Alan2005

Tell your son to stop being so emo or you'll grass the girl up to the cops for having sex with a minor. Being classed as a peado might focus the chavettes parents minds a bit.

ann m

I feel for the OP and have no better advice than what has already been suggested.

Does anyone else think the below style of thinking is a particularly British mindset? I can't think of many other nations where this train of thought would even be possible ..... support is great when you need it, but this kind of deliberate attempt to enter and abuse an already struggling system just makes me immensely sad ...... what a failed childhood already if that is the best she can come up with ....

Butch Cassidy

WHAT!!!!!
The UK may have the highest Teen Pregnancy rate in the world, but do you HONESTLY think Canadian and 'Merkan' teens don't get themselves 'knocked' on a whim for alsorts of 'dumbass' reasons???

ann m

No - that's not what I meant !

I meant that a teenage girl in the UK is able to "relish" being supported by the tax-payer in her plotting and planning.

There are not many other places that offer this lazy "luxury".

Of course stupidity, naivety and filling gaps in broken lives is not a unique British quality. But the availability of screwing the system in such a pre-planned way seems to be particularly British for a notable few.

I can't think I would hear many Canadian, American or many other Europeans going down this thought process that if I deliberately get pregnant, life will be cushtie! I'm not saying it wouldn't happen - it just sounds lop-sided in the UK's "favour"

Butch Cassidy

Oh believe me, I 'employed' two girls who had gone/where heading down that route and another girl who's mother had gone that route too.

ann m

But who did they think would support them? How would they live with this decision - or did they just not think beyond the first week? That's more what I was getting at ..... the support network just isn't here, that I can tell .....

Madwife

Oh my god you poor poor thing...


In my professional capacity (Midwife specialising in social risk cases) I see many teenage parents. Teenage fathers need alot of support as they become isolated from the baby as the girlfriend and her family take over the bringing up of the baby. And if this happens to your son and there is no family around for him then that would be a terrible situation.

I had a similar story with my son now aged 17. He did not want to come to Canada, the girlfriend and his peers giving him alot of pressure. She did get pregnant, but nature took its course and she miscarried. He got the shock of his life dealing with this girl and she even pretended to try to commit suicide in my house when I was out. She said she took my painkillers for my back and some paracetamol she found in my drawer. My son was distraught and he and his friends tried to deal with her. I had to come home from work and sort it out. We called her Mum and an Ambulance. She went off on her own in the Ambulance as I said I was going to follow with my boy. In the meantime I had asked his friend lots of questions about what he thought the girl had taken, and he mentioned that the window had been open. Low and behold the pills were on the ground outside my bedroom window. She hadnt taken them at all!!! Well this seemed to turn on a light in my son's head.

He has seen the girl again but not for long and never on his own as he is too scared of being accused of anything. He is now planning to land with us and come out later on when he has finished his apprenticeship.

My advice to the original poster is to tread very carefully, and be gentle and understanding. Point out that underage sex is illegal and a pregnancy can be used as proof of rape, (I have been involved with such cases) the girls family can turn on a young boy and cause alsorts of problems. Also say that he can stay in the UK if he wants to but he will have to land with you so that if he changes his mind he can come out at a later date. I would speak to the parents of the girl and point out what the kids are planning and that if this is the case they will end up with your son living there as well!! This may put a different slant on things for them.

Bribery may also help. I have constantly put things in my sons head about his skills being in demand in Canada and the US, and that it is much easier for him to work in and live in the US if he is a PR in Canada. My son long term wants to live in New York. I have not pressurised him and he will live with his dad for a while but he now is making me promise that I can pay for him to come out at least twice a year until he can come out permanently.

Failing that point out to the girl the joys of childbirth, the pain the stitches the forceps the sleepless nights. Say your son weighed 10 1/2 Lbs and his head ripped you apart down there etc, scary stories of child birth are the best. Point out also that childbirth is the bigest killer of (childbearing age) women in the world and women do die even in this country. Stretch marks and saggy boobs will also help to embelish the picture of teenage motherhood.

I hope it all work out, but like I said take it slowly.

Sarah x

act1980

She obviously hasn't learnt a thing then! Sounds like your son would be better off in Canada without a girl like that.

Sorry, I don't have any advice but just want to wish you the best of luck

leepee

Could you try to persuade your son to try Canada for three or four months and then say that if he likes it you will help 'girlfriend' (or little trollop!!) to come over as well??? You could go down the 'better life for both of them street' and then with a bit of distance they might forget each other....Frankly she sounds like the type who will just find someone else once he is away......

Bit deceitful I know but it might at least get him to Canada and he might just like it!!!

I really sympathise!!!!
Lisa

beckybev

I don't have any advice either but I really feel for you. It's such a hard decision to make even if your kids are desperate to go. I'm moving as soon as possible so that the kids don't have boyfriends/girlfriends that they can' t possibly leave.

Jo.Ru_onway

Sorry i dont have any practical advice for you but just wondered how old his girlfriend is as you could point out to him that at their ages he may not be needing to live with family as he could be staying at one of her majesty's establishments free of charge for several months if she is under 16..

Alan2005

Underage sex is treated differently by the law if both parties are under 18. However they probably don't know that so I reckon the threat can be made if the OP was feeling machiavellian (as I said above).

fledermaus

It all sounds terrible.

Will he be 16 before you plan to leave next summer? I think at 16 you can leave home and not have your parents told where you live etc so can you move before then?

If your ex said the boy could stay with him would the girl be less likely to get pregnant?? Maybe you could persuade the boy to come over with you for the summer and then go back to stay with his dad. If you can persuade him too. Perhaps the boy might meet a girl here and want to stay??

Also, not really relevant to this situation but I just thought of it. Re your son's brain damage after the accident. Has he had the immigration medical yet? I think you are coming on a student visa so maybe not, so will this condition be covered by your student medical insurance? I cam on a student visa and our coverage was only for emergencies and not existing conditions.

ExKiwilass

Anecodotally, I know of someone onto child number 8 in Vancouver who has never worked. She has been supported by welfare the entire time since she was 18 and had her first baby. Her 16 year old daughter is about to embark on the same path.

The last dad lived with her and worked, but she kept everything in her name so the authorities wouldn't find out.

So yes, it does exist here.

It's also a bit of a career path for some teens in NZ.

bsmith

...you could just let them have the sprogg - give the little chap a couple of months of "fatherhood" and he'll be over to join you like a shot - job done.