Full circle.....?...maybe
Apr 7th 2007, 6:21 pm
#16
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2006
Location: M'cr-Red Deer-M'cr-??
Posts: 1,309
Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
Aaah, that is so nice, thankyou.
I've found myself coming to this acceptance now, but its not been without arguaments and tears I have to say.
At first, I just told him to get a grip, its just bouts of homesickness and it'll pass. Look at all we have and do here. Trying to pull him out of it in any way I knew how.
Then it went to 'understanding' mode, but this was almost like giving him permission to feel the way he did, and his feelings got stronger .........arghhhh !
So now, its a case of, lets just see how we feel when we go back and if he still feels as strongly about it then, we'll start to look into it in more detail.
I can appreciate what everyone is saying about getting citizenship, but in some ways that may open up even more cans of worms. We don't want to ping pong. But at the same time we know its a heck of a thing for our children to have for their futures.
Oh god, what to do !
I've found myself coming to this acceptance now, but its not been without arguaments and tears I have to say.
At first, I just told him to get a grip, its just bouts of homesickness and it'll pass. Look at all we have and do here. Trying to pull him out of it in any way I knew how.
Then it went to 'understanding' mode, but this was almost like giving him permission to feel the way he did, and his feelings got stronger .........arghhhh !
So now, its a case of, lets just see how we feel when we go back and if he still feels as strongly about it then, we'll start to look into it in more detail.
I can appreciate what everyone is saying about getting citizenship, but in some ways that may open up even more cans of worms. We don't want to ping pong. But at the same time we know its a heck of a thing for our children to have for their futures.
Oh god, what to do !
Hi Debbie
I think you remember my story when I first joined Expats....you were one of the first people I chatted to on here. Our experience of returning back to our little area of "Cheshire" wasn't good at all and in 8 months we lost three quarters of our money, struggled with depression, had no where to live, lived separately for 4 months, and very nearly split us up for good! However, you seem like you have a totally different scenario as we did. You mentioned that you can apply for citizenship in May 2008, but it is still another 8-12 months before you are eligible to take the test, which will then bring you well into early 2009 and I don't foresee your hubby lasting it out that long??
! No one can advise you as to what's the best decision to make - only yourselves, as our experiences and attitudes are all unique. I just want to wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. Canada was our only way to return back to sanity, whereas you will probably fit back into UK life like a duck to water. Your summer wedding trip will make it all fit into place one way or another.Jaycee
Apr 8th 2007, 2:07 am
#17
talking Ter Sami
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: hybrid territory
Posts: 1,107
Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
Remember that even if you feel you cannot stay until you get citizenship this time, you still have PR so keep an eye on the regulations to make sure it stays valid. These things can change regularly it seems.
There are at least a couple of people who post here who went back to the UK and are now wondering if that was the right move. People grow and change over time and your husband's feelings may be different after a couple of years back in the UK. On the other hand you might get back to Europe and settle to a happy life. Compromise is never easy but it is even more difficult to deal with a seriously unhappy partner. Good luck with your decisions.
There are at least a couple of people who post here who went back to the UK and are now wondering if that was the right move. People grow and change over time and your husband's feelings may be different after a couple of years back in the UK. On the other hand you might get back to Europe and settle to a happy life. Compromise is never easy but it is even more difficult to deal with a seriously unhappy partner. Good luck with your decisions.
Apr 12th 2007, 12:50 am
#18
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 27
Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
I haven't seen a post about how the different ages of potential immigrants affect the way they react after arrival. Perhaps it is thought of as one of those 'small' things that people put to the back of their minds when musing about the adventure of it all, and say to themselves that they'll adjust. Not everyone does. Maybe people have thoughts about that.
My two younger brothers were 14 and 15 when they came in 1954. Our parents went to a farm in Ontario and the two boys attended the local public school. They weren't then and aren't now, dumb, and have done well, but they never adjusted to that school. The curriculum was entirely different from what they were used to, and they lost interest in school. That became a burden to them that I think would not have happened if they had continued their schooling in England.
We visited a friend in New Zealand a few years ago. They had friends over for tea; he was a Kiwi, and his English wife his war bride of 43 years. She apparently had never for a minute been free of home-sickness, and when we listened to the way she went on about it, and heard the sadness in her voice, it was obvious how much of a strain it had put on their marriage.
After one year here, my wife and I were still in two minds about the place. An opportunity came up for her to return to London, so she sailed from Quebec City on the 'Homeric'. The ship docked in Southampton, and my wife said that the uncertainty she'd had until then was completely resolved, standing on the deck, looking out over Southampton's forest of smoking chimneys belching coal-induced smog, and she remembered the dirty clothes from it, the coughing and wheezing, then about the shortages of everything and all the other things that came flooding back to her - all because of chimneys!
Our plan was that I would go out west and 'seek my fortune' while she decided whether it was to be England or Canada. The fortune evaded me somehow, but the experience of seeing first hand the Northwest Territories, the Yukon and BC was the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew for sure that this was the place for me, and hoped it would also be for my wife. Fifty years ago of course, a vastly different social pattern existed in this country, but I found that if you 'did in Rome' etc, there was no antipathy to speak of, and if you rolled with the punches with what there was, it was easy to live with the people. When my wife returned, we went over all that happened to us in the previous year and came to the firm conclusion that there was really no comparison to be made. Both places are so different from one another that to form opinions based on what similarities there are, is futile.
