
  #38  
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Newstartcanada
Hi all. We did our reccie successfully al 4 of us loved it and I made the decision to emigrate. Last weekend my worst nightmare has come true. My mum took an overdose on purpose then phoned me. I phoned the emergency services and afterwards she was saying how she would do it again and again yet telling me not to be upset as i will get over this and go to Canada. Now she has been sectioned under the mental health act and I am hoping she receives the help needed. But I feel so terrible myself I can't put it into words. I may be a selfish daughter but I still want to emigrate. I love my kids so much I would never put them through this and in a way can't wait to get away and start over.
it's not your problem or your fault.
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 5:29 pm
  #39  
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by orly
it's not your problem or your fault.
Seems a bit disingenuous. Hard to ignore, and is therefore a problem, isn't it?
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 6:04 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Hawk13
If you think its hard doing it as a couple, try doing it as a single dad.

Not easy but you only live once - live with no regrets.
Same here as a single Mum, though son was born here
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 6:08 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Steve_
It's when reading threads like this that I realize that I have a totally different relationship with my family than most people do.
Maybe not. My folks have always been independent and liked their own company together, taking regular trips away in the UK anyway, not like we saw each other much anyway when there. And when we did we'd clash after 24 hrs together, though they'd happily have my son around them.
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 6:10 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by orly
it's not your problem or your fault.
I agree on that one. Been labelled selfish by my Mum at times too, and I just remind her I always put my child first not myself, that's more than she did, ha.
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 6:11 pm
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Newstartcanada
Hi all. We did our reccie successfully al 4 of us loved it and I made the decision to emigrate. Last weekend my worst nightmare has come true. My mum took an overdose on purpose then phoned me. I phoned the emergency services and afterwards she was saying how she would do it again and again yet telling me not to be upset as i will get over this and go to Canada. Now she has been sectioned under the mental health act and I am hoping she receives the help needed. But I feel so terrible myself I can't put it into words. I may be a selfish daughter but I still want to emigrate. I love my kids so much I would never put them through this and in a way can't wait to get away and start over.
That is emotional blackmail at it's worse. I feel so bad for you and the situation you find yourself in.

Hopefully, this is a blessing in disguise - your Mum will get the help she needs (and probably has needed since your Dad passed) and will recover and realise how she has affected everyone by her actions.

I am sure that if your Mum was in a different frame of mind (which, fingers crossed, she will be able to achieve now) she would totally understand the reasons behind your decision. You can't stop getting on with your life because of this as you would more than likely end up resenting your Mum and probably end up not being on good terms with her in the long run.

Try and stay strong, get your brother involved and keep reassuring your Mum (when she is a little better) that you want her to come to Canada to visit regularly - that the children will skype her and call her - and that you will always be there for her. Perhaps you could look into getting her a grandparent supervisa at some point so she can come and stay longer-term too, so she has more to look forwards to.

Don't feel guilty - it isn't your fault -your Mum is not mentally competent at the moment but at least now she is getting the help she needs.

<<hugs>>
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 6:42 pm
  #44  
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Coming to terms with being apart from my parents has been the most difficult part of the moving process so far. I've not even left the UK for Canada yet (almost exactly a month til I fly over), but it's painful leaving them behind. I imagine it's even harder for them, as I'm an only child and, although we don't see eachother every weekend or whatever, we're really close.

The move to Canada has been on the cards ever since me and my wife got married, seven years ago, and I'd talked openly to my parents about the prospect during this time. However, it still came as a shock to them when I announced that I'd applied for PR and, tbh, it felt almost as much of a shock to myself actually saying that to them. It was one of those out-of-body moments.

Over the following months, they dealt with it in several different ways; we've had denial, criticism, and finally I think we're reaching a point where they've accepted it and I've had some very supportive and encouraging talks about it with them. I'm sure that, deep down, they hate the idea and want me to stay, but I'm trying my hardest to put those thoughts aside so I can focus on giving Canada a fair try. Ultimately, I know that most of their trepidation comes from the fact that they care, and they're worried that my voyage 'into the unknown' might leave me broke, without a job, shooting heroin into my arms up East Hastings or whatever.

My folks are retired now, and fortunate to have a fairly good lifestyle that allows them to take plenty of vacations etc. I'm confident that when they come and visit and see that things are going well, it will reaffirm that it wasn't a stupid idea afterall. I know that, if they were my age and in my shoes, with no kids etc to tie me down, they would have jumped at the opportunity. If they had handled it differently and had guilt tripped me into staying in the UK, I don't think I'd ever really be able to forgive them for it....or myself, for that matter! Thankfully I really sense that they're trying to be positive and helpful for my benefit, and I'm extremely grateful for this.

That's not to say I don't feel horrifically guilty about leaving. I'm just trying not to let it cloud my judgement too much

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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 11:00 pm
  #45  
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Default Re: How do you handle upset parents?

Originally Posted by Newstartcanada
Hi all. We're thinking of emigrating for the usual reasons better future for kids etc and because we both have visited Candada many times and love the country . We put our plans on hold as my dad had terminal cancer who sadly passed on some time ago. I mentioned to my Mum our possible plans and now have huge guilt trips from my Mum who says she does not want to live if we go, how can we do this etc etc. Both I and my husband have tried to persuade her to come too if we do go. But she won't listen to reason. I feel I am entitled to make my own choice of path in life but feel so bad for hurting her and causing family rift. . Anyone had similar and if so what happened when you did emigrate? Thanks
Emotional blsckmail doesnot deserve sympathy.
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