Newstartcanada

Hi all. We're thinking of emigrating for the usual reasons better future for kids etc and because we both have visited Candada many times and love the country . We put our plans on hold as my dad had terminal cancer who sadly passed on some time ago. I mentioned to my Mum our possible plans and now have huge guilt trips from my Mum who says she does not want to live if we go, how can we do this etc etc. Both I and my husband have tried to persuade her to come too if we do go. But she won't listen to reason. I feel I am entitled to make my own choice of path in life but feel so bad for hurting her and causing family rift. . Anyone had similar and if so what happened when you did emigrate? Thanks

hutchy100

I told my mum blut its my liife so you can do 2 things be happy or mope around you will regret not trying to come

Dashie

I think you need to responsible for your own happiness in life, as does your mother. You are not responsible for her happiness. There are a couple of books I could recommend in this line if you're interested.

Newstartcanada

Thanks both, I totally agree I had decided to go ahead and do what is best for myself, husband and kids if we do decide to emigrate it's our decision alone. I am interested to see if anyone has had parents who threatened never to visit etc and then changes their minds?
We leave in two weeks to visit family in Canada and do a reccie at the same time.

thefinneys

Hi, I really feel for you. When we told my husbands parents we had applied to emigrate they thought it would never happen......4 years later and with 2 kids we got accepted. They told us that we were breaking their hearts and made us feel tremendous guilt. We moved when I was 5 months pregnant with #3 and again we had so much guilt from them. Even now on fb they say things like 'well if you were in the UK we could help' etc....and never fail to let us know how they miss us and how heartbroken they are at only seeing their grand kids once a year. However, after their first visit here, they could see the opportunities for us here that don't exist in the UK and they understood our reasons for coming, to the point where now they say we made the right choice.
I think that you need to do what's right for you and your family, and in time they will hopefully come to accept it. As soon as they come for that first visit and see why you came it may be be easier for them to accept.
Where abouts are you thinking of moving to in Canada?

christmasoompa

Would she even qualify for a visa? It's unusual for a grandparent to be able to move at the same time.

It's a difficult one, as you do need to live your own life, but I can also understand how she must be feeling having lost her husband and now facing losing you and her grandchildren. Out of interest, are you an only child or does she have other children/grandchildren in the UK?

The 'doing it for a better life for the kids' is an oft derided phrase on the forums, and most agree that there is nothing that Canada can offer your kids that the UK can't.

But if you love Canada and feel that the advantages of living there will outweigh the loss of family, then you've got to go for it. Your mum may not understand but hopefully she'll accept it in time.

Best of luck.

Newstartcanada

I totally agree with you Christmasooma it is very hard on my mum which is why it is so very difficult and upsetting. The four of us love Canada, our kids so badly want to go which surprises me as one is extremely quiet and shy in school. I do have a brother in the UK who has grown up and children. My husband has canadian citizenship and the Finneys we are looking at Cambridge Silicon Valley area.

HGerchikov

It was tough on my parents too, they were used to seeing me at least once a week and me being less than 20 miles away. Their first visit was very difficult, they saw how much we had established ourselves here and it became a realty for them and they finally realised we were here to stay. Having said that, they offered a lot of support and encouragement but I know they really didn't want us to come. Now we speak for at least an hour on the phone twice a week and try to get a couple of visits a year in, mostly they come here and have developed friendships with our friends and neighbours. I guess what I am trying to say is that people adjust to circumstances, sometimes it just takes longer than others.

Oink

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Alan2005

+1

ann m

I know what you two have said, or thought, before editing!

nativenewyorker

We have been here 18 months. My mum was never coming to see us. She is currently here, for the third time and already has another 2 trips booked for next year!

cjones

You have no one but yourself to blame, you should never have given her your address.

james.mc

jamesmc

ITs hard to have your parents upset but remember its a long flight home when one of them gets ill or worse dies.
May not be what you want to hear but moving is a serious business you have to be 100% in what you do or it will fail.!
MY parents were all for us moving and backed us to the hilt but i never saw my dad again after leaving Scotland.
He died suddenly and that phone call at 10 at night in a truck in the middle o Saskatchewan is still hard to think about.

jimmy.