My two younger brothers were 14 and 15 when they came in 1954. Our parents went to a farm in Ontario and the two boys attended the local public school. They weren't then and aren't now, dumb, and have done well, but they never adjusted to that school. The curriculum was entirely different from what they were used to, and they lost interest in school. That became a burden to them that I think would not have happened if they had continued their schooling in England.
We visited a friend in New Zealand a few years ago. They had friends over for tea; he was a Kiwi, and his English wife his war bride of 43 years. She apparently had never for a minute been free of home-sickness, and when we listened to the way she went on about it, and heard the sadness in her voice, it was obvious how much of a strain it had put on their marriage.
After one year here, my wife and I were still in two minds about the place. An opportunity came up for her to return to London, so she sailed from Quebec City on the 'Homeric'. The ship docked in Southampton, and my wife said that the uncertainty she'd had until then was completely resolved, standing on the deck, looking out over Southampton's forest of smoking chimneys belching coal-induced smog, and she remembered the dirty clothes from it, the coughing and wheezing, then about the shortages of everything and all the other things that came flooding back to her - all because of chimneys!
Our plan was that I would go out west and 'seek my fortune' while she decided whether it was to be England or Canada. The fortune evaded me somehow, but the experience of seeing first hand the Northwest Territories, the Yukon and BC was the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew for sure that this was the place for me, and hoped it would also be for my wife. Fifty years ago of course, a vastly different social pattern existed in this country, but I found that if you 'did in Rome' etc, there was no antipathy to speak of, and if you rolled with the punches with what there was, it was easy to live with the people. When my wife returned, we went over all that happened to us in the previous year and came to the firm conclusion that there was really no comparison to be made. Both places are so different from one another that to form opinions based on what similarities there are, is futile.
Apr 12th 2007, 2:01 pm
#19
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 22
Keep Your Options Open
As other posters have already said it would be very wise to get your citizenship, even though you (or rather your husband) can't imagine needing it at this moment in time. Never say never.
We moved to Canada in '98 and lived there for 6 years before moving back to London for a variety of reasons. At that time I didn't think our Canadian citizenship would be needed but, low and behold, we are now considering returning to Canada, albeit a different part (again, for a variety of reasons!) and it is great to have the option whatever we decide to do. Good luck.
We moved to Canada in '98 and lived there for 6 years before moving back to London for a variety of reasons. At that time I didn't think our Canadian citizenship would be needed but, low and behold, we are now considering returning to Canada, albeit a different part (again, for a variety of reasons!) and it is great to have the option whatever we decide to do. Good luck.
Apr 12th 2007, 2:17 pm
#20
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Red Deer, Alberta
Posts: 10,612
Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
Hi,
I have friends who were in the same boat. He wanted to move here, she didn't, she loves it, he's not sure - he got really homesick went back to UK for a 2 week holiday, had his fill of fish'n'chips and curry's and seeing the family and drinking pints and came back on a earlier flight. He still doesn't feel settled but knows he is in the right country, she still loves it and misses everyone back home, they are thinking of moving to BC next year to give it a go there, because thats where they wanted to go in the 1st place. They have been here for about 4/5 years.
What will be will be, everything will work out for you how it should be, for you all to be happy. Enjoy your trip back and then go from there.
Best wishes to you and yours.
I have friends who were in the same boat. He wanted to move here, she didn't, she loves it, he's not sure - he got really homesick went back to UK for a 2 week holiday, had his fill of fish'n'chips and curry's and seeing the family and drinking pints and came back on a earlier flight. He still doesn't feel settled but knows he is in the right country, she still loves it and misses everyone back home, they are thinking of moving to BC next year to give it a go there, because thats where they wanted to go in the 1st place. They have been here for about 4/5 years.
What will be will be, everything will work out for you how it should be, for you all to be happy. Enjoy your trip back and then go from there.
Best wishes to you and yours.
Apr 12th 2007, 3:05 pm
#21
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Hubley, NS!
Posts: 546
Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
Sorry to sound so repetitive - but I totally agree with the previous posts about waiting till you get your citizenship. If not for your sakes - for your childrens.
Just think of all you went through to get to Canada - you could save your children from all that hassle and give them the choice of a lifetime - should they so choose!
Your trip across to the UK will probably make your mind up once and for all.
Ultimately, it's your (you & your husbands) decision!
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best and good luck for the future.
Just think of all you went through to get to Canada - you could save your children from all that hassle and give them the choice of a lifetime - should they so choose!
Your trip across to the UK will probably make your mind up once and for all.
Ultimately, it's your (you & your husbands) decision!
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best and good luck for the future.
Apr 12th 2007, 6:34 pm
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,361
Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
I can understand how your hubby is going through , I missed UK so much
during my first 6 yrs. here and I had to go there to attend to unfinished
business. Then came back and got my citizenship the next year.
Looks like your husband needs to go back to find his himself.
May have to ping pong to keep the PR valid.Yes it is expensive,
but got to weigh your hubby's mental health versus expenses
on travelling.
That's the way the ball bounces
Yoong
during my first 6 yrs. here and I had to go there to attend to unfinished
business. Then came back and got my citizenship the next year.
Looks like your husband needs to go back to find his himself.
May have to ping pong to keep the PR valid.Yes it is expensive,
but got to weigh your hubby's mental health versus expenses
on travelling.
That's the way the ball bounces
Yoong
