Hard Making Friends?
 

I have noticed quite a few comments in various threads that folks find it hard to make friends and Canadian's don't get British humour or 'Sarcasm'.

As immigrants to another country, are we expecting friends to come to us, rather than getting involved in the community and getting to know like minded folk?

What should one do in order to develop a circle of friends?

If one is using sarcasm; which by definition is not really funny or banter, but the use of remarks that clearly mean the opposite of what they say, made in order to hurt someone's feelings or to criticise something in a ​humerous way. This may not be the intent, but that is what sarcasm really is. Is it any wonder making friends is hard and Canadians don't get it. Perhaps it is us that doesn't get it?

In an order to make friends should one adapt more to the Canadian way and drop the 'British' style?

Some Canadians get droll banter, most from my experience either think we are completely nuts, or just rude.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Well that's cleared it up. :thumbup:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I personally find the Canadian sense of humour - once the formality has been dropped - to be not dissimilar to the UK sense of humour. I can honestly say we haven't had any trouble making friends with families and individuals here at all. If anything, we find it hard to keep up with the social thing rather than seeking it out. I guess as we get older we're just as happy to sit by the crackling wood burner with a few glasses of wine and watch Midsomer Murder. We were invited to a beach bonfire and BBQ on New Year's Eve that we really couldn't face; and there we another three or four invites that we politely said we were double booked already! We still found ourselves going to at least 3 social gatherings each week of the holidays, dinner, "drinkies" etc. In fact we had friends over for Christmas Day and more on Boxing Day. I fully admit, however, a good proportion of this comes from people with kids of similar age and also good friends with very local neighbours in surrounding houses.I wouldn't say they were all close friends by any means, but for us that's fine. As the years roll by, my personal "close friends" back in the UK and myself have less contact with each other. But that's fine. I find these things ebb and flow like the tide. Of the handful of "close friends" I would consider from my youth etc, at least 50% now live abroad like me. New York, New Zealand, Canada, France, Germany, Arizona, UAE.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I do find two factors that helped me, being a miserable git and anti social. Puts one at a significant advantage.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Works for me too.

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People suck, especially other people. :thumbdown:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Ha ha these last 3 posts sum me up perfectly, being an only child I am happy in my own company, hence why I like sitting alone in my car doing surveillance I guess. I do have friends, I find a once a year visit for 10 mins and a cup of tea just about makes me a sociable recluse. :@)

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

"I like sitting alone in my car doing surveillance".

Where does one start with that?:unsure:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Indeed. :blink:
I'm hoping this behaviour is in a professional capacity rather than as a 'hobby'.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I think the jury's still out on that. :lol:

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:lol: Friends? Ah yes, I remember, those are the people who know me by my real name - which is of course "the English guy"...

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Keep you friends close but your enemies closer

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Been there. We have a couple of franco neighbours and we know them quite well. I found out not long ago that they refer to me as L'Anglais.

The one I really hate is the Quebec use of the word "chum". It basically means partner or boyfriend. Over Xmas, my niece introduced me to her boyfriend as her aunt's "chum". She got pulled up pretty fast on that one.

"I'm not her chum. I'm her f*****g husband!"

Not to worry. She doesn't like me anyway. Until, of course, she wants me to fix her English homework. Then she likes me lots.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I'm not overly fond of that quebecism either. However I REALLY detest "sa/ta blonde": I'm NOT a blonde :thumbdown:

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I just ignore that one.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I find it difficult to make friends but I always have done. I'm awkward socially and being hard if hearing doesn't help. I think Canadians are like southern Rnglish people, they make a lot of polite noises about meeting up, coming round for coffee etc but they don't mean any of it.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Definatly a professional stalker. This is not a hobby I would advise due to the odd times you would get chased out of town. :ohmy:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

You're not awkward socially!

What a load of tosh!

I do agree with the Southern England comparison to a point.

One thing in Toronto's defence is that there is a lot of people here with out any immediate family or old friends in the area so I think people are a little more inclined to follow through on plans and arrangements.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I just don't find Canadian's all that friendly nor open to really having new friends. Even when involved in things in the community, I find once your done doing whatever it is your doing, the people you were with no longer have an interest in you or having a friendship outside of that.

Also being a 30 something married childless couple in places where the people are young, but mostly have kids also makes things difficult since your not going to be doing the same sort of activities and involvement in things the parents will be.


Too many variables involved, some will find it easy to mingle and make friends, others not so much, depends who you are, what you like, and where you fall into the community age wise etc.

I really have no deep desire to make friends, so I am not exactly trying to make friends either and well being from California, I don't sound different then someone born in BC, so unless someone is close to me and knows I am not from Canada, nobody ever knows, except when I say soda, always gives me a way as not being from here...lol...I just can't say pop, doesn't sound right.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

That's good to know but its more a reflection on the company, BE, being welcoming. I always feel awkward and have to make a tremendous effort to hear, let alone know what to say, I'm often guessing what's been said and many aren't very understanding.

I think you are right about the family ties, out here in the sticks people are very family orientated and seem to spend a lot of time with them. It would drive me crazy.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Family are a lot more attractive to me now they are a long long way away. As for friends, aside from perhaps 2 or 3 "close friends" I had back in the UK, I'm not that fussed about the others, and the friends we've acquired over the last few years are at least as close/shallow as our "group" back in the UK. If I lived back in the UK there isn't anyone here I would save like crazy to come and visit. Equally I can't think of anyone worthy of that sacrifice living in the UK - including family.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Reading this thread has gone some way to explaining one or two points that have been put to me since we've been here.
One comment made to me is that canadians on the whole don't like to say no. So when you ask 'come for coffee' you'll get a 'yes of course' but it probably won't happen. No offense intended, just the way it is.
Another is the apparent difference in sense of humour. This goes a long way to explain the brash and often offensive sarcasm, often bordering on insult, expressed by one poster to another on these forums. Letting off steam and overdosing on opportunity, and I choose to be charitable.
Liike many, I too am socially awkward. Learned long ago that social climbing in company was more hard work than it was worth, but fortunately employment in the engineering sector, where a man's worth is judged not by who he knows but by what he can achieve, has taught me how shallow some acquaintances can be. I doubt that this is very different here and accept it as such.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

My problem is that I’m far too congenial and hospitable for my own good, so I tend to make friends too easily. I wish they’d all just naff off really. :sneaky:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

There are three English docs in our office - typical sarcastic sense of humour- I have to say in general we are training our Canadian nurses well - it is like waterboarding them but with fast chat, wit and sarcasm with a bit of bawdiness added in (Snoop remains above that level) - the biggest challenge has been to get our originally German physician colleague to get our humour- it has taken about 7 years! A true challenge! He has got a little better!!

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Also, there are very few cradles so "Canadian" modes of engagement really don't apply. "Where you from?" is a standard conversational opening. It's unlikely that one can't make a conversation from the response to "Where you from?" unless it's "Mississauga but I've since moved to Oakville".

I don't think there's a pattern of social behavior that covers such a diverse population, some people turn up, some don't.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I found moving from the middle of the bar to the end of the bar helps.

No one talks to you when you are at the end of the bar. It's a subliminal message to say that you are happy in the comfort of your beer.

In the centre you get every tom, dick and harry. Not able to hold conversation to any deep length nor hold their alcohol.

It is good during baseball season though. Baseball gear looks great on girls and it definitely keeps the Hooters girls on their toes as well.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I have an irish man next to me, a geordie man down the way, a women from India and a canadian girl all in my section.

The canadian girl tries bless her.

We made her watch "The Office" which helped.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I have lived here for nearly 6 years and I have one Canadian friend. He lives 2 hours away and we see each other approx once a month. My other mates here are British and Dutch.

I find the locals here to be quite cliquey and in truth really dont like outsiders. I tried a lot in the first year or two to make friends with the locals but I became fed up with how unreliable they are. As mentioned earlier it seems that they are just all talk.

Sense of humour is a big problem even now for me. They dont understand deadpan at all and I have upset quite a few of them over the years. When you try to explain to them that it is just a joke they think that you are lying and are just mean and or rude. I think a lot of them are overly sensitive.
A lot of the time they dont get the joke even after you have explained it to them.

They seem very good at mindless chit chat. This just seems that they are only talking to you because they feel that they have to or are supposed to be nice to you. I have no interest in this whatsoever.

I am at the point now where I just cant be bothered.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I've never been to NB but what you say probably rings true of much of Canada. Try going to Saguenay. Up there they don't like you if you're from a different part of town. It's like being in rural Devon.

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I miss British plugs. The trick was to have your tea-break before a Gareth Keenan type bloke, then just before you go back to your desk take the fuse out of the kettle plug, then wait until the above bloke explodes in fits of rage. That topic of conversation could keep us going until lunch. :thumbup:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I am in the same boat and likely one of the biggest reasons other then education or lack of it as to why it's impossible to move up the social corporate ladder.

I never really figured out how to deal with the social aspect of company politics and connecting with others.

Suppose those with good social skills find it easy to move up, but those of us without those social skills struggle even if we do a better job and have better reviews, but largely forgotten because we lack the ability to properly play the game.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

That's why I can't work out why people spend huge amounts on big power boats for fishing?
I fish alone in a battered (self induced) tinny.
Fishing for me is solitude and self indulgence

Sailings different

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

Boating with your other boat however is an entirely different matter:rofl:

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

?
Sailings a hobby and inclusive of a team with minimal impact on environment so why not?

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

I thought one battered the fish, not the boat?

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

join the police force you ll make lots of friends

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

...and say eh at the end of every sentence.

Re: Hard Making Friends?
 

And if you live in Vancouver, you can always volunteer to crew on racing days/evenings. Many boats don't mind if you're a beginner as long as you can listen and follow instructions quickly and competently. Would be a great way to meet new people if that's what you want to do as I'm sure a few of them might go out for a drink afterwards. ;)

Speaking of which, the Vancouver boat show is on this week. One could go a talk to vendors and exhibitors, there are lots of competitions for free sailing cruises/lessons that you could enter. I do recommend bringing a small flask of something, errm warming, if you go to the floating part of the show on GI. A ticket will cover both places plus there is a free shuttle between the two venues.